ReVISIONS (22 page)

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Authors: Julie E. Czerneda

BOOK: ReVISIONS
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The demon in my head does not argue. It whispers no blasphemies, makes no desperate plea against the prospect of its extraction. It merely opens the door to Heaven the merest crack, and bathes my soul in a sliver of the Divine.
It shows me the Truth.
I
know
, as I knew in the crèche, as I knew this morning. I am in the presence of God, and if the bishop cannot see it, then the bishop is a babbling charlatan, or worse.
I would gladly go to the cross for just such a moment as this.
I smile and shake my head. “Do you think me
blind
, Bishop? You would wrap your wretched plottings up in Scripture, that I would not see them for what they are?” And I
do
see them now, laid bare in the Spirit's radiance. Of course these vile Pharisees would trap the Lord in trinkets and talismans if they could. They would ration God through a spigot to which only they have access—and those to whom He would speak without their consent, they would brand
possessed
.
And I
am
possessed, but not by any demon. I am possessed by Almighty God. And neither He nor His Sons are hermit crabs, driven to take up residence in the shells of idols and machinery.
“Tell me, Bishop,” I cry. “Was Saul wearing one of your
prayer caps
on the road to Damascus? Did Elisha summon his bears with one of your wands? Or were
they
possessed of demons as well?”
He shakes his head, feigning sadness. “It is not the Praetor that speaks.”
He's right. God speaks through me, as he spoke through the Prophets of old. I am God's voice, and it doesn't matter that I am unarmed and unarmored, it doesn't matter that I am deep in the devil's sanctum. I need only raise my hand and God will strike this blasphemer down.
I raise my fist. I am fifty cubits high. The bishop stands before me, an insect unaware of its own insignificance. He has one of his ridiculous machines in one hand.
“Down, devil!” we both cry, and there is blackness.
 
I awaken into bondage. Broad straps hold me against the bed. The left side of my face is on fire. Smiling physicians lean into view and tell me all is well. Someone holds up a mirror. My head has been shaved on the left side; a bleeding crescent, inexplicably familiar, cuts across my temple. Crosses of black thread sew my flesh together as though I were some torn garment, clumsily repaired.
The exorcism was successful, they say. I will be back with my company within the month. The restraints are merely a precaution. I will be free of them soon, as I am free of the demon.
“Bring me to God,” I croak. My throat burns like a desert.
They hold a prayer wand to my head. I feel nothing.
I feel
nothing
.
The wand is in working order. The batteries are fully charged. It's probably nothing, they say. A temporary aftereffect of the exorcism. Give it time. Probably best to leave the restraints on for the moment, but there's nothing to worry about.
Of course they are right. I have dwelt in the Spirit, I know the mind of the Almighty—for, after all, were not all of the chosen made in His image? God would never abandon even the least of his flock. I do not have to believe this, it is something I
know
. Father, you will not forsake me.
It will come back. It will come back.
 
They urge me to be patient. After four days they admit that they've seen this before. Not often, mind you; it was a rare procedure, and this is an even rarer side effect. But it's possible that the demon may have injured the part of the mind that lets us truly know God. The physicians recite medical terms which mean nothing to me. I ask them about the others that preceded me down this path: how long before
they
were restored to God's sight? But it seems there are no hard and fast rules, no overall patterns.
Trajan burns on the wall beside my bed. Trajan burns daily there and is never consumed, a little like the Bush itself. My keepers have been replaying his cremation daily, a thin gruel of recorded images thrown against the wall; I suspect they are meant to be inspirational. It is always just past sundown in these replays. Trajan's fiery passing returns a kind of daylight to the piazza, an orange glow reflecting in ten thousand upturned faces.
He is with God now, forever in His presence. Some say that was true even before he passed, that Trajan lived his whole life in the Spirit. I don't know whether that's true; maybe people just couldn't explain his zeal and devotion any other way.
A whole lifetime, spent in the Spirit. I'd give a lifetime now for even a minute.
 
We are in unexplored territory, they say. That is where they are, perhaps.
I
am in Hell.
Finally they admit it: none of the others have recovered. They have been lying to me all along. I have been cast into darkness, I am cut off from God. And they called this butchery a
success
.
“It will be a test of your faith,” they tell me. My
faith
. I gape like a fish at the word. It is a word for heathens, for people with made-up gods. The cross would have been infinitely preferable. I would kill these smug meat-cutters with my bare hands, if my bare hands were free.
“Kill me,” I beg. They refuse. The bishop himself has commanded that I be kept alive and in good health. “Then summon the bishop,” I tell them. “Let me talk to him. Please.”
They smile sadly and shake their heads. One does not
summon
the bishop.
More lies, perhaps. Maybe the bishop has forgotten that I even exist, maybe these people just enjoy watching the innocent suffer. Who else, after all, would dedicate their lives to potions and bloodletting?
The cut in my head keeps me awake at night, itches maddeningly as scar tissue builds and puckers along its curved edges. I still can't remember where I've seen its like before.
I curse the bishop. He told me there would be risks, but he only mentioned death. Death is not a risk to me here. It is an aspiration.
 
I refuse food for four days. They force-feed me liquids through a tube in my nose.
It's a strange paradox. There is no hope here; I will never again know God, I am denied even surcease. And yet these butchers, by the very act of refusing me a merciful death, have somehow awakened a tiny spark that wants to live. It is
their
sin I am suffering for, after all. This darkness is of
their
making. I did not turn away from God; they hacked God out of me like a gobbet of gangrenous flesh. It can't be that they want me to live, for there is no living apart from God. It can only be that they want me to
suffer
.
And with this realization comes a sudden desire to deny them that satisfaction.
They will not let me die. Perhaps, soon, they will wish they had.
God damn them.
 
God
damn them. Of course.
I've been a fool. I've forgotten what really matters. I've been so obsessed by these petty torments that I've lost sight of one simple truth: God does not turn on his children. God does not abandon the faithful.
But
test
them—yes. God tests us all the time. Did He not strip Job of all his worldly goods and leave him picking his own boils in the dust? Did He not tell Abraham to kill his own son? Did He not restore them to his sight, once they had proved worthy of it?
I believe that God rewards the righteous. I believe that the Christ said
Blessed are those who believe even though they have
not
seen
. And now, at last, I believe that perhaps
faith
is not the obscenity I once thought, for it can give hope when one is cut off from the truth.
I am not abandoned. I am
tested
.
I send for the bishop.
 
Somehow, this time I know he'll come. He does.
“They say I've lost the Spirit,” I tell him. “They're wrong.”
He sees something in my face. Something changes in his.
“Moses was denied the Promised Land,” I continue. “Constantine saw the flaming cross but twice in his lifetime. God spoke to Saul of Tarsus only once. Did
they
lose faith?”
“They moved the world,” the bishop says.
I bare my teeth. My conviction fills the room. “So will I.”
He smiles gently. “I believe you.”
I stare at him, astonished by my own blindness. “You knew this would happen.”
He shakes his head. “I could only hope. But yes, there is a—strange truth we are only learning now. I'm still not sure I believe it. Sometimes it isn't the
experience
of redemption that makes the greatest champions, but the
longing
for it.”
On the panel beside me, Trajan burns and is not consumed. I wonder briefly if my fall from grace was entirely accidental. But in the end it does not matter. I remember, at last, where I once saw a scar like mine.
Before today, the acts I committed in God's name were pale, bloodless things. No longer. I will return to the Kingdom of Heaven. I will raise my sword arm high and I will not lay it down until the last of the unbelievers has been slaughtered. I will build mountains of flesh in His name, one body at a time. Rivers will flow from the throats that I cut. I will not stop until I have earned my way back into His sight.
The bishop leans forward and loosens my straps. “I don't think we need these any more.”
They couldn't hold me anyway. I could tear them like paper.
I am the fist of God.
Revision Point
Contrary to what you may have heard, God isn't everywhere. The only place He reliably hangs out is in the temporal lobes—at least, that's where Vilayanur Ramashandran found Him when he went looking in the brains of hyper-religious epileptics at UC-San Diego. You'll
never
find the Almighty slumming in the parietal cortex, judging by radioisotopes An-drew Newberg tracked through the heads of a meditating Buddhist monk at the University of Pennsylvania. Most spectacularly—and controversially—Michael Persinger of Laurentian University claims to be able to induce religious experiences using a helmet which bathes the brain in precisely-controlled electromagnetic fields.
We begin to understand the mechanism: Rapture is as purely neurological as any other human experience. With that understanding, inevitably, comes the potential for control. Religious belief—that profound, irrational disorder afflicting so many of our species—may actually have a cure.
Of course, a cure is the last thing many would want. Religion has been a kick-ass form of social control for millennia, even absent any understanding of its neurology. It seems likely that these new insights will be used not to free us from the Rapture, but to tweak it to maximum effect—to make us even more docile, even more obedient, even less skeptical of our masters than we are now.
Today we're just taking our first steps down that road—but what if we'd taken them back in the third century, instead of the dawn of the twenty-first? That was the time of Constantine, the Roman Emperor who legitimized Christianity after a religious vision promised him victory in battle. It's not much of a stretch to posit a subsequent expedition to the Holy Land, in search of ancient miracles.
I see a vein of magnetic ore in the Sinai Hills. I see it speak to Constantine's pilgrims as it spoke to Moses, sixteen centuries earlier. I watch it seed a renaissance in neurotheology—inevitably, in all manner of electromagnetic physics—and then I jump forward a thousand years and tell you a story. . . .
It's an unbelievable gimmick, of course, a natural miracle filling in for Persinger's God Helmet. But given that conceit, the social consequences seem more than plausible; they almost have a ring of inevitability to them. Perhaps, in all these stories about parallel universes, we've focused too much on chaos and too little on inertia. Perhaps it doesn't matter where the butterfly flaps its wings.
Perhaps human nature pulls all time lines back to same endpoint.
P.W.
A GHOST STORY
by Jihane Noskateb
 
 
 
 
H
OW did it happen, for you?” she asks me. She won't look at me; her voice is so soft, it would be easy to ignore her request. She would understand, I know, that the wounds are too fresh. She only told me how she fell from time to let me know I wasn't alone.
That's why I tell her everything.
 
I was sentenced to a month of isolation at the end of April 2103 for trying to build a net interface. The fact that I built it for scientific purposes made no difference to the judge. Net interfaces were under the strict dominion of the Five Firms' Council.
They stripped me of my wrink, the wrist link interface everyone is given upon reaching adulthood, thus cutting me off the net. Then, they locked me in a cell with only four white walls, and my thoughts.
One of their techs, Angriess, came to see me on my first day there. The only gentle person in the nightmare my life had become.
She brought me net-interface-free paper books and told me they had put my antiquarian shop under seal.
She also had to supervise the one on-line chat I was allowed, and heard when my friend and business partner, the archaeologist Sabine van Saragreg, said it would be best if we weren't in contact, “until all is forgotten.”
 
One week later, on May 4th, 2103, I was going crazy from white walls and silence.
You don't know how it is, to be part of a Net . . .
The wrink, like every other receiver, is also a relay. A small one. But there are larger ones made up of so many satellites above the Earth's atmosphere that from there it looks as if a globe of switching plates protects the planet.

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