Rewind

Warning

This book is not suitable for anyone under the age of eighteen.  It contains graphic sexual encounters, both consensual and non-consensual.  Please be warned there is both physical and mental abuse in this book.  Some scenes in this book contain difficult subject matter that you may find hard to read. 

If you or someone you know is a victim of rape please contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 
1.800.656.HOPE (
4673)

**
Note from the author
**

As a victim of physical and mental abuse I know the struggle, the questions, the second guessing and the helpless feeling a woman goes through.  Walking away was the hardest thing for me, because…he loved me.  Or so he said.  With the help of some very good, understanding friends and law enforcement I was able to finally walk away.  The healing process sucks!  But you will get better.  Don’t second guess your choice to leave,no human deserves to go through the abuse.  You are loved, you deserve better.  Don’t let the guilt trip from the partner stop you, don’t let the iron fist rule your life.  If a family member, friend, or stranger offers to help—let them.  Hold your head high and know you deserve better

REWIND

H.M. MONTES

This book is a work of fiction.  Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously.  Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or person, dead or living is coincidental.

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All rights reserved.  Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976.  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the author. 

*DPGROUP.ORG*

Cover Design ~ Christina Hupfer

Cover Model ~ Eric "Barbouiller”

https://www.facebook.com/ericbarbouiller

Female Cover Model ~ Christy

https://www.facebook.com/sydneyphillips.model

“He’s looking at you again.” Theresa whispered from beside me.  We were sitting on the football field side line stretching before cheer practice.  I moved and stretched out my left leg, bent my right leg and reached for the toes of my outstretched leg.  When I looked up, there was the star quarterback of the
Washington State Hawks
smiling at me-again.  “I don’t know why you don’t just go talk to him, you can cut the sexual tension with a knife.”  Theresa giggled beside me. 

Ronnie Thomas, six foot one, one hundred ninety nine pounds, hometown -Washington, Senior
.  I had read that line so many times on the roster I had his info memorized.  Okay so it wasn’t that much info but still.  For weeks we had been stealing glances at each other, technically we started last year but, he wasn’t single and neither was I.  After the Washington State Hawks won the Diamond Bridge Bowl was the first time I had the pleasure of having Ronnie’s arms wrapped around me when the cheerleaders and students had rushed the field after victory.  He was covered in sweat, had some cuts on each arm that were bleeding through the wraps, but his eyes were zeroed in on me.  He grinned at me then bent down and picked me up, “FUCK YES! YEAHHH!” he yelled triumphantly.  I laughed and threw my arms up to cheer with the rest of the people.  Ronnie squeezed me tighter, “Christ I’m sorry, I’m probably hurting you.”  He gently let me stand on my feet again, “I’m Ronnie.”  He grinned and stuck his hand out for me to shake. 

“Good game Ronnie, I’m Sydney.”  I shook his hand.  Our eyes locked on each other’s, his eyes were the color of chocolate with specks of gold bursting in them.  He wrapped an arm around my waist pulling me into him.  He lowered his mouth to my ear and ran his nose down my neck then inhaled.

“You are fucking beautiful…” he was interrupted by Theresa pulling me away just before his team mates dumped the large orange cooler of ice water over him. 

“HA, I should have let you stay there so you could both get cooled off.”  Theresa laughed, “I hate to burst your bubble babe, but his girlfriend is giving you the twitchy bitchy eye.  Let’s get back to the dorm so we can change, then head to the after party.” 

Once we were in my car Theresa was bouncing in her seat replaying the intense plays of the game.  I nodded my head but wasn’t really paying attention to what she was saying.  I could still smell Ronnie’s sweat mixed with some kind of cologne on me.  “God you’re so not even paying attention to me, what did he say to you?” she asked with a laugh. 

I looked over at her and smiled big, “He said I’m beautiful.  Actually his exact words were,
You’re fucking beautiful
.  How sad of a life do I have that those three words and having his arms around me made me want to melt into a puddle at his feet?”

Theresa threw her head back and laughed, “You ARE beautiful, maybe he’ll ditch the bitch and talk to you at the after party.”

“Right, she is always stuck on him, like his Siamese twin.”  I replied. 

That night at the after party Ronnie would look at me from across the room and wink at me but we never got the chance to talk again.  Like always his girlfriend Shelby was glued to him: his front, back, wherever she could get her hands.  I’m pretty sure she had them down his pants a few times. 

That night was both one of the best and worst nights of my junior year at college.  My boyfriend Tony was a senior and majoring in architecture, we had been dating for the last seven months.  He had been gone for a week because of a family emergency.  I had missed him so much while he was gone so when he was waiting for me at the dorm when we got back from the party, I couldn’t wait to cuddle up with him. It all changed when he looked at me with sad eyes and told me we needed to talk.  Theresa told me she would be at our friend Michelle’s dorm if I needed her.  She hugged me then left. 

“Syd, come sit please.”  Tony said as he paced the floor of our small dorm.  So I went and sat down on my bed Indian style and rested my hands in my lap.  Tony knelt down in front of me, grabbed my hands, “You know I love you right?” he said.  Were those tears in his eyes?

“Yes.” I replied with a smile, “I love you too.”

“I’m just going to come out and say this, please don’t interrupt me.  I’m gay, Sydney.”  I opened my mouth to say something but he held his hand up.  “I’m so sorry, so damn sorry Syd.  I’ve been lying to you and myself for the last few months.  I thought at first that it was just the thrill of doing something taboo and not getting caught.  It’s not though, I love him and I love you. But the way I feel about him is different than how I feel about you.”

“Are…you.  Tony look at me!”  I pushed at his shoulder and stood from the bed.  “You, you’ve been cheating on me with a man?”  I asked.  He stuffed his hands in his pockets and nodded his head while I paced the small dorm.  “Are you serious?” I asked, unsure of what else I could even say. 

“God, Syd you have no idea how much this is killing me.”  He tried to stop me from pacing. 

“Don’t!  Touch!  Me!”  I said and stepped away from him. 

He ran a shaky hand through his hair, “I’ll just leave, maybe we can talk tomorrow.  I never would have pegged you as being a homophobic.”  He said and shook his head.

“Fuck YOU Tony, I’m NOT a homophobic!  YOU have been cheating on ME!  That makes you an asshole, and it makes me look really, really stupid.  I’ll go get tested you better pray to god that I don’t have anything.”  I finished and sat back down on the bed as tears started to finally fall down my cheeks. 

Tony knelt down in front of me and cupped my face in his hands and tears in his own eyes, “Syd I can promise you that you’ve got nothing to worry about, I’ll even go with you.  I’ve been protected with you and with him.  I’m sorry, God you have no idea how much this is killing me.”  He pulled me into a hug.  My body shook with each sob but Tony held me until I finally stopped sobbing against his shoulder.  “I’ll go get Theresa.” He whispered, kissed my head then walked out of the room. 

“OH MY GOD SYDNEY!”  Theresa cried as she walked over to me.  I told her everything that was said.  “Let’s go home for the weekend. Being here isn’t going to make things any easier for you.”  I wiped my eyes and nodded my head, then went and showered, packed an overnight bag and went to bed.  The following morning I was wide awake at six o’clock while Theresa laid in her bed with her pillow tucked between her knees and her arm under her head.  I shook my head and laughed, “Go back to sleep woman.”  She said sleepily with her eyes still shut. 

“I’m going to run and get a coffee.  Can we please leave when I get back?”  I grabbed my purse and waited for her to reply. I knew that if I left before she told me she wanted a coffee too, that she would fall back asleep.

“Yup, I’m up.  Bring me one or else the drive home is going to be really bad for you.” 

I didn’t bother calling to let my parents know I was coming home for the weekend, the drive was only an hour and a half so I knew that mom would at least be awake when I showed up. 

I dropped Theresa off at her house. She told me to call her later so we could go out and hit up the local bars if I felt up to it.  “Yeah, likely not, I just want to relax.”  She smiled and hugged me then got out of the car. 

When I showed up at my parent’s house, Mom jumped and screamed then ran across the kitchen and grabbed me into a hug, “Oh my God, I’ve missed you!”  she pulled away and looked at me.  “Uh-oh, what’s wrong?”  She pulled me by the hand into the kitchen so she could finish the breakfast she was making.  “You’ve been crying, tell me before your dad wakes up.”

“Tony and I broke up.”  Was all I said.

“Oh, Sydney, baby I’m so sorry I know you really liked him.  What happened?”

I traced the pattern on the table cloth, “He, uh, well, he is gay.”

The fork mom was using to turn the bacon clanked against the inside of the skillet and splattered grease, “SHIT…what did you just say?”  she reached into drawer and pulled the tongs out, using them to get the fork out of the skillet. 

“You heard me, I just, God mom.”  I spread my arms out in front of me and tapped my forehead against the table “I feel so stupid that I didn’t know him well enough to see some kind of sign.”  My voice was muffled by the table. 

“Sign for what?”  Dad said in his deep raspy morning voice. 

My head snapped up and mom spun around, she looked at him-then me- then back to him.  “Sydney and Tony broke up.”

“Ah, did he finally tell you he was gay?”  Dad asked like it was no big deal.  No big deal that Tony had cheated on me.

“WHAT…um wait.”  I stuttered out.

“Sydney, I could tell by the way he couldn’t be himself around you.  He’s a good guy just not for you obviously.”  He sat down at the table and took a drink of the coffee Mom put in front of him.  “On a lighter note, I’ve got one hell of a graduation surprise for you.”

“I don’t graduate for another year though, why didn’t you kind of clue me in about Tony?  You know, save me some heartache.”  I crossed my arms over my chest. 

“Hey you can’t be pissed at me, you know as well as I do, had I said anything you and your momma would have jumped down my throat. 
You’re just saying that because he’s not the MC type, he’s a good guy--ree ree ree.
”  He said in a high pitched voice.