Remembered (13 page)

Every part of her ached for more; she could not kiss him
hard enough to convey the depth of her need.

His tongue pressed against her lips, demanding entry,
causing her to shudder from head to toe. He took that as an invitation to press
closer still, rubbing circles on the small of her back, igniting her in flames
of desire.

He moaned—a low guttural sound—and kissed her frantically,
as though he wanted nothing more than to devour her completely. His teeth
grazed her bottom lip as he sucked it into his mouth.

Small, pulsating shocks coursed through her, causing her
knees to weaken. His right hand left her back and traveled to her hip. He moaned
again, or was it a desperate cry?

And while his tongue did things to her mouth that she never
thought possible, his left hand was suddenly on her breast, his fingers
kneading into her nipple through her flimsy shirt.

He pulled away abruptly.

She looked at him, her breathing heavy, and was stunned to
see horror written across his face.  “Please forgive me,” he said, looking as
though he had just committed a terrible crime. “I don’t know what came over me.
I just—I couldn’t…” he trailed off, shaking his head as if he was trying to
clear his thoughts.

“Don’t be sorry,” she said, still trying to catch her
breath. “I wanted it also.”

“I have to leave,” he said to himself, but he didn’t move.
Instead, he placed his palms on both side of his head, combing his fingers
through his hair. “What have I done?” he whispered desperately. He squeezed his
eyes shut and drew a deep breath.

“Kellus?” was all that Annie could say. His obvious shame
and disgust gave her reason to worry.

“Annie, I have to go. I’m afraid I’ll do something regretful
if I don’t leave immediately,” he said then bit down on his bottom lip.

“No…” she trailed off in confusion.

“I almost—I would have…” he mumbled, shuddering.

“What?” she questioned forcefully.

“I wanted to…” he shook his head and leaned against the
wall, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t come back here,” he said quietly.
“I can’t see you again.”

She felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her.
What did he mean he couldn’t see her again? Panic welled up in her.

“I should never have done this,” he said, taking his hands
from his face and looking her in the eye. “I should never have spent so much
time with you. I was a fool to think we could be friends. I wanted nothing more
than to be near you.”

Annie stared at him, trying to come to grips with what was
happening.

“Annie, I can never see you again,” he repeated.

“Why do you keep saying that?” she demanded.

He glared at her as though she had missed something obvious.
He was in front of her in a flash, his hands gripping the tops of her arms so
tightly that it was almost painful. “Can you not see what you do to me?” he
yelled.

“What?” she asked forcefully.

“I want you so badly it hurts!” he shouted. “I think about
you every moment of every day. I want to taste every part of your skin, claim
you as my own…I want to…” he shook his head again.

His hands slipped from the tops of her arms and hung loosely
at his side. He was overcome with emotion. “I’m in love with you,” he
whispered. “My father warned me that this would happen, but I didn’t want to
believe it. I only wanted to spend time with you. I was a fool…please forgive
me.”

“What?” she questioned, hardly believing her ears.

“It was you, Annie,” he said, his eyes flooded with pain.
“It was you I spoke of before. You were the girl I lost my heart to years ago.
You were the girl I dreamt about for weeks, if not months.”

“How…when?” she demanded.

“When I saw you at your parent’s funeral,” he murmured. “I
loved you the minute I laid eyes on you all those years ago…and I love you
still.”

“I’m in love with you, too,” she confessed. She reached up
and placed her hand on his cheek.

“Please don’t say that,” he scolded, his voice growing
louder once again. “It can never be between us.”

“I’ll wait for you,” She stated, looking deep into his eyes.
“I promise I’ll wait or you.”

“You would wait three years for me?” he asked, shock
rippling across his face.

“Yes, I’ll wait. I want to be with you. I would wait a
lifetime,” she knew beyond a doubt that what she said was the absolute truth.

He looked down at the floor then began to shake his head
again. “No, Annella, no,” he answered. He kept shaking his head as though he
was reasoning with himself.

“Please, Kellus, I want to wait for you. We could still see
each other. You could visit once a month when you have leave—”

“No, Annie,” he interrupted. “It won’t work. You deserve
more than what I can give you, so much more.”

“But—”

“Listen to me,” he pleaded. “What do you think will happen
in three years?”

“I don’t—”

“Let me tell you,” he interrupted again. “I would come here
once a week to join you in your bed, then leave after I’ve had my fill. I could
never live with you, never take care of you, never be the man that you need. Do
you want to spend your life waiting for a lover to visit for a night of passion
and nothing more?”

“I don’t care!” she bellowed.

“But I do!” he yelled back. “It would hurt me to treat you
that way.” His face softened. “You’re so beautiful, Annie. You deserve to be
with a man who will take care of you, who will give you everything.”

“But I want you, Kellus, anyway I can have you. Whatever it
takes, whatever the sacrifice, I’m willing to make it.”

“Please don’t say such things,” he said, looking into her
eyes. “Find someone else to give your heart to.”

“NO!” she screamed. “You cannot make this decision for me. You
have no right to decide what’s good for me.” She collapsed into a chair and
sobbed into her hands.

He walked over to her and placed his hand on her head.
“Please forget me, I beg you.”

“Will you forget me?” she asked, looking up from her hands.

“Never,” he vowed. “I’ll love you always, but I’ve chosen my
path, and it doesn’t include a happy ending for me. I will love you even when
you find another, when you marry a man that will take care of you.”

Her head fell back into her hands. She was losing this
fight. She could see the determination in his expression.

“Goodbye, Annie,” he said, turning to leave.

“Please don’t leave like this,” she begged.

He turned and looked back one last time. “I have to. It
wouldn’t be fair for me to string you along for the rest of your life, as much
as I would want to be with you, but it would not be a life for you. Please
forget about me.”

“I CAN’T,” she cried.

“TRY, DAMN IT!”  he yelled back sternly.

There was nothing more for her to say; he had made up his
mind.

“Goodbye,” he said again, and then he was gone.

Spring crept slowly into summer, but time had not even begun
to heal her broken heart.

She knelt outside, pulling weeds from the vegetable garden
with her bare hands. She wore a thin, almost see-through, yellow lining from an
old discarded dress. The bodice was low enough to reveal the top of her
breasts. It was her usual gardening outfit; she had no desire to ruin good
clothes with mud and dirt.

She was enjoying the feel of grass on her bare knees and
feet. The physical work felt good, helped to dispel the sad frustration that
had plagued her for the last four weeks. Soon, beads of sweat were forming on
her forehead.

In the past month, she avoided going to town completely,
opting to send Cora or Max on the weekends for what errands needed done. The
possibility of running into Kellus was terrifying. Would she fall down in front
of him and beg him to make her wait three years to be nothing more than his
once a week lover?

Kellus had been right; that was no way for a person to live,
and besides, she wanted him every day and for always. It never would have been
enough.

Maybe at first, things would have been good, but what when
she started growing older? Would she be left old and feeble alone, childless,
while the man she loved served the public?

Eventually, it may have ended in resentment—maybe—though the
thought of ever resenting Kellus seemed unlikely.

She felt that she deserved the pain she now endured. She had
told herself, time and again, to get over her addiction to him, but she jumped
at every opportunity to spend time with him. She should have been strong. She
should have kept dancing with Sul at the festival. She should have ignored the
lovely vision in blue standing under the tree. She should have stopped her
heart from skipping a beat every time he winked at her. She deserved this pain.

A blood-curling scream came from the house, drawing her out
of her thoughts.

“What was that?” she yelled.

Cora came stumbling through the backdoor, pain etched in her
features. She collapsed on her knees in front of Annie, gripping her back.

“What is it, Cora?” Annie gasped.

“It’s my back again,’ Cora moaned before vomiting on the
ground.

“Max! Help, Max. Come quickly!” Annie yelled out.

Max flew out the backdoor. “What is it?” he demanded.

“It’s Cora’s back again,” Annie replied, horrified.

“What should I do?” he stammered.

“Run to the Citadom immediately and bring back help,” Annie
ordered.

Max tore around to the front of the house and out of sight
without another word.

Annie struggled to get Cora into the kitchen. She sat her on
the floor in front of a basin; Cora vomited into it several more times.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, she heard the sound
of hoofs and carriage wheels.

Max ran through the door followed by a peaceman and two
apprentices.

Annie recognized Conor from the Mid-Spring festival. She’d
seen one of the apprentices once or twice with Kellus, but she had no memory of
the other.

Conor knelt down next to Cora. He placed a small thermometer
in her mouth and began feeling around her back. “Has she been sick? He asked,
glancing at the basin.

Annie nodded.

He stood up, walked over to the basin and stared into it for
a few seconds. “Have you passed blood?” he asked Cora

“Yes,” she moaned.

“What?” Annie gasped. “Cora, you’ve been bleeding?” she
eased into the nearest chair, afraid that her legs would give out. Max stood
next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

“We have to get her to the Citadom,” Conor said, staring at
the thermometer. “Her temperature is dangerously high. We can do nothing for
her here.”

“What’s wrong with her?” Annie asked through broken sobs.

“I’m not sure yet,” he answered. “We need to get her to the
proper equipment to make a more accurate diagnosis. However, I think there is a
possibility that she will need surgery.”

“Oh, no,” Annie gasped.

“Don’t worry,” he said in a reassuring voice. “She’s young
and strong. I’m sure she’ll be fine.” He placed his hand on Annie’s other
shoulder before turning to the apprentices. “Borm, Ciro, get her into the
carriage as gently as you can.”

The apprentices placed Cora in the back of the carriage, on
a bed covered with white sheets. Annie and Max climbed in behind her, followed
by Conor. The apprentices sat up front, driving the rig.

Annie held Cora’s hand all the way to town. Max ran a wet
rag over her forehead.

When they reached the Citadom, they turned up a side street
to the left of the building and rode all the way to the end of the long street,
past rows of windows encased in gray stone. The carriage turned right on the
corner and came to a stop in front of a large, black, metal fence.

An apprentice—the blonde handsome one named Danus—unlocked
the gate and pulled both sides back. He spoke briefly with Borm and Ciro.

The gates led into a large courtyard surrounded by gray
stone walls on all sides. The ground was made up of the same gray stones. To
the right and left were large red doors at least fifteen feet wide. Facing
forward was a wooden door that opened upon their arrival.

Two more apprentices emerged carrying a stretcher between
them. Borm and Ciro lifted Cora onto the stretcher. Conor jumped from the back
of the carriage and together they rushed towards the door, Max and Annie
following behind the small group.

The same wooden door opened again, but this time only one
apprentice ran through, his face riddled with panic. “Cora!” Kellus yelled. “Is
she alright?”

“You know this girl,” Conor said. “I remember from the
festival.”

Kellus nodded.

“Come with us, then,” Conor said.

They hurried into a brightly lit corridor with ten doors,
five on either side, spread out evenly. The walls were a pleasant shade of
blue. At the end, they turned left into another corridor with two very large
doors and one descending staircase. The large doors led to elevators big enough
for the stretcher to fit in.

They traveled down one flight to the basement. The walls
were the same gray stone as the courtyard, with five doors on either side
again, but the floor was wooden paneled. Another left turn at the top of this
corridor led to a very long hallway adorned with various sized doors on either
side. Annie was becoming vaguely aware of the size of the complex; it was
enormous.

Finally, they pushed through a door that entered a large
white room that smelled of iodine. Six peacemen sat in the room, one wore a
white uniform. He was obviously one of the surgeons.

Conor turned to Annie. “Why don’t you wait in that little
room over to the left,” he said. “I will come to you the moment we have news.”

Annie walked towards the door in a daze with Max by her side.
Kellus followed behind.