Remembered (16 page)

After their visit, Nordorum
insisted on driving them home. He asked Annie to sit up on top of carriage next
to him.

They rode up the hill in casual
conversation, but when they reached her house, Nordorum turned to Max.
“Goodbye, Max,” he said bluntly; it was clearly a dismissal. Nordorum put his
hand on hers in a gesture that she should remain behind. “Tell me, young lady,
did you have an opportunity to see your friend Kellus this week?” he asked when
Max disappeared behind the front door.

Annie was shocked by the
question. “No,” she answered, trying to hide the despair in her voice. “I
didn’t see him after dinner last weekend. He visited with Cora almost every
day, though.”

“Yes, I heard that,” Nordorum
responded. “He appears to be quite attached to your sister.”

“Yes, it seems so,” Annie said,
looking at her hands.

Nordorum studied her face
closely. “Something bothers that young man. Can you enlighten me at all?
Nordorum questioned. “I would like to help him, but he will confide in no one.
He insists he’s fine, but for the last five weeks, he’s been
different…withdrawn…sad.”

“Kellus has not spoken to me
about what’s troubling him, sir,” she replied.

“That’s not what I asked you,” he
said, smiling smugly.

Annie shrugged her shoulders.
“Until last weekend, I hadn’t seen Kellus for a month.”

Nordorum continued to stare, squeezing his bottom lip
between his thumb and forefinger. “It’s as I guessed then,” he said quietly.
“Thank you for your help, young lady.”

Annie went inside feeling miserable.

Annie spent the following morning getting ready for Cora’s
return.

She was just about finished with cleaning their room, when
she heard the horse and carriage pull up. She ran outside quickly.

Loc and Ciro sat up top of the carriage. They climbed down
just as another apprentice jumped from the back with a bag over his shoulder.
Annie’s heart jumped right up into her throat.

Kellus walked towards her slowly.

Loc and Ciro helped Cora from the back, but she insisted on
walking without help once her feet were on the ground. She walked past Annie
with her lips pressed together, and her eyes wide—she was silently
communicating her shock that Kellus appeared to be staying for an extended
time, judging by the bag he carried.

The apprentices took their leave after a moment of casual
greetings, leaving Kellus and Annie waving down the hill after them.

“Why are you here?” Annie asked.

Without turning to look at her, he said, “I’m staying here
for three days to take care of Cora, to bathe the wound, change the dressing,
and monitor her temperature, among other duties. Forgive me, I had no choice.
The Master came to my room last night and told me that he didn’t want anyone
else to take this assignment. I suggested that Danus might be more qualified,
but he wouldn’t hear of it.”

“That’s fine. Please make yourself at home. I’ll fix a bed
for you in the spare room.”

He grabbed her wrist as she began walking to the house. “I
am
sorry. It’s not my intention to cause you pain. I’m sure it would have been
better for both of us if the Master had sent someone else.  I don’t want you
going to any trouble on my account. I’ll try to stay out of your way as much as
possible.” He dropped her arm with a sigh and looked out at the ocean.

It was obvious to her that Kellus was unhappy being near
her. She felt a knife twist in her stomach and walked back inside before he saw
her cry.

The twins did everything in their power to lighten the mood
as the day went on. They were clearly delighted to have Kellus back in their
lives. Their attempts paid off, somewhat. By afternoon, both Annie and Kellus
seemed a little more at ease.

Kellus brought Cora into the bathroom to clean her wound and
change the dressing. The sound of him laughing was so shocking that Annie
almost dropped a pot of water, and she burned with curiosity to know what Cora
had said to him.

By evening, the tension had lifted considerably.

They ate dinner seated around the table. Annie and Cora
listened in while Max bombarded Kellus with questions about things he’d seen
and people he’d met at the Citadom. Kellus answered every one with enthusiasm.

As the evening wore on, Annie noticed that Kellus seemed to
have a twinkle in his eyes, a contentment that had not been there since the day
they spent in East Vistira, since the day he walked out of her life forever.

He helped her clean the dishes and told her that this would
be his last big assignment before he started his two-week summer leave.

So much for him staying out of her way.

“How have you been?” he asked, grabbing the dishtowel.

“I’ve been well,” she answered.

“What I mean…I meant…the last time I was here, you were very
upset with me…when I was leaving,” he struggled with the words.

“But you were right,” she said. “I’ve been fine, but I would
be lying if I said I didn’t miss you.”

He nodded and turned his head so that she couldn’t read his
expression.

Two hours later, he took Cora into the bathroom to change
her dressing once more. “She could use your help dressing for bed,” he said,
appearing in the doorframe.

By the time Annie returned, Max had already retired to his
room. “Max asked me to wish you goodnight,” Kellus explained. “He didn’t know
how long you would be with Cora.”

“Thank you,” she replied shyly, realizing that they were
completely alone.

“I’d like to go to sleep also,” he said awkwardly. “Thank
you for dinner, and please call me if Cora needs anything.” He walked past her
and into the spare room.  

She leaned her head against the wall and sighed. This was
torture, to have the man she loved under the same roof, yet he may as well have
been a million miles from her. She cleared up the rest of the kitchen and went
to bed, trying to forget that Kellus was less than forty feet away.

Sometime later, she woke to the sound of movement in the
kitchen. She knew beyond any doubt that it was Kellus. She jumped up, not quite
sure what she was going to do, and walked down the hall.

He sat on a chair with his elbows resting on his knees, his
hands joined together, staring sadly at the wall. He was barefoot and no longer
adorned in his apprentice uniform.  He wore a black pair of trousers with a
black shirt that was completely unbuttoned.

Her knees began to shake at the sight of him; he was so
beautiful. She stood staring, unable to find words to say.

“Forgive me if I woke you,” he murmured without looking at
her.

She continued to stare, frozen to the spot, even as he
turned his head and stared back. He looked away again, placed his palms on both
sides of his head, and combed his fingers through his hair. He looked down at
the floor.

After a long moment, he spoke, “I can’t do this,” he moaned,
still looking down.

“Do what?” she asked quietly. She braced herself for his
explanation, sure that it would tear her heart out again.

“I cannot deal with this,” he whispered so low that she barely
heard him. He turned his head to look at her again, his bottom lip quivering
slightly. “I don’t know how to leave you alone,” he uttered, pain etched in his
features.

“Then don’t,” she replied quietly.

He threw his head back and grabbed the roots of his hair.
“But I have to,” he said firmly.

“No, you don’t,” she answered.

“Annie…” he trailed off, standing up. He walked over to her,
never taking his eyes from hers, and placed his hands on either side of her
face. “You don’t know what you’re saying,” he said through clenched teeth. “I
need you to fight me. I need you to stop me from…”

“From what?” she asked.

“I can’t fight the urge to kiss you any longer,” he
confessed.

“I don’t want you too,” she responded.

“Go back to bed,” he said, his eyes begging.

She shook her head.

“You’re pushing your luck,” he warned.

She shrugged her shoulders.

“Annie, this is so wrong. What I want is so wrong,” he said
pleadingly.

“I don’t think it is,” she countered.

He pressed his lips to hers forcefully. Keeping his right
hand on her cheek, he moved his left hand behind her head and pulled it closer
to him. He kissed her with a passion that rendered her breathless. He pushed
his tongue into her forcefully, greedily, moaning into her mouth.

He ran his lips across her jaw and kissed her neck. “Please,
get away from me,” he moaned into her skin.

She wrapped her arms tighter around him and turned her head
to find his mouth once more. His tongue entered her again, pushing deeply. His
arms were almost too tight around her, his body leaning into hers.

He pulled away and grabbed her by the hand, leading her into
the spare bedroom.

Once inside the door, he pressed his lips to hers again. He
released her mouth only to run his tongue up her throat to her ear. “Stop me,
Annie,” he pleaded against the nape of her neck.

“I don’t want to,” she protested, her whole body on fire for
him.

“Silly girl,” he growled, pulling her onto the small
makeshift bed.

He was on top of her, grinding himself into her thigh,
devouring her mouth once more. Her hands were on his muscled back, roaming up
and down, her fingers digging in deep. He leaned sideways, allowing him access
to her right breast. He kneaded her nipple, with his thumb and forefinger,
through her nightshirt.

His mouth was at her ear once more. “You know what I want to
do, don’t you?” he purred seductively.

“Yes,” she whimpered.

“Are you sure you know?” he whispered, running his hand down
her belly and across her hip. “I want to take your innocence.”

“I know,” she cried.

“You must stop me,” he murmured, his fingers crawling to the
inside of her thigh. “You can’t let me do this.”

“I don’t want to stop you,” she breathed. “I want you to do
it.”

He pulled away from her and sat up, placing his hands through
his hair again. He sat silently for moments while she held her breath,
wondering what he would do next. What he did was the last thing she would have
expected: he put his face in his hands and let out a loud sob.

“Kellus!” she gasped. “What’s wrong?” She leaned over and
placed her arms around his shoulders. He leaned into her, allowing her to
comfort him. “What’s wrong?” she asked again.

“You would make this so much easier for me if you’d fight
this,” he said, leaning against her chest. “I don’t want to hurt you, Annie,
but you’re making it too easy for me.”

“I’m sorry,” she stated.

He sat up and ran his thumb down her cheek. “Look at you,”
he said with a sad smile. “I’m behaving like a complete ass, and
you’re
apologizing. You’re too good, much too good for
me
.”

“It’s because of your vows, isn’t it,” she concluded.
“You’re too honorable to break those stupid vows.”

“You still think me honorable?” he asked skeptically.

“Yes, I do,” she assured him.

He let out a sad chuckle. “But you’re wrong,” he said. “I don’t
want to do it because I love you too much to make you my mistress. I thought I
made that clear before.”

“And I thought I made it clear that you had no right to make
that decision for me,” she bit back.

“Annie…” he trailed off, sighing.

“What?” she questioned.

“We’re not doing it, and that’s final,” he said firmly,
squaring his shoulders.

“I thought it was what you wanted,” she said quietly,
confused.

“You have no idea how badly,” he responded. “So much so that
I came very close to losing control just now, but by tomorrow morning, I would
have hated myself for it.”

“Okay,” she said nodding. “I understand.” She stood up to
leave, feeling dejected.

“But…” he jumped up after her. “I meant what I said before
that. I don’t know how to leave you alone, and I don’t want to anymore.” She
looked at him, narrowing her eyes questioningly. “I want you to stay here with
me anyway. I mean…I want you just to lie here with me…I want to hold you while
you sleep.”

She felt her heart soar. “Really?” she asked.

“Please,” he begged.

“What if you lose control again?” she questioned.

“I won’t. I plan to wrap you up nice and tight in that
blanket and hold you while you’re all cocooned,” he replied, arching his
eyebrows in anticipation of her answer.

She let out a giggle. “Okay,” she agreed.

As promised, he wrapped the blanket around her tightly and
lay down next to her, pulling her into his arms. “I love you so much,” he
whispered into her ear. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the day you
dropped that book and package in front of me.”

“I love you too,” she mumbled. “Please don’t stay away from
me again.”

“I can’t,” he replied sadly. “That was the hardest five
weeks of my life. I was in agony the whole time. I know you deserve so much
more than this, but I can’t bear the pain any longer. I’m ashamed of my
weakness.”

“It was really hard on me also,” she said groggily.

“I’m so sorry,” he sighed. “I’m so sorry for everything.” He
leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You’re falling asleep already,” he said
quietly.

“Um, um,” she mumbled, trying to keep her eyes opened. “I’m
fine.”

“No, you’re tired. You need to sleep.”

 “I don’t want to leave you yet,” she protested.

“I’ll be here when you awake. Go to sleep,” he cooed into
her ear, “Sleep, beautiful girl.”

She woke to the sound of laughter coming from down the hall.
She rolled onto the floor and rushed into the kitchen.

Cora and Max were seated at the table, watching with
amusement as Kellus tried to fry eggs. It had gone terribly wrong. Eggs stuck
to the bottom of the frying pan.