Read The Dark Side of Disney Online
Authors: Leonard Kinsey
The Dark Side of Disney
The Dark Side of Disney
Leonard Kinsey
Praise for
THE DARK SIDE OF DISNEY
“
The Dark Side of Disney
shines a light into the roachy shadows of Walt Disney World. With 33 years of experience storming the gates of the Magic Castle, Leonard Kinsey has explored every possible option for a low-cost Disney vacation ranging from the immoral to the downright illegal. Packed with all the tips that Disney was hoping you wouldn’t discover, like free parking and bottomless beverage scams, this book also teaches you how to get free airline drink tickets and bar/pool hop around the high end Disney resorts like Hollywood glitterati.
Ever wanted to know where to have uninterrupted coitus on property? Kinsey points the way. Where to score weed? Keep reading. Kinsey charges to the roof of The Contemporary and spelunks into The Utilidors to bring you the finest nuances of an underground Disney vacation.
Pack the trunks and leave the kids at Grandma’s because
The Dark Side
is about to make your next Disney vacation the best one ever!”
-Chris Mitchell
Author,
Cast Member Confidential
Copyright 2011, Leonard Kinsey
Cover Design by Pentakis Dodecahedron
Cover Photo by Alan Partlow
Cover Model: Draven Star
Book Design by Jonas Kyle-Sidell
All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
This book is neither authorized nor sponsored nor endorsed by the Disney Company or any of its subsidiaries. It is an unofficial and unauthorized book and not a Disney product. The mention of names and places associated with the Disney Company and its businesses are not intended in any way to infringe on any existing copyrights or registered trademarks of the Disney Company but are used in context for educational purposes, or for parody. The opinions and statements expressed in the quotations and text are solely the opinions of the author or those people who are quoted and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and policy of the Disney Company and its businesses nor Bamboo Forest Publishing.
Although the Publishers and the Author of this book have made every effort to ensure the information was correct at the time of going to press, the Publishers and the Author do not assume and herby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss or damage caused by errors, omissions, misleading information, or any potential travel disruption due to labor or financial difficulty, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.
Any descriptions of illegal activities in the book are intended purely for educational or entertainment purposes. The Publishers and the Author do not support, advocate, encourage or endorse any illegal acts described herein. In no event will the Publishers or the Author be liable for any illegal activities performed by readers of this book. In other words, if you get busted and go to jail, don’t blame us!
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First Printing: August, 2011
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Disney World, Done Dirt Cheap
Getting There
o Driving is for suckers
o Southwest is Best
o Driving Drunk on The Disney Magical Express
Staying There
o Off-Site Horror Story
o A Deluxe for Less Than a Value?
Park Tickets
o Sneaking In
o Free Tickets from Timeshare Presentations
o Befriending a 15-Year+ Cast Member
o Reseller Scams
Free Parking
o At the Resorts
o AAA Diamond Pass
Eating/Drinking There
o Free Dining Is NOT Free!
o Cheap/Free Dining for Drunks and Foodies
o Grocery Delivery and Fridge Swaps Gone Wrong
Souvenirs and Merchandise
o WDW Merch is a Rip-Off
o PhotoPass Shares
Having Fun Without Spending a Dime
o Monorail Bar Crawl
o Free Boat Rides
o Pool Hopping
Chapter 2: Sex, Drugs, and Rock N’ Roll
Sex
o At the Resorts
o In the Parks
o How to Find Someone to Have Sex With
o Alternative Lifestyle Activities
o The Last Resort (Escort Services)
Drugs
o Where to Score?
o How to Safely Get High in the Parks
o Top 5 Best and Worst Places to Get High
Rock N’ Roll
o Rock Venues On-Site
o Food and Wine “Eat to the Beat”
o Nightly Epcot Acts
Chapter 3: Tricks, Tips, Scams… and Bugs
Front of the Line With a Wheelchair
Taking the Resort Monorail
FastPass Scams
Refillable Mugs
Pin Trading Scams
Bed Bugs and Other Creepy Crawlies
Chapter 4: Off-Limits Exploration
Sneaking Into The Utilidors
Backstage at Epcot
Interview with Shane Perez (Discovery Island Urban Explorer)
Interview with Hoot Gibson (Mesa Verde Times/Fresh Roasted Corn)
Introduction
You hold in your hands the key to a Walt Disney World vacation unlike any other. Regardless of how much money you make, or how many times you’ve already been to the parks, or how much you totally fucking hate “It’s a Small World”, this book will show you a side of WDW that is unique, exciting, and absolutely, unequivocally, NOT authorized by Disney. Within these pages you’ll not only find tips on the best deals for airfare, food, and lodging (tips banned from official guidebooks and even most unofficial websites and messageboards), but diatribes on the best places in the parks to have sex, do drugs, and see a gritty rock show, complete with women throwing their underwear on the stage. You’ll hear from people who have jumped out of ride vehicles and explored off-limits areas, who have swam across alligator infested lakes to see the ruins of abandoned parks, and who have dodged security to traverse the mysterious tunnels underneath The Magic Kingdom. You’ll find tips on avoiding not only the dangerous Florida wildlife, but also the dangerous scammers who swarm Orlando like mosquitoes, just waiting to weasel you out of your hard-earned cash with their counterfeit merchandise, illegal ticket resales, and hard-sell timeshare presentations.
I’ve gathered all of this information over 33 years of visiting Walt Disney World, fortunate enough to have been born in Clearwater, Florida, and to have had a mother who shared my Disney obsession. Even though we were decidedly lower-middle class, she worked hard so she could spoil me and my sister with “Four Season Salute Passes” every Christmas, allowing us to visit as often as we wanted during non-peak months. And visit often we did, making the two-hour drive to Orlando at least once a month, often staying overnight at the (as of that time) only affordable on-site lodging, The Caribbean Beach Resort.
I don’t remember my first visit to The Magic Kingdom; I was only 16 months old, but I have seen the pictures and I look pretty fucking thrilled. However, I do distinctly remember my excitement when, in 1
st
grade, I found a promotional book for EPCOT Center that had been sent to my teacher and unceremoniously shoved into the community bookshelf, just waiting to get torn apart by my snot-nosed classmates. I promptly stole the book, and spent hours poring over the concept art, genuinely believing that this park would be the best place in the world. Luckily, my mother was the manager of a day care, and since EPCOT at that time was touting itself as learning center (something that has long since been abandoned), she was able to snag opening-day tickets after much pleading on my part. I remember that first visit to EPCOT, in awe at seeing the concept art I’d been studying come to life, and having my mind blown by the architecture, animatronics, and a totally kick-ass vision of the future. I fell in love with computers that day, and became a nerd for life. And I remember knowing with all my heart that, yes, this actually was the best place in the world. I still believe that to this day.