Return to You (19 page)

For a minute, Selena allowed herself to simply burrow into James. She loved the feel of him wrapped around her as they continued to sway to the music. As the song came to an end, she pulled back and looked at him with a sleepy smile on her face. “I am free to leave at any time.” She took her arms from around his neck and pulled her shoes off. A groan of combined relief and exhaustion escaped as soon as her bare feet hit the cool laminate of the dance floor. “I am officially off duty, and if you wouldn't mind, I would love for you to go all caveman again and carry me to the car.” She giggled at the image and let out a little screech when he picked her up right then and there. “Oh my God!” she cried. “I didn't think you'd actually do it!”

“I told you a long time ago, sweetheart, all you have to do is ask. I am more than happy to oblige.”

He strode back to their table, and along the way they said good night to everyone they walked by. They got more than a few odd looks from some people, but more than anything, people were cheering them on as they crossed the room. James helped her grab her purse, and they continued to wish everyone a good night and promised to see them all tomorrow. Jen ran over and started talking about the night, how happy she was that Selena was there, how much fun she had with Mike, when James interrupted. “Say good night, Gracie,” he whispered in Selena's ear.

With a slight blush and huge grin she turned to Jen. “Good night, Gracie!” she said and then let out a full-bodied laugh as James carried her from the room.

* * *

For all of her complaining and aching feet, Selena really didn't want the night to end. It was wonderful to see so many old friends and to remember a happy time in her life when possibilities were endless. Contentment curled up inside of her as they drove through the night and down nearly deserted streets back to James's house. She looked over at him and realized that other than the one glass of champagne, he had stuck to drinking club soda or water the entire night because he was driving. His consideration made her love him all the more. She was so lucky to have a man like James in her life, and she secretly felt bad for all the other women whose dates weren't nearly as considerate.

With her head back and her eyes closed, she enjoyed the lull of the car ride while listening to soft jazz on the radio. Hmm, she wondered, when had James started listening to jazz? He was always a little more inclined to steer clear of what was popular and mainstream in his music tastes—at least from what she remembered—but she couldn't ever remember a time when they had listened to jazz. It really didn't matter; all that mattered right now was the fact that they were here together.

James held her hand. It was the perfect ending to a nearly perfect evening. There was no doubt that her feet were going to be even sorer tomorrow, between the bowling ball incident and a night spent dancing in stilettos. Luckily, she could finally get away with wearing her own comfortable sneakers and maybe even be able to get by with wearing sweats. It wasn't going to be glamorous, but then again, neither was a softball game. After a night of high fashion, Selena was sure she wouldn't be the only one anxious to don some comfortable attire for a day sitting on the grass.

In the back of her mind, Selena knew that there was something she wanted to talk to James about. What was it? Her head throbbed a little bit from too much champagne and too much loud music. She could still feel the bass pounding in her ears, and her head felt a little fuzzy. That was something else that was probably going to be an issue again come morning. If things were different and they were going back to the hotel, she'd definitely soak in the large tub, take an entire bottle of ibuprofen, and maybe order up a massage. A purr of delight at the mere thought of it escaped her lips.

“Penny for your thoughts…”

She turned her head and smiled dreamily at James. He was so handsome, she thought, still so much the boy she had fallen in love with so long ago. His dark hair might be a little bit shorter, but if anything, his body had filled out to perfection, and he had one dimple that only came out and winked at her occasionally, but it was enough to nearly make her swoon. And it had nothing to do with the alcohol and everything to do with the man himself. She wanted to reach out and kiss that spot on his cheek.

“I was thinking of bubble baths, massages, and room service,” she said with a sigh. “I think I got a little spoiled at the hotel. I'll probably need a twelve-step program when I get home.” She thought about that for a minute. “Can a person get spoiled from too much pampering?”

He chuckled. “Maybe just a little.” He looked at the clock and saw it was nearing one a.m. It was really kind of late for all she was asking for, but nothing that he couldn't handle. “I'll tell you what, when we get home, I'll draw you a bath, make us some popcorn, and pour a couple of glasses of wine, and then I promise to give you a very thorough massage.” His tone was deep and dark and held every kind of promise.

Selena looked over and there was that lone dimple.

“You're on.”

Fewer than five minutes later, they were pulling into the driveway. James led Selena into the house and did his best to not touch her or they'd never get to all that she wanted. Together they walked up to his bedroom, and as promised, he started a bath for her. “Why didn't I notice how big this tub was earlier?” she said when she stepped up beside him, wrapped in a pale green silk robe.

“You were too busy worrying about your hair, your makeup, your dress, your—”

She held up a hand to stop him. “Okay, okay, I get it.” Laughter escaped because he was definitely right. Why it had been such a big deal, she had no idea. On any given day, Selena was fairly low-maintenance. It seemed ridiculous that she had chosen to go so over the top to impress people tonight. She hadn't seen them in years, and who knew when she'd see them again.

“I don't have any real kind of bubble bath, so I'm dumping in shampoo,” he said, and it wasn't until she held up a hand to stop him that he realized that wasn't a good solution.

“No!” she cried. But it was too late.

“Why? What's the big deal?”

She shook her head and laughed. “It's not. Really. I have some stuff we could have used, but this will be fine.” It didn't take long for the water to be ready, and she hoped that James was going to join her. The bubbles seemed to be a mile high and Selena couldn't wait to climb in. Instead of joining her, he kissed her on the forehead and told her to enjoy herself and relax before leaving the room.

It probably could have turned out differently if she had put up even a slight protest, but the tub looked so inviting and her body was so sore that Selena simply shrugged off her robe and climbed in. The hot water felt heavenly, and as she sunk down farther into it, her muscles all seemed to sigh along with her. Closing her eyes, she let all of her cares and worries go. There would be time enough for that tomorrow.

Wait, what worries? Oh, yeah, James's conversation with Kent. Yes, yes, that could wait for tomorrow. No need to ruin a perfectly wonderful evening now. Any moment, James would return with wine and… What was he making? Popcorn. Selena smiled. It wasn't gourmet room service, but it was perfect for them. She imagined him joining her in the tub while they sipped their wine and talked about their evening. Then, maybe, they'd get up and dry off and curl up in bed with their giant bowl of popcorn—hopefully he remembered that she loved extra butter—and watch a movie.

Life was good, she sighed to herself. She sank down until the water was touching her chin. Yes, life was very good.

The sound of the phone ringing might as well have been an air raid siren. Selena jumped up and was surprised to see the sun shining through the window. James lay beside her, but soon he too jumped up at the sound. “That's mine,” he said groggily before reaching over to the bedside table to grab it.

Selena flopped back down on the pillows and cursed. Her head was still pounding from last night's music, her foot was throbbing, and every muscle in her body ached from all the dancing. Hadn't she promised herself just last weekend at Jen's that everything should be done in moderation? How quickly that had all flown out the window. James's voice was low, but it still seemed to bounce around in her brain until she thought she would scream. There was no way she could tell him to be quiet, so she simply flung one of her arms over her face to shield her eyes from the sunlight and to partially block out the sound of James's voice.

“How are you feeling?” he asked softly as he placed his phone back on the nightstand.

“Like I should be dead,” she managed to croak out before grimacing in pain.

Without a word, he rose and walked to the bathroom and returned a moment later with a glass of water and some ibuprofen.

“Bless you,” she said. She drank it down like she had been wandering in the desert and then resumed her position against the pillows. With an arm over her eyes to shield her from the brightness in the room, she turned her head slightly toward James. “What time did we actually go to sleep?”

He chuckled. “It had to be after four.”

She groaned. “What was I thinking?”

James moved beside her and did his best to kiss her without making her move her arm. “You were thinking that I was irresistible, and that no matter how tired you were, and no matter how much you wanted to watch the rest of
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
, you just had to have me. I feel a little bit used.” He sighed dramatically and when he caught sight of her lifting her arm to glare at him, he winked.

“I'm sure you'll get over it,” she said.

“Sweetheart, if I didn't have to leave right now, I'd gladly let you use me again.” He rose from the bed again and went in search of his clothes.

“Wait, what? You're leaving? I thought you took the time off!” she cried as she quickly sat up and then cursed her own stupidity at moving. And speaking.

“I know, I know, but there's a case I've been working on—an arrest was finally made last night, and I need to go in and take care of some things. I'm sorry.” He had pulled on jeans and a T-shirt before walking back over to her to kiss her softly. “There's plenty of food in the fridge, so help yourself, and I'll meet you at the game this afternoon. I promise.”

Selena wanted to be angry and to pout, but she knew it wouldn't do any good. She was disappointed that the real world was interfering with their time together, but it couldn't be helped. For a little while it seemed like the real world had gone away and left them safe and alone in their own little cocoon. The reality was that James held an important job, and she needed to be supportive of that.

“I'll swing by and pick up sandwiches from the deli for us,” Selena said. “Any requests?” Distractedly, he rambled off his lunch order and before she knew it, he was kissing her good-bye and walking out the door.

It felt a little strange to be in the house alone. This was James's home, and even though she'd been there for two days, she hadn't really looked around and taken it all in. She knew his bedroom and master bathroom quite thoroughly, but that didn't give her any real insight into the man. Well, except that he had exceptional taste in mattresses and decadent, spa-like bathrooms. To say that she was curious about his life would be an understatement. For all of their talking and time together, so much of it had been focused on their pasts that there hadn't been a lot of time to talk about the present.

The house was beautiful. The craftsman style was something they had talked about wanting when they were younger. Selena had almost forgotten about that dream; her current home was a fairly modern condo near the beach. It was sleek and practical, and after just comparing it to James's bedroom, it was fairly boring. Why hadn't she noticed that before? When did she become so void of character and color and life? She organized massive events for people that were filled with all that color and life; why had she neglected it in her own?

Rising from the bed, she reached for her robe and put it on. A quick trip to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face went a long way toward waking her up. Feeling slightly revived, she decided she'd start down in the kitchen where she could make some toast and have some juice before looking around. Part of her felt a little guilty at the thought of snooping around James's house, but she was hoping to learn more about the man he'd become—maybe more than he would want to share with her right now.

The kitchen was a chef's dream with top-of-the-line stainless-steel appliances including a gas stove with a grill. Selena used to love to cook, but now her life consisted of a drawer full of takeout menus. “I'm going to need to change that,” she said out loud, chastising herself. How had one weekend managed to make her see all that was missing from her life? Not wanting to put herself under the microscope at the moment, she found the bread and placed two slices in the toaster and poured herself some juice while she waited for the toast to be done.

She touched the granite countertops and the dark wood cabinets; her feet felt cool against the ceramic tiled floor. It was pretty yet practical, and she had to wonder: did James cook or was this a good selling feature of the house? Since meeting up with him again, they had managed to exist on room service and restaurants, yet she now knew James could whip up delicious pancakes and microwave popcorn. She knew if she lived here, she would be utilizing this space every night to make the gourmet meals she used to love to make.

Picking up her piping-hot toast and nibbling on it, she walked to the large window over the sink and marveled at the backyard. It was small but beautifully landscaped; she'd expected no less from him. He had a small shed in the back that no doubt held all the tools to keep his yard well-manicured. The image in her mind of James doing yard work made her smile. She had no doubt that it was those times he felt the most relaxed and at peace. No man ever looked quite like James did after a day working with the land. It didn't matter how hot it was out or how sweaty and dirty he had gotten; he'd always made her quiver with need just by looking at him. She had no doubt she'd feel the same way now if he was out there working in his yard.

Placing her glass and plate in the dishwasher, she moved toward the living room. There were pictures scattered around, and if she had to guess, Selena would say they were of his family. She could see a resemblance between James and what were probably his two brothers and a sister. The topic of his family was something Selena had learned to leave alone. Whenever it came up, he simply used to change the subject. Looking at the picture, she felt sad. He had a family, siblings, and he had never mentioned them to her in all the time they were together. What could have possibly happened to make him simply remove himself from their lives? Had it even been his choice? If not, what kind of family would ostracize someone as young as James must have been when he left home?

“Whew,” Selena said as she put the picture down, “that is one attractive family.” She tried to walk away from it, but she couldn't. Something just didn't feel right about the entire situation.

The next picture was of an older couple. If she had to guess again, she'd say they were his parents. They were smiling adoringly at one another. The concept was foreign to Selena because she had never, even before the divorce, seen her parents look like that with one another. How could James just ignore this part of his life? Didn't he realize how lucky he was? She would have loved to have been part of such a big family, whom she could tell loved one another just from looking at photographs. A sense of unease washed over her as she again had to wonder what would make someone purposely remove themselves from that kind of environment.

Moving around the room, she continued to pick up more pictures that made her smile—pictures of James at various points over the years. Fishing pictures, pictures of him receiving some sort of award from the police force—all little clues to the man who owned this house. The man—she was coming to realize more and more—she was still in love with.

Moving on from the pictures, Selena looked around and saw his collection of books. There were numerous books on horticulture and landscape design. She smiled sadly as she placed one hardcover book down on the coffee table. That was clearly where James's passion lay, and he let her father ruin it for him. She sat down on the sofa and took in the room as a whole. This was a home. He might live here all by himself and he might put on a brave, badass front to the rest of the world, but here in his own space, James Montgomery made a home that he should be proud of.

And he had no one to share it with.

Finding that she was getting a little too comfortable on the sofa and on the verge of falling back to sleep, Selena rose and walked through the dining room before heading back up the stairs to explore the second level. She already knew it boasted a massive master bedroom, but it looked like there were at least two other bedrooms and a bathroom up there.

The first bedroom was set up as a guest room. It was fairly basic in its décor, but there were personal touches scattered around the room in the form of family photos and beautifully framed landscapes on the walls. The door at the end of the hall was closed, which she thought was odd since the rest of the house was so open, but with a quick look over her shoulder, she figured she might as well finish the tour.

This was clearly James's office. The walls were painted a deep shade of gray, and there were tall bookcases lining the walls and a massive mahogany desk in the center of the room. Off in the corner were a small leather sofa and a coffee table, and there were files scattered all over the top of it, but it was the desk that fascinated her.

It was an antique, and it seemed like such a contrast to the rest of the contemporary furnishings in the house. The large leather chair behind it beckoned her, and cautiously she walked around and sat down in it. Part of her feared that James would walk in any second and reprimand her for snooping, but she couldn't have stopped now even if she 'd wanted to.

She was desperate to know him better, to find out what made him happy, what made him sad, how he spent his days. From her position in the chair, she looked around the room and tried to see what James saw when he sat here. Was there a point of interest from this spot? Why didn't he have the desk facing the large picture window? Spinning the chair around, she gasped with delight. From here, she could look down on the entire yard, and it was even more breathtaking than the view from the kitchen. “This is why,” she said, with clear understanding.

Turning back toward the desk, she looked at the way everything here was well organized. Files were neatly stacked, the pens were all in a cup with their caps on, and everything seemed to be set at a right angle. Except…

One file tab stuck out from the pile. That itself wasn't a big deal, but when she looked closer, she felt all the blood drain from her face.

The file had her name on it.

Selena's heart began to beat frantically. Why would James have a folder with her name on it? Carefully, she pulled it from the pile and opened it up. There, staring back at her, was a picture of herself. A recent picture of herself.
What
the…?

With shaky hands she went through the typed pages, which gave a fairly accurate description of her current life along with photos of herself from both ten years ago and present day. And the years in between. Rage filled her. There, listed on the very first page, was her current address. All this time James had known where she was, exactly where she'd lived, and he'd never come for her. Quickly scanning the other pages, she saw that all of her addresses had been listed.

And he'd left her alone.

How much time had she spent wishing he would find her, waiting for him to show up and tell her that he was sorry he'd run off when she needed him the most, and now she had the proof that it wasn't that he couldn't find her; it was that he didn't want her.

Her mind was racing, and she felt like she was going to be sick. Sliding the file back in its place, Selena left the room and closed the door behind her before heading to the master bedroom to collect her things. Taking a deep breath, she tried to come to grips with what she had seen. Why? Why would he have that information, and when had he gotten it? Had he looked into her life after seeing her again at Jen's, or had he always known where she was and just never did anything about it? Rationally, she could see it going either way, but emotionally she wanted to scream and cry and then run away and go back home. If she called him and asked him about the file right now, would he even tell her the truth?

It didn't matter. Either way she felt violated. Her life was an open book; all he had to do was ask. To go behind her back and investigate her, have her followed or whatever terminology was required in this situation, was still something that she didn't deserve. She would have given him everything, told him everything, if only he'd asked.

“Okay, you can do this,” she chanted to herself as she began to gather her belongings with shaky hands. For a brief moment in time, she'd had a glimpse of everything she'd ever wanted. The only problem was that the person she wanted it with didn't exist. Or couldn't be trusted—right now she couldn't be sure which applied. Maybe things would have been clearer if she'd had more sleep and hadn't been harboring a hangover after having too much to drink, but all she knew was that she was tired of there being so much to overcome where her relationship with James was concerned. Their past was a big enough hurdle, but topped with this current situation, Selena just didn't think she could possibly take anymore.