Rejoice (35 page)

“Really?” Ashley’s eyes were back on the envelope. “That’s great, buddy. Tell me when you’re done so I can check it.”

She went into the kitchen and set the rest of the mail on a desk by the telephone. She stared at the thick envelope, slipped her thumb beneath the flap, and pulled out the stapled document.

Next to her name, the top sheet read “Lab Results.”

Ashley had no reason to feel nervous or strange about the results. She already knew she was HIV-positive; it was only a matter of how her blood was holding up under the compromise of HIV, and whether any sort of progression toward full-blown AIDS could be seen.

Her eyes darted over the page, anxious for the summary lines, the places where any untrained person could make sense of the numbers and calculations. Then, at the bottom of the first sheet she saw it. A simple few lines with only a few words that made Ashley’s heart skitter into a strange and unrecognizable beat.

She sucked in a quick breath and blinked hard.

It was impossible; she couldn’t believe it, wouldn’t believe it. Someone had to have made a mistake.

Her head began to spin, and she gripped the counter to keep from falling to the floor. She had to find Landon, had to tell him.

“Mommy . . . I’m all done!” Cole’s singsong voice called out to her from the adjacent room. “Come check.”

“Okay.” Ashley’s face was hot and tingling, the way she felt when she got too close to a campfire. “Just a minute.” She pressed her hands against her cheeks and jerked back. Her fingers were freezing. She found the results line again. They couldn’t be right, could they?

A chill made its way from the back of her head, down her spine, and into her feet.
God, is it true? Is it really true?
Then one last time she studied the lab results and began to imagine that maybe—just maybe—they were right. It wasn’t possible, but still  . . . what if? What if she’d come this far, given up so much, only to find out this? She wasn’t sure whether to scream or shout or break down on the floor and cry.

But she was sure of one thing.

If the results were accurate, from this moment on, her life would never be the same again.