Remember When (Remember Trilogy #1) (27 page)

   Lisa and I were prepping for our move to the city, doing the entirety of our dorm shopping together. We figured it would be best to nail down a coordinating design scheme, knowing all our stuff would be reunited in our apartment the following year. She was practically manic with her spending, obsessing worse than me over buying anything and everything she thought she’d possibly ever need for New York. I kept reminding her that there was probably a store or two in the city where she could buy such vital items like wooden spoons. Or lightbulbs. Or soap.

   Trip, however, in spite of his excellent GPA and stellar SAT scores, hadn’t even applied to a single school. He was planning to take a full year off; indulging in a few lost weekends before concentrating on his MVP hockey team in the fall, then doing some intensive travelling in Europe and Africa. Then and only then would he think about looking into college, hoping to play hockey at some university upstate, or even out somewhere in Canada, or some other place very, very far away.

   A part of me was pretty jealous that he was going to be bouncing around the globe all year while I was stuck inside some classroom. The other part of me was terrified for him at the thought of not having a plan in place. I couldn’t believe that he was not only unfazed about not knowing where he’d be a year from then, but that he was actually excited about it. I knew that even if he had asked me to go with him- which he never would anyway- I’d be too much of a wimp to say yes.

   But we didn’t spend much time discussing the future anyway. We both knew we were on borrowed time, the ticking clock always hanging over us, knowing we were going to have to say goodbye. For the first time, I truly realized how Lisa and Pickford must have been feeling and understood why my friends were falling apart at the seams a little bit more each day.

  
Trip and I were great at playing the denial game, always living in the now, never discussing what our lives without each other would hold. It was impossible to think about our time together coming to an end, so I guess we always made a point to sidestep any questions about what was going to happen in the fall.

  
Two nights before Cooper was scheduled to skip town, however, Trip and I were sitting on my couch, snuggled up and watching
Animal House
. Out of nowhere, I started thinking about it, thinking about everyone leaving, about having to start a new life in New York, how I’d have to say goodbye to my friends, my family, my childhood,
Trip
... and my heart felt like it was being ripped apart. How was I ever going to let them go?

   I blurted out, “Everything’s changing.”
             

   Trip squeezed me a little tighter, knowing full well what I was talking about, the boogeyman
in our midst finally being acknowledged. But he didn’t respond right away, so I continued. “Everyone’s going away soon. It’s like we’re not going to be
us
after that, you know? We’ll run into each other at homecoming games or reunions or bump into each other randomly in town, but we’ll never be
us
ever again, will we?”

   Trip’s voice was calm, soothing beyond his eighteen years when he answered, “It’s called growing up, Lay.”

   “I know, but God. It really sucks.”

   I looked at him and saw the line drawn between his brows and the dimple working in his cheek- the look he wore when he was really thinking hard about something. “Yeah, it does. Is it harder for you?”

   “What do you mean?”

   “Well, you’ve known all these people your whole life. I’ve only known them a year and it’s-” He swiped a hand through his hair before continuing. “-it’s so much harder this time, even for me, to think about leaving. It’s like, for all the cities I’ve lived
in before, this is the first place that’s ever felt like
home
to me. And I didn’t even grow up here, with them, the way you have.”

   I put a hand to his face and said, “I’ve only known
you
for a year... Do you really think it’s going to be any easier for me to say goodbye because I haven’t known you as long?”

   He held me tighter and kissed the top of my head. “Okay, point taken. C’mere.” He slid down to lay on the couch, maneuvering me half on top of him.

          We were silent for a moment, his hand moving in a caressing gesture along my back, trying to smooth our hurt away when he said, “You’re right. This sucks.”

   I could feel him getting gloomy and realized this was why we never talked about it. I felt bad for bringing up our one, big
, taboo subject and wished I could have stuffed the whole conversation back in my mouth.

   “I’m sorry,” I
offered. “I’m sorry for even bringing it up. We still have a few weeks left and I don’t want to spend them being sad, okay? Agreed?”

   I turned to look up at him, just one split second before he was able to swipe the tear from his eye. Holy Jesus, I made him cry. My heart just about splintered in two when he tried to offer a wan smile to cover.

   I felt helpless, guilty beyond belief for dragging him into my sorrow. I did the only thing I could think of, which was to grab him behind his neck and plant a kiss on him. Hard.

   When I broke away, I realized I’d achieved my desired result, because Trip snapped out of his misery and looked at me like I was crazy. Well, at least he wasn’t sad anymore. I’d managed to replace despair with confusion. At least confusion wasn’t such a foreign emotion.

   He sputtered out, “What the hell was that?”

   I started laughing, trying to jolly us out of our sadness. “I don’t know. Want me to do it again so you can figure it out?”

   The old Trip was back, sounding like he was ordering another Coke when he replied, “Yes, please!”

   So I kissed him again. I slid myself fully on top of him, pressing my mouth to his, licking him along the part in his lips until they opened for me. I wasn’t normally the aggressor during our makeout sessions, but I could tell by the growing knot against my hip that Trip didn’t seem to mind.

Chapter 33

NECESSARY ROUGHNESS

   On Cooper’s last night, Rymer had us all over at his house for a going away party, but we knew it was pretty much a final gathering for the rest of us, too.

   Rymer’s was wholly the best location for the best possible sendoff for our friend. Walking out onto the deck made everything horribly real for the very first time, however. I realized we were actually going to have to start saying goodbye.

   I spent a lot of time exchanging addresses with everyone, with promises to write whenever we could and call whenever we were going to be back in town. We knew it was the last official get-together, the last chance we’d all have to be assembled in the same room, the same
town
, at the same time. Such a previously casual occurrence, one which we’d taken for granted for the past four years. A pall hung over our evening, even though we all pretended to be having a great time. At least I knew
I
was pretending, anyway.

   After a while, Coop announced he had an early morning and had to cut the evening short. Becca seemed sad, but I knew she wasn’t devastated. After all, her campus at Rutgers-Camden was only about a two hours’ drive from Coop’s university in Baltimore. She’d only have to wait a few weeks, once they were both settled in, to see him again.

   Unlike the rest of us.

   After he’d said his goodbyes to everyone, I walked with him out the front door, trying to carve out a private moment. I’d pretty much said my peace with everyone else, but Cooper actually walking out the door kind of made things official. I wasn’t ready to do it, to start the process of watching my friends leave me, one by one. And even worse, the chain of departures had to start with Cooper!

   He’d been my rock for the better part of our school year, but that was nothing new.

   I had a string of flashbacks from over the years starring Coop, realizing he’d been there in some way or another for practically my entire life. Cooper, who shared his Fruit Roll-Ups with me the day in first grade I fell off the slide at recess. Who talked his parents into buying me a new paintable ceramic Smurf kit when I was eight, because he’d overheard me crying to Lisa that I had just broken the one my father had given me for my birthday. Who came running out with Bactine the time when I was ten, and had wiped out on my bike in front of his house. Who suffered detention for an entire week when we were thirteen, after he’d punched Kevin Sullivan out right there in the gym for making a snide comment about my mother leaving.

   And now it was his turn to leave me. Who was going to be the one to heal my heart once he was gone?

   It seemed he was always my Superman, rushing in to patch me up whenever I’d gotten hurt. Now, he was the one causing my pain, and I knew there wasn’t a Band-Aid in the entire world big enough to treat
that
wound.

   “Jesus, Coop. I guess this is really it.”

   He met my eyes, the years of shared memories passing between us. “Shit,” he said, “I’m really going to miss you.”

   I didn’t have anything big enough to say to him. Nothing to sum up how important he was to me, how my life wouldn’t have been the same without him.

   “Keep in touch, okay? Don’t just say yes and then not do it.”

   He wrapped his arms around me for a hug. “I will, I will. I promise.” He pulled back, smiled and added, “You are totally gonna
own
New York.”

   It was so completely like him to recognize that while I was devastated about him leaving, the feeling was all wrapped up with fears about my own future as well.

   I spent the ride home in complete silence, and to Trip’s credit, he didn’t try to get me to talk about it. By the time we’d pulled up in front of my house, I was drained.

   I went to lean over and kiss him goodnight, but my body became possessed, moving on its own as my leg slid over his lap and straddled him in the driver’s seat. I caught Trip’s startled expression for a quick second before closing my eyes and opening my mouth on his.

   I promptly rammed my tongue in his mouth, grinding my hips against his, feeling him harden in spite of his shock. I pressed against him with abandon, trying to make my mind go blank.

   I unbuttoned my blouse but left it to hang off my shoulders as I knotted my hands in the back of his hair and pushed his head into my b
ra. He immediately slid his palms up to my breasts, grasping at the cups of pale blue lace as he lowered his mouth to the space in between. I slid my hands underneath his shirt, running my fingers along his bare chest as I felt his tongue tasting away at my cleavage, his erection pounding between my thighs.

   I gripped his shirt in my hands and pulled it over
his head before pressing myself to his bare chest and kissing him again.

   We went to war with one another: I pulled his hair, he bit my lip. I raked my nails across his shoulder, he groped my breast. His hands slid up under my ski
rt, cupping a cheek in each palm and pulling me tighter against his rigid body. I rocked myself against him, causing him to growl and plunge his tongue deep into my mouth.

   Things had heated up quickly, and I was all but lost in the incredible sensations taking over my body. I snapped out of the daze, however, when Trip suddenly stopped us.

   “Hey, hey, whoa. Layla, wait, wait, wait.”

   He dropped his head and shook it, trying to rid himself of the spell that had consumed us. I tried to pull his face to mine again, but he put his hands at my wrists and held them still. “Layla, stop! What the hell’s going on?”

   I knew I’d been overly aggressive with him lately, and I guess I never stopped to consider the effect it was having on him. The poor guy was constantly put in the position of having to get his body under control whenever I assaulted him.

  
In any case, the moment was gone. I climbed off of him and back to the passenger seat, buttoning up my blouse and smoothing my hair back into place.

   I looked at him then, watched as he put his shirt back on hurriedly. “Jesus, Layla. We’re out in the street for godsakes!”

   It was actually pretty funny, watching him try to regain control, chastising me for making him lose it. What he didn’t realize, however, is that I never asked him to. I never asked him to be the overseer of our fate, ensuring that we didn’t go too far whenever there was a chance of getting caught. When you’re a teenager, there aren’t too many opportunities for real alone time. We hadn’t really been left on our own since grad week at the beach house, and since then, it had been tough to find a private moment. I guessed it was good that at least
one
of us was able to keep their head about it once we did.   

   I almost started to laugh. “Sorry. I don’t know what got into me.”

   His eyes kept darting toward my house, probably expecting my father to come storming out at any minute wielding a baseball bat. Once he finally realized the coast was clear, he gave me a quick kiss and then said goodnight.