Red Dirt Diary 3 (7 page)

Miss McKenzie said she missed us all heaps and thought of us every day.

If she misses us so much, why doesn't she come back???

Probably because she doesn't think she is needed as long as the Colonel is here!

Showed Mr Cluff her email. He just sighed and rubbed his forehead. At least he didn't talk about pumpkin soup or butter cake!

Wednesday, 23 May

Received three stories for the newspaper today. Two are about four ponies on a picnic and one is about three fairies living with a pony. They are all by Grace Simpson.

Had an outdoor adventure lesson on emergency signals today. SOS stands for ‘Save Our Souls', not ‘Share Our Sandwiches' as Worms had thought. The Colonel taught us all about Morse code, torch signals, mirrors reflecting sunlight, smoke signals and making big messages out of rocks, logs and clothes. Then we had half an hour to make our own emergency signal.

Mat
just happened
to have a mirror in her pocket. She sat on the steps, flashed SOS in Morse code, then examined her nose and chin for pimples for the rest of the lesson. It must be so boring being mature.

Ben, Banjo, Gabby and I built a fire out of grass, bark and sticks, which gave out heaps of smoke to alert our rescuers. Ben lit it using his
magnifying glass — which was very clever but really annoying because it was a Colonel idea.

Cassie and Lucy sat down and wrote a long letter to their mother explaining where she could find them, then went inside for an envelope and stamp. Like
that's
going to be possible when they're lost in the wilderness!

Harry, Ned and Worms made the word HEPL out of their clothes then ran around in their undies. They said anyone flying over was sure to think something was wrong if they saw H-E-P-L and three half-naked boys. Mr Cluff said that you hardly needed to be flying over to think that something was wrong and they better put their clothes back on at once and go inside to practise their spelling.

We were meant to learn about carrier pigeons too, but we'll have to wait until next week … unless we go to the pub for dinner!

Thursday, 24 May

Received a fascinating article from Ned for the newspaper:

Grace Simpson kept sending me SOS signals using a mirror during her maths test today. She'd forgotten how to do long multiplication and was getting quite upset. I really wanted to help, but Mr Cluff scowled at me every time I tried to creep into the senior classroom.

Mum and Dad were really happy tonight because they got the first big fat cheque for last year's wheat harvest. I know what wheat cheques mean. Wheat cheques mean money in the bank, which means money for boarding school fees, which means GOODBYE BLUE.

The Colonel didn't teach us an SOS signal for getting out of that one, did he?

Friday, 25 May

Woken at 4.30 am by Macka squealing at the foxes. Gunther chased them away before we even woke up properly. He was snorting and frothing at the mouth like a wild dog. Gertrude, Mildred and Doris had formed a ring around Gunther's bunnies so they'd be safe from the foxes.

Eight big fat pigeons arrived at school today. The Colonel said we should leave them alone for the weekend. They need to settle into their new coop before we start training them.

Davo and Jack are really disappointed with how small the pigeons are. Jack said there was no way they'd be able to drop bombs or carry people to safety, so they were as good as useless. Davo said he'd been planning on flying one to
his cousin Marianne's to try out the blueberries, but now he'd have to wait.

I said, ‘So the Colonel has let you down, huh? Think he's no good, huh? Want him to leave, huh?'

Davo and Jack just stared at me like I was insane. Gabby rushed me into the shade and started treating me for hiccups.

I just can't win.

The pigeons are all brown with white speckles, except for one big black one with feathers all over his feet.

The juniors got to name them so now we have Chocky 1, Chocky 2, Chocky 3, Chocky 4, Chocky 5, Chocky 6, Chocky 7 and Flipper.

Talking about chocolate, Tom has given me the results of his favourite fruit survey for next week's
Bake Tribulation
:

Most of the kids at school had said chocolate was by far their favourite fruit.

Got a parcel from Scotland this afternoon. There was a tin of shortbread from Miss McKenzie's mum, Glenda, and a letter from Miss McKenzie saying she was about to head off for a six-day camping trip by Loch Lomond.

Why can't she come back here and camp by one of our farm dams for a few weeks? She could swim and yabby and talk to the sheep when they came down to drink. Wes and Fez could even join her for a leeching competition. She'd love it.

Saturday, 26 May

Spent the morning writing a passionate article for the newspaper, called ‘Hardbake Plains has everything and more'. I'm quite proud of it really. I wrote that other places have mountains, waterfalls and beaches, but we have beautiful dusty red plains that change to lush green paddocks as the crops rise from the soil. Other places have cafés, nightclubs and award-winning restaurants, but we have a pub that sells cold beer, lemon squash, chocolate milkshakes
and
pigeon pie. Other places have opera, rock
concerts and international sporting events, but we have the CWA Christmas party and the Australia Day picnic races where you can ride a camel, a pig, a wheelbarrow or whatever else you like. Other places have presidents, queens and movie stars, but we have kind, happy people who take care of each other.

I'm hoping Miss McKenzie will read it and realise how much she is missing out on back here. I'm also hoping I will be able to put another important article right below it: ‘Colonel loses battle — retreats from Hardbake Plains'.

Spent the afternoon with Wes and Fez making boomerangs. They're to save the chickens. The twin tornadoes explained that you throw the boomerang at the fox and kill it. If the boomerang misses, it comes straight back and you can throw it again. Easy as!

Yeah, right.

Sunday, 27 May

Woken at 5.30 am by Gunther chasing the foxes. Ran out with Wes and Fez and our boomerangs, but we all hit Gunther by mistake. He stopped running after the foxes and chased us up the peppercorn tree. He was not a happy pig.

Went outside after breakfast to practise boomerang throwing. I was going to throw mine from the back veranda out towards the paddock, but Wes and Fez wouldn't let me.

‘Boomerangs come back, Blue,' said Wes.

‘It'll come back and smash through the dining-room window,' said Fez.

‘Mum would get cross,' said Wes.

So we walked down to the back fence. Fez threw his boomerang up towards the house, straight through the kitchen window.

Mum
was
cross. She used the boomerangs to start the log fire in the lounge room. She sent Wes and Fez off in their pig chariots to take Dad a Thermos of tea.

Monday, 28 May

The Colonel gave us the first carrier pigeon lesson today. We have to feed them well and be really kind and gentle. Then they will be happy and always want to return to their home.

The first time you let the pigeons out you just open the coop so they can stretch their wings and find their way back easily. Then, gradually, you take them further and further from their
coop, until they can find their way home from hundreds of kilometres away.

We all stood quietly while the Colonel opened the coop and let Chocky 1, Chocky 2, Chocky 3, Chocky 4, Chocky 5, Chocky 6, Chocky 7 and Flipper find their way out. All the Chockies flew straight up into the air and we cheered and clapped. But suddenly, one of them started to somersault backwards and tumble down towards the earth.

Cassie, Lucy and Dora screamed and covered their faces, but it recovered before it crashed and flew back up into the air. It had just reached the other pigeons when they
all
started tumbling backwards, plummeting down towards the ground.

‘Engine failure!' yelled Nick.

‘Hit the deck!' yelled Davo.

Kids were screaming and running all over the place, as though a squadron of fighter planes was attacking. But the next time we looked, the pigeons were flying back up into the air!

They soared up and tumbled down over and over again. Finally they'd had enough and flew onto the roof of the pigeon coop. One by one, they made their way back inside.

All except for Flipper, that is.

Just when the whole thing was over, Flipper waddled out of the coop, fluffed up his feathers and tumbled ALONG THE GROUND all the way to Sam's vegie patch. He stood up, cooed a few times and tumbled all the way back. He waddled inside the coop and sat down on the ground.

What a crack-up! We staggered around laughing until we got the hiccups. Lynette Sweeney laughed so much that she wet her pants. Even Mr Cluff laughed, and he hasn't cracked a smile since Miss McKenzie left.

The Colonel stared at us, his bushy eyebrows wriggling up and down, and said, ‘By hook or by crook, they've sent us the wrong birds! These are Birmingham Rollers, not carrier pigeons.'

And he went into the office to phone for a
third
order of pigeons!

I really
really
wanted to point out that the Colonel had botched it all up
yet again
. But it was all so much fun. I just couldn't do it.

We spent the rest of the afternoon tumbling all over the playground. Grace rolled into Sam's compost heap and lost her headband among the rotting fruit and worms. Harry somersaulted through some wattle bushes and lost his shorts.

The senior boys had a tumbling race along the length of the soccer field. They were so dizzy when they finished that Jack staggered into Tom and accidentally bit his forehead. Davo wobbled into the soccer goal and split his head open. Ben fell over on top of Wes and winded him. Gabby was beside herself with joy as she ran around treating students for shock, cuts and tummy ache from laughing so much.

Nick Farrel can tumble so fast when he somersaults backwards that everyone has started calling him Rolly Farrel. Mr Cluff has always said that each of us has something we can be brilliant at. Nick has found his strength at last. His parents must be very proud of him.

Tuesday, 29 May

The Bake Tribulation
will be out again on Friday. Banjo was so moved by yesterday's events that he has written a
second
poem for this edition:

Nice!

Mat is determined to create the most astonishing romance
ever
for the next paper and spent the whole day writing. She wouldn't even come outside when Flipper and Nick had a rolling race, and it
really
was impressive.