ReCAP: A NORMAL Novella (17 page)

But Tucker's presence
reminds me that I can't fucking kill him. No matter how badly I
want to, how much he deserves it. Not here, not now. Because I need
to take care of Rory. My heart sinks into my stomach. Oh,
God,
Rory
.

"What the
actual
fuck?" Tucker
demands.

"He attacked Rory," I tell him, getting off
of the motherfucking bastard, now beautifully crimson with his own
blood. "Keep him down. He doesn't get up," I instruct Tuck.

I make my way to Rory with
caution. I'm so scared for her. I'm terrified he hurt her past what
she can handle. I'm terrified she won't want me to touch her. That
she fucking hates me. Because of our earlier argument and my
letting this happen to her. Because I was right fucking there,
watching it go down, and I turned my back on her. I almost throw up
right there.

I crouch down in front of her, but I can't
think of any words. Her eyes meet mine, and then suddenly she
launches herself at me, flinging her arms around my neck, and I
catch her. I squeeze her tight.

"He found me," she sobs
into my neck, and I hold her even tighter. My guilt is
all-consuming, and I know I don't deserve to be holding her right
now, but I can't let go. "I don't know how, but he found me, he
found me…"

"I'm sorry," I tell her,
but it seems so inadequate. "I'm sorry, I'm so
fucking
sorry." I say it over and
over, but no matter how many times I repeat the words, they feel so
fucking worthless.

But she keeps sobbing and
repeating that he found her, and I want to tell her that I know.
That it was my fucking fault. That I am a bastard, and I don't
deserve her, but I can't do it, because I
need
her. I'm not man enough to
give her up. I won't do it.

Minutes pass, and she sobs and I apologize,
until slowly, her body stops racking, her tears dry, and her
breathing calms.

When she lifts her head, I
don't release her. She looks over my shoulder at her attacker, but
still, I don't look away from her for a moment. I look her over;
there's scrape on her cheek. It's swelling. Fuck.
Fuck
,
he
really hurt her. I brush my thumb over it and we both wince. I can
feel every bit of her pain mirrored and magnified in myself, but I
know it doesn't ease any of hers and I wish it could.

"I'm sorry," I whisper
again. I check her arms, cataloging every scrape and bruise, and
hating myself more with each one I find. I continue my survey
downward, and I pull her skirt down to cover her thighs.

"Tell me you're okay," I
beg her,
and, please, mean
it
, I add silently.

She nods. "I'm okay," she breathes.

"I'm so sorry, Ror." I
take a deep breath. "I'm such a fucking idiot. I came outside to
look for you and… I saw you with him, but I didn't realize – I just
thought you were with some guy and I just…” I rake my hair in
frustration and self-disgust. "I'm so fucking sorry," I say
again.

But my words are
meaningless. They fix nothing. They don't undo her suffering, so I
do the only thing I can – I scoop her up and begin to carry her
from the God forsaken alley.

"Some guy?!" the
motherfucking bastard growls from below Tucker's shoe. "I'm her
fuckin' boyfriend! You're fuckin' mine, Rory! You hear me,
you—“

Tucker finally cuts him off by digging his
shoe into the fucker's windpipe, and I glare at him to ask him what
took him so fucking long.

"I'll be right back," I say carefully to
Tuck. "Keep him down."

Tucker nods, and then looks at Rory with
sympathy. She looks away in shame and it guts me. She's not the one
who should be ashamed. I am.

"I can— uh, walk," Rory
murmurs, and it stabs me in the gut. But it doesn't surprise me.
Why would she want my help when I'm the reason she's here right
now? But she's tougher than anyone I've ever known, and even after
this night from hell, she is exuding a strength even I couldn't
fake.

I reluctantly set her on her feet, but I
can't not touch her. I place my palm on the small of her back, and
lead her from the alley.

Tina, Andy, Dave, and Carl stand at the
mouth of the alley, confused and concerned. Carl grabs Rory and
hugs her.

"My
God
, Rory! What happened? Where
did you go? What's going on? Where's Tuck?! No one will tell me
anything!" she rants, but Rory only hugs her back.

"Call the cops," I tell Andy and Dave. "Tell
them you need to report and assault. Then stay here with the girls,
and make sure one of you lets me know as soon as you hear a siren,
okay?"

My boys nod meaningfully. I don't doubt them
for a second.

"You got her?" I ask Carl. Because I need to
take care of that motherfucking bastard, and I need to make sure
Rory is taken care of.

Carl nods, and I turn to go back.

"Wait! Where are you goin'?" Rory asks
desperately, and it guts me all over again. She wants me with her.
It means fucking everything to me, but it also kills me, because I
have to leave her right now. I have to make sure this never happens
again.

"Please just stay here
with Carl. Okay, baby?
Please
."

But my strong girl nods,
and I know she can handle this. Because I already know she can
handle
anything
.
Hell, she already has, and I go back to the alley to make sure that
motherfucking bastard will never come near my girl
again.

****

Everything To Me

I
t’s been the longest night of my life, and for the second
time today, I find myself sitting out on a balcony of my hotel
suite, thinking about what a bastard I am. I only come to the same
conclusion. That I don’t deserve Rory. But that I can’t bring
myself to give her up.

If she doesn’t want me,
she’ll have to be the one to decide that, because I won’t lose her
if I can help it. I’m far too selfish for that.

I listen to the waves crash on the sand. I
know I won’t sleep tonight. I can’t rest until I talk to her. I
haven’t since I asked her to stay with Carl outside the alley. But
I still don’t know what the fuck I’m going to say when I see her in
the morning. Because the only words I can think of are the ones
I’ve already said what feels like a hundred times – I’m sorry – and
they not enough.

What happened tonight was
my fault, but more than that, it was my insecurity that put her in
that precarious position. Rory has a choice. She’s either still
wants me, or she doesn’t. And that’s entirely up to her. But if she
does, I can’t go on like this. If we’re going to do this
something more
thing, I
need to know there’s no one else. I need to have no doubts. It
fucks with my judgment. It made me push Rory into an argument
earlier, and tonight, it put her at risk, and I’ll have to live
with that for the rest of my life.

“Sam.”

I startle and turn to her. I was sure she’d
be asleep. I make to stand but she stops me.

I blow out a deep exhale and shove my
fingers through my hair, and then rest my hand on the back of my
neck to keep from reaching for her. My gaze is weighed down with so
much shame I can’t even meet her eyes.

“Can I, uh, sit?” she asks
nervously, and I hate that she’s back to being anxious with
me.

I nod, and she settles on the foot of my
chaise lounge. I scoot back, to give her room, though what I really
want is to pull her into my arms, and never let her go.

My fingers rake my hair
again, and I lean forward, finally meeting her gaze. “I’m so damn
sorry, Rory,” I tell her again. “I fucking saw you. I
know
you, and I know you
would never do that even if we—“ I take a deep breath and sigh. “I
know you wouldn’t just go hook up with some guy. You
couldn’t
.
But—“

“Sam—“

She tries to cut me off, but I shake my
head. I can tell from her tone that she’s going to absolve me of my
guilt, but I don’t deserve it.

“Rory, I don’t even
fucking recognize myself anymore. I don’t want to be this guy. I
don’t want to give ultimatums, and the last thing I want is to
cause you any more stress, but I can’t do this with
you.”

Her eyes go wide, and I fear I’m going to
push her too far, and she’s going to tell me she’s done. But I have
no choice. I can’t half have her.

“I want to give you all the time you need. I
know this isn’t easy for you, and I know how hypocritical this is,
especially after everything you told me about him – how possessive
he was…” I scoot closer to her, and take hold of her hand, lacing
our fingers together, if just hoping to remind her how we fit. “But
you don’t know what you’re doing to me – how I felt when I thought
you were just with some other guy. I felt sick, Ror.

“I can’t do this half way, not with you.
It’s messing me up, you know? Everything I know about you tells me
you would never do that, and yet when I came outside looking for
you and saw you with him—“ Just the memory of the sight of it gets
me all worked up, and I have to take a second to recompose myself.
“I turned into an insecure, jealous little girl,” I confess.

I look down, needing to
organize my thoughts, because this is it, and I’m terrified this is
going to go the wrong way, and I’m going to lose her for good. “If
you can’t handle it, then just tell me. We’ll go back to being
friends – I understand, okay? But if you still want me, Ror, I need
to know that it’s just you and me. I’m sorry if that makes me
possessive, but I can’t help the way I feel. I want—no, I
need
, for you to be only
mine, if we’re going to do this, I mean.”

There it is, I’ve laid it
all out. My heart is on the line, where I never thought it would
be, and Rory has the power to destroy me, just as Kendall said, and
she was right, I’m fucking terrified.

Rory’s mouth opens, and then closes again,
before she takes a deep breath. “Do you know why I left the bar
tonight in the first place?” she asks. She sounds exhausted, and I
feel even more guilty for doing this now, after the night she’s
had.

But I just look back at her in confusion,
because I have no idea what this has got to do with anything.

“When I got there, I was looking for you,
and when I saw you, you had your arm around some pretty girl, and…
I couldn’t take it. I left.”

I shake my head. It isn’t true. “Rory, I’m
not interested in any other girls, the only girl I was even talking
to was my cousin—“

“Thea, yeah, I know
that…
now
.”

My lips quirk up into the
beginning of a smile, but it fades quickly. Because as much as I
love hearing she’s as jealous as I am, it’s what put her in danger,
and I can’t be glad for that.

“This is my point, Ror.
You left a bar
alone
, walked right into his trap, and I saw you! Believe me, I
wanted to beat the living shit out of him just for
touching
you, before I
even realized who he was – what was happening. I should have known,
I could have stopped it right away, but this jealousy… this not
knowing whether—“

“I know.”

I swallow my nerves, and take a deep breath.
“So you don’t want anyone else?”

She glares at me as if I’m
insane, but she’s the one with the secrets, not me, and I won’t
push her to tell them. Not again. But I need to hear from her lips
that whatever the deal is with her and that
Cam
kid, there’s nothing going on.
That he won’t get in the way of
us
.

Suddenly she deflates. Her shoulders sag,
and I wait for her to either tell me she can’t give me what I need,
or that she will.

“You don’t understand,” she whispers.

I don’t say anything. I don’t need her to
tell me details. I just need to know she can be with me, and me
alone. If she says it, I’ll believe her, no questions asked.

“I don’t’ talk about him
with anyone.
Cam
I mean. Not to Dr. Schall, not even my mom.”

Well, that sounds ominous. “You don’t have
to, Ror, I should never have pushed you. I feel like a huge dick
for it; I’m sorry.”

“No, Sam,
I’m
sorry. In fact, I
was looking for you at the bar tonight so I could
apologize—“

But she owed me no apology. “Rory—“

“Please, Sam, just let me explain, okay?”
She’s pleading, and I won’t stop her if she wants to tell me. I
just don’t want her to feel as if she has to.

“Okay, baby,” I whisper, tightening my hold
on her hand. “But not over there.”

I scoot back and to the side and pull her
beside me so I can hold her. I slide my arm around her, and she
cuddles into me, making my world right again.

I nuzzle her hair, and breathe deeply. She
showered since she got back to the hotel, and she smells of the
hotel’s conditioner again.

Then Rory tells me exactly what happened
between her and her best friend, and I listen intently, absorbing
each word, and feeling more and more like the world’s biggest
asshole with every revelation.

It shocks me that he’s dead. And as her
story unfolds, I understand her earlier hesitation. Her friendship
was complicated at the end, but it’s not her fault, none of it was
her fault, and I hold her tighter and tighter with each passing
moment.