ReclaimedSurrender (11 page)

His voice was soft and commanding. Compelling. “Focus,
Alexis. Breathe through the waves. Tell me.”

“I was mad…”

“Yes?”

“I was mad that it’s taken this long for you to pay
attention to me.”

She knew he was poised to land another strike, so she was
somewhat surprised when he didn’t. Instead he brought two feather-stuffed
pillows to her and wedged them, one on top of the other, between the chair back
and her thighs and pelvis.

“Very good,” he whispered near her ear before stepping back.
The firm disciplinarian once more. “Don’t tense up. Let the pillows absorb some
of the shock. Press into them when you need to.” He brushed the backs of his
knuckles across her arm. “What are you holding back from me? What are you not
saying?”

The truth
.
But in her mind it was illogical,
mean and selfish.

He wrapped his warm palm around her nape and this time when
he whispered he was right at her ear, “Say it. I know you want to.”

“I…”

“Say it.”

“I’m angry because you want a child more than you want me.”

The warmth of his breath against her lobe was gone the
minute he dropped his hand and stepped back. “Is that what you think?”

“Yes.”

“You’re wrong, Alexis.”

She didn’t need to look at him to know he was telling her
the truth. The heavy conviction in his voice spoke volumes on the subject.
Still… “Even if I am wrong, that doesn’t change things. You don’t make time for
me anymore. If we had a child there would be even less time between us.”

There was a lengthy pause. Nothing but silence until he
sighed.

“Fair enough. Let’s talk about your work now. Why did you go
in there? I’ve already told you, you could have chosen to defy me by going to a
movie or a different store to shop for no other reason than you wanted to. I
would have been equally as disappointed, but there’s a reason you made the
choice you did. Think about it. Why did you choose work as the deviation to the
list I gave you?”

“I had to.”

“That’s not an answer.” He smacked her with three successive
smacks.

“Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen!” The measured strikes pulsed
through her. Driving her deeper and deeper into a place that was quiet and
peaceful and full of acceptance. So contrary to what was taking place between
her and Rene right now.

“Why did you have to go?”

She found that warm and will-less place inside herself—a
space that only Rene could take her to—and embraced it.

Smack.

“Fourteen!” Her voice was no longer her own as the steady
stroke landed and vibrated through her like a building caught in an earthquake.

“Listen to my voice, Alexis. Concentrate.”

Smack.

“Fifteen! Yes.”

“You chose work and I want to—”

Smack.

“Sixteen!”

“Know why.”

Smack.

“Seventeen!”

“Breathe. Breathe deep three times and then tell me.”

She gasped and took the successive breaths. “It’s all I have
if—” Even in her stripped-raw and submissive state she had trouble admitting
this last truth to him.

“If what?”

“I—” She gasped again and then moaned as his hand splayed
over her backside and firmly squeezed. The unexpected sensation took her breath
away. “Please.”

“Answer me,” he insisted, squeezing again, only this time
more gently.

“Work—work is all I have if I don’t have you. I can’t lose
you both.”

He took his grip from her so suddenly she almost collapsed.
“Finally the ultimate truth.”

“Yes.”

“Three more strikes, Alexis, and then we’re done. Don’t
stiffen up.”

She couldn’t have tensed up if she wanted to. She was as
pliant as warm rubber when he took the time to reposition her. He spread her
knees wider apart, pushed her shoulders down and adjusted her panties.

“Are you ready?”

Heated and pulsing waves of sensations thrummed to life
inside her. “Yes.”

Smack.

“Eighteen!” She grunted and shook and when he ordered her to
breathe, she did because the strike had been harder than any of the ones before.
Just as she knew the next one would be harder than the last. This was another
one of Rene’s rituals.

“Did you learn a lesson today, Alexis? Do you have any newly
gathered insight to share with me other than what you’ve already said?”

Smack.

“Nineteen! Yes.”

“Tell me.”

She hated this last ritual of his. Where he’d drag out the
final punishing blow until she thought she’d be reduced to begging. Those two
other times she’d come close. She didn’t know if she could take it this time
though. Anticipating his heavier hand wielding the crop was a daunting
endeavor.

“I’ve come to see the difficulties I face trying to live as
if I’m two different people and I have to keep things separate. I think that’s
why our marriage is struggling.” She used Ken’s quote verbatim. “Vanilla by day
and BDSM by night. It’s confusing certain issues between us.”

His chair creaked and her heart sank. Only one more strike
left and he was sitting?

“Are you breathing slow and deep?”

“Yes, I’m—”

Smack!

“Twenty!” She hadn’t heard him get up or approach, which was
good because she would have stiffened at this last strike. Just like she’d
known it would be, it was harder than the rest. Probably the only one to leave
a lingering mark.

“Here, let me help you.” Rene carefully removed the pillows
and tossed them on the floor before he slid her panties up and adjusted them
into place. He went really slow. He must have noticed her wince. Once he’d done
that he took her by the arm and helped her to stand. Thankfully he waited until
she was steady before he let go. “Take the crop and put it back in the
nightstand. Then collect the package I left there and bring it to me.”

She was a wreck. Her whole body felt wobbly and her nerve
endings everywhere danced. She wanted to cry in the worst way, but she knew she
couldn’t do that yet. She actually made it to the nightstand and didn’t know
how. It was as if she were moving in slow motion, only her heart raced and her
pulse jumped.

She picked up the package and turned to see that Rene was
seated on their chair waiting for her. She wanted to run to him or at least
hurry and yet her feet felt as if they were weighed down with anchors. Finally
she stood in front of him. She’d forgotten to hand him the package, so he took
it from her and put in on the chair beside him. Then, in the slowest gesture
imaginable his massive arms spread wide to welcome her within them.

“Come here.”

She literally fell into his embrace. She’d barely curled up
against him. Barely snuggled into the warmth and comfort he provided, when the
tears started.

“Shh.” Rene held her tight. “It’s all over and done with.
You’re forgiven. You’re still my good girl.”

Her arms locked around his neck and she nuzzled her cheek
against his chest. When she spoke, her words were low and muffled, but he could
make them out, “I’m sorry.”

“I know. It’s enough. It’s all done with. You’re a brave
girl. My brave girl to take your punishment so well. I love you.”

She squeezed against him nice and tight and he sighed.

For nearly an hour he relaxed with her in their chair. He
held her close and occasionally broke the silence between them by whispering
soothing words of encouragement. She was a wonder. One moment the firecracker
and the next a wounded kitten. He loved this about her. Loved when she cuddled
with him and tucked her head intimately under his chin as her nose pressed
against his neck. At times like these he was the most content. With the lush
scent of her filling him, reminding him of wild strawberries. He made no bones
about it. He loved the fragrance and he told her so. He also loved how
beautifully she calmed for him. She settled so pleasantly during the aftermath
that it rocked him to the core. It fed a need in him. A desire to claim.
Possess and own.

Gathering her closer, he was pleased when he heard her
contented sigh. It signaled that she wanted to be nowhere else but in his arms,
which made him very, very happy. “Here’s my submissive girl. My sweetest
heart.”

He hooked a finger under her chin, leaning back and pulling
up at the same time so he could stare into her eyes. They weren’t as glassy as
they were after she’d stopped crying, which told him that she was reachable.
“Are you able to listen to what I have to say or do you need more time?”

“I’ll listen.”

“Good.” He was mindful of her tender bottom as he adjusted
her on his lap. Allowing her to straddle him so they were eye to eye. Only she
kept her eyes downcast, and winced when she placed her palms to splay just over
his heart. The warmth of her skin seeped through the silky cotton of his shirt.
“Look at me, Alex.”

She did and he silently groaned. He loved that her wide
green eyes shimmered with a heady sense of longing. Burned with a want and a
need for him. This is one of the things he missed most about her. “I want to
speak with you about the confusion of this double type of lifestyle you
mentioned. Do you remember what you said?”

She nodded. “Yes. Ken and I spoke about this. He’s a nice
man.”

“Yes, yes he is.” Rene smoothed back the few stray hairs at
her temple. “He was very helpful, wasn’t he?”

“Yes.”

He brought his hands up to the sides of her breasts and
brushed his thumbs over each nipple, back and forth as he spoke. “I don’t think
it’s the dual lifestyle that’s confusing you. That’s more external and you’re a
smart cookie. You have that worked out for yourself. No,” he pulled each nipple
forward in a gentle pinch, releasing them only to do it again, “it’s the two
people inside yourself who make things difficult for you and me.” Now that he
had her attention he stopped seductively playing with her and brought his hands
around her hips to fully cup her bottom.

She gasped but he didn’t let go. “Do you want to know what I
believe to be true? What my story of you is?”

“Yes.”

“I believe you’re a soldier, Alexis. A beautiful,
warrior-princess-soldier who was born to protect herself. A woman taught to
fight and be strong. Independent. Smart. You’re that woman I see in my
boardroom who’s not afraid to face all those daunting three-piece-suits time
and again to get your point across. You’re a challenge and you’re always ready
to do battle because you can’t separate your intellect from your emotions.
You’re good at deflecting so you don’t have to face that truth. You’re also
good at protecting and as such you became the woman you needed to be to protect
the best part of yourself. The submissive little girl within who wants to play
and trust and love and be loved in return without fear.

“You’ve done a good job, baby. You’ve been a good caretaker
and I’m proud of you for doing the task so well. But now that girl is
frightened. She’s scared and she should be because the warrior princess part of
you has been doing her utmost to drive me away while that submissive little
girl inside peeks meekly out from behind the wall of your protection and prays that
I won’t leave her.”

He paused here and allowed her to absorb what he was saying.
Waiting while she searched his face and got her head around his words. He knew
that she had when she bit her lip and nodded as slow, fat tears slid from her
eyes. God, she’d never been more beautiful to him. The perfect time to make his
vow.

“It’s okay, baby. I want you to tell my little girl I’ll
never leave her. I want you both to know she’s safe with me.” He pulled her
into his arms and hugged her tight, stroking a hand down her naked back. Over
and over again until she sank fully into his embrace. “Yes, you can relax, my
warrior princess. Give up your post. I’m strong enough for both of you. I’ll be
her loyal guardian and your patient but determined challenger. I vow to calmly
pull down your defenses without anger or judgment to take my girl’s hand. To
bring her out and be her champion as she safely explores every facet of
herself. I promise.” He finished this last word with a squeeze.

“Umm…” she purred against his neck and snuggled in deeper.
“I like the story of me.”

Although he reveled in her acceptance, he wasn’t done. “Your
story’s not finished though. We need an ending, baby. Are you ready to find the
right one for you and me?”

She leaned back and lifted her eyes to his. He was glad that
her look was somber and attentive. “Yes.”

He reached for the box then used one hand to open it. He
withdrew the heavy silver circle and held it up between them, waiting and
gauging her reaction.

“A collar?”

“I had it specially made for you. Tell me what you’re
thinking.”

“It’s beautiful. Are those roses engraved on the medallion?”

He nodded and adjusted the piece until the rounded,
quarter-sized tag lay flush against his wrist. Then he held his arm toward her
so she could better examine it. “They have rather large thorns.”

“It’s stunning.”

“Turn it over.”

Her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed. The combined
actions made his ball sac squeeze up nice and tight. Damn, she was a beauty and
the sight of his collar displayed openly between them sent his libido into
overdrive. The thick silver so close to the naked skin of her breast. So close
to where it would rest against the beating pulse of her neck, fired him to the
core. He wanted to lock it around her throat and demand she never take it off.
But he wouldn’t do that. They’d made conscious decisions early on in their
relationship that precluded him from collaring her. Not that he hadn’t wanted
to. He had, but that was one adjustment to her new kind of lifestyle that she’d
been unable to accept. He’d respected that until he’d come to see that the
wearing of his collar might be one of her hard limits. One of the boundaries he
needed to push and explore with her to see if it was a self-imposed limitation
dictated by her intellect or truly a facet of her submissive nature that she
couldn’t accept. This week gave him the perfect opportunity to explore without
scaring her off or freaking her out.

“Read the words to me.”

She put her forefinger and thumb on each curved side and
read, “I am the property of Rene Tanner. He is my,” she continued more softly,
“Master. I shall always be his treasured gift.” Her hand dropped to her lap as
quickly as her gaze did.

“Very good.” He stroked her cheek and spoke low and
reassuringly to her. “I know we agreed that you being collared could complicate
things in our regular lives, but for the balance of this week I’m asking you to
accept my silver and let me lock my collar on you.”

She nodded and his heart raced. “Say the words. Say you
accept my collar.”

“I accept your collar for the balance of the week.”

He smiled, noting the additional words. “Clever girl. Chin
up.” He waited for her to tilt her head back, exposing the silky smooth column
of her neck. “Higher. All the way up. That’s it,” he praised, when she extended
herself farther. “I had the lock redesigned. Instead of sitting at the back
it’s now hidden in the eyelet of the medallion so there’s only one break in the
circle and even that you can’t see.”

He got the silver around her neck. It was short, like a
choker, but that’s how he’d wanted it. “Keep still. Hold your breath. It
requires five short turns with the key.” It took him a couple of tries, but
eventually his efforts paid off. “There.” He returned the key to the box. “All
done. It’s beautiful. Look at me.”

When she did the sight of her took his breath away. He’d
never wanted to collar any woman before he’d found Alexis. Not that he hadn’t
had subs who’d begged and pleaded with him for the privilege. There had been a
few, but he’d rejected them all because he believed a collar was sacred. In his
mind it was no less symbolic than a wedding ring was to a traditional couple.

He tilted her chin this way and that to examine his
claiming. It took him barely a moment to realize that this went beyond an
aesthetic turn-on. For the gleaming silver around her throat brought home to
him how important this unique and special marriage was and how very close
they’d come to throwing it all away.

“This.” He scooped two fingers under the medallion and
lifted it off her skin. “This pleases me more than I can say.” He bent forward
and placed a gentle kiss on it, lingering for a moment and rubbing his thumb
over the stylized roses as he ordered, “Give me your mouth.”

He didn’t wait for her to come forward. Instead he grasped
the weighty circle and pulled, groaning when she slid her arms around his neck
and kissed him. All hard and edgy. His perfect kind of sensual. There was
nothing shy or reserved about the way her mouth yielded and opened for him. The
way her tongue clashed with his. Stabbing and diving and tasting as she climbed
him looking for a deeper way in.

He held on to her ass, but lightly enough that she still had
the freedom to move and she took advantage of the fact. She came up on her
knees and pressed herself from thigh to shoulder against his torso. With her
breasts squashed into his chest and her pelvis sexily undulating over the tense
muscles of his stomach, his adrenaline spiked. Pure lust poured through him and
his full-to-bursting cock raged to be buried inside her. Fighting the urge to
stab itself into her as hard as his tongue was ravaging her pliant mouth.
Christ, his every thought landed on just how pliant other parts of her were
when she completely surrendered herself, like she was doing now.

He was almost tempted. Almost. So even though it nearly
killed him, he pressed his skull into the chair and turned his head aside. When
she tried to follow in an attempt to recapture his lips he denied her, “No,
baby.” He waited for her to give up on that fruitless endeavor before turning
back to her. With a gentle smile he curled a finger under her chin and lifted
until her heated gaze met his. “That’s enough for now. I want you to go get my
robe and put it on. Then we’ll go downstairs and have some lunch. How does that
sound?”

“Boring.”

He laughed at how miffed she was. “You need to eat. What did
you have for breakfast?” When she told him, he scowled. “You need more than
that to keep up your energy.”

“Why?” She shrugged in an overly casual way. He knew
something was amiss when she started to fiddle with the buttons of his shirt.
“It’s not as if we’re doing anything at the moment that requires me to expend
any energy.”

“True, but later, after lunch and some quiet time, you’re
going to need all the energy you can muster.” Her luscious mouth parted and her
hands stilled as she shot a look up. He made a tsk, tsk sound and asked, “Did
you forget? I want to test some of your limits.” He brushed the pad of his
thumb over her plump lower lip. “Some…hard limits. There’s no better way for
you and I to reestablish our bond than pushing some extremes. Don’t you agree?”

Her hand went to the medallion. She clutched it and he
wasn’t sure whether the action was meant to reassure her or not. He wanted her
reassured and the sooner the better. “Okay?”

“I might not be ready.”

“I’ll go slowly. You know how I like to go slow with you.”
Her look told him she knew only too well how much he liked to take his time. He
thought the idea would comfort her, but now she was rubbing the medallion as if
it were a genie’s bottle and she was hoping one would magically appear to help
her out. That wasn’t going to happen. “Go to my closet and get my robe.”

She shot off his lap. Clearly she’d forgotten the lingering
result of her punishment because she had to stop and adjust her panties. No
doubt the elastic stung where it clung to her. Then the moment she turned, he
nearly lost it. The sight of her tight little ass beneath those lace panties
would have been enough of a visual stroke to get him going, but the cherry-red
stripes from her punishment blazing beneath that sheer red fabric? It really
did it for him. Now he was dying to see just how accommodating that part of her
would prove to be.

He stood and shoved his hand down the front of his pants.
After several attempts he gave up. There definitely was no good adjustment to
be made there. No way in hell a cello would ever fit into a violin case. Damn,
her quiet time couldn’t be over soon enough for him.

* * * * *

Alexis sat at the kitchen table, wondering if she were
dreaming. She had to be. How else could she have returned to this place, this
space, so swiftly and without one iota of regret?

“Have you had enough to eat, honey?”