Return to You (11 page)

“Jail. And not a scratch on him, the rat bastard.”

“Good. I mean that he's in jail, not that he walked away without a scratch.” At that moment, her parents came rushing in.

“Oh, thank God. Jerry, look! She's awake!” Her mother was elated and started fussing over her immediately. “We were so scared, baby! Look at you, my baby girl. To think we almost lost you!” She continued to talk and adjust Selena's blankets and hair, thankful that her daughter was finally awake. Selena noticed her father standing silently in the background, his arms folded. He had the military stance she dreaded.

“Hi, Daddy,” she said quietly. If there was one thing Selena knew about her father, it was how you could read his mood by the way he stood. Right now she could tell he was furious, but for the life of her, she had no idea as to why. Was he angry at her for getting into a car accident? Even one that wasn't her fault? Sometimes, it didn't seem to matter who was at fault; sometimes he just wanted to be mad.

“Selena,” he said curtly with a nod.

Her
parents
exchanged
an
odd
look, and her mother hissed, “Not now, Jerry,” but he clearly had something to say.

“The doctors said you're going to be fine. Your recovery will take several weeks, but beyond that, you shouldn't have any lingering issues. You were very fortunate.” He stepped closer to the bed, and Selena felt an overwhelming sense of dread. “Your arm is broken as well as several ribs—probably from the force with which you hit the steering wheel. I don't know why the airbags didn't deploy. We'll have to talk to a mechanic and possibly the manufacturer about that, and we may have to file a lawsuit.”

“Jerry,” her mother warned again as she straightened and began to twist her hands nervously.

“You've got a concussion, and the cut on your head required some stitches, but there shouldn't be a scar. You'll have a headache for a couple of days to be sure.” He shifted his position a little and then slowly walked all the way toward her; his expression was full of anger. “Your bruises will heal up in time. You'll be stiff for a while but—”

“Jerry, please!”

“But your baby died.” There. He'd said it. He stared down at her, almost daring her to deny it. Selena placed a shaky hand to her stomach but wouldn't allow herself to cry in front of them. Especially not in front of her father. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of watching her fall apart; he'd only use it later to remind her of her weakness. Her father turned and started to leave the room. “It's all for the better, Selena,” he said in that authoritative tone that no one was allowed to argue with. “That boy actually thought you'd give up going to school and a real future to marry him! A common dirt digger!” He turned and looked at her one last time. “Over my dead body.” The door slammed behind him.

“Selena, sweetheart,” her mother started as she began fussing with the blankets again.

“Please don't say anything, Mom.” She looked at her hands as they lay on her belly. Her baby was gone. It never even had a chance. Everything inside of her felt hollow, and she ached with the loss. “Where's James?” she finally asked, turning to Jen who, in turn, looked to Mrs. Ainsley. “Jen? Where is he?”

“Your dad threw him out of here the night of the accident. He…he…” She once again looked at Selena's mom and waited for her approval. “He told James that you got rid of the baby, and then he threatened to have him arrested if he didn't leave.”

“No!” Selena cried as she tried and failed to sit up. “Tell me it isn't true!” She turned to her mother and felt sick at the look on her face.

“I'm afraid so,” she said helplessly. “The boy wouldn't be reasonable, Selena. You have a bright future ahead of you! College. A career. This relationship,” she said the word as if it left a bad taste in her mouth, “was temporary. James Montgomery isn't the type of boy you marry. You'll go to school and meet a man with a future. You can do better than him. In time, you'll see that.” She went to adjust Selena's blanket again, but Selena shoved her hands away.

“I want to be alone.”

“But—”

“Please, Mom. Just go.” When Jen stood up, Selena shook her head. She waited until her mother was gone before kicking the blankets away and trying once again to sit up. “Where is he, Jen? Have you seen him? Get me the phone! I have to call him!”

“It's too late, Selena,” Jen said sadly as she tried to stop her from climbing from the bed and hurting herself any further. “Please, just stay in the bed. You're hurt and you shouldn't be up. You're not going to find him.”

“What? What do you mean?” Shakily, Selena slid from the bed and tried to stand up.

“He's gone,” Jen said. “He left town after the police escorted him from the hospital. Even Kent doesn't know where he went. I'm so sorry. I tried to find him; I wanted to talk to him for you and make him understand the way your dad is. I've looked everywhere. I even went and talked to his boss. No one knows where he is.”

The
room
spun
as
Selena
fell
to
the
floor.

It turned out that the early-bird dinner was, indeed, at four o'clock, and when Jen called at five, Selena was already walking to her car after kissing her grandmother good-bye. “Did you have a good visit?” Jen asked.

Selena was a little teary. “She seems so much older than I remembered. As I was walking out the door, she said ‘I'll see you' and I can only hope that we will. I have to make more of an effort!” She was kicking herself. All of the years she worked so hard to just to keep herself sane and her heart safe, and she never realized how that affected those she loved the most. “We had a wonderful afternoon together, though. She showed me all around the complex and I met all of her friends and for a minute or two, I felt like some sort of show pony that she was showing off!” They both laughed. “Anyway, it was a wonderful day and I'm glad that I came. Thank you for convincing me to come up here, Jen.” It wasn't even hard to admit it. “So what about you? How was your day?”

“I feel like I have run a marathon. Twice,” Jen said, and her voice sounded like it. “There are times that my kids are the absolute best, and days when…”

“They are the worst?” Selena finished for her with a small laugh.

“This was one of those days. Honestly, it doesn't happen often, but sometimes I wonder why I wanted to become a teacher. The pay isn't all that great, and the students certainly don't appreciate me. I mean, no one even listens to me half the time.”

“I'm sorry. But, if it makes you feel any better, I listened. I took your advice, and James and I are meeting up tonight to finally talk.”

“Oh-my-god, oh-my-god, oh-my-god!” Jen squealed over the phone. “That is wonderful! I'm so excited for you! When? Where? What are you going to wear? Do you need me to come over and help you get ready? Was he sorry about standing you up? Did he have a good reason? This is the best news!”

Selena pinched the bridge of her nose and counted to ten in her head, as was becoming a habit when dealing with her best friend. “That's a lot of questions, Jen.”

“I know, I know… I'm just so excited for you! It's about time. When did you talk to him? Did he explain why he didn't show up yesterday? Was he on a case? Did he get all moody when you asked him where he was? Oh my gosh, tell me everything!”

There was no way she was going to do that; Selena was still trying to process it all herself. Their night together, and their morning, was like something out of a dream. She still felt the need to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't still dreaming. What they had shared was private, and as much as she loved Jen, this was something that, for now, she was going to keep to herself.

“There's not a whole lot to tell,” Selena said casually, hoping to keep her tone neutral so as to not send up any red flags that Jen would certainly see. “You know, he called, he apologized for not showing up, yes, he was on a case, and we agreed to meet up tonight once he was off work. No big deal.”

Silence.

“Jen? Are you there?”

“I'm sorry, I think I dozed off. That was
the
most
boring story I ever heard. I can only hope you will have something better to share tomorrow when you call and tell me everything.”

“I make no promises,” Selena said lightly. “Now enough about me. What about you? How was last night? Anything…strange happen? Any…visitors?”

Silence again.

“Jen?”

There was a loud huff on the other end. “Actually, there was. I was sitting watching TV, all of the blinds were closed, all of the doors and windows were locked, and I was feeling pretty secure when there was a knock on the door around ten.”

“Wow…that was late. Who was it?” Selena tried to keep the amusement out of her voice but couldn't seem to help herself.

“From the tone of your voice I'm thinking that you already know! Spill it! What did James say? I knew there was more to your conversation with him than that boring load you just fed me! I can't believe you're holding out on me! Tell me everything. What exactly did James say about Mike's feelings about me?”

Selena burst out laughing. “Nothing! James didn't say anything, not really. All he said was that Mike mentioned he was going to check on you. It wasn't clear if he was just going to do a drive-by or actually stop in and talk to you. I'm guessing it was the latter.”

“You would be correct.”

“And?”

“You have your secrets, and I have mine,” Jen said flippantly, but Selena could tell she was smiling.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that clearly you had more than your boring conversation with James, and you're not sharing. So neither am I.”

“Look, all he did was mention Mike checking up on you when I told him you were home and I was still at the hotel. That's all.”
Liar, liar, liar.

“Oh…well, in that case, there still isn't much to tell. He came in, checked the house and made sure that everything was locked up and secure, went around the property with a flashlight, and that's about it.”

“He didn't stay and hang out?”

“I offered him something to drink and he looked at me like I was crazy.” The disappointment was obvious.

“That's not a good sign.”

“No,” Jen said dejectedly. “It's not.” She sighed. “Apparently I am only capable of attracting crazy-stalker guys. The normal ones have no interest.”

“Let's not throw in the towel just yet,” Selena said, trying to sound reassuring. “Maybe he just wants to wait until all of this stuff with Todd gets settled. You know, when you're not part of a case he's working on.” Selena had watched enough legal dramas on TV to know that was plausible.

“You could ask James about him tonight,” Jen suggested.

“Sure, while we're talking about our long-ago breakup, his deserting me, the loss of our baby, and why he's clearly blaming me, I'll just throw in a little Q and A about whether or not Mike thinks you're cute.”

“Sarcasm really doesn't suit you, Selena,” Jen said with her own hint of sarcasm.

“Then be realistic. Tonight is going to be hard enough; we have a lot to talk about. If I can find a way to bring you and Mike up, I will, but I can't guarantee anything.”

“Fine. So what time is he coming over?”

“He said he'd be over after nine.” Selena looked at her watch. “Clearly I've got some time to kill. I've already eaten my early-bird dinner; want to meet up at the diner for coffee?”

“I can totally do the diner. I haven't had dinner yet. What do you say? Thirty minutes?”

“See you there!”

* * *

A small salad, a Coke, and much laughter later, Selena returned to her hotel room to freshen up and wait for James. With any luck, he wouldn't be detained with work, and they could finally have the conversation they should have had last night. Or this morning.

Or ten years ago.

The thought of talking about the past and bringing it all back to the surface was something she was not looking forward to. For so long, Selena had done her best to push the memories away. It hadn't helped; the pain was still as raw and fresh as if it had happened just yesterday. Pacing the length of the living room, she questioned whether or not she was going to even be able to do this without breaking down. They both had a lot of reasons to be angry; the question was, whose anger was still the strongest right here, right now?

Thinking back, Selena remembered she had tried to find James for weeks after she was released from the hospital. Her father had used every threat possible to keep her from reaching out to James, so she had to get the help of her friends. No one was able to find him. If Kent had known, he hadn't said anything. Not that she could blame him; to Kent, James was family and Selena was just a friend, a classmate. Still, she had hoped if she begged enough, Kent would have seen how sincere she was and how important it was for her to find James and explain what had happened.

While Selena knew what her father had done, she still struggled with one question: Why hadn't James come back for her, even after the dust had settled, so to speak? Surely after a little bit of time, he had to know that everyone would have calmed down, that she'd be waiting for him.

But he never did.

And her father never calmed down, hence their estrangement.

Okay, she thought to herself, maybe she should have stood up for herself more, been more assertive with her parents, but to what end? She couldn't find James. What was the point in being rebellious and standing up for herself when she was still going to be alone? Going off to college had been a godsend. Not having to live under the same roof with the person responsible for ruining her life definitely had its perks, and back then, Selena was sure it would be
then
that James would come and find her.

But he didn't.

All thoughts and warm feelings from making love earlier in the day were quickly fading, and the anger she had lived with for so long was slowly making its return.

He wasn't the only one who suffered a loss, dammit! It was her body that had been broken. It was her life that had been turned upside down, and it had been her baby who had suffered the ultimate loss. How dare he forget that! How dare any of them forget that! All that time, Selena had been made to feel bad or guilty for what had happened when the truth was that she was the victim. In the blink of an eye, she had lost her tenuous relationship with her parents, James, and her child. Why did no one seem to be able to acknowledge that fact? They had all acted selfishly while Selena, like a fool, had tried to bend over backward to make everyone feel better. Why didn't anyone think she needed comfort?

Looking around the suite, Selena had originally planned on ordering some wine and putting on some music, but she no longer felt the need to make things pleasant to help soften the mood. To hell with softening anything. She had needed someone to do that for her so long ago. Why should she go through the effort to do it now? And for that matter, why had she even gone into this whole closure thing feeling like she owed anyone an explanation? He owed her one. And if James Montgomery thought he was going to show up here and make it like he was the only one who had suffered, he was sorely mistaken.

Unable to help herself, Selena did go and freshen up. It was more for herself than for James. At least that's what she told herself. A little lipstick never hurt anyone. Fluffing her hair and giving it that sexy, just-out-of-bed look made her feel pretty. Changing her clothes and putting on her skimpiest black lace underwear was just because she enjoyed frilly things.

It had nothing to do with James.

“What am I doing?” she scolded herself after fluffing the pillows on her bed. “What is wrong with me?” She stalked from the room and went out to the living room to get herself something to drink, only to realize that she hadn't restocked the mini refrigerator. The easy thing to do that wouldn't make her seem like she was putting in an effort was to go down the hall to the vending machine and just grab herself something to drink, but good manners prevailed and she called room service.

The fact that she remembered James's favorite beer made her cringe. Ordering it along with some light snacks and wine for herself made her want to smack her own face. She was still trying to please everyone. It was like a sickness. “I'm just being hospitable. That's it; I am so not trying to impress him.”

Liar, liar, liar.

With nothing left to do, Selena checked her watch and saw that it was only eight thirty. “Great,” she muttered. “Now what do I do?” The TV seemed the obvious choice, and so she did her best to make herself comfortable on the sofa while channel surfing. Back at home, she rarely had so much spare time on her hands. Her business kept her busy, and she considered most television shows to be a waste of her time. Still, it couldn't hurt to see if New York television stations offered a better variety than what she had back home in North Carolina.

Nothing captured her attention, and in her boredom, she began to wonder if she should have changed out of her jeans and sweater when she'd changed her underwear and put on something a little more low key. She was not going to use the phrase “more comfortable” because that implied slipping into something slinky and easy to get out of, and she wasn't supposed to be going there—no matter how pleasurable she knew it could be.

“Dammit.” Rising from the couch, she stalked back to the bedroom and stripped down to her underwear and rummaged through her things until she found a pair of silky lounging pants that she normally did wear around the house and a T-shirt. Checking her reflection in the mirror, she grimaced. “I'm trying too hard to look like I'm not trying too hard.” A growl of frustration escaped before she could help herself. “Why is this so damn hard?” Of course no one was there to answer, and throwing up her hands in disgust with herself, she padded barefoot back into the living room to await both room service and James while watching the latest in house-hunting on HGTV.

“Living the dream,” she mumbled as she curled back up on the couch and did her best to not check the clock again.

The knock on the door came as more of a surprise than it should have, and the remote control flew into the air as she jumped up in fright. “Smooth, Selena…like you weren't expecting anyone,” she berated herself as she struggled to get her heart rate under control while walking to the door.

“Room service,” the voice on the other side called out, and she nearly wilted with relief. She wasn't ready to face James yet. Opening the door, she ushered the uniformed waiter inside and watched as he set up the food and drinks on the small dining table and asked her if there was anything else she needed.

“No, thank you.” Forcing a smile, Selena thanked him, tipped him, and sent him on his way. Glancing at the inviting display, she could practically hear the wine calling her. “What the hell,” she said with defeat and walked over and poured herself a glass. No sooner had she put the bottle back on the table than a second knock came. Selena glanced at the door and then to the glass in her hand. With a shrug, she took a long swallow of the fruity beverage and placed the glass back on the table before heading toward the door.