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“She’s going too. We’ll pick you up.”

My face turned horrified. “I don’t think so,” I cried in disbelief.

“Don’t be stubborn, Heather. It’s fine. Paige knows I’m inviting you. I’ll pick you up first if you want.”

How my look of utter disbelief could make him chuckle, especially in light of the situation, was beyond me. His own easy response was what compelled me to take it down a notch and ask, “Don’t you think that’s a little weird? The ex-girlfriend has shotgun while the fiancé’s in the backseat?”

“Do you want to go with someone else then?”

What I wanted to do was pinch myself to be sure this conversation was really happening. Was I actually having a rational conversation with Nick about me, him, and his fiancé? Who was named
Paige
. A name I would now never consider for a future child!

At the same time, another not-so-petty part of me wanted to simply support him. Of course, everything he did meant life to me, literally. He played so central a role there. But I had to be realistic; I could barely stand to listen to him say her name, let alone tag along on their date, see them sit together, watch him hold her hand like he used to hold mine. It went deeper than a simple ‘ouch’, even deeper than an ache, past tears, past being past feeling. It was feeling everything at once: love, hate, jealousy, guilt, confusion, all bouncing in my head until a headache formed. A fun way to spend an evening.

“Will you come?”

He wanted me there; he wouldn’t have asked otherwise. And besides, I was tired of mediating the hostility between my head and my heart.

“All right.”

*******

Naps on my little green hillside were becoming habitual for me; especially since lately I was always fatigued. In conjunction with my afternoon rests, I’d pay a visit to Teacher Jerry’s counseling office. Sometimes I’d get lucky and find him there.

“Afternoon, Professor. What am I interrupting?” The door closed slowly.

“You’re never an interruption!” His papers were placed to the side. “Come, have a seat.”

“He invited me to a banquet,” the conversation started that fast. “And I told him I’d come. But now I’m having second thoughts.

“And he was so carefree and casual with me at the park. What does that mean? Does he really not care anymore? Was it so easy for him to let go of all those feelings from the past? Is it really over, just like that? Seriously, I’m now wondering if he ever felt anything for me.

“But then there were moments at the park where I felt like we were back in the past, and it was just like it used to be. The way he looked at me, for instance. So deeply at times. Or how he felt at my cheek, like he wanted to touch me as much as I wanted him to. Is he hiding behind some careless façade just to protect everyone involved? Would we be back together if she wasn’t in the picture? Or is it really over? Ugh, I’m just…ugh…sorry, I’m rambling. I’m just not sure if it’s such a good idea to go. What if I can’t handle it?”

“I see. That is a bit of a dilemma, isn’t it?”

“What I really want to do, if I’m being brutally honest, is go to the banquet and steal the show. Beat her out! I want to walk in there and make him wish I was his fiancé instead of her!”

“Yes, I can see how—”

“Say all the right amusing, witty, intriguing things. I want to have him tongue tied, speechless, falling over his own feet.”

“Well, that would be—”

“Wipe that ready-fake smile off his face and make him feel a type of hunger that he’s never felt before! I want him to—”

“Aren’t we getting a little ahead of ourselves?”

The wind settled the sails when the daydream was broken into. “Sorry.” It was a whisper compared to the enthusiasm in the previous words. “Sometimes I get a little carried away when it comes to him.” Thankfully, there were no fronts with Professor. One could be themselves and go unjudged and understood. “I do know that’s wrong, isn’t it? You don’t have to answer, Professor. I know it’s wrong to think like that.”

“Now wait a minute,” Professor lifted a halting hand. “Let’s back up here. If you’ll permit, perhaps I might point out the error in your logic with a quick, little story?”

“I can do stories. As long as they have happy endings.”

“Once upon a time there was a couple. Their names were Adam and Eve. You’re grinning. You know this story?”

“Professor.” A joint chuckle.

“Now if you recall, Eve had a pretty difficult dilemma too. Eat the forbidden fruit and be cast down to Earth, or leave it alone and remain where she was. Well, you know how it goes.”

“Yeah. She took a bite.”

He agreed with a knowing nod.

“And was punished for it.”

“Yes, well, I believed the benefits outweighed the punishment,” he confirmed.

“Professor? You’re not advising me to do what’s wrong?”

“It’s never right to do wrong. What I’m challenging you to do is be honest with yourself. You say you’re right for each other. It’s not yet too late to find out if that’s true.”

“But what about her?”

“Some good, honest competition is not a bad thing. You, of all people, should know that.”

*******

Paying attention in Health class was impossible when my mind was bombarded with all the ideas Liz was presenting on how to get Nick back. It wouldn’t be easy, doing things in such a way to get him to let down that thick, apathetic guard of his. One point was on my side however, I’d had a lot of practice in the past.

“Not that I really care, but can you think of anything else you might know about them?” I petitioned Liz when we broke into partner discussions.

“Not that you care,” Liz’s eyebrows grew as if to tease me, “But, okay, let’s see. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned everything I know about them. She’s a tennis player, and I remember at the time seeing Nick playing basketball a lot, so they probably met by the field house. Once in a while I’d see them playing tennis together when I’d come to campus to exercise. Oh, I think her dad’s some famous, local heart surgeon or something like that. Um…thinking…thinking…”

I tried and succeeded avoiding the picture of them playing tennis together. And I reminded myself to eat a candy bar later as reward. “How long do you think they’ve known each other?”

“My best guess is that they met a little over a year ago. That’s when I first saw them together. After that, I’d see them around town once in a while. But I think we’ve talked through all the details of every time I saw them. Where they were, what they were doing…”

“I know, I know. I just thought you might have left something out.”

“Okay.” Liz got up unexpectedly, stormed toward the door and pretended to leave, and then walked back to her chair and sat. “We share clothes, money, I always tell you when you’re having a good hair day, do you really think I’m going to keep even the smallest detail from you?”

I laughed sportingly, and then pretended to cough when our teacher ordered the class to stop fooling around and get to work. “Okay, you’re right,” I whispered. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I just need to think all of this through.”

“I’ve thought a lot about it too,” Liz said in a serious tone, going into ‘The Thinker’ pose. I held in another laugh. “Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to storm into that banquet room shaking it like there’s no tomorrow and looking so hot that every guy in the room won’t be able to keep his eyes off you, including Nick.”

I caught my lower lip between my teeth.

“Don’t give me that innocent look,” Liz said. “You know that’s exactly what you want to do.”

“Yeah, and in my head it goes down perfectly every time. But in the real world it never happens like that. And I don’t think Nick has ever seen me try to act that loose. He knows I’m not the flirty type.”

“Extra credit, baby! He won’t know what’s come over him. You need to infiltrate their relationship until she’s ancient history and you’re all he can think about.”

Oh, wow. If I was going to pull this off, I’d need Liz there in the trenches with me, reminding my why I was compromising my standards, participating in this risky game, and aiming to steal back my old boyfriend while ruining another girl’s dreams in the process. Never had I done something so shameless. “This is wrong, Liz.”

“So is losing what you two had together. Now come on, all is fair in love and war. Everyone knows that. It would be different if they were married. But they’re not. For the love of Pete, they haven’t even known each other for more than a year. And engagements are called off every day. I think I remember hearing somewhere that it happens to over twenty percent of all engagements.”

Liz could tell that her lecture was having sway. And that’s probably why a spark of victory fell in her eyes when she said, “I’m game. What about you?”

Liz’s words cracked open the door to my memory and something Nick once said. It was during one of our first dates and he was giving me a hard time about the promise ring on my finger, given to me by Creed. “If you’re not married,” he had said, “you’re fair game in my book.” The memory infused a little drop of hope in my soul, the cloud of darkness dispelling for the briefest moment.

Liz was leaning into me, waiting for my response. “Well?”

The long-ago words tugged on my will, and with tender conviction I responded, “Game on.”

*******

As it turned out, the School of Architecture had extended banquet invitations to all the alumni faculty, including former adjunct teachers. Which meant Creed’s roommate, Peter was also invited. And since he didn’t have a date, I offered Liz as a stand in. Though at the moment I was wondering if that had been a wise move on my part, considering the effect Peter and Liz were having on my pent up and current state of anxiety.

Creed and I were in front trying to carry on a relaxing conversation, but the nonsensical debate in the backseat was compromising our efforts.

“Women all around the world are hating on you right now,” I heard Peter say to Liz.

“I’m not saying that women are inferior to men,” Liz explained. “We’re actually the superior gender. We mature faster, we have higher IQ’s, we’re cleaner, we have stronger immune systems, we live longer, and even in the womb we develop at a faster rate. Oh, and we’re born healthier too.”

“If you believe what you say, and statistics do prove
most
of it, why wouldn’t you want a female pilot?”

“Because along with our overabundance of superior qualities, we are emotional. And if the plane I’m on is about to crash, the pilot better suck it up, keep their wits about them, think only mechanics, and land that piece of tin safely on the ground. Between a man and a woman, a man would do a better job at that.”

“I beg to differ,” Peter stated. “First off, the dynamics of a plane are such that it can practically lands itself by gliding in. Second, I’ve known several female pilots who would keep their heads on straight during an emergency landing.”

“I feel the same way about firefighters,” Liz continued to quarrel. “If I’m asphyxiating on the top floor of a burning building, a large, strong person of the male variety better lug me over his broad shoulder and carry me to safety.”

“You are the first female male chauvinist I’ve met.”

“I’m not either. It’s common sense. Guys are naturally stronger. He could get me down the stairs and out of the building much faster. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Some girls can out bench most guys.”

“Yeah, but I couldn’t flirt with them as they’re carrying me down the stairs.”

“You’re such a girl.”

“Who will live longer than you.”

I stopped listening to them and focused on Creed. At present, Creed’s warm, comforting hand was on my shoulder. “It’ll be fun,” he reassured me. “We’re going to have a good time.”

“I know,” I said as I stopped fiddling with the edges of the jacket in my lap. I looked toward him, pasting a quick, closed-mouthed smile on my face. “I’m not nervous.”

He stroked my shoulder, glanced at me with a little smile, and then looked away.

There was no reason to be nervous with Creed and Liz there. As I saw it, a free dinner, good company, a brief “hi and congratulations”, and a quick exit was what the night had in store. That much I could do with my eyes closed. To avoid
her
, now that was a different story.

But Creed continued to put me at ease. “You look gorgeous tonight.” I wasn’t sure about gorgeous, but I had done my best to look nice.

My goal for the evening was to attract his attention. That was the plan anyway; a plan I’d thought about over and over since the invitation arrived.

It had come in the mail a week ago, addressed in a swirly, very girlish, and very unlike-Nick’s scrawl to a ‘Miss Heather Robbins and Guest’. I might have thrown the invitation away before even opening it, had I not taken Professor’s words to heart. “Some good, honest competition isn’t a bad thing,” he’d said.

Well, everyone better be ready
, I thought to myself. Because tonight was going to be an interesting night, indeed.