Read My Lips (31 page)

a. mister

b. muffin

c. merkin

d. muff

3. Which comedian famously “taught” Chelsea Handler about vaginal cleansing on TV?

a. Sarah Silverman

b. Joan Rivers

c. Tina Fey

d. Amy Sedaris

Answers

1. a

2. c

3. d

• 7 •

Evulvalution

Vulva Culture

Take a moment to close your eyes and think of an artistic vulva image (or any vulva image really) made prior to the twentieth century. What have you come up with? With the exception of the few art history majors or vulva-art connoisseurs, it is likely that most of you did not have an image come to mind, unless perhaps you went looking for some of the images we mentioned earlier when discussing pubic hair.

Think back to some of the most famous female nudes throughout history. For us, some of the first images that come to mind are of Eve with her leaf strategically covering her genitals or Botticelli’s fifteenth-century Venus with her hand (and hair) modestly hovering over her vulva. In contrast, consider some of the corresponding famous male nudes from similar time periods. Both Michelangelo’s
David
and the
Creation of Adam
depict clear images of the penis. What about the vulva? Was it invisible until the creation of Internet pornography? Hardly. In this chapter we will explore the many ways in which vulvovaginal culture has manifested, from ancient mythology to masturbation workshops in New York City to contemporary online art-and-craft projects.

LET THERE BE VULVA! FROM THE BEGINNING

Vulvas have unarguably been around since the beginning of woman-kind, and vulva art goes back almost as far as herstory itself does. The first vulva representation available to our knowledge is that of the
Venus of Willendorf
, which dates back over twenty-five thousand to thirty thousand years to the Paleolithic era.
^1
,
2
That’s right—one of the oldest pieces of art in the world includes a representation of the vulva. She is a limestone statue discovered in the early twentieth century. By today’s social standards, she would be considered obese and would likely be classified as unhealthy. However, researchers suspect that she was a symbol of beauty and fertility at the time she was created. The size of her body has received a great deal of discussion and debate, but there is less attention paid to her vulva. Some of the individuals who have mentioned her vulva have described it as everything from defined to pronounced to missing. To us, the appearance of her vulva is quite clear. In fact, if you examine an image of her closely (highly recommended), you can almost decipher both her inner and her outer labia. Not only did one of our first artistic representations of women have genitals, she had genitals with details! It seems as though she was a far cry from contemporary female figures (e.g., Barbie) in more ways than one.

I also want to say that since discovering how much I embrace my own vagina, enjoying the way it looks and feels, it has made me curious about other women. I am in love with my partner, who is male, and have considered myself heterosexual most of my life, but find myself curious about others’ vaginas and find women’s genitalia to be beautiful. I’m not sure if this is a sexual desire or not. I’m not sure I would call it an “orientation” because I am with a man, and I also don’t want to appropriate that term, considering I have had none of the experience of a queer-identified person. But I do think that feeling comfortable and embracing my own body has led me to have new ideas about sexuality and the fluidity of desire. Deconstructing my own ideas about sex, bodies, and pleasure has opened my eyes to the possibility of new desires and attraction.

—
J
ESSICA,
21, New York

The vulva of
Venus of Willendorf
was not the only ancient representation of women’s genitals. Some of the earliest historical stories from Mesopotamia contain positive references to women’s genitals. There are both direct and indirect references to the vulva throughout songs and tales from the time. In translations of ancient poetry, both male and female genitals are referred to using positive words and metaphors. One poem even describes the vulva as “sweet like beer” (an association that we would expect to come from a college party, not ancient Mesopotamian literature).
³
In fact, the Mesopotamians felt so positively about women’s genitals that they even had a goddess of the vulva, Nin-Imma. Nin-Imma was a fertility goddess whose name literally translates to “the goddess that creates everything.”
³
Not a bad title if you ask us! The next time you are struggling for a positive term for your vulva, you may want to consider calling her your Nin-Imma. It doesn’t have the ring of “vajayjay,” but it does have a long history that may make it even more powerful than an Oprah-approved term.

RAISE A SKIRT TO GOOD FORTUNE

What do you call someone who flashes his/her genitals at you? Unless invited, that person is often called a flasher, and that behavior is often grounds for a call to the police. People tend to think of flashers as male, but what about female flashers? In one case in Madison, Wisconsin, female flashers were identified as the cause of a 2002 Halloween riot that resulted in broken windows, fires, and a general state of reckless chaos.
⁴

Women flashing their various parts (breasts, vulvas, and bottoms) is encouraged at select times (e.g., Mardi Gras) and is the source of a very profitable business in some cases (e.g.,
Girls Gone Wild
). In fact, the behavior is the basis for many strip clubs. So today, flashing your vulva would likely be viewed as a deviant or highly sexualized act. In ancient mythology, however, the stories were very different.

An investigation of the ancient mythology from several different continents reveals several surprisingly similar stories about anásyrma (flashing of the genitals or bottom). In Greek mythology, there is a tale of a mother named Demeter (the goddess of the harvest) who was left feeling lost and dismayed after her daughter Persephone (daughter of Zeus, the father of gods and men) was abducted to the underworld by Hades (the god of the underworld).
⁵
Demeter spiraled into what can likely be described as a deep depression as she searched for her daughter. While traveling despairingly in search for her abducted daughter, she met a woman by the name of Baubo. Stories about the way in which Demeter meets Baubo and their relationship vary. Regardless, one portion of the story remains the same in most versions of the tale: Baubo immediately lifted Demeter’s spirits simply by lifting up her skirt. One Latin translation by Clemens states, “Having said so, she at once drew up her garments from down below and revealed to the sight the form of her privy parts; which Baubo tossing with hollow hand—for their appearance was puerile—strikes, handles caressingly.”
⁶

To us, it sounds as though she also masturbated when she lifted up her skirt. We have also heard that she was a postmenopausal woman who was masturbating, which would be a wonderful celebration of sexual pleasure for all ages! Unfortunately, we were unable to find any historians who explicitly support (or mention) her masturbation in this context. There is, however, a consensus on the positive impact Baubo’s vulva-flashing has on Demeter, who immediately cheered and drank the potion that was offered to her.
⁶
That one simple act is said to have ended a long sorrowful journey for Demeter. In celebration of that story, ancient statues of Baubo were carved and have been located in numerous places throughout Europe. Many statues represent Baubo as two legs with a large triangle for a face and a vulva in place of her chin. Other figurines emphasize a pronounced vulva, representing the importance of the vulva in ancient Greek mythology and art.

The story of Baubo in Greek mythology has a surprising number of similarities with ancient tales from both Egypt and Japan. According to Japanese mythology, the sun goddess Amaterasu was tortured by her brother, the wind-god Susanowo.
⁵
While this starts as simple brother/sister teasing, it escalates and results in the death of one of her maids. This frightens her (as it would anybody), and she decides to hide in the rocks and refuses to come out despite pleas from numerous gods and goddesses. After multiple attempts from many to get her out of her hiding spot, Uzume, the Dread Female of Heaven, revealed her genitals to Amaterasu. This action caused eight hundred gods and goddesses to break out into a laughter so deep that it caused the land to shake. Amaterasu was surprised by the laughter, assuming that everyone would be in profound sorrow waiting for her to come out of her hiding spot. For the first time since going into hiding from her brother, Amaterasu left her cave, bringing light back to the world.

Similar to the story of Amaterasu in Japanese mythology and Baubo in Greek mythology is the story of Ra in Egyptian mythology. This Egyptian tale takes place during a time of turbulence between gods and begins when a god by the name of Ra is insulted. He was evidently very upset by this insult and proceeded to sulk, refusing to speak to anyone.
⁵
As with Demeter, no one was able to cheer him until a goddess exposed her private parts to him. And as in the story of Baubo, this caused him to laugh, ending his desolate emotional state. This story is honored during the celebration of Bast, one of the most popular during its time in Egypt. During the celebration, women traveled on barges and shouted crude insults to those onshore, often exposing their vulvas as they did. Thus, as with the Baubo figurines, the commemoration of these stories demonstrates how celebrated the skirt-lifters once were.

To this date, there remains an intellectual debate between historians about
why
lifting a skirt and exposing genitals would result in so much laughter (apparently they don’t think vulvas are as humorous as we do—see the “Vulvas Are Funny” sidebar).

It has been suggested that the laughter was a result of the surprise/shock of seeing a(nother) woman’s genitals. It is also possible that what was considered humorous at the time may have been quite different than what is today, and that people were amused by the degradation of others for their amusement. If this is the case, then the stories indicate that these women/goddesses were actually humiliated by raising their skirts. While this is possible, it seems less likely, given that the skirt-lifting was done of their own free will.

VULVAS ARE FUNNY: A PERSONAL ANECDOTE

After sitting quite nicely through a friendly (yet somewhat formal) dinner where we somehow managed to keep the conversation off of vulvas for at least two straight hours (back pat), we headed over to a comedy club. At one point, the comedian made a comment about vulvas that Debby felt was a bit vagina-negative. It’s not clear whether the quiet formality of the night overtook Debby or whether that glass of wine had just taken its toll, but in an effort to counter his comment, Debby yelled out, “But we love vulvas!” It worked. The comedian stopped his monologue, asked her what she said, and she repeated it, which got them into a brief conversation about vulvas. Soon enough, he was working vulva love into his stand-up routine. Although we like to think that the vulva awareness helped everyone that night, we felt particularly inspired by a joyful conclusion. Not only are vulvas powerful and feminist and shocking—they can also be funny.

Alternatively, pulling from several other lines throughout the ancient texts, theorists suggest that it is the unusual appearance of the skirt-lifters’ vulvas that triggered the laughter.
⁶
For instance, authors point to a line about Baubo’s genitalia that states that it is similar to that of a little boy who is flaccid and without hair. Still, some historical theorists suggest that Demeter’s laughter is caused by the fact that Baubo shaves her pubic hair,
⁷
while others suggest that she has an enlarged clitoris and is perhaps intersex.
⁶
We don’t have the answer but do think it is interesting that a modern interpretation of this ancient, joyous tale of the vulva has been changed into a story about the mockery of deviant genitalia and/or the humiliation of the women who show it.

VULVAS ON DISPLAY

Figurines of Baubo were not the only ancient figurines with prominent vulvas found throughout Europe. Have you ever approached someone’s home or a building and stopped to wonder whether it would result in enhanced fertility, protection against evil, or warnings against lustful behavior? It is unlikely. These days, few modern buildings are adorned with symbolic carvings or figurines, and even fewer of these figurines have large, pronounced vulvas. Conversely, figurines designed for this exact purpose have been located throughout Ireland and Spain. Dated back to approximately the eleventh century, these figurines were not so different from some of the Baubo carvings. The figurines had large, round heads and small, undefined torsos with breasts and two thin legs spread wide open (not unlike the lithotomy position you climb into at your gynecolo-gist’s office) with large, open vulvas/vaginas as the central focal point. There are at least sixty-five buildings with these figurines in Ireland alone.
⁸