Retribution (Sebastian Trilogy Book 3) (9 page)

“Fine,
”
I reply, still melancholy.

“You need some serious girl time.”

The shops are bustling for a Tuesday afternoon. Office workers clutching fast food and young mums pushing buggies into clothes shops, all enjoying the balmy weather. Bella has written a birthday gift list for which I’m thankful, unsure what an eighteen-year-old girl wants today. She’s far more mature than I recall being at her age. Ruth says she’s eighteen going on thirty but, every now and again, she will throw a tantrum or act the fool and remind me that she’s still a teen. Clutching a bag of CDs and make-up, there remains one gift I wish to purchase, which wasn’t on Bella’s list. The jeweller retrieves the locket from the window display. It’s a simple gold heart with a dainty sculpted edge and fine gold chain. “I’ll take it,
”
I tell the pretty, blonde assistant who carefully places it in a black and gold box and runs my purchase through the till. It’s expensive but my daughter is more than worth it.

The wine bar is busy. Several minutes spent waiting for a table are eventually rewarded and we sit by the window overlooking the town square. Ruth orders a bottle of chilled Chardonnay having first quizzed me as to whether my anti-loony pills are okay mixed with alcohol. Of course, I know I’m not taking them but I tell her that alcohol is fine in moderation. The waitress pours a large measure in each glass and notes our order of a platter of meze. Nibbling on the delicious olives, hummus, and breads while we chat is just like old times. Ruth recounts tales from the office and I realise how much I miss my work and colleagues. It feels as though I have been living in a parallel universe for the past few weeks.

“You seem much better, Beth,
”
Ruth comments as she refills my glass.

“Honestly, I feel so much better,
”
I concede. “My head feels clearer and I haven’t hallucinated.”

“Those pills are doing you the world of good, love. To be honest, I’m a little surprised. I thought it would take longer for them to get in your system.
”
She watches me over the rim of her wine glass, gauging my reaction I think.

“Well, it just proves the shrink knows his stuff. He’s clearly got me on the right pills.
”
I’m relieved to see her smile and nod, yet am wracked with guilt at the lies that slip so freely from my mouth.

“Beth, do you really still think Scarlett drugged you? It’s just, you’re taking your medication—which amazes me quite honestly—yet you sounded so earnest when you talked to DI Chambers this morning. If you believe she’s drugged you, then surely you don’t believe you’re mad. So my question is: why are you taking the pills?”

My friend is astute. Now, like a cornered rabbit facing the farmer’s gun, I search my mind for a way out of this, unsure what to say. I want to tell Ruth that I’m not taking the pills, but to do so is to admit that I’ve lied to her and Sebastian. It also reveals that I wholeheartedly believe my own attempted murder theory and in turn leaves me open to being accused of insanity once more. It’s better that Ruth, Bella, Sebastian and my mother believe that I’m getting well, and to them that means taking the tablets.

“That’s a good question, Ruth.
”
And it is. A very good question. “I believe everyone has my best interests at heart, except Scarlett of course, and that you all want me to take the medication and get well. I’m doing it for you. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe Scarlett means me harm. I know what she said to me. It may be a bit foggy in my mind and I can’t remember everything, but the intent to harm was clear. I also know she hinted that she hurt my son and husband. I can’t just put that to one side and not act upon it. I owe it to them. I wasn’t the world’s best mother or wife. I see that now, and I have to live with the guilt, but I can do this for them—uncover the truth, whatever that may mean.”

“You know you have my support, Beth. Whatever you decide to do, I will back you.
”
We clink glasses as we used to do in more carefree times, and recite our mantra, “Here’s to us, and down the rest of the buggers.
”
Our cappuccinos arrive and conversation turns to my relationship with Sebastian.

“Do you miss him?
”
Ruth asks.

“Yes. I really do.
”
I sigh. “He’s the man I’ve been dreaming of all my adult life, if that doesn’t sound too corny?”

“Not at all. I see how you are together and, mostly, you’re good. Really good.”

“Mostly?”

“Well, you can both be fiery and hot-headed.
”
She giggles. “If Scarlett went…I mean, when she goes, I think you two will be just fine. I do want to ask you about the kinky stuff, though. Oh. My. God. What the hell is that room in the basement?
”
She licks her bottom lip, awaiting my reply. I know that look. That’s the look that tells me she will not accept anything other than the full lowdown on our sex life.

“He’s dominant, Ruth, as you know. He’s
a
Dominant,
”
I say. She cocks her head to one side, smirking shamelessly.

“Yes, yes, which means he gets to tie you up and beat the shit out of you?”

“No, Ruth. Well, not as such. It’s not abuse if that’s what you mean. His mantra is ‘safe, consensual, and sane,
’
so everything we do is based on mutual trust and agreement.”

“Hold on, lady.
”
She replaces her coffee cup in its saucer and folds her arms. “You consent to him horse whipping you, or whatever it is you two do down there? And what about the ‘sane
’
part? Can that really be said of you?
”
She laughs and I punch her arm playfully across the table.

“Seriously, Ruth. He’s opened my eyes to a whole new way of having sex and…I kind of like the way he takes the lead. I find myself needing that from him more and more.”

“I get that.
”
Ruth nods, sipping her coffee. “Doesn’t it hurt, though?”

“It’s hard to explain. It’s good pain, if that makes sense. Because it’s so erotic, I get carried away and the pain becomes pleasurable. For example, when he shoved the butt plug in me—
”

Ruth spits her coffee, showering us both in warm brown specks. I still love to shock her.

“For fuck’s sake, Beth!
”
She’s laughing so hard that it’s infectious. We cackle and giggle, unaware of those around us. We don’t notice the man standing to my left until he coughs loudly.

“Hello, Beth.
”
The man fidgets nervously. Still laughing, I turn to apologise for our raucous behaviour, looking up at his face.

“Mike. Oh my God. Mike Breeze.
”
Best man to Alan and I, his closest friend and…witness to Alan and Scarlett’s affair? Mike indicates to the chair beside me and I nod for him to join us. He leans forward and kisses my cheek and then Ruth’s. “How have you been, Mike?”

“I’ve been okay. It’s been tough, without my mate Alan…but life goes on.
”
He orders a double espresso. “I thought you were living in Cornwall now?”

“Yes. No. We’re back for Bella’s birthday. It’s her eighteenth on Thursday. She wanted to go out with some of her old school friends. So, here we are.”

“Can’t believe she’s nearly eighteen.
”
He sighs. “Where does the time go, eh?”

“Indeed,
”
I reply, feeling awkward and unsure what to talk to Mike about. Ruth makes small talk until his coffee arrives. This is a prime opportunity to quiz Mike about Scarlett. At Alan’s funeral, Mike indicated that my late husband had been dating a girl who fitted Scarlett’s description. Scarlett herself hinted that she had been seeing Alan. There will never be a better opportunity than this to ask Mike about his recollections. “Mike. I hope you don’t mind me asking, but there’s been something on my mind for some time and I’d like to ask you about it.”

“Sure. What is it?”

“At the funeral, you mentioned that Alan had been seeing someone.”

He drains his coffee and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, his eyes narrowed and suspicious. “What’s this about? It won’t do any good to go over old ground now, Beth. What’s done is done. By all accounts you’re still seeing that bloke from Cornwall, anyway.”

“Yes, that’s true,
”
I acquiesce. “I’m not blaming Alan. God knows he had a crap life with me in the end…not that it was all my fault, you understand. However, I have reason to believe that the woman he was seeing is Sebastian’s maid, Scarlett.
”
In a moment of inspiration, I retrieve my mobile phone and open the camera application. Scrolling through the photographs I find one of Scarlett taken at Christmas. “Would you recognise her again?”

Mike nods. “She was a looker. Not the sort easily forgotten, although it was some months ago.
”
He looks at the screen with no hint of recognition.

“Is that the woman Alan was seeing?
”
My breath catches as Mike squints at the small image. Ruth shuffles nervously in her seat. He takes his reading glasses from his pocket and slips them onto the bridge of his nose, moving the screen away slightly until his vision is sharp enough to focus on the image. It is evident that the woman is familiar to him; my heart skips a beat. This could be the lead I need to see Scarlett condemned. “It’s her, isn’t it?”

Chapter 9

Mike hesitates before speaking. “I…I can’t be certain, Beth, but it looks like the woman. She’s thinner than she was, but then so are you. You bloody women are always changing your hairstyle, losing weight…but yes. I’m fairly certain that’s the woman Alan saw. Does she have a four-by-four car?”

My hand trembles as I slip the phone in my handbag. “Yes, Mike. She has access to Sebastian’s Land Rover. When he’s in London or on the estate, Scarlett uses his car to run errands. She could very well have driven to Dorset if she was alone for the day. Even overnight.
”
Overnight—did Alan spend nights with Scarlett? After despising sex with me for bloody years. The way that Mike avoids my questioning stare confirms my husband’s infidelity. Suddenly I feel sick. I need air. Pushing my chair back abruptly, I mutter an excuse and swiftly exit the wine bar. Standing on the pavement, oblivious to people passing me by, the tears fall. A gentle hand on my arm focuses my attention back to Mike.

“Beth. Shit, I didn’t mean to upset you.
”
He runs a hand through his hair, reminding me of Sebastian. How I miss him. How I need his strong arms around me right now, telling me everything is okay. I feel lightheaded, a cloying grey fog inside my mind darkening my thoughts. “I didn’t think you’d react that way after…well, you were seeing other men, love. It’s not like Alan cheated first.”

I deserved those words. As time passes, so my guilt becomes more profound. “If I’m honest, Mike, I need to find out what really happened to Alan and Joe, because it’s something I can do for them. To right the terrible wrong that I did.
”
He hands me a tissue from his pocket to dry my eyes. “How often did he sleep with her?”

He shifts his weight from foot to foot, apparently uncomfortable at my question. “A few times. Not overnight. Okay, once at my place. He told me they’d been to a hotel in Somerset a couple of times.
”
His eyes meet mine, my pain reflected in his. “I’m not trying to hurt you, love. You asked.”

Ruth joins us outside, clutching my bag. “You okay, Beth?
”
I nod. “I’ve paid the bill, let’s get you home.”

“One last thing, Mike.”

He arches an eyebrow, hands thrust deep in his trouser pockets.

“Did Alan seem okay to you towards the end?”

“Beth, he was fucked up. To answer your question, no. He didn’t seem all right.”

“In what way? I saw him so little, with Christmas and all. Did he seem at all…drugged? Weird? Hallucinations?”

Mike considers my questions, then sighs deeply. “I don’t know what you mean by drugged. He was weird, yes. I remember one night, we were having take-away, and he’d seen her that afternoon. He looked at me and said the weirdest thing. He said the walls of my living room were running with blood. Your blood.”

“Oh my God. So he hallucinated? Or do you mean…he wanted it to be my blood?
”
The thought that Alan could have considered any real harm coming to me is abhorrent and unbelievable. For all his faults he was a gentle man, rarely cursing or wishing harm on others who wronged him.

“No, love. He really believed he could see blood on the walls. He got weird towards the end, but then he was drinking a lot…more than usual. I put it down to the stress of your separation. It took its toll on him, you know.”

“Yes, I know,
”
I whisper, ashamed.

Ruth rests a hand on my arm. “Come on, lovely. Let's get you home. Mike, you’re welcome to pop in for a cuppa?
”
Mike shrugs and makes an excuse. It’s clear that he’s uncomfortable. We say goodbye, giving each other a perfunctory kiss before parting. Driving home, Ruth and I discuss the revelations of the afternoon. Ruth considers Alan to have been suffering from stress and alcoholism, but, to me, Mike’s disclosure is confirmation of Scarlett’s involvement in his demise.

***

A chicken is roasting in the oven. It’s the first meal I’ve cooked for a long time and the normality of such a domestic task calms my nerves. Bella peels potatoes and Ruth pours me a second glass of red wine. My mobile phone rings just as I remove the tray of sizzling chicken from the oven to baste. Ignoring the familiar ringtone, I spoon hot fat onto the crispy bird and replace the tray, slamming the oven door shut with my foot. The phone rings once more. Sebastian’s photograph smiles from the phone display as I toss aside the oven glove and answer the call.

“Elizabeth?”

“Sebastian. Hi. How are you?”

“I’m fine,
”
he says curtly. “You said you’d call when you reached Dorset. I know the roads can be bad but I’m guessing the journey didn’t take over twenty-four hours?”

“Sorry. I meant to call you yesterday but I’ve had a lot to do, getting ready for Bella’s birthday.
”
I’m thankful he can’t see my flushed cheeks.

“I see. I’ll drive up tomorrow. I wouldn’t miss my girl’s birthday for the world.
”
My girl
. His fondness towards Bella warms my heart. “I hope you’re not overdoing it? The idea is that you rest, Elizabeth. It doesn’t sound as if that is the case.”

“Oh. I’ve been resting too. Anyway, how are things at Penmorrow? Are you missing me?
”
I try to change the subject tactfully.

“Yes, of course I miss you. Are you feeling any better?
”
His voice is clipped and a little cool.

“You don’t sound as if you’re missing me. Is everything okay?”

“Everything is wonderful, darling. Unless of course you mean in spite of my girlfriend going nuts, running off to Dorset, my maid sulking and you not taking my calls.”

“I see.
”
Ouch. That hurts. “It’s only for a short while, Sebastian. We agreed that I needed this space to get well.”

“And are you getting well? Are you taking your medication?

“Yes, of course. I’m feeling more clearheaded. Maybe you were right about this being grief.”

“Yes, darling. I do think I’m right.”

There is a long awkward silence. I break it. “Why is Scarlett sulking?”

“I have no idea what goes through any woman’s head, Elizabeth, least of all hers.”

“Has she mentioned a moving date? Has she found somewhere to go?”

“No, she hasn’t. She kindly offered to stay on while you are away to look after the house.
”

I just bet the bitch has.

“To look after you, you mean.
”
I can’t hide the bitterness in my voice, and he sighs deeply.

“Elizabeth.”

“Yes?”

“It’s not forever. It makes sense that she stays until you return. It gives her more time to find another position and a place to live. I need the help too. Try to be reasonable.”

“Reasonable?
”
I repeat, trying to curb the venom. “I think I’ve been very reasonable, given the fact that she has made it totally untenable for me to live with the man I love.
”
He sighs deeply but I’m unable to stop myself. “Furthermore, Sebastian, it seems remarkable to me that I’m feeling better now I’ve left Penmorrow. Now that I’m not eating her cooking, which incidentally is even more poisonous than anything that comes out of her mouth, and that’s saying something.”

“Have you finished?
”
he asks nonchalantly. “I can’t do this any more, Elizabeth. I’m tired of arguing with you about Scarlett. I think, on reflection, it would be best if you stayed in Dorset, for the time being at least.”

This was not what I’d expected. I’m shocked to my core, ice coursing through my veins. “Why? Don’t you love me?”

Another long silence is followed by one more sigh and my sense of panic increases. “You know I do. With all my heart,
”
he says quietly.

“But?”

“But we’ve both been through so much and neither seems happy. Scarlett is a recurring topic for you, and I have to tell you that from my perspective, she is the one who has been my constant. I don’t think you can get over your jealousy, or whatever it is you feel toward her, and I know that her help here is invaluable. So, you see it’s a stalemate.
”

Jealousy? Are you kidding me?

“But the things Scarlett does, I want to do for you, Sebastian. It’s bound to be difficult with two women living in the house, one whom loves you and one who’s crazy and besotted with you.”

“And which are you?
”
he asks.

“I love you. For fuck’s sake, you know that. Don’t you see what she’s doing to me? To us?”

“Watch your mouth, Elizabeth.”

“I won’t watch my fucking mouth. You’re ending our relationship because you choose a manipulative, dangerous whore over me.”

“Then there’s really nothing more to say, is there?”

“No. I guess there isn’t.
”
Tears flow down my face and I want to scream at him that I love him, not to do this to us. Instead I cut the call, my stubborn pride exceeding my desire to beg him not to leave me. This could be the biggest mistake of my life.