Rewrite Redemption (53 page)

Erase it all.

If I went back to my earlier life, all the craziness would be gone. No more guilt. The jerk in my head would shut the heck up. I’d lose the memories, but I’d have my sanity. I wouldn’t be aware of what I was missing. The pain would just stop.

It was the only choice.

I pulled out my phone. I deleted the message I’d left myself from my bedroom and made a new one. I picked up the pizza.

Then I headed back…to say goodbye.

I checked myself one more time in the mirror before leaving the big house. The girl in the mirror was certainly prettier than the one who was there before the makeover. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t feel prettier. I just felt numb. The emptiness had ballooned in my chest, and I couldn’t shrink it no matter what I did. I felt fragile and shaky, as if the least, little thing could shatter me to pieces. I was determined not to let it.

He was back by the time I walked through the tree house door. Lex and Ipod were sprawled on the floor, scarfing down pizza, laughing, and talking. Ipod was so blown away by the scientific implications of everything that he could hardly contain himself. I don’t think I’d ever seen him so animated.

But Constantine just slumped on the sofa, holding his plate, his slice untouched. He looked up as I walked in. I felt his energy waver, then jerk, and pull back sharply. I guess he didn’t want it to mingle with mine. I held mine in too as I walked into the room. I didn’t want to invade his space if he didn’t want me to.

He looked tired and his beautiful face looked haunted. His hair was a mess and he had dark circles under his eyes. His gaze held mine for a moment, searching. Then he gave me the saddest smile I’d ever seen from him.

I couldn’t blame him for dumping the nightmares of this timeline. I knew he was hurting. I knew what it was like to feel guilty for destroying your family. I wanted to throw my arms around him and tell him it would all be over soon, that I would make the bad stuff go away. I almost said something.

Then he looked away sharply and set his untouched pizza on the coffee table.

I just stood there, numb, stroking my key. What was there to say? I knew what had to be done. I was ready, but I wasn’t going to be able to hold on forever. I needed to do it quickly while I could still keep it together. I realized why people in movies were always saying they hated goodbyes.

“A.J., have some pizza,” Lex said. She waved a slice at me and then stuck it in Ipod’s open mouth.

“Not hungry. Let’s do this. You ready?” I forced the words out of my mouth.

“Hey, gorgeous!” Ipod said from his place on the floor. He whistled. “You look amazing! I can’t believe the hoodie is gone for real.”

Thank you, Ipod, for bringing up the hoodie.
As if it mattered how I looked. In an hour or so, he wouldn’t remember me anyway. “Let’s do this,” I said.

Constantine stood and walked over to the doorway. He kept checking his phone, as though he was wondering how long it was till they were going to pull the plug on his brother. His energy swirled round him like a cyclone…dark, erratic, and disturbing. It seemed like he couldn’t quite contain it, as if he was stretched to the limit. I felt horrible for him.

I felt horrible for me.

My chest felt tight and cold, but I brushed it off. I was determined to see this through, and I sure as heck wasn’t going to break down before I did it. “Ready, Lex?” I asked.

“Anytime, anyplace, I love this time-travel stuff!” She closed the pizza box and set it on the counter. “Put the rest of the pizza it in the fridge, Ipod. A.J. will be hungry later.” She wiped off her hands and grabbed her jacket. “I have his phone with the message and the branch, A.J.” She handed me the branch from Constantine’s redwood that would allow us to go straight to his backyard in Seattle.

I held it for a moment and focused on its imprint. Then I stuck it in the waist of my skirt against my skin. I put his phone in my pocket. I noticed that Lex had a branch from my oak stuck through her belt loop. “What’s that for?” I asked.

“Insurance,” she said. Then she walked over to Constantine and gave him a fist bump. “So, New Guy, I guess this is it. You’ll be gone when we get back, right?”

“Right,” he answered quietly. “If you pull this off—and I know you will—I’ll be back in Seattle.”

Lex hugged him. “Well, I have to say, it’s been a hell of a ride! Thanks for everything.”

He gave her a half smile as she broke away.

I took advantage of that moment to get in a quick goodbye. “Yeah, really…thanks for everything,” I said. “We’ll pull this off. I promise.” I didn’t hug him. I barely made eye contact. The whole thing was seriously awkward.

He just looked at me and nodded.

Ipod bridged the gap by walking up and shaking Constantine’s hand. “I’m incredibly grateful,” he said. “I know I don’t remember it, but I bet military school was a bitch. You saved my butt. I wish you could stick around. I have a million questions.”

“The whole thing with my family is really complicated,” said Constantine. “Take care of…them, okay?”

“You got it,” Ipod promised. “We have each other’s backs. Always have, always will.” He crouched down, touching the trunk, so he could hold on to the timeline.

Constantine backed off so he could let it go—let
me
go. He looked so beautiful standing there. And I thought how I didn’t even have a picture of him, that this was it, that I’d never see his eyes again. Then, as though he heard me, he raised his eyes and looked right at me.

For a moment, my heart stopped or skipped or something. I felt dizzy and I couldn’t catch my breath. I was
losing
him.

“You okay, A.J.?” Lex asked.

No!
I screamed in my head. But I nodded. Then I leaned against the trunk, and I pulled Lex in front of me. She looked back, her eyebrows raised. I just shook my head at her. I desperately needed to leave—immediately—or I was going to crack.

I held the branch. I found the location. It was easy. I needed
more
to focus on. It would take thirty seconds or so to make it happen. Thirty seconds of avoiding his beautiful, blue eyes. I focused on the location, but there was still empty space in my mind. I needed to fill it so that I didn’t think of him.

I held the location of our destination and I thought of my tree house. I thought of my great-grandfather, Charlie, how he’d found this tree so very long ago. I focused on a picture I had of him standing beside my tree. For a moment that gave me the distraction I needed. I held Charlie’s face in the front of my mind…to block out the other face I couldn’t stand to say goodbye to. Then I surged my energy into the tree and—

“Autumn! What’s going on?”

I turned my head and saw a shimmery Sam standing in the doorway. Ohmygod, what was
he
doing there? I tried to stop, to pull back, but it was too late. The energy whirled around me, holding me in its grasp. The room was fading. I fought the pull.

Sam lunged for me, yelling, “Autumn!” The swirling energy knocked him down.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, sending shock waves down my spine. It was Constantine! In slow motion, I twisted his way and saw a look of desperation on his face. He couldn’t stop us. I closed my eyes, trying hard to concentrate.

But then…Lex and I were in the vortex.

For a moment, I thought Constantine was there with us. I
felt
him. But when I opened my eyes, Lex and I were alone. Colors, sounds, and feelings swirled around me, but this time, I was disconnected from the wonder. I felt dizzy—I couldn’t think. I couldn’t focus. I held on to Lex, trying to orient myself.

She looked back and grinned at me. Apparently, she hadn’t seen Sam. About thirty seconds later, the swirling stopped, and I felt the ground beneath my feet.

Lex dropped to the grass, laughing wildly. “That was so freaking tight!” For a moment, she just laid there with her eyes closed. Then she laughed, kicking her legs in the air. “Wahoo! That was such a buzz. Time travel is my new favorite thing.” Apparently, she’d had a better trip than I had.

I shook off my dizziness and looked around. We were downhill from his house which was modern and angular. The side that faced us was nothing but glass and steel. The air was crisp and pungent with the scent of someone’s fireplace. The yard was a mini redwood forest. Luckily the yard was empty, and a tall fence hid us from the neighbors.

Con’s redwood was ginormous with powerful energy. I leaned against it, just trying to catch my breath. Lex was still spazzed out on the ground, coming down from her buzz.

“Earth to Lex,” I said, somewhat sarcastically. I held my hand out to pull her to her feet. “Sam saw us. He came in just as we were leaving.”

“No way!” 

“Way,” I countered. “He saw us disappear. And for a moment, I thought that Constantine was with us in the vortex. But apparently I was wrong because he’s not here.”

“So what gives?” she asked, brushing off her clothes.

 “No clue. That’s the point.”

“Okay, well, don’t pre-freak. We deal with it when we get back. Hopefully, Ipod gets Sam out of there before Constantine disappears too. Let’s go. Nothing we can do about it now.”

“Yeah,” I said, with a sigh. The last thing I needed was to have Sam fall completely apart. But she was right. There was nothing we could do about it till we got back.

“Okay, then.” She held out her hand. “Let me see his phone.”

“Why?” I gave it to her.

“I want to hear the message.”

“What? No, no…we—”

“Why not? Aren’t you curious? Come on…it’s not like he’ll know—”

“I don’t care. I just want to get this over with.” I struggled to hold back the tears. “I’m losing him, Lex. This isn’t fun!”

“Okay, okay…no big. I know you’re upset, but look at it this way. For sixteen years, you’ve had no clue what was going on with you. Now you know and you have control over it. You can travel through time and take me with you. That’s just freaking
amazing
, right?”

I nodded. It was but…

“You lost your horrid hoodie. You told off the Bratz Doll. We got Ipod back. Sweetie, we’re making out like bandits here.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said, starting up the hill. “You’re right. Let’s do this. We’ve got to get back and deal with Sam.” She was right about the other stuff, but she didn’t understand about Constantine. Guys were replaceable items for her. It was Jason Jackson that month. Next month, it would be a new guy. Constantine was irreplaceable.

Lex grabbed my hand and stopped me. “I know this is hard,” she said, “and I know you’re freaked about Sam. But think about this. In about two minutes, you’re going to
meet
Constantine again. How cool is that? Sure, this one won’t remember all the lifesaving stuff, but you could start fresh. He’s still the same guy. But you’re…
better
. Knock his socks off!”

I nodded at her and tried to squeak out a smile. I wanted
my
Constantine—the guy who took the bullet for me. I wanted the guy whose life I saved. “Okay,” I said, anyway.

We trudged up the hill and around to the front of the house. Wild guitar music filtered out from an upstairs window. Lex rang the bell. No answer. She waited until there was a break in the music and rang again.

This time a girl, obviously his little sister, opened the door. She had long dark hair, wore a boy-band tee shirt, and was busy thumbing on her phone. “Yeah?” she asked, without looking at us.

“We’re here to see your brother,” Lex said.

“Which one?” she asked, still thumbing.

“Constantine,” Lex said.

“Hold on, I’ll tell him.” She finally looked up from her phone. She gave us a long look, smirked, and then bounced out of sight.

Lex pushed the door open, revealing a long, wooden stairway. We watched as his sister’s skinny legs disappeared up it. A moment later, the music stopped abruptly, and I heard her giggle.

“He’s coming,” she yelled.

But she didn’t have to tell me that. I knew. I felt him before I saw him. It might have been a different Constantine, but he sure felt the same. His energy swept down the stairway and over me, searching…then questioning. I sucked my own in tight. I didn’t want them mingling. I didn’t want the tease. I backed up a few steps as I felt him draw closer. My pulse sped up and I stroked my key.