Return to You (10 page)

“I'm fine,” she whispered. “When I got back here, I went right to sleep. I just didn't want to be disturbed.”

“I'm sorry to have woken you.” Reaching up, his hand caressed the side of her face and Selena leaned into him. “I don't know what I was thinking.” Now his hand was on her slender neck and curling around to the back. “I just needed to see you.”

And then he was kissing her—soft, feathery kisses on her lips. He wanted to take it slow after the way he had behaved the other night and in the utility closet, but then Selena leaned into him even more, and James knew that he was lost.

Pulling back slightly, Selena looked up at his face. “You look exhausted,” she whispered as he started placing kisses on her cheek and neck.

“I haven't slept in years,” he admitted hoarsely.

With that, she took his hand and led him toward her bedroom. Once inside, she closed the door and removed her robe. She never said a word. Climbing into the bed, still clad in her T-shirt, she pulled back the covers on the opposite side indicating where she wanted him.

“Ah, Selena,” he said on a sigh, “I want nothing more than to just be near you.” He removed his shirt, then shoes and socks. “It's been so long, sweetheart, since I've held you.” He removed his jeans, but left on his briefs and then climbed in beside her. “Selena…”

“Shh,” she said softly. “Sleep. We'll talk in the morning.” He lay down and pulled her close. She snuggled into his warmth, and together they relaxed and fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

James woke to a feeling of moisture on his chest. Opening his eyes and looking down, he found Selena's head on his shoulder and tears streaming down her face. He tucked a finger under her chin, forcing her to look up at him. “Selena? What's wrong?”

She sniffled delicately and tried to wipe at the tears, but James stroked a finger down her cheek, doing it for her. “I thought I was dreaming. I woke up in your arms and…I thought I had imagined you coming here last night. I was afraid to believe…”

“Shh,” he said, placing a finger gently over her lips. “Don't cry.”

“I can't help it. You have no idea how many times I dreamed of this, and I still can't believe it's really happening, that you're really here. I've missed you so much.”

James studied her face, completely at a loss for something to say. In his wildest dreams, he had never imagined Selena saying she'd missed him; hell, he hadn't been sure she ever even thought about him anymore. Her brutal honesty proved otherwise, and it completely destroyed him. “I've missed you too,” he said hoarsely. “You're not alone in this; I still can't believe I'm waking up beside you, either.”

He continued to watch her as the small smile played at her lips even as indecision warred in her eyes. There were so many things he wanted to say and imagined that Selena felt the same. Coming here and being here with her like this probably wasn't wise, and yet he didn't have the strength to change a thing.

Leaning up on one elbow, she glanced at the bedside clock. “It's almost eight. Do you need to be at work this morning?”

He shook his head. “Not until noon. Trying to get rid of me already?” He was only partially joking; deep down, he was afraid that was exactly what she was trying to do.

Placing a hand over his heart, Selena looked deep into his eyes. “No. No, I'm not trying to get rid of you. I just don't want to make you late for work.” After yesterday, she probably was being too kind, too forgiving, but now that he was here with her, lying beside her, she lost the battle within herself to hold a grudge.

“Don't worry; we have plenty of time.” The way her eyes widened had James smiling with male appreciation. With their being intimately tangled together, what they could do with their time was obvious. However, he would be a gentleman, finally, and he was going to take his cues from her on how their time was going to play out.

The small smile she'd been wearing turned a bit sexy as her eyes held his. He watched as she opened her mouth to say something but immediately closed it. James arched a brow at her. “What? Tell me what you're thinking.”

“I know that the right thing to do is to get up, order some breakfast, and talk…” she began hesitantly.

“But…” he prompted.

“But,” she said, averting her eyes, “I'm not ready to let this moment go yet.”

It wasn't quite what he was hoping she'd say, and yet he understood completely. “Me either,” he admitted softly. Once again, he tucked a finger under her chin to get her to look at him. “I have no right to be here with you like this, and yet I can't seem to make myself regret it. If it were up to me, we'd be making love right now.”

One of the many things that Selena had loved about James all those years ago was that he was honest. The fact that he said exactly what was on his mind, and if she were honest, on hers too, showed they were still somewhat in sync with one another.

Tired of playing it safe, tired of wondering what might have been, Selena did the most brazen thing she could ever remember doing. “Then why aren't we?”

A wicked grin crossed James's face. One large hand gently caressed her cheek and the slender column of her throat before inching around to the nape of her neck. In the blink of an eye, as it had been each time they'd been together recently, past and present collided. Slowly, he drew her face closer to his. He watched as Selena's eyes began to drift closed. “Sweetheart, all you had to do was ask.”

Self-control was always something James had prided himself on, but at this moment it completely escaped him. The taste and feel of her lips was familiar, the way her body pressed against his was like coming home, and yet the need to possess her, right here, right now, was so overwhelming that he was trembling.

Without warning, he changed their positions so he was the one on top, looking down into her beautiful green eyes. His hands began to wander, reacquainting himself with her body as his eyes scanned her face. “You were always so beautiful,” he said huskily. “It doesn't seem possible that you've grown even more so.” He brought a hand back up to caress her face and watched her eyes drift closed once again. “So damn beautiful.”

He kissed her eyelids, her cheeks, and then returned to her lips, which sighed out his name. He was beyond aroused; Selena's legs slid up to wrap around his waist. It would be so easy to just shove what little they wore aside and take and give what they both seemed to desperately want—what they had always wanted.

James took a fortifying breath. “I want you to know that I didn't come here for this.” There was a hint of defensiveness in his voice, but he wanted her to know that no matter how they had gotten to this moment, it was not premeditated.

Selena opened her eyes and reached up to caress his roughened jaw and smiled. “I know that. I know that we have a lot to—”

“Shh…” He placed a finger over her lips. “No more talking. What I was getting at was that…I didn't come
prepared
for this.”

She instantly knew what he was referring to and breathed a sigh of relief. “No worries. I'm good.”

“So you're on—”

Now it was her turn to place a finger over his lips. “No more talking.”

It was a long time before either of them could utter a coherent word.

It was a little after eleven when James reluctantly rose from the bed. Ten years ago, he had known they were sexually compatible, and the last three hours proved that time hadn't changed that one bit. If anything, it was better. He hadn't thought that was even humanly possible.

The sight of Selena sprawled out on the bed with a sheet tangled around her had him wanting to say to hell with work. His heart was telling him to stay, but the rational side of him knew they both needed a little time to let what had just happened sink in. Plus, as much as he would have liked to put it off forever, there was a lot about their past that they had to talk about.

Just the thought of their past made his gut clench. Looking down at her now, however, James had a hard time reconciling the girl who had all but destroyed him with the woman who had completely rocked his world for the last several hours. It was hard to put the two together, and he knew if he was going to remain sane throughout the day, he was going to have to temporarily let it go.

Selena stretched, and James grinned as the sheet slipped just enough to bare one breast.
God, she is breathtaking.
His fingers twitched with the need to reach out and touch her again, but he forced himself to begin getting dressed.

“What time is it?” she asked sleepily.

James took a minute to put his belt back on before he answered. Even her voice was sexy, and it tied him in knots. “About eleven. I need to go home and shower and change before heading to work.” Doing his best to keep a little bit of distance between them, he sat down on the bed. “What are you doing today?”

She sat up and pushed her hair away from her face before letting out a big yawn. “I am hoping to go see my grandmother today. She doesn't know I'm in town, so she's going to be surprised.”

“Do you think that's a good idea? She's kind of old, isn't she?”

“What is it with you and Jen? I don't plan on waking her up with a marching band and scaring the life out of her,” she said with a laugh. “I'm going to call her when I'm on my way and hopefully have lunch with her.”

“I hate to break it to you, but she probably is having lunch right now. You'll do better having an early dinner with her. You know, around four o'clock.”

Selena playfully punched him in the arm. “I know it's true, but it just sounds mean! We'll see how the day goes.” She stretched. “Jen's supposed to call me when she gets done with work. I'm really worried about her. Any chance of finding this guy soon?”

James shook his head. “I have no idea. We're looking for him, and eventually, he'll have to come home.” Unable to help himself, he reached over and took one of her hands in his. “Will you be checking out of here today and going back to Jen's?” He hated that there was a desperate edge to his voice. He felt needy and vulnerable, and it scared him.

“I'm not sure. I was hoping that…maybe…” she began uncertainly. “Maybe you'd come back after work, and we can sit down and…talk.”

There were at least a dozen different things James would want to do if he came back here later, but he knew she was right. It was time. He turned her hand in his. “I think that's a good idea.” Somewhere deep inside, he knew there was a really good chance that their finally having to deal with the past would ruin any hope of a future for them.

Was that what he wanted? A future with Selena? A few weeks ago he would have said no, that he needed to confront her and that would finally get her out of his system. That whole concept had flown out the window the moment he'd seen her again.

He shook his head; he was getting way ahead of himself. They needed to have this time together tonight to talk, to clear the air, and then he could think about where they could go from here. “I probably won't get here until nine.”

“That's fine. Maybe if I have that early dinner with my grandmother, I can meet Jen for some dessert and make sure she's doing all right. I wish she would have stayed here with me, but I think being away from her house was causing her even more stress. I can't imagine what she must be feeling.”

“She's been looking over her shoulder for a long time now,” James said wearily. “I wish this guy would make a mistake so that we could end this for her. Hopefully it won't be too much longer. I sent Mike over to check on her last night.” He looked up and saw the sly smile on her face. “What? What was that smile about?”

What
the
heck?
she thought to herself, throwing caution to the wind. “Actually, she's kinda got a crush on Mike.”

“Seriously?”

Selena nodded.

“Because I think he's kind of into her too,” James said.

“No!”

Now it was James's turn to nod. “I'm afraid to think about what went on there if he actually knocked on her door or just did a couple of drive-bys. I would hope he'd be professional and remember he's on the job.”

“Damn. Now I'll have to wait all day to find out!” She flopped back on the pillows. “Which do you think he would've done? The drive-by or actually stopping in?”

He shrugged. “I have no idea. I mentioned it to him, about her being back at the house, and he said he'd go by. He didn't elaborate.”

“Such guys,” she said with mock disdain.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Without intending to, he began inching his way toward her.

“All I'm saying is that if the roles were reversed, I would know exactly what the plan was going to be. Weren't you the least bit curious?”

He laughed and found himself stretched out beside her. “No.”

“What? Why?”

“Because we're guys! We don't have to know what
the
plan
is. He said he was going by, so I figured he was going by. End of story. Besides, at that point I was focused on you and why you weren't answering the phone.”

“I'm sorry that I worried you,” she said solemnly, stroking her hand across his cheek and down over his still-bare shoulder. “I really didn't think anyone would notice if I turned my phone off.”

“I noticed,” he said, his voice low and rough. She was like a magnet, pulling him in, and there was no way to resist.
Just
one
more
kiss, one more taste,
he told himself, but he knew it was a lie. One kiss and one touch would never be enough. Selena's arms wrapped around him, securing him to her.

“I'm calling in late,” he finally said and dove under the sheet with her.

* * *

It was harder saying good-bye to James than Selena had expected. They had created a little world for themselves in her hotel room, and she feared that, by opening the door and letting the light of day in, they'd lose the precious ground they had just gained. Fortunately, they both had busy days ahead of them—James with work and Selena with her visit to her grandmother.

Once James had left and Selena was alone, she allowed herself to feel the first rays of hope. While one night of sex—incredible though it was—was not enough to erase so many years of anger, betrayal, and disappointment…it was a hell of a way to start.

As she got herself ready for the day, she couldn't help but wonder what the future held for her. She never could have imagined coming back to Long Island and not only finding James but finding that they still had such a powerful attraction for one another. But was that all it was? A physical attraction? Not wanting to believe that, Selena simply allowed herself the luxury of basking in the afterglow of being well-loved for an entire night—or morning. Whatever the future held, she'd have these memories to hold on to and somehow, she'd make that enough.

By the time she was ready to leave the hotel, she had made peace with herself. There was no way she could regret her actions of the morning with James. It may not have been the best way for them to reconnect, but she couldn't find the strength to feel bad about it.

With a final look in the mirror, she smiled. “You're looking pretty smug and you deserve to,” she said to her reflection. It was a look she couldn't remember seeing on herself in a long time—if ever.

* * *

Surprising her grandmother wasn't nearly as traumatic as Jen and James had expected it to be. The sheer delight in her grandmother's voice had Selena feeling both excited to see her and guilty for waiting so long.

“Look at you, my sweet girl! You're beautiful!” Betty Ainsley looked at her granddaughter as tears welled in her eyes. “The last time I saw you, you were a girl. I can't believe you're all grown up!” She enveloped Selena in a fierce embrace, and it was a long time before either let go. When they finally did, she showed Selena to her sitting area so they could visit.

Her grandmother's description of the last time they were together was a bit of an exaggeration. Selena may not have come back home to visit, but her grandmother had come and stayed with the family many times over the years. It wasn't until Selena's parents divorced that their time together became a little less frequent. “Why didn't you tell me sooner that you were coming?”

How could Selena possibly tell her grandmother that she was afraid that if she gave too much notice, her father would find out? The last thing she wanted to do was upset her grandmother, so Selena went another way. “It was a last-minute decision to come to the reunion. I was only going to come for the weekend, but they lost their coordinator so I stepped in to help out.” Describing all of the reunion details filled Selena with pride. It was what she did for a living, and every party, every event was different, and yet they each filled her with excitement. The smile on her grandmother's face as Selena talked showed that she felt just as much pride as if she'd been in on planning the event right alongside her granddaughter.

“Aren't you sweet?” Betty reached out and took one of Selena's hands in hers. “It sounds like you accomplished quite a lot. Of course, it helps that you love what you do and that you're very good at it. I was never good at putting together large parties. Just planning holiday dinners and get-togethers used to make me break out in hives,” she said with a chuckle. “This must be something you got from your mother's side of the family because clearly you didn't get it from me!” She patted Selena's hands. “Whatever it is that brought you here, I'm glad. It's been far too long.”

“I know, and I'm sorry. I know I should have made more of an effort. I should have at least called you and told you I'd be here.” Regret laced her tone, and even though she thought her reason was valid, seeing her grandmother's face made her feel cowardly.

Her grandmother shrugged. “I just figured you didn't want me telling your father you were in town.”

“Oh!” Selena cried, pulling her hand back. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” Betty asked innocently.

“Read my mind! You've always been able to do it and it freaks me out!” It truly did, but her words were said with love.

“My dear, your face gives you away every time. I know better than to invite your father around you; it has to be your choice where he's concerned.”

“But he's your son—”

“And you're my granddaughter.” Her tone went from cheery to serious. “I'm not going to make excuses for the things he's done; he's his own man, and he has to live with the mistakes he's made. I just hope that someday the two of you will be able to mend your relationship to the point where you can at least be around one another.”

“I don't know, Grandma…”

“I'm not saying it's something you have to decide on right now; someday though, you will.”

“I know you're right. I hate confrontation.”

Her grandmother smiled. “Most of us do, sweetheart. Maybe once you come to grips with what happened, you'll be able to talk to your father without so much bitterness.”

This was so not the visit she wanted to have. “Enough about me,” Selena finally said. “Tell me about what's going on with you. Any interesting gentlemen at the bingo table?”

Luckily, it was all the distraction that was needed.

* * *

The
days
that
followed
the
crash
were
a
blur. People hovered around her as the doctors poked and prodded her battered body. Voices were hushed as they talked in broken sentences.

“…concussion…”

“…lucky to be alive…”

“Her arm is set, the ribs will heal on their own…”

“…baby…lost…miscarriage…”

It
wasn't until the third day that Selena fully woke up. Jen was sitting next to the bed, and her eyes grew wide when she noticed Selena's were open. “Oh, thank God! It's about time! I was so worried about you!” she cried, jumping up from the chair and gently hugging her. “How do you feel?”

“Tired,” Selena said, her throat sore and dry. “What happened?”

“A drunk driver ran a light and plowed into you when you were on your way to my house. Oh, Selena, I'm so sorry! I feel terrible! It's all my fault!” Jen's words were muffled as she laid her head on Selena's bed and began to openly weep.

“A drunk driver ran a light. How is that your fault?” Selena wanted to reach out and touch her friend's shoulder, but her limbs felt like they were filled with lead.

“I was supposed to drive. You said you really didn't want to, that you were tired, but I whined and you caved and said you'd come and get me. I was being lazy, and because of me, you're here!”

“Stop,” Selena said. The effort to put a little force behind the word made her entire body ache. “The way I see it, neither of us is to blame.” She took a moment to catch her breath and force her body to relax. “What happened to the driver of the other car?”