Redemption (Iris Series) (2 page)

And as if being hot as hell wasn’t enough, he had brought pizza.  Why the hell hadn’t Ryann introduced her to him before this?! 

Dee. Lish.

Ayanna preened while appreciating the lean and muscular six foot, one inch frame of the handsome man.  She guessed his age to be around 30.  With close cut, but thick sandy colored hair, blue eyes and stylish glasses, he was dressed in brown pants and a smart red and white checked button down shirt with the shirt sleeves rolled up.  He kind of had the studious
Ryan Gosling thing going for him.  And even though he was dressed conservatively, anyone could tell the man was in great shape.

In his hands was a pizza box, smelling divine.  It didn’t matter that she had studied at the famous Le Cordon Bleu culinary school in Paris.  Pizza was still her favorite meal in the world and she was convinced it was the best food to ever be invented.

The two of them were introduced and acknowledged each other by shaking hands.  Then he stepped away and completely ignored her. 

When they were about to dig into the pizza, Ryann went into the kitchen to get plates and glasses, while Ayanna sauntered over to make her move.  She was wearing black yoga pants, an ‘off the shoulder’ blue t-shirt, and was barefoot with her hair in a messy topknot.

Not hiding her attraction, she purred, “So, I can’t believe we haven’t met before now.  Two of Ryann’s closest friends, both single...” She let her voice trail off in a husky tone, flashing him a sexy smile.  It was obvious to any man who had a heart pumping that she was after him.

Jonathan’s eyes heated and he gave her a thorough once over with his eyes.  Ayanna felt the familiar current of arousal and feminine power curl through her
.

He stepped closer to her and leaned forward.  “You certainly don’t waste any time, do you?”  He cocked his head.

“Not when I see something I like,” she said, her voice husky.

“Sweetheart, I’d venture to say you don’t even
know what you like.  But maybe you don’t even care.  Which is a shame.  Is this your modus operandi, Ayanna?” he said, looking amused, almost condescending, rather than interested.

Ayanna flushed at his accurate and pointed question, just as Ryann re-entered the room.

Ryann noted the tense atmosphere, but Ayanna breezily made it through the next few minutes while Jonathan paid her no mind.  A few moments later, when Jeremy surprised Ryann with an unexpected arrival, both Jonathan and Ayanna decided to make their exit.

Walking out together, Ayanna stopped Jonathan in the hallway before he could get away.

“Was it something I said?” she asked in a charming and humorous tone.  “I get the feeling you don’t like me very much.”

He looked amused again and leaned against the wall, his hands in his pockets.  “I don’t
like or dislike you.  I don’t even know you,” he said, giving her a pointed look. 

She was taken aback by his assessment, but she held strong.  “Well, we can change that.”  She let the statement hang in the air, her gazed burning into him with promise.  “Don’t you live in this place?  We could always take a few minutes to see where things go,” she murmured, a smile touching her lips.

He narrowed his eyes and scrutinized her with that damned amused look again.  “This is how you normally go at it?  The first guy you see, you decide to fuck him?  Just like that?”

She swallowed down the shame that was usually close to the surface.  She was normally successful at squelching it quickly, but there was no doubt in her mind. 

He thought she was a slut.

“If you’re not interested, champ, just say so,” she said cool as a cucumber, as if his comment didn’t slice right through her.  He, no doubt, would be surprised to find out that she
didn’t fuck men at random.  She just had a naturally flirtatious way about her.  She liked hooking men in.  Especially ones that wouldn’t be around long. 

But with Jonathan, keeping him around longer than normal wouldn’t have bothered her one bit.  First, she’d have to show him she wasn’t what he
thought she was. 

He looked at her long and hard, then tightened his jaw and said, “I’m familiar with your type, Ayanna.  You like to play the field, but rarely take the time to see what’s really going on around you.  He paused.  “So, thanks for the offer heartbreaker, but I’m not interested.” 

He pushed off the wall and smirked, making her feel like one of his annoying teenage students, then turned toward the elevators.  “See ya around.”

……

Ayanna flushed as she remembered the scene.  It was the first time in her life a man had rejected her.  Well, not counting her father.

The thing that had pissed her off the most was that she had all the right parts to attract a man, and worked hard at keeping her
five foot, six inch frame sleek and fit.  Her Sri Lankan and Indian heritage gave her latte colored skin and exotic light brown eyes.  Good genes gave her a naturally lean build, great boobs, full lips, and flawless skin.  Her midnight black hair was cut in long layers that spilled down her back. 

She
knew she looked good.  Men had told her so her whole life.  That was how she liked it.  She’d been around the block and she knew her way around a man.

Except for this one.

She shook herself.  He wasn’t interested.  Fine.  She would deal.  The problem was her mind kept going back to him.  He was different than any man she’d ever hit on.  In every way. 

He wasn’t easily controlled.  He wasn’t an underachiever, or a boy in a man’s body.  He had goals.  He had a job, for crying out loud.  Jonathan was the complete
antithesis of her usual cast of characters.  One of those rare good ones.  Hence the nickname.

Ayanna stood in her living room in the midst of the boxes.  She continued her trip down memory lane as she remembered the night after that first encounter.  She and Ryann had gone out for drinks, and for the first time in their relationship, they had discussed the reasons for Ayanna’s choices in men and her flirty flamboyant ways.  Ryann gave her her own psychological observation in a way only best friends could. 

The conversation had started with Ayanna wistfully asking why the “good” guys were so hard to snag.  Ryann had mused aloud the theory that Ayanna had perhaps started her particular dating patterns so early in life simply to gain the attention of her parents, and to fill the void they had left when they hadn’t offered her the unconditional love she so deserved and needed as a child.  She also thought Ayanna chose men that purposely pissed off her parents.

The observation had made Ayanna pause, and had also made her angry...mostly with herself for making such damaging choices and not realizing it before then.  It was indeed a jagged pill of truth to swallow, but she began to think Ryann might be on to something.  After all, Ayanna was a beautiful, bright accomplished woman.  Why did she always pick such losers to date?  Did she think she wasn’t worthy of better?

And that was the crux of it.  That last question had been the one she didn’t want to ruminate on too closely.  Too painful.

That night at the end of the evening, Ryann and Ayanna had been walking back toward the apartment complex and had spotted Jonathan outside the entrance helping a cute blonde out of a cab with a couple of suitcases. 

That led to Ayanna’s second encounter with the man.

Ayanna would never have made a play for him had she known he was taken.  When they arrived at the entrance, they were introduced to the woman from the cab.  Ayanna had turned to Jonathan right after and commented that she didn’t realize he had been seeing anyone.

Without acknowledging her remark, he had simply looked at her then began making small talk with the group.  Ayanna, however, had had enough humiliation for one night.  She politely said goodbye and got in the very cab that had dropped the woman off, feeling dejected and depressed.  Ryann had texted her moments later informing her that the cute blonde was his cousin who had just moved into town.  She apparently was staying with him for a bit until she found a place of her own.

That little nugget of information had pissed her off.  It had hurt that he didn’t come clean. 

And she hated it. 

Coming to grips with the fact that a man she actually wanted probably didn’t want
her
because he thought she was slutty, bothered her more than she realized it would.  And she wasn’t.  Slutty, that is.  She just dated losers.  And there had been quite a few of them.  But if she was going to be deeply honest with herself, she
wanted
a good man.  A man with whom she could share her life, her passions. 

Her heart.

And she wanted to be worthy of him, and he of her.  

Ayanna realized then and there she needed to think a lot of things through. If she wanted a good guy, she would need to start analyzing some things about herself, not the least of which was her approach. 

Jonathan’s denial began the long and agonizing sojourn of self-reflection, ultimately leading to the self-imposed Lenten journey of her 40 day fast from the pleasures of the flesh.  It began forcing her to focus her mind on herself during this sacrificial time. 

And it was definitely a sacrifice, as she imagined Christians for a millennia could attest.  She’d spent the last 23 days thinking of only herself for once, in a good way. She’d started looking at her motivations, her desires, and her reasons for acting the way she did.  Even though Day 41 would mean she would finally be able to have sex again, she was determined to only do it when she found the right guy.  She wanted to feel worthy of him, because she wasn’t sure if she deserved better than what she had been giving herself. 

She wanted a man to actually know her; like her for her
. 

So she needed to change her approach, and figure out a way to be herself but not so ‘in your face’ flirty that she appeared promiscuous.  She definitely had her work cut out for her.  Reprogramming over 15 years of unhealthy behavior wasn’t easy, but she was determined. 

No stranger to hard work, she had single handedly put herself through college by earning scholarships.  Now a successful food blogger and talented cook, she currently worked at a popular restaurant in Manhattan as a sous chef.  She was happy.  She had part of her career on the right track.  Now she just needed to get her personal life straightened out, and the sooner she got started, the better.

She dug her elbows deep into the next box.  It was the memory of her most recent encounter with Jonathan that had her almost throwing things across the room from the newspaper wrapping as she was unpacking.  She huffed with frustration as she remembered it from a month earlier.

About four weeks back, she had seriously wanted to kick his ass, and coincidentally it was the same day Ryann had been shot.  The two incidents were the impetus that pushed her into making her decision to write off sex for a while. 

It was at Jeremy and Ryann’s 4th of July barbeque at their brownstone in the West Village.  Knowing Jonathan was going to be there, she’d chosen her outfit carefully, wanting to show the beginning of the new Ayanna:  a sexy but tasteful pair of white shorts, a fitted sleeveless top, and red wedge sandals to show off her long
shapely legs. 

She was surprised and thrilled when Jonathan had approached her.  They’d started a polite conversation in an uninhabited corner, but the talk quickly digressed into a frustrating argument about society and why people act the way they do, with her calling him a hypocritical, judgmental asshole, and him actually accusing her of dressing the way she did so men would only look at her body. 

He had actually implied that she didn’t care that men only saw her as a piece of meat.  Well, he didn’t
say
that, but she was sure that was what he meant.

Bastard. 

They’d gotten into a heated argument, with her calling him every name in the book, and the altercation ending with Ryann trying to diffuse the situation by calling Jon out on his comment about Ayanna’s clothes.  He had looked uncomfortable, muttered something under his breath, and stomped away.

Condescending, patronizing jerk. 

It was a nice outfit, too.  She could’ve dressed a whole lot more provocatively, but she was trying to turn over a new leaf, for cryin’ out loud.  God, he had acted just like her father.

Hypocritical, conceited jackass.

She was still smarting from the encounter.  Ryann thought there might be a story there, and was sure he was sorry for what he’d said to Ayanna.  Ryann’s theory was that he found her attractive but didn’t want to act on it for some reason. 

Either way, he’d never apologized even though he had ample opportunity to do so. 
Just the week before she had seen him when a bunch of friends had stopped by the brownstone to check on Ryann after her bout in the hospital.  Jonathan had been there and had watched her intently from across the room, but had never once approached her.

Well, fine then.  She didn’t give a flying fuck anymore.  She just needed to stay away from him. 

Glad she was taking a break from sex since her ‘Come to Jesus’ talk with Ryann, she’d been taking the time to truly evaluate who she was, check her motivations, and think through what she really wanted.  Her first discovery?  Self-reflection
was
a bitch.