REBEL, a New Adult Romance Novel (The Rebel Series) (32 page)

He opens up his mouth, but I hold up my hand to keep him from responding.

“And it’s cool with me, believe me.
 
I got over it.
 
I’ve never been left high and dry like that before, but whatever.
 
Every ego needs a taking down once in a while, right?”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Shhh, let me finish.
 
So … I go out for beers with Colin tonight after being ignored by you all week, and suddenly you’re all up in his face with angry man stuff and then you invite me to sleep in your bed.”
 
I point to his chest.
 
“You … are a confusing person.
 
That’s just a fact.”

I use my accusing finger to twirl some of my hair around, trying to ease myself through the embarrassment of putting my shit out there for him to examine and do whatever he wants with.

“I honestly don’t know what the hell you’re thinking, Rebel, because you never say anything about anything, and I don’t know what you want.”
 
I’ve got eyes on the ceiling, the floor, the walls … anywhere but on him. “But whatever it is, I need this job and I can’t afford to lose it. So if you’re going to fire me, you know … I’ll do whatever I can, short of booty sex, to keep it.
 
But I hope that’s not what this is about.
 
I really do.”

My heart is aching now.
 
As my mouth was running off without my brain, something came out I hadn’t considered.
 
Maybe this is one of those sex for work exchanges.
 
Maybe that’s all he meant when he invited me into his bed.

I grit my teeth as I wait for his response, totally preparing myself for the worst.
 
Finally looking at his face and finding his expression so stern, it feels like the worst case scenario is in my very near future.
 
Seconds tick by and turn into a minute.
 
We don’t even get into the second one before I’m folding.

“Jesus, would you please say something?”

“You really think I’d do that?” he says suddenly. “Ask you for sex to keep your job?”

I shrug.
 
“How am I supposed to know?”
 
Frustration takes over my tone.
 
“You come on all strong and sexy one day, then you leave me cold the next and avoid me for a whole week … and then suddenly act like a jealous turd and ask me to sleep in your bed! You put your arm around me, which I liked a lot by the way so you totally suck if you were just playing me, and now here you are getting all mad again.
 
Hello!
 
Frustration!
 
Welcome to my world!”

The anger in his face eases off a notch.
 
“You want me to talk more?”

Throwing my arms up I give a half-choke, half-scream.
 
“Deeerg! … Yes!”
 
I stare at him, arms stiff by my sides.
 
“I’ll donate ten percent of every paycheck to the Rebel Learns to Share fund if that’s what it’ll take.”

“I’ve never been much of a talker.
 
I’m more of a thinker.”

“Thinking without talking is selfish.”

He frowns. “Says who?”

“Says the girl who really wants to know what you’re thinking but also the girl who you’re withholding vital information from.”

He holds out his hand.
 
“Come sit with me.”

I point to my feet. “They aren’t moving.
 
I’d like for them to, but I have some sort of temporary paralysis.”

Without a word, he steps over and lifts me up in his arms like a giant baby, carrying me over to the couch and setting me down next to him.
 
He stares at the television in front of us.

“I don’t mean to be selfish with my words,” he finally says.

“I know.
 
And I don’t mean to make you feel bad about being shy.”

“I’m not shy.
 
It’s just that I don’t like to waste words, I guess.”
 
He looks over at me, and I see a tortured expression there.

Guilt settles like a cloak over my shoulders.
 
I’ve lived enough years with my father to know what it feels like to be criticized for just being myself.
 
I hate that I’ve become that man.

My tone softens. “Just feel free to go ahead and ignore most of what I said tonight, okay?
 
You’re fine exactly how you are.
 
I didn’t mean any of it.”

 
“No, you’re right.
 
About most of it, anyway.”
 
He sighs and turns his head to more fully face me.
 
“I sent you a lot of mixed signals this week, and that wasn’t fair.”

A tentative smile moves across my face, but I don’t allow myself to get too happy over what he’s saying.
 
There’s another shoe that’s going to drop here somewhere.
 
I just have to wait for it.

He turns back towards the television and scrubs his hands through his hair.
 
“Frustrating.”

“Sorry.”

He drops his hands and looks at me again. “No, not you.
 
Me.
 
I’m frustrated with myself.”

“Why?”
 
Here it comes.
 
Truth serum.
 
Whatever you do, Teagan, don’t cry.

“I didn’t want you to work here.”

Pain slices through my chest.
 
I knew it.
 
I forced him.
 
He hates me.

“As soon as I saw you, I knew you were going to be trouble.”

Double the pain.
 
Double the regret.
 
Time to double down on the strength needed to not cry.
 
Steady…

“There’s just something about you that twists me up inside.
 
Makes me want to be different.”

The pain eases up a tad.
 
“What does that mean?”

His lips press together like he’s going to stop sharing, but he surprises me by answering.
 
“Do you ever want to step outside who you are, who you’ve been your whole life, and just be someone else for a day or a week?”

“No, not really.
 
I am who I am.”

“Yes. You’re someone who can talk about what’s on her mind.
 
You feel things.
 
You go balls out and don’t worry about the consequences.
 
I’d like to be that kind of person once in a while.”

“Instead you’re …?”
 
I love that he’s talking and don’t want him to stop.
 
It’s a sad story he’s telling, but at least it’s a story.

“I’m the guy who holds it together.
 
The person who takes all the worry for everyone else and holds it in his arms. I don’t have the luxury to just say and do whatever I want.”

My throat closes up as tears threaten.
 
I had made this whole thing about my feelings and my libido, never once considering that he had issues to deal with that might be interfering.
 
“I’m sorry,” I finally say, my voice rough.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I just … I unloaded on you and that was really unfair.
 
I should have known you have shit going on that was important too.”

He shakes his head.
 
“No, I’m not saying this as an excuse.
 
There is no excuse for what I did.
 
I like you, Teagan.”
 
He reaches out and takes my hand.
 
“I mean, I
like
you.
 
You know?
 
But I haven’t had time or space in my life for anything like that in a long time.
 
Maybe ever.
 
So I just tried to block it out and make it go away.”

“
It
… you mean
me
.”
 
The ache comes again.
 
I’m afraid my heart isn’t going to be able to take much more of these stabbing pains before it just quits working altogether.
 
Why did I ever want him to start talking?
 
Totally bad idea.

“I mean everything you represent.”
 
He sighs loudly.
 
“You’re not like a regular girl.”

I snort as a bitter laugh bubbles up to the surface.
 
“Tell me about it.”
 
Weirdo from the word go.
 
That’s what he’s thinking.
 
I feel so fucked up right now, I just want to go lock myself in the bathroom again.

“I’m not a monk.
 
I’m not saying I’ve shut myself away from women all my life.
 
I’m saying I’ve kept myself from getting involved with anyone special.”

At the word
special
my head comes up.
 
“Special?”

“Yes.
 
That’s what I’m trying to say.
 
When you came in that first day, I knew you were special.
 
When I saw you at the club later, it hit me again.
 
It’s why I kept your license, you know.”

My heart flips over at that little revelation.
 
I almost don’t believe it.
 
The stone-cold bouncer statue at the door was sweating me like I was sweating him?
 
No way.
 
“I thought you said
trouble.
 
I was trouble. And how does keeping my license figure into the whole thing?”

“Trouble.
 
Special.
 
Same difference.”
 
He shakes his head.
 
“I don’t know what I was thinking when I kept it.
 
Maybe I saw it as insurance that I’d see you again.
 
I was asking for trouble.
 
Instead, I got something special.”

“I’ll bet when I cleaned your office for free you were thinking I was special, all right.”
 
I’m being sarcastic.
 
When he says special now, I’m thinking short bus.

“Well, that was special too, but in a different way.”
 
He smiles at me, and the only thing I can think to do is punch him, so I go ahead and indulge my baser emotions and do just that.

His hand flies up and grabs my fist in mid-air.
 
He holds it there between us for a few seconds before slowly moving it to his mouth and kissing it.

My insides go all gooey as our fingers weave together and our hands move to rest on the couch between us.
 
I can’t believe I almost hit him.
 
Now all I want to do is sexty-nine him.

“Teagan, I can’t promise you anything.
 
I work seven days a week to keep this business afloat and my brothers out of trouble.
 
I don’t always succeed at that last part, but I’ll go straight to hell trying. I should probably tell you to pack your things up and go because that would be better for you, but I can’t.”

He pushes our hands firmly into the couch for a couple seconds and then lets them go slack again.
 
“I want you here.
 
I miss you when you’re gone.”
 
He drops his gaze to the couch.
 
“And I’m not proud to say that I get jealous when I think about you with another guy.”
 
He looks at me to deliver his coup de grace.
 
“So I guess you could call me selfish again because I’m asking you to stay, even though it’s very possible this isn’t going to end well.”

My heart is spasming and tears are very near the surface.
 
He’s said way too much and not enough.
 
I open my mouth to say something, but nothing will come out.
 
We’ve had a complete role reversal here and the irony is not lost on me one bit.
 
Oh, how the mighty blabbermouth has fallen.

Our eyes meet and we stare at each other for a few seconds.
 
And then my body finally saves the day by going into auto-pilot.
 
I lean towards him at the same time as he leans towards me, and our lips meet in the middle.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

A SENSE OF DÉJÀ VU threatens to overwhelm me as I feel his hard body pressing into mine, but I refuse to let it take over and ruin the moment.
 
I will not think about what happened the last time I was in this position with him.

Rebel’s hands slide down my arms and then move to my ribcage.
 
His fingers span both my sides, making me feel tiny and controlled by this giant man.
 
I’m loving every second of it.

I squeak in surprise when he lifts me up and puts me on his lap, but I quickly adjust my legs so I have one on either side of him.
 
We don’t stop kissing the entire time.
 
I cannot get enough of his lips and tongue or the feeling of his bulge pushing into my soft parts.

A moan escapes when he puts his hand on my neck and on my lower back as he pulls me deeper into his kisses.
 
I press against him but it’s not enough.
 
I can’t get closer or feel him through my clothes to get any satisfaction.
 
All I manage to do is ramp up my frustration several more notches.

Things are moving much faster this time than the last.
 
Where before I shivered as his hands slowly slid across my skin, tonight I’m writhing as they grab and massage everywhere, and his arms wrap around me like steel bands.
 
Some kind of animal madness is taking me over, making me want to devour him.

My world tilts when he stands and takes me with him.
 
I cling to him like a koala bear as he strides across the room.

“Where are we going?” I ask breathlessly, finally taking a break from kissing him.
 
I know the answer to my question, but I still want to hear him say it.
 
I can barely see his face in the light coming into the windows.
 
His expression is dead serious and he looks almost scary.
 
I’m so glad I’m on his good side and not the bad one.
 
A shiver of expectation runs up my spine knowing this great big beast of a man is about to fuck me senseless.