Ride On (20 page)

‘Ah … all right, all right. Fuck sake …'

‘Hey Aesop,' said Helen, when he stood up, pulling at his jeans.

He sat down again.

‘Tell me something. While we're on the subject of your escapades. Did you really spend a whole weekend in bed with two of the dancers in that video?'

Aesop swallowed. He wasn't expecting that. Technically, he could say no without lying. Obviously, they'd had to get out of the bed to eat and use the bathroom and all. Grand. He'd just say no.

‘Eh …'

She gave him a good slap on the wrist.

‘I'm a schoolteacher Aesop. Don't lie to me now.'

‘Eh … Christ, Helen … I mean …'

‘Yeah? I'm waiting …'

‘Well, y'see, sometimes in the papers … they …'

She laughed.

‘That's okay Aesop. Off you go and help Jimmy. I was just seeing if I could make a rockstar go red.'

He put a hand to his face.

‘Did I?'

‘Maybe a little bit pink, just.'

‘Ah, that's just the curry Norman made earlier. Me tongue was like a balloon after it.'

At the bar Jimmy was waiting for drinks.

‘How's it going?' he said to Aesop.

‘Not sure.'

‘What?'

‘Ah, I've been talking to Helen … well, I mean I've been trying to talk to her. I swear Jimmy, I don't know what's going on. I'm like a fuckin' eejit. I sound like Norman trying to get laid.'

‘She's not falling for your lines, is she?'

‘What lines? Jimmy, it's not like talking to a bird at all with her. It's like talking to a real person or something, y'know? I couldn't even tell her a lie a minute ago about the marathon I ran with that “Strut” pair. Christ, normally at this stage I'd be getting the keys to the car off you.'

‘Maybe you're losing your touch.'

‘It's not fuckin' funny, man. It's like she's actually not that bothered about me riding her. Last week she's singing me dirty songs in Irish and now she's over there playing hard to get, or some fucking thing … ah … I don't know what the fuck …'

‘Dirty songs in Irish?'

‘Yeah. Real carpet-muncher stuff, y'know?'

‘Carpet-mun … in Irish? But … oh, fuckin' whatever. Aesop, I thought you liked this girl.'

‘I do.'

‘Do you just want to shag her?'

‘Well … I don't not want to shag her.'

‘Yeah, I can see how all this is new for you. Why don't you try this, okay? Talk to her. Have a laugh. Get to know her. See what happens.'

‘Sounds complicated. That's all that bollocks you do go on with.'

‘Me and the rest of the humans, yeah.'

‘It's kind of a load of me arse, though, isn't it? I don't think …'

‘So you're right and the other six billion of us are wrong.'

‘Wouldn't be the first time, Jimmy.'

‘Yeah, well why don't you give it a go? Anyway, your biggest complication isn't in your head. It's sitting next to Jessie with fists like breeze blocks.'

‘Don't remind me. He's like a wart on me arse. Every time I turn around he's there.'

‘He's meant to be there. He's your bodyguard, Aesop.'

‘Yeah, but it's not my body he's worried about, is it? Jesus, just talking to her is like trying to cheat in the Leaving without getting caught. And I'm telling you, his curry isn't helping the situation either. I'm trying to be cool and charming and all, but I'm sitting there with a hole on me like a stab wound.'

The round of drinks arrived and Aesop reached into his pocket.

‘It's grand Aesop.'

‘You got the last one Jimmy.'

‘These are on the house. I had a chat with Packie. He's all apologies. Says his missus must have gotten it wrong. Me bollix. Anyway, the gargle's free.'

‘Brilliant.'

‘Yeah, but we have to stay sober now.'

‘What? Why?'

‘Because all these people are here to see us. If we're going to get up there, we can't be shite. We've an album coming out, y'know?'

‘But …'

‘Aesop, we're professional musicians. We don't go to work pissed. And we're working tonight.'

‘But it's only an amateur night. It's not like …'

‘Listen man, there's no such thing as an amateur night for us any more. I told him we'd do five acoustic songs and I want to make sure we sound good. I'm worried about the sound system as well. I've no idea what the mikes are like or anything. So the last thing we need is the two of us wobbling up there shitfaced on top of things, okay?'

‘Yeah. All right.'

‘Five or six pints and that's it. Right?'

‘Okay okay.'

‘Okay.'

Aesop looked at him.

‘Have you got the shits now because we're playing?' he said.

‘What? No. Well, a little bit I s'pose. And I was talking to Susan earlier after Dónal told me about London.'

‘Oh. Right. How did it go?'

‘Not great. There was a thing in one of the English newspapers about us and she was all upset.'

‘What did they say?'

‘Ah, it doesn't matter. Anyway, I don't think I'll be seeing her in London this weekend.'

‘So she doesn't love you any more?'

Jimmy grabbed half the drinks and turned away from the bar.

‘Something like that.'

*

Two hours later the pub was even more wedged. A dozen or so people had already been up there, either accompanied by a few core players or doing the job themselves on the guitar. Most of them were doing classic covers rather than trad, but a few ballads came out as well. The lads that made up the ‘band' were brilliant, swapping instruments around and lashing out a few tunes or songs if the next punter needed an extra pint before getting up in front of everyone. The bloke on the uilleann pipes especially was incredible when he got into it. Jimmy was watching him closely. He'd never really paid attention before, but the pipes were one mad bastard of an instrument, the drones shifting under the melody and sliding, bending notes being coaxed from the chanter. The guy was very impressive on the runs, but when he played a slow air, to the respectful hush, the pipes seemed to throw up layered, mournful voices that twisted around each other, hanging back or stepping forward as though waiting in turn to offer condolence. Hmm. Jimmy put down his pint. He'd probably had enough for the moment.

‘What?' he said. Aesop had said something into his ear.

‘I want to sing,' said Aesop. ‘And play.'

‘Here? Tonight?'

‘Yeah.'

‘Aesop, remember what I said about not being shite tonight?'

‘I won't be shite.'

‘What do you want to sing? The only one you can do properly like that for a crowd is … oh no. Don't tell me …'

Aesop shrugged.

‘It's worth a go.'

‘C'mon Aesop, she's not fucking sixteen.'

‘But I'm out of ideas, man! She keeps saying stuff to me in that Cork accent. I'm going mad. Jimmy, it's the magic song. We must have scored dozens of chicks singing it.'

‘When we were kids, yeah. Aesop, she's a grown woman. She's not stupid. And anyway, Norman will beat the piss into you before you get to the chorus.'

‘He won't. In a pub full of people?'

Jimmy sighed.

‘How many pints have you had?'

‘Four. And a half. I'm grand.'

‘Can you still play it?'

‘Yeah. Jesus, I'll never forget that song. All that gee …'

‘Christ. Okay. But I'm singing seconds, right? And take it easy on the falsettos. Are you sure you don't want me to play the guitar, Aesop?'

‘No man. I'm giving it the whole shebang.'

‘Well … for fuck sake, don't try the run at the outro.'

‘I won't. Thanks Jimmy.'

‘God … he'll fucking kill me too, probably.'

‘He won't. I'll just say I sprung it on you on the sly when we got to the stage.'

‘Yeah. Christ, the sooner this poor girl tells you to fuck off with yourself the better. I think I prefered it when you were a trollop.'

‘I haven't had a bounce in ages, Jimmy. I'm going spare. Fuck sake, I keep finding teethmarks on the headboard when I wake up and everything.'

‘But … Aesop, you either really like this girl or you just want to fuck her. Which is it?'

‘Both. What's wrong with that?'

‘Well … nothing. But you need to calm the fuck down. Listen, I know you're only a visitor here on planet Earth, but some girls want more than for you to shag them. I think she's one of those girls.'

‘But that's what I want too!'

‘Are you sure?'

‘Yes! Man, she's fucking beautiful and she sings great and she has the accent and she's dead-on. And all night talking to her I've had this funny feeling in me belly …'

‘Aesop …'

‘ … although that might be the curry …'

‘Aesop, there's plenty of nice young ones in here. Are you sure you wouldn't rather just be yourself and grab one of them? It's not like they won't be up for it. Then you'd have your pipes cleaned and your brain might get a look-in.'

‘Not interested Jimmy.'

‘What about Olga?'

‘Who?'

‘The girl sitting next to Norman.'

‘The little fat yoke?'

‘What? No, next to Norman.'

‘Oh. Nah … me bollocks.'

‘She keeps gawking at you. Your type of bird. And she's all right looking Aesop.'

‘She is not.'

‘She is!'

‘She's not Jimmy. She's a disgrace.'

‘But she …'

‘If I had a garden full of mickeys, Jimmy, I wouldn't let her look over the wall.'

‘Oh fuckin whatever. Look, sing your bleedin song. But if Helen breaks her bollocks laughing, it's not my fault.'

Another thirty minutes went by and the open mike thing was starting to wind down. People were starting to get a bit pissed anyway and a lot of them were looking over at Jimmy and Aesop, waiting for the real show to start. Jimmy looked around. Aesop and Helen were talking to Norman. He caught Jessie's eye and gave her a smile. She'd had a few pints and looked like she might be trying to muster up a bit of courage to make a move on him. He turned away and looked around the bar. He didn't need to be encouraging that shite. He had enough on his plate tonight, landed with an impromptu gig here and his head full of a broken-hearted girl in England.

Eventually Packie got up to the mike and called for a bit of quiet.

‘Now, ladies and gentlemen, we're very lucky to have a couple of lads in tonight …'

There was a roar.

‘ … now, now, hush a minute. Jimmy and Aesop from The Grove are going to give us a couple of songs now, fair play to them. And I hope you're all going to support them when they're playing in Cork in a couple of months?'

Clapping and shouting.

‘Grand. So … Jimmy, are you right?'

Jimmy gave him a wave and stood up.

‘Right Aesop,' he said, when the guitar was strapped on and the mike fixed in front of his face. ‘Just me on this one, right?'

Aesop nodded and took the other guitar, sitting down behind Jimmy and winking out at Helen.

Jimmy started into ‘Big Love' by Fleetwood Mac. It was the mental version for solo guitar that he'd seen Lindsay Buckingham do on that video. It had taken Jimmy six weeks before he was happy with his own version, and that was with the help of the transcription he'd found in Total Guitar. Perfect for a venue like this. He didn't want there to be any confusion about who was the fucking best guitar player in the place tonight, and the pub half-full of musicians. But he needn't have worried. The punters shut up and stared at his fingers, their mouths open. They all knew that they wouldn't be able to do what Jimmy was doing in a blind mickey fit. Not that Jimmy was trying to be a cunt or anything. This was business. He couldn't have them walking home going, ‘ah, sure he was only all right, like'.

He followed with a nice fiddly version of ‘Wish You Were Here' and then stopped to look out and see how he was doing. It was grand. They were all over him, beaming and taking pictures.

‘Thanks very much. And thanks for having us here tonight. I s'pose a few of you have met Aesop?'

He looked behind and Aesop stood up and bowed.

‘Aesop's been practising the bodhrán. Do you want to hear him?'

They all yelled, the girls whooping and whistling.

Actually, Aesop was pretty good on any percussion instrument and the bodhrán was no exception. But they didn't know that.

‘Okay. Here's the version Jagger wished he recorded …'

Aesop led them into ‘Sympathy for the Devil'. It would've been a bit mad in any other venue in the world, bodhrán instead of bongos, but with the versions of songs Jimmy had heard tonight, it'd fit right in. Christ, the lads had done a bluegrass rendition of some Oasis songs earlier. Better than the originals they were too. Not that that was saying much …

This was a good one to get the crowd going, because they could all do the Woo Woo's near the end. Jimmy wanted them in his pocket before Aesop sang.

All too soon the song was over and then Jimmy took a deep breath and smiled out.

‘Right, thanks very much. Eh … I'm afraid Aesop's been pestering me to sing a song as well. Is that okay?'

He grinned at the reaction and stepped to the other mike to make way for Aesop. Aesop stood up to the mike and gave it a tap.

‘Thanks Jimmy. Thanks for that. Eh … actually, I'm not the singer in the band. As you'll find out in a minute. But I heard all these people getting up earlier and it sounded like a good laugh, so I thought I'd give it a go. I only know one song on the guitar anyway, and Jimmy's going to help me out, so hopefully it won't be too bad.'