Ready for Love (14 page)

“No, but….”

“No buts about it, Kylie. Give this doctor of yours a chance to tell you. Go talk with her. Tell her how you feel and how much you hurt. If she doesn’t know, you can’t blame her for how she acts. Just as you can’t decide what she’s thinking.”

Kylie sighed deeply. “Lynne, you’re right. I haven’t given her a chance. To be honest, I really don’t know what she’s thinking or how she’s feeling. By silently agreeing to her pushing me away, I probably sent her the message that I don’t care and am happy with the way things are.” Kylie sat there for a moment, seeming to be lost in thought. “Lynne, do you mind if I go now? I have someone very important I need to see.” A small, bright smile crossed her face.

Lynne couldn’t help but smile back. “You go ahead. Will you let me know what happens?” She squeezed Kylie’s hand. “Either way.”

Kylie stood, still smiling. “You’ll be the first one I call.” She bent down and gave her friend a hug. “Thank you, I owe you for this.” She began walking away but stopped, then turned back to the table. “Guess it would be nice if I paid since I invited you.” She laughed, then put two twenties on the table.

Lynne laughed too. “That’s going to be a very generous tip. I think twenty should be enough.”

“She left us alone, so she deserves a good tip.”

Lynne shook her head and smiled. “You’re too much. Go on now and find your answers.” She watched as Kylie hurried out of the restaurant on her way to what Lynne hoped would be her future. Yet she worried for her friend.

Although Kylie was enamored with her boss, Lynne wondered if she had considered all the ramifications. Yes, the Supreme Court had declared gay marriage to be legal, but that didn’t mean the general population or at least radical sections of it would go along with it. She thought of Kylie’s parents who were churchgoers and Republicans, wondering if they would be accepting if their daughter was in a same-sex relationship.

That’s a ridiculous, narrow-minded, bigoted thought. I go to church, am a Republican, and I have no problem with Kylie’s choices.
She got up to leave.
Just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you’re liberal and vote Democratic.
Off the top of her head, she could think of at least a dozen Republican gay or lesbian celebrities and filed that fact away just in case someone said something about Kylie’s possible relationship.

I won’t let anyone judge or hurt her. Besides, the most important person in all this if it becomes public is Ryan. There’s no doubt that if your kid is anything like you, Kylie, it won’t be a problem. Go for it. Love rules.
Lynne was grinning as she left the restaurant. She knew her friend would be okay once she expressed her feelings.

†

LJ sat at her desk surrounded by shelves filled with antiquities telling the story of the past and found it amusing that is couldn’t help her with the here and now. Rob’s words from months before echoed in her mind—
“Did it ever occur to you that you have spent so much time with the dead that you have forgotten how to be human?”
He was right. She had pushed everything and everyone away, leaving her alone and lonely. Even her parents and brothers wanted nothing to do with her.

She was in her first year at the university when she met and fell in love with Holly Brown. Their love dominated her entire being, and LJ was anxious to have her family meet Holly.

Fueled by her happiness and sixteen-year-old naivety, LJ called her parents. She invited them to come and visit so they could meet the special person in her life.

Her mother was happy beyond words that her willful daughter finally had someone and joyfully agreed to the visit. “I’ve missed you so much,” her mother said. “I’m eager to see you again and meet this new person in your life.”

When LJ went to her dorm, she was glad to see her parents who were standing in her room with Holly. After hugging them, she went over to Holly and put her arm around her. “Mom, Dad, this is Holly, the love of my life.” LJ beamed as she looked at Holly with love.

It never occurred to LJ that her parents would object, but they did. Her mother collapsed in a fit of crying as her father went ballistic. “This is unnatural, and no daughter of mine will be labeled a freak,” he shouted.

Her mother cried, “Lucinda Jane, this can’t be! You are too intelligent for this,” before turning away from her.

Confused by their actions, LJ said, “But I love her; she makes me happy. How is that wrong, and what does my intellect have to do with this?” Holly slipped out of LJ’s arms and headed for the door, but LJ grabbed her hand. “Please stay. I need you.”

“This will end right now, young lady. You will withdraw from the university and come home with your mother and me,” her father ordered.

“I will not! You can’t make me.” LJ had a death grip on Holly’s fingers. “I got here on my own with a scholarship, so you can’t tell me what to do.”

“You will listen to me and do as I say, or you will no longer be our daughter,” Ed Evans threatened.

“Then you have no daughter. Now get out,” she growled.

Her mother was now clutching her. “Please, Lucinda Jane, don’t do this, I’m begging you.” Copious tears coursed down her cheeks.

LJ went to the door and opened it wide, ignoring the students standing in the corridor listening. “Get out now,” she screamed, glaring at her parents.

Ed grabbed his wife’s arm and escorted her out of the room, sneering at Holly as he passed her. “You’ve made your bed, little girl, now you sleep in it,” he hissed. “You know she’s only sixteen. I could have you arrested for rape.”

“Nothing has happened,” LJ said as she got between her father and Holly. “Just go.” She closed the door and leaned against it.

“I’m sorry,” Holly said.

“I’m the one who needs to say that. I can’t believe my parents acted that way.” She sighed. “Had I known, I never would have asked them to come here for a visit.”

That night Holly held LJ as she cried for the loss of her family.

LJ had called her mother after Holly died, but heard only coldness instead of sympathy. She recalled her mother saying something like “Good” or “I’m glad” but never could remember the exact words for they hurt too much. She sent them an announcement of her doctorate, but they never acknowledged that either, so she just gave up trying. Only her Grandma Rhodes came to her graduation.

“My dear, I am so proud of you.” The old woman hugged her granddaughter and kissed her cheek. “Do you know how much I love you? You’ve always been my special girl.”

“Gran, thank you for coming; it means a lot to me.” LJ bent down, hugged the tiny woman again, and breathed in the scent of Lily of the Valley, a smell she always associated with her grandmother.

“I take it your parents didn’t come.” She looked around them with her face set in an angry expression.

“No. They haven’t spoken to me in years, so why would they come now,” LJ said sadly.

“It’s horrible what they are doing to you.” She hugged her granddaughter again. “You will always have a home with me. You know that, don’t you?”

LJ nodded and stepped back from the woman she adored. “I took a path they didn’t want me to take. It’s as simple as that.”

“For heaven’s sake, love is love. I told them that and how shameful they were to disown you.”

“Gran, it is okay. Heck, I have you. You’re the best gran ever. How can I lose?” LJ smiled at the small, frail woman.

“You will never be without, Lucinda Jane. I have seen to that.”

“Gran, you are wonderful. I need nothing but you.” Smiling at the old woman, LJ placed an arm in hers. “What do you say I take my favorite girl out to dinner?”

Six months after that graduation, her grandmother died, leaving her all alone in the world. Her parents attended the funeral and her mother was suitably distraught, but they said nothing to her. Once they found out Marion Rhodes left everything she owned to LJ, her parents contested the will. With no evidence that Marion’s judgment was impaired at the time she wrote it, they lost the case. That incident sealed her fate with her parents forever. Clearly all they ever cared about was her grandmother’s property and money.

Kylie had tried to care about her, but she’d thrown it away. She looked at the cookie tin that had sat on the edge of her desk for the last two weeks and pulled it across the desk before opening it. She took out a cookie and took a bite. It melted in her mouth exactly as the one she’d had at Kylie’s home did. Her heart sank as she recalled the tears Kylie had shed that night and the next day at work when she heard her quiet sobs.

It seemed to her that Kylie had agreed to their mutual separation because Kylie hadn’t protested it. The fact she refused to eat the lunch LJ had delivered every day was another clue that she wanted nothing from her. LJ knew she was responsible for the situation but never anticipated how much it hurt each evening to see the lunch bag sitting untouched. Each time she felt the rejection stabbing at her heart.

Now she had finally run Kylie off, and LJ was at a loss at what to do to make things better.

How very lonely I am.
Was she destined to
be that way forever
without anyone who loved her?
She placed her hands over her face, hung her head, stood, and walked a few steps before sliding down the wall to the floor. All the sadness and desolation of a life gone by welled up inside her, and sobs soon turned into a wail for the loss of Holly, her parents, her gran, and the phantom of who Kylie could have been to her. The pain of all the years came to the surface as she realized how isolated she’d become. Kylie had offered her acceptance, kindness, and a chance, yet she had squandered that. Now regret filled her heart.
Why did I sabotage what she was offering me?
Friendship and perhaps more was there right there in front of her, and she hadn’t realized what it was until too late.

†

Kylie parked her car and was glad to see the familiar old truck still parked in the lot. The entire way to the museum, she’d rehearsed what she would say to convince LJ that they should explore a deeper relationship. Lynne had been right—her silence and acceptance of the situation spoke volumes and did not accurately reflect what she felt.

She knew the side door wasn’t an option and hoped she could get inside the building without running into Rob. If Lynne’s observations were true—she suspected they were—the last thing she wanted to do was explain to the curator why she looked so bad.

Two school buses arrived, and kids began spilling out of the doors. She waited until they were all going up the stairs and merged with them, entering the museum. Once inside, she veered to the left and punched the code for the door that led to the basement.

She skipped down the stairs as fast as she could and practically ran down the corridor to the closed black door. Her heart was pounding when she put her hand on the door, and she frowned crookedly when she heard what she thought were sobs and moans behind it. They sounded much like the wailing of a person who had lost someone dear to them.

LJ? Is she okay?
She slowly pushed open the door and listened again. Now she was certain someone was crying and that someone had to be LJ. With quiet steps, she walked inside and took the well-known path to LJ’s desk. She stopped in the doorway when she saw LJ hunched over on the floor.

Kylie rushed to her and knelt down by her side. “Oh, LJ, what’s wrong?”

LJ looked up. “I’m all alone,” she cried.

Kylie sat on the floor and engulfed LJ in her arms. “You’re not alone. I’m here.” She kissed the top of her head.

LJ looked up. “Why are you here?”

“I can’t stand what is going on between us, and I need to talk to you about it.” She rocked LJ gently. “I want you to be happy,” she whispered. She held her closer, leaving no space between them.

Kylie didn’t know how long they sat there before LJ’s tears finally began to subside. She lifted her head and focused her red, swollen eyes on Kylie.

“I thought I’d lost you,” LJ said in a raspy voice as her tears began to fall again.

Kylie bent her head and kissed the watery eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.” She gently kissed LJ’s cheek.

“I’m not sure what I can offer you, Kylie. I feel so lost and empty. Will that be enough for you?”

“What do you say we play this by ear and see what happens? I would like to get to know you as a friend too.”

LJ closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she rested her head on Kylie’s shoulder. “I would like that too. You know, I’ve only had one friend in my life, and she died.”

“Oh, sweetheart, that is horrible. If you let me, I would like to be your friend.” Kylie breathed in LJ’s scent and knew in that instant just how right being with her was. The strong, stoic LJ Evans was having a meltdown and was reaching out to her. She vowed always to be there for her. “Hey, what do you say we get up off this cold floor and go somewhere for lunch?”

“Do you mind if we just stay here? I don’t think I can face anyone else.”

“Of course.” Kylie kissed LJ’s head. “I bet there’s a bag with a salad and sandwich in the workroom we can share.”

LJ shook her head. “Not today. You weren’t here, so I canceled the order.”

Kylie looked at the desk. “We can have cookies unless you’ve eaten them all.” She grinned. “Considering the circumstances, a lunch of cookies will be just fine.”