Revelations (13 page)

“You’re finally here.” Rae wrenched her head toward the voice and saw Yana rushing toward her.

“How’d it go?” she asked. Her vocal cords were so taut that it hurt to speak.
Calm down,
she ordered herself.
I

know you hate this place, but you’ll be out in less than an hour.

What if that’s all it takes?
Rae thought.
What if in less than an hour somebody here, a doctor, a nurse, fig ures out

that I’ve been hearing voices? Then I might never, ever get out.

“I aced it,” Yana answered. “At least I’m pretty sure I did. The info I got from the guy at the library really helped.”

She moved closer to Rae and lowered her voice. “But I want you to make sure for me. Do that thing where you
touch fingertips with Dr. Hachin.”

“Okay,” Rae agreed. That’s what she was here for. To help Yana. “How do we get to her?”

“Not a problem. I told Hachin that you weremeeting me and that we wanted to visit Lori Douglass. She put us on
the visitors list. It’ll be easy to ‘run into’ Hachin on the ward,” Yana told her.

“Lori Douglass is still in here?” Rae asked as she followed Yana over to the reception desk. Yana waited to answer
until she’d told the nurse who they wanted to see and they’d both signed in.

“She was out for a little while, I think,” Yana said as they made their way over to the elevators. “But you know the
stats. Not everyone can make it on the outside.”

God, please don’t let me be one of those,
Rae thought.
You haven’t heard the voices all day,
she reminded herself.

You’re doing good. Don’t panic.
The middle elevator opened with a ding, and Rae managed to get the screaming
muscles in her legs to work well enough to bring her inside. She used the short ride to rub the wax off her
fingertips.

“Lori’s in 414,” Yana said when the elevator doors opened. She led the way down the hall. Like it was no big deal.

When they reached 414, Yana gave a tap on the door and went in without waiting for an answer.

Rae remembered that. How there was no privacy in the hospital. Nurses would even come into the room in the
middle of the night and check on you while you slept. Reluctantly she entered Lori’s room without being invited.

Lori didn’t even look at Rae and Yana at first. She kept on watching a rerun of
Sabrina.
Rae was glad. It gave her
time to get a decent expression on her face. It was so hard to slap on a smile when Lori looked… she looked
disgusting. Like something out of a horror movie. Her hair had gotten really thin-she was almost bald in some
places. And her body was almost all bones.
She’s stopped eating again,
Rae thought.
They had to put her on

intravenous.
Rae tried not to look at the needle going into Lori’s stick-thin, bruised-up arm.

A commercial came on, and Lori turned her head toward Rae. Her eyes locked on Rae’s face.

You can have the bed next to mine , Rae. You need it . I can tell. Pretty soon everyone will be able to tell. Why don’t

you just lie down right now ? Let the doctors take care of you. That’s what you need.

“No,” Rae burst out. She could almost feel a needle in her own arm. She could almost smell the bleach on the
hospital sheets, feel the firm pillow under her head.

“No what?” Yana asked. Lori didn’t say anything. She seemed pretty zonked. Who knew if she even recognized
Rae or Yana?

“I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” Rae whispered. “It’s just that Lori looks worse than Ithought.”

“Dr. Hachin!” Yana exclaimed. She rushed to the door and pulled it open. “Hey. You said you’d like to say hello to
Rae, and here she is.”

Do this one thing and you’re out of here,
Rae told herself, her head starting to feel like someone had been hitting it
with a hammer.
You can do it. Just hang on until you get outside and you can freak out as much as you need to.

Dr. Hachin stepped into the room. Rae decided not to waste any time. “It’s good to see you,” she said. She reached
out her hand, and Dr. Hachin took it, then Rae let her fingertips slide down until they were directly over the doctor’s.

As always, the rush of information almost overwhelmed her. Pieces of memories, fantasies, and dreams flew from
Dr. Hachin into Rae. Rae’s feet got the sensation of wearing the first pair of high heels Dr. Hachin had ever known.

Her fingers got the sensation of playing a piano, the keys smooth and cool. Her cheek got the sensation of being
slapped, slapped so hard, her cheekbone felt like it shattered.

She got fragments of thoughts, too. Worries about Lori’s treatment. Realization that she’d skipped a car payment.

So many thoughts, it was hard to track them.
Where’s Yana in here? I need to get info about Yana before we break

contact. Yana, Yana, Yana.

Clean and clear as black LaserJet letters printed on smooth white paper, Rae got what she needed. But not what
she’d hoped for.

Have to arrange a room for Yana and decide on a treatment program.

Rae slid her hand away from Dr. Hachin’s and stared at her. She was really going to do it. She was going to have
Yana committed.

"Hurry up, okay?”Yana urged. “He’ll be home soon.”

Rae nodded, then she reached out and ran her fingers over the can of shaving cream in Yana’s dad’s bathroom. At
first the piercing pain of her headache was all she could focus on. Then the not-Rae thoughts shoved their way
through. /Jeanette doesn’t want/with Yana gone/freakin’ three percent raise/Yana screwing up every/Jeanette says/

Again Rae felt anger take over her body. But this time it was cold anger, not the hot, impulsive anger she’d felt the
last time. As the thoughts rushed through her, they turned her subhuman. Calculating. Willing to do whatever she
had to do. Ruthless.

Rae shivered. What must it be like to have afather who was so dead inside?
That’s not the most important

question now,
she told herself. She didn’t want to go back into the mind of Yana’s dad, but she forced herself to
reach out and do a fingerprint sweep of the handle of his toothbrush.
hospital will cost
need her gone/loose
filling/got to come up with the money/Jeanette’s fed up/Yana’s more trouble than/

Yana pulled the toothbrush out of Rae’s hand. “I heard his car in the driveway. Come on. He’ll freak out if he finds
us in here. His bathroom is off-limits.”

“Do you think there’s a couple of aspirin in here I could steal?” Rae asked.

“Sure. Whatever.” Yana jerked open the medicine cabinet, grabbed a bottle of aspirin and shook a few into her
palm, then handed them to Rae. Rae dry-swallowed them as she followed Yana into Yana’s bedroom, the aspirin
leaving a streak of bitterness all the way from the back of her tongue to the base of her throat.

“Well?” Yana asked when she’d closed the door behind them. Rae sat down on the edge of Yana’s perfectly made
bed and rubbed her temples. It felt like her brain was trying to shove its way out of her skull. She’d never had a
headache this bad. The numb spot she’d gotten from going fingertip-to-fingertip with Dr. Hachin was in her left big
toe.
So
not helpful. “Well?” Yana said again.

“Sorry. Headache,” Rae answered. She let out a sigh. “It seems like Jeanette is a big part of the deal. Like your
dad-”

“Wants me out of the way so he can spend all his time with her,” Yana finished. She flopped down on the bed next
to Rae, and the motion sent a spike of pain into Rae’s head.

“Something like that,” Rae answered. “I didn’t really get specifics. Just that your dad wanting you, uh, you know,
out of the house was all mixed in with thoughts about Jeanette.”

“So I guess my only hope is convincing him that I like Jeanette, and that I’m happy for them, and that I love her
being around so much, and blah, blah, blah,” Yana said.

“I think it’s your best shot,” Rae agreed.

“I should do it now. Who knows when the padded wagon will be pulling into the driveway with my straitjacket.”

Yana pushed herself to her feet. “Will you stay until I’m done talking to him?” she asked.

“Of course,” Rae answered. All she wanted to do was go home, crawl into bed, and stay there until her headache
went away. But she couldn’t leave Yana now. If Yana couldn’t convince her dad to stop the commitment process…

Rae wouldn’t even allow herself to think aboutwhat would happen. “Good luck,” she told Yana.

“I’m going to need it,” Yana answered.

Rae thought Yana was right, that she was going to need all the luck there was. But she didn’t say so. She just
smiled an encouraging smile as Yana headed out the door. Then she lay back, closed her eyes, and let her world
become the pounding of her headache.

Gradually the pounding became more of a tapping. Rae checked the alarm clock by Yana’s bed.
She’s been out

there for almost an hour,
Rae realized. She strained her ears, trying to hear something that would let her know how
it was going. But she didn’t get even a snippet of a word.
At least they aren’t in a yelling match,
she thought.

Rae rolled over on her side and reached for the phone. She could use a little dose of Marcus right now. What a
hellish day it had been. Especially hearing those voices in her head in the hospital. God.

Hearing Marcus’s voice will make me forget all about those other ones,
she thought as she punched in his
number. A smile broke across her face when he picked up and said hello. One word and she was smiling.

“Hey, it’s me. What’s up?” Rae said.

“Nothing much,” Marcus answered.

“I’m hanging out with a friend right now. But I was thinking maybe I could come over after. Watchsome forbidden
TV,” Rae said.
Translation: snuggle up with you, get all cozy with your arms around me, and ignore the TV

completely.

“Uh, I don’t… My parents are having people over for dinner tonight, so…”

“You want to escape? Meet up at my place?” Rae wasn’t going to try and get him out in public right now. It
obviously made him hugely uncomfortable. She still thought it would be better to let everyone get a nice, long look,
get it over with. But she’d play it his way if it made him happy.

“There’s not really that much to do at your place,” Marcus answered.

Not much to do? Like he needed something more than
her
?

Rae swallowed. She was trying so hard to believe that they could get through this. That it wouldn’t be like last time.

“So let’s go somewhere, then,” Rae suggested. “Someplace nobody at school would be caught dead in. Like the
roller rink! Wouldn’t that be funny? We could skate to all the couples-only songs and watch all the little junior high
kids in love.” There was a long pause. “Marcus? You still there?”

“Yeah,” Marcus answered. “And the skating thing would be fun. It’s just… well, the thing is, Trish Ballard is having
this party tonight, and I should probably put in an appearance. She’s head cheerleader, you know. And all the guys
on the team are pretty much expected to show.”

“Right,” Rae said, tears jumping to her eyes faster than she would have thought possible. “And you don’t want me
with you.” She grabbed one of Yana’s pillows and squeezed it tight against her chest.

“It’s not that,” he argued. “It’s just that I-I didn’t think it would be fun for you. Everybody’d be talking about your
mom.”

“Stop doing that!” Rae cried. “Stop acting like you’re doing
me
a favor when you’re really being a wuss.”

“What are you talking about?” Marcus exclaimed.

Rae hurled the pillow across the room. “I’m talking about the fact that I’d have no problem with going to that party. I
don’t give a rat’s butt what people say. I’d have fun because I’d be with you. You’re the one with the problem,
Marcus.”

“I was trying to be considerate, and you-” Marcus began.

Rae interrupted him. “Bull. If you were trying to be considerate, you would have invited me to the party and helped
me deal with everyone. Not have left my side for a second. And if you couldn’t deal with that and you still wanted to
be
considerate,
you’d have come over to my place-where no one would have seen you-and hung out with me. But
you-”

“Rae-”

“You don’t get to talk right now,” Rae cut him off. “It’s happening again. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it. But it’s
happening all over again. This is exactly like when I went into the hospital. You couldn’t handle that, either,
remember? You didn’t break up with me or anything. You just never came to visit. And oh, yeah, you hooked up with
Dori Hernandez.”

“You’re getting all worked up over nothing,” Marcus told her. “I’m not hooking up with anyone. I’m just going to the
party for a few-”

“Go to as many parties as you want. With whoever you want. Get yourself a whole entourage of Doris. Doesn’t
matter to me,” Rae told him. “We’re over. Forever.” She hung up the phone before he could come up with some
pathetic thing to say.