Remember Me: Oakville Series:Book Two (5 page)

“Princess, you haven’t caused me anything but happiness and a heart full of love. We have been dealt a shitty hand, but, baby, you aren’t the one dealing the cards. You didn’t cause any of this. The guilt you see in my eyes? That’s guilt from not protecting you when I should have. Twice, that bastard got to you. Twice, he hurt you. Twice, I let you down. I tried to protect you, God knows I tried so hard, but I failed.” I try to turn in his arms so I can look at him and tell him this isn’t his fault either, but he holds me tighter and shakes his head no before continuing.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve already figured this out, but in case you haven’t, let me fill you in. We are both in pain. When you look into my eyes, all you see is a reflection. The pain I feel is from watching you go through so much pain and knowing I almost lost you. Anything that you feel, I feel too. That is just the way it is with us. If you hurt, so do I. If I’m scared, so are you. You have already realized a little of this, haven’t you?” The yes that falls from my lips is a whisper. Between his body against mine and the words he’s speaking, I’m speechless.

“I don’t care how big or small something is, I am here for you. Always. No matter what it does to me. I can take your pain, your fears, your worries, and help you carry them. Lean on me. Cry on my shoulder. Anything you need, I will give it to you. I love you. I love you so much that if you needed my last breath to survive, I would give it without a second thought.” He softly kisses behind my ear and I feel a tear land on my shoulder. This man is amazing.

“Okay,” I reply, tongue-tied. What in the hell do I say to that? How can I make this better for him? He’s right, I do feel his pain. I do feel his fear — the fear that I will never remember our past and he will lose me forever. I have to remember. I have to fight for us just as he is. We both stay still, neither of us wanting me to leave his arms. I feel so safe and happy when he’s wrapped around me like a warm blanket. After a few more minutes, I hear him take a deep breath as he slowly drops his arms.

“Let’s get you home, princess,” he says, still so close to my ear that I feel his warm breath.

“Sounds good to me.” Turning so I can see his face, I smile when I see the love for me in his eyes. Even though I don’t remember our life together, I do know I love this man. I couldn’t deny it if I tried.

T
HE DRIVE
home from the hospital is quiet, but comfortable. I hadn’t intended for things to get so heavy at the hospital, but she needed to know where I stand and how I feel. If either of us is going to shoulder the blame for any of this, it should be me. I failed. My purpose is to love and protect her. Loving her is as easy as breathing; it just comes naturally for me. For some fucked up reason, I always seem to fail miserably when it comes to protecting her. Nothing I can do about that now, though. I just have to do my best to be here for her and make up for failing her in the past.

As we park in front of the house, I look over at Amber. She scans everything in her view. The look on her face is unreadable. Before I can ask her about it, she gets out of the truck. I watch her for a minute before getting out and walking up beside her.

“Are you okay, princess?” She looks over at me with tears in her eyes.

“Yeah. I-I’m not remembering anything but it all feels so familiar. It feels like home. Does that even make any sense?” She looks up at me, her eyes full of so many emotions. I can’t help myself. I may be moving too fast, but I know her. I know right now in this moment, this is what she needs. I don’t say anything. She doesn’t need me to. I just wrap her tightly in my arms and hold her close.

“Let’s go inside and have some lunch, I’ll get your bags later.” I lead her into the house and we sit at the bar in the kitchen. “What would you like me to fix you for lunch?” She looks at me with a beautiful smile on her face.

“How about one of my favorite omelets?”

“I had a feeling you would want that. Why don’t you look around and get familiar with the house? I’ll let you know when it’s ready.” As she slides off her stool and walks toward the stairs, I grab what I need to start cooking. I pass by my iPod and turn it on, needing something to break the silence of the house.

I crack the eggs into the mixing bowl, then add a little milk, salt, and pepper, and begin to beat it all together. I notice I’m feeling much more at ease just by having Amber here at home. I need to make sure I don’t move too fast and spook her. That’s going to be my biggest challenge. Anytime I’m near her, I have a need to touch her, hold her. She seems to be happy to be here, and I want it to stay that way. I’m so engrossed in thoughts of Amber, I’m not paying attention to what I’m doing.
Shit.
I was beating the eggs so fast that I splattered egg all over the front of my shirt. I take my shirt off, throw it over the back of the chair, and continue cooking.

Just as I’m finishing up at the stove, a good song starts to play. I begin singing along and swaying to the beat when the sound of Amber giggling breaks through the music. I look over my shoulder and wink at her before turning back to the stove.

“Enjoying the show, princess?” I ask, not missing the want that flashes through her eyes. She may not remember that morning that feels like a lifetime ago now, but it’s definitely something I will never forget and I’m curious as to what her answer will be this time. Not that I’ll go as far as I did the last time we were in this kitchen like this, as appealing as the thought might be.

“Eh...kind of.” She shrugs her shoulders. The second our eyes lock, we both realize she remembers this moment. She looks over at the counter, the one I sat her up on that first morning after we found each other again. When she looks back at me, I can see the heat crawl up her neck into her cheeks.
Oh, she most definitely remembers.
I can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face. Even though it’s just one memory, it’s a memory of us. Of me.

“What do you remember?” I ask and she blushes immediately. She turns away from me, as if she’s trying to gather the courage to say what she sees in her head out loud. She takes in a deep breath before turning around to face me again.

“I remember standing in the doorway, watching you cook breakfast. I was thinking that you were the sexiest man I had ever seen. You were wearing jeans and no shirt. Music was playing, and you were singing and swaying to the beat, just like now. And you asked if I was enjoying the show. I teased you by playing it off and saying kind of. And then...” Too see her so turned on, yet so bashful at the same time is sexy as hell. I’m testing my own restraint but I have to see her reaction. I quickly pick her up and set her on top of the counter just like before. I move to stand between her legs and bring my lips to her ear.

“And then, I did this,” I say. I feel her shaking her head yes as her breathing speeds up.
God, I want her so badly.
She’s giving me all of the signals that say she wouldn’t stop me if I took this further. But as badly as I want and need that closeness, that connection to her, I can’t. I’m too afraid it would be pushing too far too fast. The risk of pushing her away from me is just too great. I pull back so she can see how much I want her, even though I am not going any further.

“Princess, I...” Before I can finish, she grips the sides of her head with her hands and squeezes her eyes shut tight. “What is it? Are you okay?”
Shit. What did I do?

“My head...a headache,” she says softly. I carefully pick her up and carry her upstairs. Gently, I lay her down on the bed and kiss her forehead.

“Rest here. I’ll get your lunch and your pain medication.” She smiles sweetly before closing her eyes. Once in the kitchen, I heat her omelet back up, pour her a glass of orange juice, and get her pills. I really need to keep my fucking hormones in check. What if I caused her headache? I just keep screwing things up at every turn.

When I get back in the bedroom, Amber is sitting up against some pillows. She looks better than she did when I left her.

“You do know this isn’t your fault, right? You didn’t cause my headache.”

“But...”

“But nothing. I get them. You heard Dr. Scarn this morning. It will happen, they will go away eventually. There is nothing you can do to prevent or cause them. Okay?”

“Okay,” I concede. She is the same feisty Amber, my feisty Amber. I can’t help but feel lighter knowing my girl is coming back. I hand her the plate, set the juice on the nightstand, and then give her one of her pills.

“Do you want me to turn on the television for you while you eat?”

“Sure.” I find the remote and turn on the TV.

“I, uh...I’ll be down stairs if you need anything.” Just as I get to the door, she stops me.

“Wait! Don’t you want to keep me company?” She sounds like she is afraid to hear my answer. Of course I want to keep her company. I don’t ever want to leave her side.

“As long as you don’t mind.” She gives me a look that says ‘don’t be a moron’,
then pats the bed beside her. We flip channels for a while and finally settle on a
Duck Dynasty
marathon. Those guys always crack us up.

I awake with a start. I blink, trying to clear the haze and focus on the screaming and thrashing that pulled me from a deep sleep. It takes me a minute to realize what’s happening. Amber is next to me. She’s screaming. She’s having a nightmare. I glance at the clock as I go to switch on the lamp. It’s two o’clock in the morning. We must have fallen asleep. Amber starts screaming again and I freeze, hearing her words clearly.

“Kyle! Help me! Please! Don’t let me die! I don’t want to leave you! Kyle, I’m so sorry. I love you.” It feels like someone punched me in the chest as the air escapes my lungs. The pain and fear in her voice breaks me. I was there the whole time it was happening and all I could do was watch. I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t protect her. I would have given my own life for her to not have gone through any of that. She lets out another scream, but this one sounds garbled, like she’s in pain. I quickly slide across the bed, scoop her into my arms, hold her on my lap, and rock her back and forth, trying to soothe the bad memories away.

“Princess. Wake up. It’s just a nightmare. You’re safe. I’m here. Baby, I’ve got you now.” I keep saying this over and over, as I gently rock her. After a minute or so, her eyes flutter open. When she realizes where she is and what has happened, she clings to me and begins sobbing uncontrollably. Hearing the pain in her cries makes my chest ache and my own tears fall. I feel her pain, but more importantly, I want to take it all away from her. I hate that this is the memory she has to continue reliving night after night.

When she finally calms a little, I ease her off my lap and lay her back down on the bed. I start to slip my arm out from under her and she startles.

“Please, Kyle. Just hold me. Don’t let me go. Please.” She sounds like a scared little girl and my heart breaks further at hearing her so afraid.

“Never, princess. I will never let you go, I promise.” And it is a promise I will die to keep. I wrap her tightly in my arms and pull her close to me. Her breathing finally begins to even out and I do just as I promise. I hold her all night while I lay awake, wondering how I’m going to fix my broken princess.