Redemption (Iris Series) (5 page)

“I didn’t say that you were a slut, for fuck’s sake.  I don’t think of you that way at all,” he said, exasperated.

He was getting worked up, so she cocked her head and gave him a ‘come on’ look.

“I
don’t.  Shit.  I can’t even apologize to you in the right way.”  He ran his hand through his hair again.

She took pity on him.  “Your apology is accepted.  And you really are safe from me, you know.”  She hesitated.  “Emily didn’t happen to mention anything about me when she was visiting?”

“Like?”  He cocked an eyebrow.

“Never mind,” she muttered, waving her hand as if to wipe the comment from his memory.

“Now you have me intrigued.”  He waited.  “Come on.  Start talking.”

She took a huge breath and let it out.  Here goes.  “I’ve given up sex.”

There was a long pause.  He just blinked.  Then, “Excuse me?”

She chuckled.  “I said, I’ve given up sex.”

“Umm,” he looked disconcerted. “Like, forever?”

Her smile got even more mischievous.  “I’ve decided to become a nun.”

It was his turn to give her the ‘come on’ look.

She let out a bark of laughter and continued.  “You don’t think I could be a nun?”

“Well, except for the poverty, chastity, and obedience thing, you might do just fine.”

Her eyes were twinkling.  “I could probably handle the poverty thing, having lived hand to mouth my entire adult life, but the obedience thing would be a deal breaker.  And the chastity thing.”  She muttered, “Yeah, this chastity thing is definitely not easy.”

“Explain what the hell you’re talking about, please.”  He was pinching the bridge of his nose.

She took a deep breath and began her explanation matter of factly.  “Ryann and I have been best friends since we were 10.  She knows me better than anyone in the world.  So, lately we’ve had a few talks and I’ve been reflecting a bit. 
And
,” she took a deep breath, “I’ve decided to take a break from sexual activities, shall we say, so that I can focus on myself for a while, figure out who I am, and what I want out of a meaningful relationship.  The ‘no sex’ thing will help me do that.”  

She couldn’t quite tell what he was thinking.  His only response was to reach for his wine and drain the glass. 

She chuckled.  This was going to be fun.  “So, you see?  You really
are
safe from my sluttiness.”

He scratched his head.  “What brought this decision on?”

She decided to go with honesty.  “You, actually.”

“Well, you really know how to stroke a guy’s ego, Yan.”

She did a slight double take.  That was the first time he’d called her by the nickname.  Warmth spread through her and she smiled wickedly, enjoying their banter.

“I haven’t given up sex because you turned me
off of it.  I’ve given up sex because your reaction to me, or lack thereof, caused me to pause and think through my approach.  And how I come across to men.”

“Explain.”

“You’re not anything like the men I usually go after.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“The first night we met, I made my interest known.  I usually don’t hit on guys like you.”

“So why did you?”

She hesitated then said, “You were different.”

“In what way?”

“You’re a good guy.”

“Do you usually date criminals?” he asked dryly.

“Some of ’em probably were,” she muttered.  “As much as I hate to admit it, most of them were chosen to piss off my parents.  Men who are easily controlled, who don’t have a lot of goals, and are around only for a good time.  Just short blips on the radar.”

“I would think any daughter who brought home guys like that would piss off her parents.”

She nodded.  “Well it did.  And before that I found other ways to...make them aware of me.  I started young,” her eyes losing their spark as she recalled the many years she’d wasted trying to get her parents’ attention.

She could tell the conversation was headed in a direction that neither of them might be ready for.  Then he surprised her when he said seriously, “Do you want to talk?  I’m happy to listen, if you want to.”

She blinked and looked at him, a little stunned.  This is how she knew he was a good guy. 

“You might be the first man in my
life who has asked me if I want to
talk
. And isn’t that a telling statement,” she muttered.  “Hence, the reason for this little experiment.”  She twirled her finger around the rim of her wine glass.  “I’m not going to bore you with all of the details, but suffice it to say my parents let me know early on that they had certain expectations of me, and I wasn’t living up to who they wanted me to be. Mainly, I wasn’t focusing my energies in the career direction they felt was acceptable.  What I wanted and what my passions were didn’t matter.  So as a result, I kinda spent my childhood doing whatever I could to piss them off, and then as I got older I pissed them off in other ways.”  She was remembering right before her eleventh birthday, when she had first told them what she wanted to do in life.

“How old were you when you first realized they wanted you to be something you weren’t?”

She stopped when she heard how he had worded the question, and was taken aback by his intuitiveness. 

“I was 10.”

“That’s a lot of pressure for parents to put on a 10 year old kid,” he said after a moment.

She sat there quietly, looking wistfully at him.  “Yeah.  It is.”

“What did you want to be when you grew up?” he asked quietly.

“I wanted to be a chef, or a writer.  Maybe a food critic so I could combine the two passions I had.  I loved both.”

“And now you do both, from what I understand.  You cook and you write a blog.”

“I do what I love.  That’s all I wanted.  They just don’t understand.  My dad’s a doctor, my mom’s a lawyer. I have one younger brother who’s studying to be a dentist, which is
barely good enough for them.  Not to mention he’s gay.  I adore him.  And even though he hasn’t come out to them yet, I just know that little nugget of truth will put them over the edge.  Ridiculous,” she muttered.  She stopped her train of thought and shook her head.  “At least he went into the medical field which gave him some points, but I’ve been a horrible disappointment to them.”  Not wanting to have a pity party in front of him, she changed the subject.  “How about you?  What did you want to be when you grew up?”

He watched her for a moment, then finally answered her question.  “I’ve always been great with numbers, so I knew it would be something where I could figure stuff out, work out equations, things like that.”

“Ryann told me you used to work on Wall Street.  You know, where all the rich people work.”  She punctuated the statement with a gleam in her eye and a smile touching her full lips.

It was his turn to cock his head and examine her.  “Yup.  That’s me.  Mr. Money-bags.”

“What made you leave Wall Street to be a teacher?”

The windows to his soul seemed to shut a little and she could tell she wasn’t going to get a fully honest answer.

“I thought it would be good for kids to learn how to manage their money early on.”

“I wish I had someone teaching me all that stuff.  I kind of learned it on my own through trial and error.”

“How did things progress with your parents?  Did you go to school?  Did they help out?”

She smiled softly.  “No.  There was no help from Mommy and Daddy.  Actually, I got a scholarship to NYU for writing.  I got a bachelor’s there, and during that time, my extracurricular activities focused on working for restaurants, learning the ins and outs of the culinary business.  I started writing my food blog, getting my feet wet.  Eventually, I saved enough money to go to Europe to study in Paris
—”

“Le Cordon Bleu.  I remember.”

“Yeah,” she was touched he had remembered a very short conversation on the elevator weeks back when Ryann had told him that bit of information.  “It was an incredible, life changing experience.  It was right after that when Ryann’s husband died.”  Ayanna got pensive for a moment.  She couldn’t seem to think about one experience without linking it with the other.  She had just gotten home from her final semester of studying abroad, and he had died only a few weeks later in January.  “I don’t wish that experience on my worst enemy.  I never want to see her go through that kind of pain again.”

“No one would wish that on anyone.  Ryann’s an incredibly strong woman.”

“The strongest one I know,” Ayanna said in a low voice.  “I admire her more than I could possibly put into words.”

“She thinks the world of you, too.”  He was steadily watching her.

Ayanna looked at him, a tender look on her face.  “She’s my bestie, no doubt.  She sees the good in me more than anyone.  It amazes me how unconditional her love is for me.” 
So unlike my parents
, the thought popped in, and she could feel her eyes prick with tears.

Shit.  What the fuck was she talking to him about this stuff for?  She would be a bawling mess if she didn’t redirect this conversation.  Mentally shaking herself, she shifted against the wall and changed the subject.

“Did you know that Janie Callahan was in Paris studying cooking the year before me?  We found that out at the barbeque.”

He looked a little thrown at the abrupt change in conversation, but then caught up.

“No, I hadn’t heard that.  That must’ve been a cool realization when you both discovered it.”

“Yeah, it was.  We’re actually thinking of doing something together.  Business wise, I mean.  We’re gonna hook up sometime this Saturday to brainstorm.”  Ayanna’s thoughts moved again.  “Did Emily tell you about dinner next Monday?”

“Yup.  I’ll be there.”

Ayanna tried not to beam, but she was seriously happy he was going.

“I actually think I’m gonna go to the self-defense class beforehand, too,” he said, surprising her.  “Hang out and watch.”

Ayanna’s eyebrow shot up.  “Really?  You wanna watch all of us girls learn how to kick some ass?”

His lips formed into a droll smile. “I know. Ick. Who would wanna watch that?  A bunch of hot and sweaty chicks in workout gear and sports bras, wrestling with each other on a mat.”

“Well, well,” Ayanna snickered.  “It looks like Johnny Be Good isn’t so ‘good’ after all.”

“Hey, that’s
your
nickname for me, not mine.”

She could feel the arousal hit her.  Johnny Be Good had a bad side?  “What would your nickname be for yourself if you could pick it?”

“Well, now that you’ve established that we’re only going to be friends, Yan, and you won’t be blessing me with your sexual advances anymore, I don’t know if I should tell you.”  His eyes glittered.  “You might not be able to handle it.”

She squirmed, feeling the sexual tension slam into her like a two by four, but played it cool again like she had before.  “Ooh.  Now
I’m
intrigued.”

He watched her squirm, then straightened his leg and leaned forward.  “This is gonna be fun,” he breathed, his mouth kicking up into a semblance of a smile, his gaze lasering into her.  “Knowing I can say whatever I want, get you all flustered and you’re not going to be able to exact any sexual revenge.”

She was definitely turned on and she was pretty sure he knew it.  He, however, looked completely unaffected, having fun at her expense.

“A girl doesn’t have to use sex as revenge, you know.  But give it your best shot, champ.  Fluster me all you want.  I always have B.O.B. to help me out.”

His brow crinkled.  “Who’s Bob?”

Her eyes sparkled.  “Wouldn’t you like to know
?”  She waited a moment to see if he would figure it out.  She could tell when he did, because he swallowed and folded his hands in his lap.

“You have one of those things?”  His eyes were like lasers.

“Doesn’t every woman have one?” she asked amused.

“Do they?”  He eyes bore into her. 

“Oh, it looks like we’re back to ‘Johnny Be
Good
’ again.”  She liked toying with him.  “Any bad boy would know most women have a battery operated boyfriend.”

“I’m a goody goody because I don’t know that most women have vibrators?”  Then he nailed her with his gaze.  “Yan, trust me.  The women I’ve been with haven’t
needed vibrators.”  He paused again and gave her another pointed look, allowing that comment to sink in.  “How sad that you would need one,” he tsked.  “Maybe it
is
good to take a break from these men if they’ve been leaving you so unsatisfied,” he said, needling her.

She took a moment to compose herself and to get her raging hormones in check.  This man made her so horny.  How long did she say she was going to go without sex?  Could she even make the next two weeks with this man as her neighbor?  She sensed she and B.O.B. were going to be getting to know each other on a whole new level in the coming weeks.

However, Ayanna wasn’t about to allow Johnny Be Good to have the upper hand.