Reckless Abandon (8 page)

As I raise myself to Chair Pose, I let the sun illuminate, then dry, my tears. As we head into Warrior Pose, I feel my soul rip off her lingering bandages
.
We’re forging ahead together this time, as one.

“All right Baby Blue, Balasana to Savasana.”

As I mold myself from Child’s Pose and sink into the sand for Corpse Pose, I feel grounded. I feel more like me than I have in a year.
Or Fiv
e
.

Suddenly, the flutter of m
y eyelids tells me I dozed off.
Scor
e
.
I prop myself on my elbows and see Raven sitting on the edge of the waves. I walk to her and sit down.

“I needed that,” I start, “but you knew that.”

She rocks her shoulder into mine. “Just because we’re not around a lot doesn’t mean I’ve lost touch, you know. You’re still my soul sister, Baby Girl.”

I lay my head on her shoulder and take a deep breath before standing and brushing the sand from myself.

“I can’t believe how warm the Atlantic is sometimes,” Raven says as she stands to join me.

“That’s because this is Nantucket Sound.” I try to hide my laughter but don’t get very far.

Raven rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “It’s good to know there are some things yoga
can’t
erase—like your charming sarcasm.”

* * *

Bo

“You’re absolutely
not
going, Bowan!” Rae follows me through the house.

“Get over yourself, Rae. I’m a damn adult and will do whatever I want.”

“I should have never told you she was playing this weekend ...” Rae shakes her head with her hands on her hips.

“No, I’m glad you heard that. I still don’t understand why she needed to have a private chat with Turner after the meeting.” Apparently, not being at the meeting had its disadvantages.

Rae’s face blanches as she fills her chest with a contemplative sigh.

“What, Rae?” The hair on the back of my neck starts to rise. “Rae, you’re not telling me something.”

“It’s nothing. They’re friends, right? November and Adrian, I mean ...” She bites her lip.

I stand in solid silence, staring through her. My eyes narrow as she fidgets with her hands. Finally, she clicks her tongue in defeat.

“I think I saw them holding hands.” Her mouth keeps moving, but fury heats my ears and I process nothing else.

“Bo!” Rae hollers as I fling my keys against the wall. “Listen to me. Ember saw me in the hallway after Adrian left. She smiled and said goodbye. She didn’t look like she was hiding anything.”

Great
.I tear my hands through my hair and pace to the kitchen. Rae follows.

“No, Bo. What I mean is, it looked completely innocent. If it wasn’t, wouldn’t she have hidden it or told me not to say anything?”

She could be right. However, November is one of the most composed people I’ve ever met. If Rae saw something that November didn’t intend for her to see, she wouldn’t so much as bat an eyelash. That, and anything involving Adrian Turner is far from innocent.

“What the hell am I supposed to do now?” I beg of my little sister as I sit at the kitchen table. I’ve never asked this question of her before.

Rae smiles and sits next to me. “Leave her alone. You’ve made your intentions clear—you want to right your wrongs. Get out of her face for five seconds.” She slaps her hand off my thigh. “Go to work Monday like a normal person, and don’t talk to her again till you see her up here on Wednesday. Just. Relax. She loves you, she’ll come around.”

I know in my head that leaving it alone is the right and wise thing to do. My heart, however, is screaming, “Idiot!” It knows if I give her space, no matter how small, it could be too much.

“Yo, Bowan, you in there?” Rae jerks my thoughts away from November’s hand in Adrian’s.

“Yeah.” I pull Rae’s tiny body into a hug. “Thanks for talking me off the ledge.” I kiss the top of her head before releasing her.

“Thank God! What the hell would you do without me, you basket case?” She giggles.

“Ha! I have no idea, Rae.”

She leaves me alone to gather my emotional shit. I’ll dial it down, but I refuse to turn it off. I love November, and I don’t intend to let her forget it.

Chapter Eight

Ember

“All right boys, what’s our set look like tonight?” I hop on stage and take my seat on the stool. We don’t play for an
other two hours, but my parents
and
Adrian will be here; I want to nail it.

“Just a couple of songs with me, then you and Josh will do your folksy shit alone.” C.J. snickers. He wants to be in a rock band. I wish he’d go find one.

“Oh, C.J., you know you love my folksy shit.” Josh slaps one of the cymbals as he walks past C.J.’s drum set.

We decide to start with some 70’s and early 80’s rock to appease C.J. before Josh and I take it away with our “folksy shit.” By folksy, C.J. refers to Indigo Girls, Sheryl Crow, and artists like that. Josh is unbelievably talented at their guitar parts, and I can hold my own with vocals.

“That was great guys,” Josh encourages as we finish our practice. “Keep that energy going later.”

C.J. and I slip backstage. I don’t want to see my parents before I go on, or I’ll get too nervous. Josh is out front doing his manager stuff when Adrian sneaks through the backstage door.

“Hey you, what are you doing back here? Talent only.” I smirk as I hug him.

“Your parents are out front, I told them I’d come find you.”

Josh and Monica walk backstage, and Monica gives Adrian a top-to-bottom once over before casting her eyebrow skyward in my direction.

“C.J., this is Adrian. Monica and I went to college with him.” I deflect Monica’s impending judgment.

“Nice to meet you, man.” C.J. shakes Adrian’s hand. “So, Rapunzel, is that dude gonna be here tonight?” Four of us in the room seem to stop breathing as C.J. absentmindedly flips his sticks through his fingers.

“What
dude
?” I ask.

“You know, that one you sang with. That Bo guy—he wrote that song for you, or whatever.”

Yeah. Or Whatever.

“No, he’s not coming tonight.” I shrug, Adrian stuffs his hands in his pockets, and Monica shifts uneasily. C.J. finally catches on.

“Ah, shit. Did a one night stand turn into an epic fail?” He chuckles while gesturing obscenely, like a teenager.

“Shut the fuck up, C.J.” Josh growls through clenched teeth.

“No, Josh, he didn’t know—” I start, but Josh cuts me off.

“It doesn’t matter if he knows or not; he doesn’t have to be such a dick to you all the time.” The last time I saw Josh
this angry, he was screaming in
my
face. Monica puts her arm around his waist.

“Babe, let’s go outside for a few minutes,” she whispers to him before leading him out of the room.

Turning to look at Adrian, I find him seemingly counting the floor tiles. “Um. So, tell my parents I’m not coming out till we play, but we’ll have drinks after.”

“K. You all right?” He places his hand on my shoulder and lassos my eyes.

“I am.” I don’t even have to fake a smile this time.

Inexplicably, C.J. follows Adrian out of the back room, and I’m left there alone with another Bo revelation splattered all over the floor. In a beat, C.J. returns with two beers. He unfolds two chairs, sits, and gestures to the empty one.

“Here.” He hands me a beer without looking at me.

“Thanks.” I accept the only apology C.J. is capable of before breaking the awkward silence. “I’ve gotta ask, is it the Dave Matthews Band kind of ‘Rapunzel’ or “and they lived happily ever after” kind?’” I figure it’s worth a shot to decode his nickname for me.

C.J. spits some of his beer in laughter, but before he can answer, Josh returns sans Monica.

“You two OK?” Josh paces toward us slowly.

“Are
you
? You kinda freaked out there.” I stand and hand Josh my half-full pint, he accepts with a smile and swallows the rest.

“All right guys, let’s get on stage.” C.J. leads us out front without further discussion.

As we start our set, I can’t miss my parents waving wildly from a table directly in the middle of Finnegan’s. I also can’t miss that Adrian and Monica are sitting with them. Monica seems to be spending more time watching Adrian than our set. I’m sure she senses something’s up between us, but since I barely know what that is I’m not going to offer anything.

When we finish our 80’s mild-rock set, C.J. leaves Josh and me on stage alone, where we ready ourselves to start our “folksy shit.” 

“What do you want to start with?” Josh asks, as we readjust our mics. “We kind of practiced a lot of heartbreak-y stuff ...”

“Well, I’m kind of in a heartbreak-y place. Just pick something. We’ll nail it.” Josh’s concern makes me smile, but it’s a tad annoying. “I’m not a damsel in distress, Josh. Just play.”

He shrugs and starts strumming.

Shit, me and my big mouth.

Mushy heartbreak songs are the easiest to learn in a short amount of time, and quite frankly, they’re the most popular among this bar crowd. I have a brief flash of panic when he intros Sheryl Crow’s “Strong Enough,” but I take a breath, smile, and roll my eyes at Monica.

Actually, I really don’t feel like hell tonight, as the song might suggest. It’s amazing what a small amount of time and a large amount of space can do to bury things that need burying. Swaying with the melody, I smile through the lyrics...until we get to the chorus, which talks about believing lies in the name of love.

No shit
...

I realize this is the first time I’ve performed here since the night Bo worked my lullaby. I never told my parents about that night; and I don’t think I can now. I almost lose track of the lyrics when all the feelings I had that night start to simmer in my gut. I kissed him on stage, I cried on stage. I did things that were miles outside of my comfort zone because I thought I was in love.

Just two nights after that I was sitting, battered, in the hotel room of my ex-boyfriend trying to sort out a two-week lie. My insides scream with anger and talk of revenge, but I’m better than that. Guess he wasn’t strong enough to be my man after all.

A few songs later we end our set and head off stage. I meet my four fans at their table.

“November Blue that was
outstanding!
” Raven is nearly bursting out of her Zen shell as she squeezes the life out of me.

“Thanks.” I pull myself away and hug Ashby.

“Gorgeous, Baby Girl, I knew you had it in you.” They’ve never heard me sing in public before. This must have been heaven for them.

“Listen, hun, it’s getting late and we hate to dash out of here, but our flight to San Diego actually leaves in a few hours. We’ve got to get to the airport.” Raven puts her arm around me one more time.

“What are you heading to San Diego for?” Adrian asks.

My parents eye me with ancient understanding. We’ve been over this. No one, except Bo, knows about their band. I’d like to keep it that way for a while.

“Getting together with friends we haven’t seen in ages. Adrian and Monica, it was lovely catching up with you two. Take care of our girl.” Raven hugs them both before leading my dad out of the bar by his hand.

“
We
will!” Monica calls after them with a hint of sarcasm before turning to Adrian. “So, Adrian, how long are you in town?”

“Heading home now. Em, I’m glad I got to see you sing again. Beautiful. Shoot me a message next week.” He gives me a quick hug, says goodbye to Monica and the guys, and heads out of Finnegan’s.

Adrian is the epitome of cool; someone passing by might actually believe I’ll wait till next week to “shoot him a message.” He knows by Monica’s tone that she’s suspicious but doesn’t know anything. I feel a little rejected by our staged goodbye, but I realize it was necessary.

“That was nice of him to come watch you.” Monica’s sarcastic smile loses the game of hide-and-seek with her face.

“Yeah, it was. I’ll be right back—I left something in my car. Can you order me a drink?”

She nods and heads to the bar while I move to the parking lot. Once outside, I check over my shoulder and see Monica engrossed with Josh’s lips over the bar.

Scanning the parking lot, I spot Adrian just as he turns on his headlights. He leaves his car running, but gets out as I wave my hands and run to his car.

He stands behind his open door. “What’s wrong?”

“Thanks again for coming. Also, thanks for everything back there.” I hitch my thumb toward the bar.

“Of course.” He gives me a lopsided grin. “It was really beautiful watching you sing.”

“Damn, and this whole time I thought you meant it was
me
who was beautiful.” Grinning, I step around his door. He drops his hand from the door and takes mine.