Redemption (Iris Series) (10 page)

“No,” she choked out a laugh and playfully swatted at him.  “They’re usually much more exciting than that, I assure you.  But that might be the first kiss I’ve given a guy as a thank you for saying some of the nicest things in the world to me.”

He was still holding her face and now his gaze skittered down to her mouth.  He rubbed it with his thumb and she cuddled her face into his palm.  She wanted him so badly.

“Thank you for being so, I don’t know, so sweet to me, Jon,” she whispered.

“I wasn’t being sweet, Ayanna,” he murmured.  “I was being honest.  You really do have a lot in your life to be proud of.”

“Thank you.  And I’m sorry I kissed you.”

He looked up at her, with heat in his eyes.  “Are you?”

She wasn’t, so she went with honesty.  “No.  I’m not sorry I kissed you.  But I
am
sorry for taking advantage.  I really do want to make it 40 days,” she whispered.

“Well, I didn’t feel taken advantage of in the least,” he scoffed, acting insulted.  “And I would hope that when you
do
take advantage of a man, there’s at least a little tongue.  Now, I’m gonna be questioning what it is about me that didn’t merit at least that much,” he huffed.

“Stop playin’ around.  You know that I
—” she paused.  “Just stop playing,” she stammered.

He
must
know she wanted him, otherwise he was just plain stupid.  Although, maybe he didn’t know.  She hadn’t come on to him since that first night.  Did he think she’d only made a move on him because she just wanted to fuck around? 

Well, that
was
the reason at first. 

But now, she wanted him inside her for a whole slew of other reasons.  She genuinely liked him,
and
his sense of humor, and his personality, and his friendship, and his sweetness, and his phenomenally sexy body that had kept her wet and gasping for the past three nights,
and
his....   

Her thoughts were interrupted as a light bulb went off in her head.

She was at that very moment having the first epiphany on her journey of self-reflection:  He didn’t want to be wanted for a quick lay.  He’d made that clear through several conversations since the beginning. 

He wanted someone to want
him
, just like she wanted a man to want
her. 
Not just for the sex, but for all of it.

Huh.  Okay.  Day 27 was shaping up to be a good day.

He was still holding her face and said, “Wow, what are you thinking?  Your face just went from sad, to angry,
to resolved and understanding in like five seconds.”

She gently pulled out of his grasp.  “I’ve just had my first realization on my self-reflection journey.  I want to remember this day.  Day 27 is a good day.”

“What have you realized?”  He settled back into the seat.

“I don’t know why this truth is all of the sudden hitting me, because it seems so logical that I should’ve already known it.  But
I’m thinking that everyone, both men and women, want to be wanted for who they are.  You know,” she turned to him, “we’re in a society where it’s almost normal to have friends with benefits, fuck buddies, especially in our age bracket.  But really?  Maybe everyone wants to be seen as special.  If a person wants a relationship with someone, then I think they want to be wanted for who they really are deep down inside, dirty laundry and all.  And I think the epiphany came when I realized that if I want a man
to want me for me
,
then that means I need to return the same respect to
men
, right?  Because how can I expect a guy to respect me, when I’m not respecting myself or him by just fucking around with losers?”  She swallowed and looked away.  “I want a man to believe I’m worthy of his love.  And I can’t do that unless I believe the same thing about him.  I’ve so not been doing that.” 

She blinked
, then looked up at him.  “I don’t want to sleep around anymore,” she said with a shocked look.  She looked down and said, “Wow.”

He touched her chin to get her attention and with a light smile hovering around his lips, he raised his hand and gave her a high five.

“I’d say by Day 40, you’ll be ready to host Dr. Phil.”

Jonathan and Ayanna arrived at his friend’s house shortly before 11am.  The friend had left the key to his truck with his doorman and once they retrieved it, they were off to IKEA.  Jonathan had arranged to take the truck back the next morning and then return home via the subway after dropping it off.  Ayanna had offered to do it, but he insisted.

“You have your meeting with Janie tomorrow then you’ll have to go to work, so I’ll take care of it.  This is another one of those things that guy friends do
.”

As they bounced along, Ayanna was feeling really good.  Fantastic, actually. 

She was hanging out with a guy. 

A good, sexy, gorgeous guy. 

Who she wasn’t having sex with. 

Amazing.

They arrived at the IKEA a short time later and made their way through the maze of the cavernous warehouse that housed all of the displays.  She found the sofa and chair set she liked, shopped for some kitchen items, and then they headed down to the pickup area where Jonathan went out to get the truck.

She should make him a meal as a thank you for this, too, she thought.  He was being stellar.  They hadn’t talked much since her epiphany, mainly because they were trying to maneuver through traffic, the parking garage, and then the warehouse.  Now that she had a moment to think, she really wanted to thank him for his help.  She’d offer to buy him some lunch.

She stood at the counter with her ticket and they eventually brought down the furniture.  The furniture, along with a couple of bags of smaller purchases, sat there waiting for Jonathan, and she hoped like hell it would all fit in the truck.

Jonathan arrived moments later and looked at everything. 

“Do you think it’ll fit?” she asked, a little concerned.

“Oh, yeah.  We got this.”

They began the slow and hilarious process of trying to lift everything into the truck.  

Jonathan was pretty much able to get the chair in the truck by himself.  It was the sofa that had her in a fit of giggles.  She was inside the bed of the truck, while he was on the ground lifting it in.  And every time she lifted her side of the sofa and walked backwards, she’d start to lose traction.  She should’ve worn sneakers instead of her flip flops.  Every time she lost her balance, she’d start cracking up.

She’d look at him, his face red from exertion, and she’d lose it.

“
Ayanna
.  Would you pay attention?” he grunted with humor in his voice
. 

She couldn’t help it.  She giggled, he started laughing, and then he practically dropped his end of the sofa.

“
I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you when this is over,” he said without any
heat, but with a good amount of exasperation.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped in between fits of laughter.  “Okay,” she said, mentally shaking herself.  “I can do this...just...come on.  You said we got this!”

“We do, if you’d fucking stop laughing, pain in the ass,” he muttered with a smirk, letting the end of the sofa rest on his thigh, while he wiped the sweat off his forehead that had built
up
in the summer heat.

“Okay.  Come on, let’s go.  I’m ready.  One, two, three!”

He lifted and pushed forward with his end, while she lifted and backed up.  Just as the sofa made it onto the truck, she realized she needed to get out of the way or she’d be stuck between the end of the sofa and the front of the truck bed.

She shimmied her way around the end and squeezed herself against the chair, trying to figure out how to wind her way out of the back of the truck.

“Come here,” he said.  Jonathan was standing on the side of the truck with his arms up.  “I’ll just get you out over here.  It’ll be easier than trying to climb over everything.”

She sighed quietly.  She wanted this man’s arms around her badly and she was going to take it any way she could get it.

She sat on the side of the truck bed and carefully swung her legs over so he could lift her out.  Enveloped in his arms around her waist in his arms, she wrapped her own around his neck, bringing their faces close together, then slid down his body to the ground.  He smelled like aftershave and soap.

She wanted to swallow him whole.

He was looking at her with that inscrutable look again that she couldn’t figure out and when she was safely on the ground, he tweaked her nose and smiled. 

“You ready to get out of here?” he said quietly.

The tweak reminded her of something
a
brother would do and she did
n’t
think of Jonathan like a brother
.
She
sighed and nodded.  “Let’s go.”

They got in the truck and began the trek home to the apartment complex.

“This’ll all fit in the service elevator?”

“Yeah, no worries.  I already made a call before we left to make sure we could use a dolly when we get back.”

“When did you do that?”

“When I was getting the truck from the parking lot.”

“I guess it helps to know people in high places,” she murmured.  “Thanks for doing that,” she smiled at him.  Then, “Are you hungry?  Because I’m starving and I could really go for some Pad Thai.”

“Lead the way.”

“It’s right by the apartment.”  She paused.  “Remember a week or so after I met you, I came into the lobby with takeout food and you and Ryann were getting your mail?  The restaurant we’re going to is where I got the takeout.”

Then she got a twinkle in her eye, her voice taking on an innocent quality.  “I think that was when you, me, and Ryann were all in the elevator, and I asked if you and your girlfriend wanted to join us for dinner, and you owned up to the fact that Emily wasn’t your girlfriend, but your cousin.”  She looked at him sweetly.

“I remember it,” he smirked.  “That was when I found out you’d been to Paris.  You were so polite in the elevator I thought a body snatcher had taken over your body.”

“I’m always polite, and I was turning over a new leaf,” she said smartly.  “And you could’ve told me when I was first introduced to
Emily outside the apartment
building
that she was your cousin, you know.”

“I know,” he said, giving her a side glance.

She turned toward him in her seat.  “Why did you let me think she was your girlfriend?”

“To get under your skin,” he muttered.

She examined him.  “Why did you want to get under my skin?”  She began to smile.

He hesitat
ed then said, “You were so sure of yourself the night before when I’d met you.  It was my way of putting you in your place or something, which I realize now after I say it, sounds kinda dickish.”  He cleared his throat.

“Well, it did what you intended then.  That night I saw you with Em was the night Ryann and I were coming back from drinks
.”

“I remember.”

“That was the night she and I first talked about my approach with men.  Seeing you help Emily out of the cab with her suitcases, thinking you were dating her?  Well if you wanted me to feel put in my place, you succeeded.  I was embarrassed for coming onto you, thinking you had a
girlfriend.  It was the perfect ending to an already shitty night of realizations,” she said dryly.  She shifted and faced forward in the truck.

She could feel him looking at her, then felt his hand reach over and take hers.  “Sorry,” he said quietly.  “I was just being a jerk.”  Then he took a breath and said in an amused tone, “Or you could thank me for spurring you into action and turning over your new leaf.  I should get a little credit for that.”

His hand was still in hers and she had the overwhelming urge to lift it to her mouth and suck on the fleshy part at the base of his thumb, just capture it between her teeth and nibble.

So instead, she removed her hand from his and snorted, “Like that’s gonna happen.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to be on this self-reflection kick?  It sucks.”

He chuckled.  “But think of how much better of a person you’ll be on Day 41.”

“Uh, huh.  Says the man who hasn’t given up sex for 40 days.”

He didn’t come back with a retort and was in fact quiet after that comment.  She wondered when he’d last had sex and with whom.  Was he currently having sex with anyone?

She looked over at him and his jaw looked tight, but instead of saying anything, she allowed him his silence as he wound his way through
traffic.

……

After 15 minutes of driving, Ayanna directed him to the Thai restaurant where they grabbed some takeout.  She treated, even though he balked.  But she wouldn’t let him take no for
an answer after all he’d done for her that day.