T
HE SUN
shines through the bedroom window, heating my face. I stretch and roll over, slowly opening my eyes. I see Kyle asleep in the chair. He looks so uncomfortable with his legs hanging over the arm of the chair and his head hanging at an unusual angle. He has been so attentive and sweet. Every night for the past two weeks since I was released from the hospital, he’s slept in that chair. He wants to be close in order to comfort me during the night. Every night, I wake up terrified and screaming. The images, sounds, and smells have been haunting me, night after night. Each night, I remember just a little more than the night before. With each new memory, it feels more and more like I am reliving it all over again. Last night it took almost forty-five minutes for Kyle to convince me that I was home and safe.
On the bright side, I am slowly starting to remember other happier parts of my life. Some childhood memories of Kyle and my grandparents have resurfaced, along with more recent memories of Kyle and me. I was having strong feelings for him before I started remembering anything, but now? Now, I know I’m in love with him. I haven’t come right out and told him yet. The time just hasn’t been right. Though, it is getting harder and harder to be close to him without touching him. It isn’t easy for him either. That’s why he’s in the chair. He holds and soothes me until I fall back asleep after a nightmare, then moves himself to the chair. He says he can’t be that close and keep himself under control.
Fine with me
. That’s what I would like to tell him anyways.
“What are you thinking about over there?” Kyle asks in his sleepy voice that is oh so sexy. I swear the sound of his voice has me wet and wanting him. What is the equivalent of blue balls for women? Blue boobs, maybe? Well, whatever it is, I have it. He also has that lopsided smirk on his face. He knows I’m daydreaming about him. The cocky bastard.
“Oh. Nothing really. Just thinking I would like to go to the center today. Maybe it could spark a memory or two.” I smile my most innocent smile, playing it off as nothing. Maybe he doesn’t know I was thinking dirty things about him again. Just then, he stands up and the blanket falls to the floor. Big, beautiful muscles and black silk boxers are all I see. When he reaches over his head and stretches, those muscles flex and tighten. My mouth is hanging open and of course, he notices. He starts to laugh as he saunters over and sits on the bed next to me. His leg brushes mine and my body is instantly on fire.
“If you feel that you are ready, then I think that’s a good idea,” he says with a slight squeak in his voice, as his leg brushes mine again.
Ha!
At least he feels it too. Maybe even a little more. He quickly gets up from the bed. “I’m going to take a shower in the guest bath, then I’ll make us some breakfast. Come down when you’re ready.”
The drive to the center is over too quickly. As Kyle pulls into the parking lot, that familiar feeling sweeps over me. No memories, just the feeling that I know this place; that I’ve been here before. I can feel my palms starting to sweat and it’s suddenly hard to catch my breath. How are the people who work here going to react to me? What about the kids? They’re going to know me, but I won’t know them. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. I’m so lost in my own head that when Kyle grabs my hand, it startles me.
“Princess, you don’t have to do this today. We can turn around and go home. I’ll be right beside you, whatever you decide.”
“I’m okay. I’m just nervous.” He squeezes my hand, slowly moving his thumb back and forth along the top. It’s such a simple gesture, but it eases my nerves and awakens a fire in my core at the same time. Why does that little bit of contact from him have such an effect on me?
“I know you are. I wish there was something, anything, I could do to make this all go away for you. I would do anything if it meant you didn’t have to go through the hell you’ve been through. I am always here for you. You can hold my hand for comfort.” He squeezes my hand a little tighter and gives me a heart-melting smile. “When you’re scared, you can find safety in my arms. I will always protect you. When you’re mad or frustrated, you can scream and yell at me. Trust me, I can take it. I just want you to be happy and I will do whatever it takes to help make that happen.”
Well, if I weren’t already in love with him, then I sure as shit am now. He leaves me speechless when he says things like that. And he does, often. But, it’s not just his words; it’s the look in his eyes as well. They say so much more to me than his words ever could. Lust, love, guilt — the emotions playing across his beautiful blue irises are enough to make me weep. His loves shines brightly, but he thinks he failed me. I wish I could make him see how much I want him. How much I need him to let me shoulder the weight. Gathering my strength, I can only hope that he understands.
“I am so thankful that I have you. I don’t think I would’ve been able to make it through any of this without you. You have been more than patient with me. This whole ordeal hasn’t been easy for you either, but you have only been worried about taking care of me.”
“As long as you are happy, so am I.” He leans over and kisses my forehead. “If you get too uncomfortable, just say the word and we’re out of there.”
As we walk through the doors of the center, I take in everything. It’s all so familiar. I know what each room is for, where each door leads, but I have no idea how I know that. I look over toward the music room when I hear a guitar playing. Angel is in the room with a group of kids. All of a sudden, images start flashing through my head. It’s like watching a video in fast forward. My head starts to throb as it usually does when I start to remember things. Kyle must notice because he leads me up the stairs and into an office. My office. I’m remembering. Mainly the day Darcie came and took me to Beau. Why do I have to keep remembering the bad things that happened to me? I sit on the couch. Sometimes these headaches are unbearable. Kyle hands me a glass of water and one of my pain pills.
“Are you okay, princess?” Kyle asks, concern lacing his voice. “You’re remembering something again, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. Quite a few things, actually. The day I found this place and getting it all ready to open. Hiring Jax and the rest of the staff. All the kids, I remember the kids.” I can’t help but smile at that. I was so worried I wouldn’t remember them. Kyle smiles back at me. As more memories flood my mind, the smile quickly melts from my face.
“What is it, babe?”
“I also remember Darcie and the cabin.” I look up at him just in time to see the anger cross his handsome face. I grab his hand. “It’s okay. I need to remember everything. Good and bad. Grandma once told me, if we didn’t have the bad times, how would we know what the good times were like?” He opens his mouth to say something but before he can, Jax and Angel walk through the door.
“Hey, I thought I saw you two come in.” Jax beams as he comes over to kiss my cheek. “How have you been?”
“Really good,” I say as I look up at Kyle and give him a smile. “Kyle has been taking really good care of me.” It almost looks like that statement annoys Jax. I must be wrong. He has been so great to Kyle and me. The center wouldn’t be open if it weren’t for Jax being here to take care of everything for me. Kyle has even seemed to warm up to him quite a bit.
“Well, it’s good to see you back here again. Thinking of coming back to work any time soon?”
“No. I think it’s still too soon for that. Maybe in another couple weeks.” I really want to come back, especially now that I’m remembering this place again, but pushing things too fast would be a mistake. Waiting a while longer is the smart thing to do.
“Don’t worry. You know I have everything taken care of until you do. I better get downstairs and check on things. It was good to see you both.” Jax places a kiss on my forehead before walking out the door. I swear I hear Angel growl when Jax touches me.
“Amber, you look tired. Are you overdoing it by being here?” Angel asks as he looks at me with concern. He can be so sweet. He always treats me like I’m his little sister.
“I am getting a little tired. These damn headaches take a lot out of me.”
“You heard the lady, asshole. Take her home and take care of her. If you don’t, I will.” He looks up at me then, giving me his killer smile and a wink. Kyle mutters something under his breath as he flips Angel off. I love how these guys all joke and tease each other like brothers.
“Okay, princess, let’s get you out of here. Want to pick up some food from the bar to take home? I have to check in with Paul anyway. We can watch some movies and relax while we eat. Sound good?”
“Sounds perfect to me,” I reply with a smile as the three of us leave my office. It feels good to have regained more of my memories. It seems as though my life is finally coming together and I’m going to be okay. Kyle and I are going to be okay.
The sight of Holly standing behind the bar as we walked into KC’s makes me smile. We haven’t been able to spend too much time together lately and I’ve really missed her. She looks so happy to see me as I make my way to the bar and sit on the stool in front of her.
“Hello there, stranger. It’s good to see you out and about,” Holly chimes.
“It feels good to be out and about. How have things been around here?”
“The same as always. Boring with a capital B. I was thinking...since you seem to be feeling better, maybe we could have a girl’s night out soon?” She looks at me expectantly.
That does sound like fun and I definitely could use some fun. I’m sure Kyle could use a guy’s night out as well. He has spent every second with me since I came home from the hospital. Not that I mind it, but he probably needs a break from me.
“Okay. How about this weekend?”
“Really? I’m not going to have to twist your arm or beg? Shit. Becky and I have been trying to think of all kinds of ways to convince you for days now.” She shakes her head and smirks. “All I had to do was ask? Bitch.” We both start to laugh. It feels so good to have the feeling that my life is getting back to normal. Back to what it was before the accident. The thought of all the good things to come makes me smile.
As I look up, I see Paul standing in front of me. He slides a drink by my hand and winks. It looks like some kind of martini. The look on his face is telling me this is something I should remember. Not wanting to put a damper on everyone’s good mood, I decide to play along. With a smile on my face, I nervously take the glass in my shaky hand. As soon as I taste the sour apple flavor, it all hits me. All of the times Paul and Holly have made these for me. My favorite drink — appletinis. I remember the playful winks Paul always gave me every time he served me one of these. The time Holly and I got so drunk from them, I didn’t think I would ever drink another one again. Yeah right! Who was I kidding? We were back at it the next night.
“You okay, Amber? I know there’s nothing wrong with the drink, I made it,” Paul states with his usual little touch of cockiness thrown in for good measure.
“I’m fine. Great actually. I was just remembering a few new things.” I hear Holly groan and I laugh. She knows what I was remembering and she was a lot sicker than I was that night.
“Of course you did. I’m unforgettable. There is no way you could ever totally forget anything that has to do with me,” Paul jokes as Kyle slaps him in the back of his head.
“You are lucky Holly loves Amber so much. She would normally kick your ass for flirting with another girl so openly,” Kyle teases. Holly and I sit back and watch the two of them go back and forth until the food we’ve been waiting on is ready. Holly and I make a plan to have lunch in a couple days to discuss our girl’s night. Kyle thinks it will be good for me to get out with my friends and have some fun, but I can tell that he’s a little nervous about the idea of me being out of his sight. He’s afraid something will happen to me and he won’t be around to protect me. The fear that something bad will happen to me again is going to eat him alive. I wish there was something I could do to take it all away.