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Authors: Gerry Bartlett

Tags: #Horror & Ghost Stories

Real Vampires Don't Diet

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Front Cover

Real Vampires Don't Diet


Gerry Bartlett


Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Praise for

Real Vampires Live Large

"The return of ancient vampiress Glory surviving in a modern world is fun to follow as she struggles with her lover, a wannabe lover, vampire killers and Energy Vampires; all want a piece of her in differing ways. Fans of lighthearted paranormal romps will enjoy Gerry Bartlett's fun tale starring a heroine who has never forgiven Blade for biting her when she was bloated."
Midwest Book Review

"Outstanding equal parts humor and spice, with mystery and adventure tossed into the mix. Glory's world is a place I look forward to visiting again, the sooner the better."

Fresh Fiction

"Gerry Bartlett has created a laugh-out-loud book that I couldn't put down.
Real Vampires Live Large
is a winner."
The Romance Readers Connection

"Glory gives girl power a whole new meaning, especially in the undead way. What a fun read!"
All About Romance

Real Vampires Have Curves

"A sharp, sassy, sexy read. Gerry Bartlett creates a vampire to die for in this sizzling new series." Kimberly Raye,
USA Today
bestselling author
of Just One Bite

"Hot and hilarious. Glory is Everywoman with fangs."

Nina Bangs,
New York Times
bestselling author of
Wicked Fantasy

"Full-figured vampire Glory bursts from the page in this lively, fun and engaging spin on the vampire mythology." Julie Kenner,
USA Today
bestselling author of
Deja Demon

"Hilariously delightful Ms. Bartlett has a winner."

Fresh Fiction

"Fans of paranormal chick lit will want to take a bite out of Gerry Bartlett's amusing tale. Glory is terrific."
The Best Reviews

"A sexy, smart and lively contemporary paranormal romance The plot is engaging, the characters are stimulating (not to mention, so is the sex), and the writing is sharp. Glory St. Clair is one hot, curvaceous vampire! She's sassy, sexy and somewhat single a breath of fresh air."

Romance Reader at Heart

"A vampire who even Buffy could love witty and smart plenty of quirky humor If you love Betsy from Maryjanice Davidson's Undead series or Sookie from Charlaine Harris's [Sookie Stackhouse novels], you're gonna love
Real Vampires
Have Curves.

A Romance Review

"Nina Bangs, Katie MacAlister, Maryjanice Davidson and Lynsay Sands, make room for the newest member of the vamp sisterhood, because Gerry Bartlett has arrived."

"A real winner. Bartlett brings a fresh spin to paranormal chick lit with this clever combination of suspense and humor and wonderful style. Hang on to your seatsthis book is a wild ride!"

Romantic Times

Titles by Gerry Bartlett





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Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

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Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700. Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.)

Penguin Books Ltd., 80 Strand, London WC2R ORL. England

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Penguin Books Ltd.. Registered Offices: 80 Strand. London WC2R ORL. England

This is an original publication of The Berkley Publishing Group.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

Copyright ) 2009 by Gerry Bartlett. Cover art by Katie Wood. Cover design by Diana Kolsky. Text design by Kristin del Rosario

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

BERKLEY is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

The "B" design is a trademark belonging to Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

First edition: January 2009


10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For my mother,

Willys McKay,

always my main cheerleader and role model.

Thanks, Mama, for always being there.

Chapter One




"Of course I understand. No problem. Have a nice trip." I snapped the phone closed and thought about throwing it against the wall. But at that moment, I loved my state-of-the-art cell a lot more than I loved Angus Jeremiah Campbell III, who in recent centuries has called himself Jeremy Blade. The phone rang. I knew who it was, and if I didn't answer, he'd just keep trying.


"Are you angry? You hung up on me."

"Oh? Ya think? I guess I missed the part where you invited me to come along." I glanced at the three dresses I'd laid out trying to decide what to wear tonight. New Year's Eve. Yep, he'd broken our date for New Year's frickin' Eve. No biggie.

"I just assumed"

"Of course. I have a business to run. End of year inventory. You name it. Can't get away right now. But, hey, telling you that would have involved a discussion. We don't have those." Why in the hell did I ever think I wanted the strong silent type?

"Gloriana, calm down. I'll be shifting. You know you don't want to"

"Right. You're in a tearing hurry. Not that I need to know why of course. Just be careful and don't let a hunter shoot you down." My boyfriend shape-shifts into a hawk to do his traveling. Dangerous. And, even mad, I felt my stomach turn just thinking about Jerry flying alone across an ocean. Damned impossible man. Me, I prefer something with a seat belt and air bags.

"You're mad. But I promise I'll make it up to you when I get back. Drive the Mercedes while I'm gone. I left it in the alley for you."

Okay, that was a nice peace offering. My own car was currently DOA. "Do you have any idea when you'll be back?"

"No. Lily could be anywhere. Mara called and said our daughter's running with a pack of dangerous radicals. Her boyfriend's set himself up as leader of the group. I've got to find Lily before she gets herself staked. My first stop will be Paris to see if Mara has found out a more specific location."

Mara. Of course. That's where Jerry's sudden rush to take flight had come from. Mara had been married to Jerry's best friend. But recently, since Mac's death, she'd "confessed" that her daughter Lily was really Jerry's child. Personally I think it's a hoax created by a woman hot to have Jerry for herself.

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