Restless (Relentless Series Book 2) (16 page)

Emmy had the bright idea that we required a girl’s weekend in Vegas. I think this was more about her issues than mine, but whatever. If my friend needed me, I was there. Getting away for a few days might help me out. Plus, it was Vegas, no one ever says no to Vegas.

The sun warmed my skin and the drink sitting on the table next to me was perfectly mixed. Life couldn’t get much better than it was right this second, that is as long as I didn’t think of anything I had going on back home. All I wanted to do was drink, gamble and spend time with my best friend during this trip. Hopefully Em had the same plan.

A shadow cast over me and I covered my eyes as I looked up at the person in front of me.

“You couldn’t even wait for me to get off the plane before you were out by the pool. Bitch.”

Emmy threw her beach bag on the ground between the two chairs and flopped down.

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t have done the same damn thing. I wasn’t about to stay in the hotel room, and I haven’t been here long enough to start gambling yet.”

The cute cabana boy came over and asked what she wanted to drink. I smirked as I watched her try to keep the drool from running down her chin. His abs were insane, and he had that V that made smart girls stupid. She mouthed ‘holy fuck’ at me and I stifled a giggle. When he left, she fanned herself.

“Hot. It’s so fucking hot.”

“No honey, that’s just the man candy.”

“You’re forgiven for coming down to the pool without me,” she said laughing.

“Oh good, I was worried.”

Emmy flipped me off and leaned back in her chair. Even though she was stuck in an office every day, her skin wasn’t pale and pasty. It wasn’t fair. She was the kind of girl that was perfect. Perfect body, perfect boobs, perfect ass, and she never gained an ounce of fat no matter how much she indulged in junk food and liquor. It was enough to make a girl sick.

“So why are we in Vegas?” I asked.

“I needed to get away. I figured you did too. So why not go together?”

“I completely agree with this plan as long as you don’t force me to talk.”

“As far as I’m concerned, neither one of us has issues besides making sure the little umbrellas in our drinks don’t fly away.”

Perfect.

We lounged around and stared at our hot cabana boy for a few hours before we were bored. By mid-afternoon I felt like I had been burnt to a crisp.

The hotel room was amazing. Em had gone nuts when she booked the suite. The two-bedroom penthouse was beautiful, but completely over the top. I put my phone on shuffle while we got ready for the evening. For once I didn’t care about Em hearing me sing. She curled her hair while I put on my makeup. At one point, she stopped, brush halfway to her face, and listened.

“How come I never realized you could sing so well?”

I shrugged. “I never really showcased it.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “It’s a gift you shouldn’t hide. I get that you don’t want the fame and all the shit that goes with it, but damn Taylor. I wish I had that kind of talent.”

“I was never the talented Montgomery sister.”

“Bullshit. You just didn’t get pushed into it like Violet did. Thank goodness your mom never realized you could sing or you wouldn’t have had a choice.”

If only she understood the lengths I went to just to make sure that didn’t happen.

“So I’ve been going to therapy.”

“Really? That’s great.”

“It’s helped.”

“Can I ask you something about Stephen without you freaking out?”

“I don’t freak out.” She shot me a look, and I amended my statement. “I don’t freak out every time.”

“Better.”

“Okay, what’s your question?”

“Why are you two still stuck in this loop? You both want to be together, but it’s like neither of you can suck up your pride enough to tell the other what you want.”

I stared into the mirror for a second before answering. “Why do you think I went to therapy?”

“So you want to fix things?”

“I love Stephen. I don’t want to be broken forever and if this is what I have to do, then I’m going to. I hate that I pushed him away, but I need to fix me before I can try to talk to him about a relationship.”

“You aren’t broken. Your mother wants you to think that, but you aren’t. She's just this psychotic person that wants everyone to be as miserable as she is.”

“Em, to some extent I am. There’s a reason why I can’t stay in one place. And there’s a reason why I panicked when I found that ring. I just want to figure out what's driving me to push everyone away so I can have a fighting chance with Stephen. That’s if he’ll even listen when I figure my shit out. I screwed that one up. Again.”

“Stephen loves you; he has for as long as I’ve known him and he will forgive you.”

“It’s like I can’t just get out of my own way so I can be happy. I don’t get why I keep sabotaging my happiness. I’m terrified of losing him, but I keep pushing him away to protect him.”

“Do you think it’s so he can’t hurt you first?” Emmy said gently.

I stared at the wall. She was right. I was terrified that Stephen would hurt me, even if he didn’t mean to. When we ended things, I blamed him for not trusting me, but in reality it was the other way around. Holy shit. Talk about a breakthrough.

“Come on, let’s finish getting ready,” Em said.

I nodded, but my head was a million miles away.

“I still love Mason.”

I sat up and looked over at Em. She was on her back with her eyes closed. “What are you going to do?”

“Fuck if I know. Adam is amazing, but I still have this deep connection with Mase. I want to hate him, but I can’t.”

“You guys have been together since you were sixteen. He’s not a bad guy, Em. He’s just…lost. You can see it every time you look at him.”

“So am I. I really thought I could move on, but I think I’m kidding myself.”

“Have you had closure with Mason? Not just you telling him he’s a prick for not filing the divorce papers, but actually discussed everything with him?”

She didn’t answer.

“You can’t ignore him and hope he goes away. He will always be a significant part of your past. And exhausting yourself with work isn’t going to help.”

“I’m not trying to hide behind my work.”

“You didn’t even come out for Vi’s baby shower.”

“I was busy,” she defended. I raised an eyebrow. “Fine. I concede to the work shit.”

“Just talk to Mase.” Emmy started to cry, and I sat up. In all the years I had known her, I had only ever seen her cry two times. “Em, what’s wrong? Tell me, please.”

“When I left Mason, I was pregnant.” My mouth dropped open. What the hell? “I spent too much time trying to figure out how to tell him, but in the end it didn't matter. The pregnancy was ectopic. I had emergency surgery, and I don’t know if I can even have kids. Adam started out as my doctor, but now he’s offering me everything. He wants to be the father to my babies. I'll need to do IVF if I want to get pregnant.”

I moved over to her pool chair and wrapped my arms around her.

“Why didn’t you tell me before now?”

She shrugged. “I’ve been in denial. Lexi’s been listening to me bitch. I’m embarrassed. Take your pick.”

“Why are you embarrassed?”

“I don’t know.” She sniffed.

“If you had called me, I would have been there in a second.”

“That’s why I missed Violet’s baby shower. I just couldn’t be there. After everything, I buried myself in work and trying to figure things out with Adam. I haven’t even told Mase,” she whispered.

“Oh, honey. You need to. That's something you can't keep from him.”

She bit her lip. “I know, but I’m not sure how he’ll react.”

“He’s going to be hurt that you didn’t tell him sooner, but he will support you.”

“I wanted the baby,” she admitted.

An onslaught of new tears hit, and I pulled her in closer.

“I'm so sorry, Emmy.”

We sat there, holding on to each other and letting go of all the heartache that had been chipping away at us for so long. I had been sleepwalking through life after I left Stephen; apparently Emmy had been doing the same thing since her move to New York. She was a better actress than I was though because she hid her pain from the whole world, not just from me.

“We’re going to be okay,” I whispered. “Somehow, we'll make it through this.”

Dinner was quiet that night. Both of us were lost in our own thoughts. Emmy was one of the few people I could truly be myself with. I was the free spirit, the world traveler, but I was also the one that kept secrets and hid from the world. Not that I ever had a problem speaking my mind, but I didn’t share everything about myself. There were so many things I kept to myself; my degree, being scared of letting someone hurt me, how much I actually loved Stephen.

We opted not to go out that night. Instead we self-medicated in our suite. I poured the drinks stronger than what we would've gotten at any club and we watched chick-flicks back to back. By the end, we could barely crawl to our beds.

The next morning was rough. I planned to go running, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I threw on a pair on dark sunglasses and knocked on Emmy’s door.

“Breakfast.” I was reduced to one word sentences.

She walked out scowling. “Too loud. Just whisper.”

“I need pancakes.”

She nodded and went to get dressed.

We made our way down to the main floor and into one of the little cafés. The waitress set down our coffees, and I about cried in relief. As soon as the caffeine hit my system, I was much better. When the food arrived, I was almost human again.

“How much did we drink?” Emmy asked laying her head on the table.

“Too much. I don’t even know.”

“Did it make you feel better?”

“No. You?”

“No. We need a new plan.”

“Staring at the cabana boy?”

Emmy laughed, and then winced. “For now that sounds like a great solution.”

We spent the last of our vacation out by the pool. The trip was something we both needed. I was happy she had suggested it, or rather demanded I show up, in typical Emmy fashion. At the airport, we hugged goodbye and promised to call soon. Sometimes getting away from everything was the best therapy.

I wasn’t as nervous as I sat on the black leather couch waiting for Dr. Harris. My foot didn’t bounce and my nails were safe.

“So Taylor, did you think about what we discussed last time?”

“I did.”

She smiled at me. “What did you find out?”

“My parents had a horrible relationship. I watched them fight for years. Dixie Montgomery is a selfish bitch. I caught her having an affair when I was a kid, and she told me that my father deserved it because he never paid attention to her. She had issues with herself, not with daddy, to behave that way. It killed me when I found out she said she would kill herself if he left her.” I stopped, choking back tears. Holding my finger up, I indicated I needed a minute to compose myself.

Damn.

Only the second visit and this bitch had me crying.

“My father deserved better than her,” I whispered.

“You blame her for a lot.”

“She made me believe it would leave me vulnerable to love one man; I would get hurt and that I couldn’t trust anyone. At fifteen, that really fucked with my head. Somewhere along the way I started to believe her bullshit. Stephen knows me. I only ran away because I was scared, not because I was antsy to leave.”

"What else does Stephen think about your relationship with your mother?"

"He blames her for a lot of our issues. It's not all her fault though. Some of the blame is mine for listening to what she said. I should have confronted her sooner."

"How do you think it will go when you talk to her?"

"Horribly. I'm going to completely cut her out of my life unless she stops drinking. Violet has been the only one there for me throughout the years. I loved my father dearly, but he had his own issues to deal with, mainly my mother. My whole life changed when I realized the type of person she was, but that doesn't mean I have to continue letting her affect it now."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I want to confront her and talk to Stephen. He's who I want to be with, and somehow despite how screwed up I am, I hope he still wants to be with me. Unless I messed it up beyond repair last time."

"You aren't screwed up, Taylor. You just have to figure out your life without letting your past define your future. I don't believe that someone with the feelings you share with Stephen would be able to shut down and be unwilling to listen to you. You need to be honest."

"I know, but it's hard to see past leaving Stephen. When I saw the ring, I panicked. I'm not sure I'm ready for marriage, but I know that I want a relationship with him. He's my home. Maybe in the future I'll be ready to take that step."

“Progress,” she said pulling off her glasses and giving me a rare, tight-lipped smile.

My phone rang, and I immediately groaned. Emmy had been calling every few hours to check in on me and it was getting old. I looked down and did a double take. Dixie was calling, not Em.

What the hell does she want?

Hesitating briefly, I swiped my finger across the screen.

“Hello mother.”

“You don’t have to sound like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m an inconvenience.”

You are most of the time.

I sighed. “What do you need mother?”

“I need you to tell Violet she’s being ridiculous making me speak with Sidney every time I need something. It would be so much simpler if I could just talk to her.”

“Didn’t you tell Vi that she was the reason you drank?”

“That was ages ago. And I didn’t mean it.” I had nothing to say to that. How do you tell your mother she’s a fucking sociopath? “Anyway, just tell her to answer my calls.”

“I can’t do that, mother.”

“And why not?”

“Because I’m not Violet’s keeper, plus I think she’s doing the right thing by not talking to you. You haven’t given her much reason to. Her life is good and letting you back in it wouldn’t be a positive thing for anyone involved.”

My mother squawked in indignation. It was highly entertaining. I pulled the phone away from my ear while she went on and on. Violet walked into my room and looked at me questioningly. I mouthed Dixie at her and she laughed.

“Mother, really. You’ve screwed up our lives for far too long. I’m missing out on a great thing because of you.”

“I never liked Stephen.”

I stared at the phone in disbelief. How in the hell did she know about Stephen? This woman didn't pay attention to anything further than the end of her vodka bottle, normally.

“Of course you didn’t.”

“He was never going to be successful.”

“Actually, Stephen’s a really talented actor. He’s won an Oscar, you know?” That shut her up for a minute. “Look, I understand you’re my mother, but I lost respect for your opinion a long time ago. I never should have let your mistakes dictate what I thought I was capable of in my own life. Stephen loves me, and I love him. You were a shitty wife, but that doesn’t mean Daddy didn’t love you in his own way.”

“What exactly are you trying to say, Magnolia?”

“I’m done being unhappy just because you are. You’re the one that couldn’t be happy with a man who loved you, but I don't have to keep making your mistakes. Don’t call me again, Dixie. I’m through listening to your toxic negativity.”

She started to say something, but I hung up quickly. Violet had warned me of our mother’s issues, but I never realized how true it was until now. It was time I started cutting out the pessimism in my life. If I wanted things to work with Stephen, I needed to make strides in the right direction.

“What did the bitch want?” Vi asked as soon as I hung up.

“Just the same old shit; she wants me to be as unhappy and miserable as she is. She also told me to convince you to answer your phone when she calls.”

She laughed. “Fat chance of that happening. The best thing I ever did was cut her off. It’s sad because she is our mother, but she hates life and doesn’t want to accept responsibility for her own issues.”

“I’m realizing that. I felt responsible for her for so long.”

“I know, but she’s your mother, not the other way around.”

I smiled sadly. “If only she understood that.”

Vi sat down next to me on the bed and pulled me into a hug. “We have each other. That’s all that matters.”

I squeezed her back. “Yep. You can’t get rid of me, even when I’m being a huge idiot.”

“You’re figuring it out, honey.”

“With all the shit I’ve been through lately, it’s time.”

“It’s called growing up.”

“You sound a lot like Gage.”

She smiled. “He’s pretty damn smart sometimes, but don’t you dare tell him I said that.”

“Never!” I said laughing.

She grabbed my hand and led me to the kitchen. Jax and Violet would always make me feel like a part of their family. But for the first time ever, I didn't think it was enough for me. It was time to stop talking and whining and actually do the work to make some changes in my life.