Religious Love (3 page)

             
“Let me get your jacket,” He said as he took off my coat and hung it in the closet.

              He sat the roses in a vase and sat them on the kitchen table centered between two burning candles.

              He pulled out a chair. “Come sit.”

              I sat and allowed him to scoot me into the table. Harold went over to the stove, opened it and pulled out a silver platter. I just sat there looking; not knowing how to feel about his chivalry.

              He opened the drawer and pulled out a cream cloth napkin and laid it across my lap. He went to the refrigerator and pulled out an ice bucket filled with ice and a fine bottle of wine.

              He looked at me and we exchanged smiles. He took the cork, popped the top, opened and poured white wine into the crystal wine glasses that were trimmed in gold.

              He went and grabbed the platter and sat it before me.

              “Dinner is served.”

              Harold lifted the top to a beautiful presentation of food. It was fillet mignon, butterfly shrimp, steamed garlic potatoes and mashed potatoes. It looked awesome, and I was hoping that it tasted as good as it looked to me.

              “Look at you,” I grabbed the fork, said my grace, and we dived in.

              We shared good conversation as we ate supper. When we finished the least I could do was wash the dishes. When I got done we sat down and cuddled.

              “You are very beautiful.”

              “You are not bad yourself.” I replied.

              There was a strange moment of silence, that same feeling overwhelmed me like the day I washed his hair. The energy started to consume me this time; I was not able to resist the chemistry.

              He kissed me on my neck. I leaned it over to the left like a woman wanting to be slain by the seductive bite of a vampire. Those kisses became gentle sucks followed by aggressive bites. He passionately marked my neck with bruises of intimacy.

              The fact that I was a woman of God flew out of my mind. It didn’t dawn on me that the love necklace would sound off in church in the morning. Sin would be noticed by my church family.

              I could have got up; but I didn’t want to take the way of escape. I wanted to be captured in this moment; he knew it was time. He could tell by the way I didn’t resist his hands as they unbuttoned my blouse.

              His sweet breath touched my ears sensually as his lips met mine gently and passionately; it was at that moment I surrendered to his rhythm. My body quivered as I craved what was next; the feeling of being touched like a woman needed to be.

              One thing led to another; I was taken by his manhood. We laid up playing house all night long; never breaking the mood until daybreak. We woke up and had relations one long, final session. Something happened to me that made me ashamed of even taking it there with Harold.

              He went to the bathroom after our souls were naturally untied; then I got sick to my stomach even though the sex was good. I laid there weak, my body literally jerked, I felt the very presence of God leave my soul, and the seducing spirits, things I was delivered from entered right back into my gate.

              I threw up so much foam that it made my head hurt. Harold knew not what to say as he cleaned up my mess. I hurried, grabbed my clothes and ran like hell.

              “What have I done,” I faintly whispered all the way home.

              I ran upstairs quickly; trying to wash not only the sex but the sin off my naked body. When I got done showering my phone rang off the hook.

              I knew who it was but refused to answer Harold’s telephone call; I was ashamed of my actions with him.

***********

              I remember sheltering myself from everybody including the church. I tried my best to avoid Harold. I did well for the most part until he caught me slipping at the corner store. I tried to flee, but he left something on the inside of me that wanted more.

              “Dee you can’t run from me forever. “Harold said as he grabbed me gently by the wrist.

              “We need to talk; please stop avoiding me.”

              “I don’t think that we have anything to say.” I responded and pulled my wrist away from him and walked off trying to keep from crying because I had failed God.

              “Dee please just hear me out woman, I need to speak my peace.” Harold pleaded with me.

              I turned around. “What Harold?”

              “Okay for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for making you do something that you didn’t want to do. I knew that you were trying to be right with Jesus and I should have allowed you to do that in peace.” He grabbed my hand.

              “Harold I knew what I was doing, I can’t let you take the blame for what happened last month.” My eyes filled with tears that were seeking redemption and moral clarity.

              I wanted nothing more but to be married, loved in a way that I had never been.

              “We can’t continue to carry on in this situation because my all, belongs to God.”

              “If you want me to, I will go to church and we can do this together Dee. I really do care about you, don’t you see that. I would love to get to know you better and build a relationship with you.” He asked.

              “Harold honestly I don’t know what it is that you want from me.”

              “All I want is you,” He paused.

              “Look at me Dee.” He requested as he opened up himself to me and ran game.

              When I looked at Harold there was so much sincerity, but my emotional baggage fought his words.

              “Harold, I just can’t do this with you.” I walked away from him.

************

              After a month of his persistence, I gave in to the roses that were sent daily to my home. He was everywhere that I looked around; every time I gazed over my shoulder he was there.

              My friends all called him a stalker; my discernment said he was just a man on a pursuit of this woman.

              We started going to church for the most part on Sundays. We made an agreement not to have sex again until we both were committed and ready to take things further.

              Needless to say those bible studies turn into more sex. We stopped going to church and parts of the old me came back. The parts that he didn’t get to see before I became a new creature.

              I started back drinking and smoking weed; my mouth became untamable. He grew frustrated, and I became even more distant from him. The arguments started to become a daily ritual; we decided to take a break from each other.

              While we were on this break; I found him at the mall with his arms around another woman.
‘Thank you God’
was the forbidden truth for the rest of my days.

              Olivia fixed my make-up, “Girl it could not have been me. I would have turned Eastland mall out!”

              “Well when you’re used to being taken advantage of by men, which was the normal ending that I was accustomed to. It didn’t  matter how much I did my part. I took it as another loss in my losing streak,” I discussed briefly with my friend.

              “What happened next,” Olivia asked.

              “Girl I got mad at God. Then I went through this spiral of emotions. I may as well be single for life, just have friends and some occasional sex partners

I would still go to church. I was considered a backslider to my congregation. I was a backslider. I was real enough to step down, not get up and pretend behind the pulpit. It was an awakening; sinners will forever remain in this world until God destroys its very existence.

                                                      ************

              I was stuck, high as a kite in front of my television. The girls were with my grandmother. I was feeling horny and grew extremely exhausted from a daily habit; masturbation. I was wondering if Harold was doing the things with ole girl like we   once shared exclusively; until God left the building.

              I laughed at myself because the room was quiet. That’s the shit that high people do. I turned off my radio that was playing low and turned up the television.

              The room was still a little loopy; that was some good green. Little Debbie’s, Grypo’s and Dr. Pepper satisfied my munchies. I was hoping that something else would satisfy my sexual desires. I started to call Harold but chose to leave well enough alone.

              During the commercial break, Lava Live enticed me like my favorite piece of hard butterscotch candy. It wasn’t something funny to watch like before, it was darn right seductive. They picked the right bitch’s voice for that promo! It lured me into her beckoning for a sister to try the shit out.               Before I knew it; my profile was created. The first couple of times I would just listen to the other profiles to pass time. Then I decided to answer some of the responses in my message box.

              After a role in the hay with a couple of them and a few catfish; automatically off the rip, I clown them for the bad deceit. I stopped calling for a spell. I grew more frustrated due to a lack of some really good wood.

              Day’s went by and I decided to give the Lava Lounge one last try. I sat there again with boredom listening the random men solicit themselves for good company.

              I made it plain in my profile, I believed in telling the truth about what I looked like. I had some flaws that I wasn’t happy with about my body. I kept it all the way 100%.  As I got ready to delete my profile and throw this phase in the can, this voice caught my attention so I responded.

              We went back and forth on the site for about a couple of weeks. We didn’t participate on the chat-line very often so we played the waiting game. When I finally did get a response from him; I left my number in the in-box, deleted my account and hoped he’d call me.

              A week later Lee and I started talking on the phone for a while and came to terms that it was time for us to meet. I remember this day like it was yesterday. It changed my life; it would be the first and last time that I would see Lee for a long period.

              “Wait hold up,” Olivia interjected.

              “You’re my best friend, how come you did not tell me, that you and Lee met on the chat-line.” She called herself checking me.

              “Pump your breaks and break your rotors boo; all my business does not mean that you need to know every detail of my life,” I checked her back and we laughed.

              “Olivia if you don’t shut your mouth and let this child finish, telling us; we are going to have a problem!” Pearl said as she looked at me with so much love. She pointed the sterling silver antique brush at Olivia.

              “Okay Pearl, I won’t say another word. Go ahead Denien continue," Olivia said as she sat down on the couch crossed her legs. “I’m ready now.”

Chapter 6: Easter Sunday

              It was bright and early in the morning and I had gotten Ruby and Sapphire dressed for church as I waited for Lee’s arrival. I was nervous because I had nothing to go by but his voice and vague description of him.

              I got dressed in a silk turquoise two piece suit with a pair of matching silk pumps. My hair looked like Easter; fresh and crispy. You know me and mine had to be straight for the good ole fashioned show that people would showcase for the holy festivities.

              My phone had rung soon as I got done stepping through the midst of White Diamonds perfume.  It was Lee letting me know that he was about ten minutes away from my home.

              There was a knock on my door. I stood at the top of my stairs, “Come in.”

              I braced myself to see what my telephone man was working with, “Look at you!” I said as he trotted up the stairs.

              I must say, he was very handsome. I love dark-skinned brothers; even more so if that head was bald, and he had both it looked good on him. I was hoping that he felt the same way too; he was walking up the stairs mighty slow and somewhat precautious.

              He looked at me and kind of turned his head to the side, I grew weary because of my visible flaws; hair. And when I say hair; hair was all over my body.

              He got to the top of the stairs, I gave him a hug. He told me that I was cute. I told him; he was not bad himself and introduced him to Ruby and Sapphire. They shook hands; we headed to God’s House of Restoration. When we pulled up and got out of the car; my church family greeted him with the love of God.

              We went into the church, had service and enjoyed each other. Church was over with; we headed back to my crib where I introduced him to Tamika.

              Tamika was my best friend at the time. She was leery of Lee because of the saga between me and Harold. She didn’t want me to be hurt on this rebound romance. Lee was a good judge of character and he felt her feelings towards him.

              I prepared Sunday dinner, and we ate finger licking chicken, steamed green beans, fluffy mashed potatoes and buttery cornbread. The conversation was small and almost one worded after she asked him. Where did you find her at, how did you two meet?

              We didn’t discuss how we met with her. I gave her a look that told her to calm down, he is cool people. That- was-that, we left well enough alone. Hours lapsed, and it was time for evening service at my family’s church; Union Tabernacle, for the children’s Easter Program. Again it was another beautiful church service; those babies got down on them speeches, songs and poems. By nightfall, it was time for me and him to be able to spend our one on one.

              I called Tamika, asked if Ruby and Sapphire could stay the night at her house. She agreed. We got off the phone.

              The one thing about me is; I did my dirt. But my girls never saw a man leave my room in the morning. It was time for me and Lee to see if the check we wrote, talking smack over the phone for weeks; would either bounce or cash. It was time to see if this man, who was younger than I was accustomed too, could keep up with my Lamborghini of flesh. When he entered my car and took a test drive; I hoped he could match or put in some high interest with my high sex drive. 

              We got naked and silently lay in the bed. It was like one was waiting for the other to turn the fire on in the room. I was growing impatient because he was hung like a horse and I was ready to giddy-up on his beautiful piece of work.

              I can’t recall who started it, but I was glad that it was going down. This man knew how to work me slowly, even though it was a one night stand, the night seemed like a never-ending story. The streetlight lit my room like sunrays through my blinds as our bodies mimicked the sweetest glow of seduction.

              We tasted each other, felt each other and got it in with each other. I was shocked that he could keep up with me. Time stood still in the heat of our chemistry as we moved in slow motion until we fell asleep.

              I knew that it was too good to be true and that it would probably be the first and last time I would see Lee. We both were in something; that was the purpose of Lava-Life. I just enjoyed the time that we spent together. Though it was a one night stand it felt right.

              The next morning before he left, Lee looked at me with an intense demeanor on his face. He told me that I was beautiful to him. What he said next struck a chord deep down within me. It was almost a prophetic moment of truth. I had never told him anything about my past and neither did he.              

              He looked into my eyes and said, “Denien the world don’t owe you anything; anything that you want in this life. You have to get up and go get it, you hear me.”

              I looked him back into his eyes and prophesied,

“That business that you are working on, you shall be a millionaire.”

              He was taken back as he let me got, “How do you not know that I already am a millionaire?”

              I did not know but gifts and callings are without repentance. God knew what was up the road for Lee. I wasn’t and still not a person of conflict unless I get pushed to that point.

              It was so intense even though our one night stand started with God in the mix. We spent that whole Sunday at church in the presence of the Creator. I know now that God was putting the seal of approval on his pre-ordained union. What we did that night didn’t matter because I was already making love to my husband and didn’t even know it.

              “That’s deep.” Olivia said. “Mrs. Pearl I know you told me to be quit but damn, that’s deep.” Olivia took a drink of water as the bridal party agreed with her,” Keep going girl.”

              I looked him strongly in his eyes and received every last word with tears of conviction in mine. I know that the creator was using him. He drilled sternly in my head, that I could do anything that I put my mind to.

              The positive seed that he planted inside of my heart; I believed it.  For the first time, it clicked even though I heard it before.

              I looked at him again, in that same moment and spoke life, into his endeavors by telling him that his business would be successful. He will be a millionaire. He looked puzzled at what the Creator was speaking through me. He knew that I no real inclination of his personal business.

              When he walked out of the door; I asked God if I could have him. He responded to my spirit. “He is yours.”

              I didn’t know how or when; God did. I kept him at his word. Lee and I went our separate ways, lost contact, and I never saw each other again. The one thing that I did know, God was a man that could not tell a lie.