Reluctant Demon (7 page)

You fear sickness, and so you take care of your physical bodies and disease has no entry point. You fear being alone and so are careful to behave in a civilized way so that others like you will want to be where you are.

This is not fear. It is a guidance system that God put within you to warn you when you are too close to areas of danger. Misunderstanding the point altogether and disliking the feeling you call fear, you humans take immediate action to alleviate the feeling. The fear you disdain is your protection, but most of you are too simpleminded to know it.

Shall I tell you about fear? I know it very well. When we first fell from heaven, only two of our emotions were in working order: fear and hatred. Some had so much hatred that they knew no fear. I was so afraid I didn't have the nerve to hate anything. I didn't know if our other emotions would ever function again. I wondered if I would miss the other feelings I used to know. We had them all, you know: love, joy, sorrow, sympathy, gratitude—all of them, same as you.

I especially missed sorrow. You likely cannot imagine what I mean since humanity exhausts itself trying to avoid feeling badly about anything. But I sometimes think that if I could only feel grief again, it would lessen the fear. If I could have conjured up a good cry, I just knew I'd feel better.

If only I could weep or feel remorse, perhaps that would hold the escalating terror within me in check. If I could feel one bit of compassion for the devastation we brought upon Earth, then perhaps the ravages of fear that consume me could be contained.

Here is how we differ, you and me. When you are afraid, you respond to the thing that is making you afraid. You turn on the light, move away from the edge, and take your medicine, and the fear subsides. You may even feel better than you did before the fear came upon you. When you do something about your fear, you overcome it and become its master.

Now here's how fear is an enigma for humans. The more fear you deal with, the less fear you have. Fear responds to humans in the same way that the darkness responds to humans. It knows humanity is its master. Fear knows that God has made it subordinate to mankind and that it must obey. It is so obvious. I marvel that you people can't figure it out.

It is not so with us. There is no limit to our capacity for fear. W h e n we reach a new level of fear, that mark moves higher yet again. We can go deeper into fear, but we can never retreat from it. Do you wonder what we fear?

For the most part, we fear each other. We dare not break rank or our mutual destruction is assured. More than anything else, we fear Satan.

He's become much worse, you know. When we first fell, I really believe he was as confused as anyone else by what had happened. It took him some time before he realized our fallen condition was going to be eternal. As he processed that reality, his confusion lessened, and his hatred grew. His hatred is without repentance, and we worry his hatred will overcome his sense of survival, and if it did, he would unleash his wrath against us.

It is strange that we never feared God. Although His power was without limit, so much more so than Satan, He could have destroyed us with a glance, yet we never feared that He might do so. God's strength and omnipotence were never frightening to us. In fact, we were comforted by it because we knew He was our protector.

Not so with Satan. He would destroy us in a moment if it advanced his purpose the slightest bit. We know that. He doesn't do so because he needs us. He cannot carry out his horrible vengeance without us. Satan is not omnipresent, as God is. He cannot create, as God can.

If he destroys one of us, he has diminished his army, and his army is all he has.

Nonetheless, we know that if we fail him in our assignments, his rage will overtake his cunning, and he will destroy the one who failed him. We must be victorious in our assignments or be destroyed, and yet victory in our conquests does not relieve our fear in the least. Victory itself creates more fear in us, and of a far worse kind.

You probably think that when we were expelled from heaven, that was as bad as it could get for us. Perhaps you think we will be forever contained in a sort of spiritual limbo, occasionally interrupting the affairs of humans.

Oh, that it could be that way. But no, we have a future just as you have. A terrible, terrible day awaits us, far worse than anything we have experienced before. The more victorious Satan is, the worse the judgment that awaits us.

As I trudged back to the place where Satan had set his throne, I don't know which I feared the most. Was it what I had seen happening over the seas? Or was it the fact that I would be the one who had to tell him? I knew I must tell Satan what I had witnessed out there: Ruah Ha Kadosh hovering over the wasteland that had become Earth. Somehow or another, this would end up being my fault. I just knew it.

"Lord Satan," I stammered.

He didn't acknowledge me with words, just a glare that meant I was bothering him.

"I have a report," I continued. He interrupted me before I could finish my sentence.

"What? Don't lie," he snapped.

"There's a disturbance on Earth." I paused to check out how he took the first part. So far, so good. I tried to select my words carefully. "Now, I could be wrong about this, but I'm almost certain, well, not that certain, but as certain as one could be without getting any closer, which I didn't. It looks as if..."

He slapped me out of my
careful
mode right into
blurt-it-all-out
mode.

"Ruah Ha Kadosh is hovering over Earth. End of report," and I fell to my knees.

At least he didn't take the time to swing at me again or to blame me for something that was not my fault. He spun around and sped off for the edge of second heaven.

"No, no, no," he bellowed, sideswiping any demon along the way who made the mistake of getting in his path.

He came to such a sudden stop that he almost flipped right over and off the edge. "No!" he screamed into the vastness of space. "You cannot have it, God. It is mine. Earth is mine. Leave it alone."

As he railed against God, the darkness over the earth began to swirl and dissipate. Things moved quickly after that. The rest of the demons raced behind Satan and stood near the edge to see what was going on. It was thrilling and horrifying at the same time. Not since we fell from heaven had we heard the voice of God, but there it was, perfectly clear as His words pierced the atmosphere, and we fell on our faces as if dead.

He said, "Let there be light," and there was light.

You cannot begin to imagine what it was like. Let me try to explain so that you can understand our mounting fear. Illumination beyond what any eyes could bear penetrated the darkness and banished it from the face of Earth. All of the misery, destruction, ignorance, sorrow, and wickedness that had made up the "darkness" started to disappear. It was not light as you have experienced it.

It did not come from a star or fire. It came from God Himself. It was blinding, without shadow, and there was no hiding from it. It was painful to us. It was as if our entire being were one great eye that had been in total darkness now suddenly thrust into glaring sunlight. That is what it felt like, only worse. One can close an eye that has been assaulted by bright light, but there was nothing we could do to shield ourselves.

Satan howled as he slunk back, seeking refuge in the deeper darkness of second heaven. We pulled back into the blackest cave with him, trying to hide and waiting to see what God would do next.

Then God said, "Let there be sky between the waters to separate them."

Every one of us was transfixed and unable to move.

I had forgotten what it was like to hear Him speak and bring order out of chaos with just His word. How can I describe what it was like to hear His voice again? It was like delicate bells and peals of thunder all coming together in beauty and majesty.

Everything within me yearned to jump up and cry out to Him, "Here I am, God. Please take me back. Let me come home with You." Instead, I rolled into a ball and bit my tail so I could not speak. I could not chance it.

Then God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear."

It wasn't so much that God was creating something that never existed before. It was more like He was calling Earth back into its original order before our fury had been unleashed upon it. Not being subject to time ourselves, I can't really say how long it took us to scandalize and pillage Earth into the travesty it became, but for Earth, it was a painful and slow process. Now God was speaking, and the elements of Earth came into perfect order before the words were completely out of His mouth. Seconds—that's all it took for Him to restore Earth and cancel everything Satan had done to it.

That's when it first occurred to me that this was a very strange thing for God to do. Think about it. W h a t was the point? W h y would He send Ruah Ha Kadosh to call the chaos back into order? Didn't God know that it would happen all over again? At least that would be the case if He allowed Satan to retain any access to Earth. Since He had not yet destroyed any of us, I presumed that He wouldn't. But it made no sense to me to restore Earth unless He planned to banish Satan once and for all. I wondered if He had really thought this through. I wasn't the only one perplexed by this strange action of God.

"Why is He fixing it?" a demon near the door of the cave asked.

"He must plan to destroy Satan—and us," someone else whispered.

"He can't. He won't. It isn't time." I was relieved that someone besides me could confirm that such an action would indeed be outside the rules.

"He must be planning to send Satan somewhere else—and us with him," the first demon replied.

I didn't dare contradict an already nervous demon, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. He sent Satan to Earth for a purpose, and although I couldn't figure out what it was, it had to be for some other reason than tearing the place to shreds. God must have a plan that included restoring Earth, but what could it be, and why now?

Unless God intended to confine Satan in some way from being able to engage Earth, He would have to know history would quickly repeat itself, and Earth would again be reduced to shambles. Satan doesn't improve with experience. He can't be rehabilitated. If Satan could not rule Earth without destroying it the first time, the second time would only be worse.

The more I thought about it, the less logical it seemed.

The only possible explanation was the obvious one. God jumped the gun, simple as that. He got ahead of Himself.

In His desire to see His favorite planet restored, He completely overlooked the fact that He had yet to deal definitively with Satan. So God went right on restoring as if everything were going to work out just fine.

Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it." And,
poof,
just like that, it was there.

"That's a waste of time," said the demon with the best view. "What on Earth needs fruits and seeds?"

Good question. There was no living thing on Earth now, except for the plants that just popped into existence a few minutes ago.

Satan stood up and walked in silence to the edge of second heaven. Saying not a word, he stood there, staring at what was happening, as if anticipating something. But what? He knew God better than any of us. If anyone could make a good guess at what God might do, it would be Satan. We watched him carefully to see if his countenance betrayed his thoughts.

"Is he trembling?" someone whispered.

"Shut up," another hissed, slapping at the stupid one who dared say such a thing where Satan might overhear it.

I dared not look at him directly, but curiosity got the better of me, and I had to chance a peek. I swear it was true. No doubt about it, he was trembling—not like I would be doing, of course. He did not convulse or hyper-ventilate, but there was definitely a quiver there. Satan afraid? But of what? What could be scarier than him? It couldn't be fear of God. God had sent no signals that He might be thinking about doing something to Satan at this point. The former prince of angels was almost pitiful as he shuddered and stood silently by, unable to prevent what he saw happening on Earth.

It was after God set the sun and moon in place and set the celestial clock for the passing of seasons that we finally realized He was indeed up to something. He was about to create some sort of life on Earth. Of course, that was the purpose of the vegetation.

I didn't know what God had in mind, but whatever life He intended to make had better be a superior model to Satan. Otherwise, Satan would have it for lunch before the first season was over. All of us were thinking the same thing. We watched with curiosity as He filled the seas, the skies, and the garden with living things. It was lovely and all that but, so far, it was nothing Satan would care anything about.

Perhaps if I had paid more attention to God's words rather than being so caught up in watching Satan quake, I might have figured out what was about to take place. I should have remembered that every word God speaks means something. Each of His words "cause"

and then there is an "effect." No exceptions. I had missed the importance of the small words because I had long forgotten how to listen to God's voice. The little words, had I been paying attention, contained the key that could have explained everything and at least given us a warning. I should have known better, but I had not practiced my listening skills since I was thrown out of paradise with the real rebels. A person gets rusty.

You can only understand what a paradigm-shifting big deal was about to occur if you first understand the concept of eternity.

Eternity "is." Everything in eternity is "now." There is no progression of chronological or linear time as humans understand it to be. And so, when God labeled His work as the "first day," "the second day," and so on, I thought nothing about it. None of us could have imagined what He was about to do with that new dimension I mentioned earlier, the one He called "time." Even if I had realized what He was doing, I would not have guessed that it had anything to do with us. Earth might be subject to time, but not angels—or demons. We could observe it, but we were outside its boundaries. We were eternal beings, after all.