Riding the Storm (19 page)

A tear fell from the corner of his eye and steamed across his angry expression. “We worked that wreck for hours. If we’d gotten the call sooner…If she’d cried out…If we’d known we had to look for her…”

“I’m so sorry.” Answering tears burned in Jolene’s eyes. “But, Nate, the nature of your job as a paramedic…Sometimes…” She held back her own sorrow, vowing to be strong for him. “Sometimes, there’s one you can’t save.”

He released her on a bitter sigh and paced the room. “This one got to me. I didn’t even know she was there. She was still in her car seat, just over the edge of the ditch, out of sight. We were working on her mom. She just quietly died by the side of the road. All alone. I was too late to resuscitate her.” He shook his bowed head. “I was too damn late.”

Jolene crossed the room behind him. “You can’t blame yourself for her death. It was an accident.”

“I can’t get her face out of my mind—even when I close my eyes, it’s always there.”

She laid her hand against his back. He flinched, but she used the motion to slip in front of him and silently demand that he look her in the eye and see her faith in him.

“You saved my dad and my home by coming here in the first place. You saved Lily and Amber Browning. You saved Deacon Tate and Cindy and Wes. You nearly got yourself killed saving that stupid bull. Those are memories you should think about, too.” She brushed her fingers along the cut side of his jaw. “You saved me and my baby. More than once. Count the miracles, Nate.”

“I can’t.” He grabbed her hand and turned to press a kiss into her palm. Then, with a tug, he gathered her up
in his arms and crushed her to his chest. “It’s the one who gets away that eats you up inside.”

He pulled her ponytail loose and sifted her hair through his fingers. He smelled of clean soap and honest emotion as he rubbed his cheek against hers. With nothing but the towel to cover himself, his arousal bobbed against her belly, thrilling her with his desire, frightening her with the depth of his need. Jolene hugged him tight around the waist and offered whatever she could give.

He dipped his mouth and nuzzled the juncture of her neck and shoulder, melting her bones into putty. His hands slid underneath her shirt, roughly scorching her skin. “It’s that one failure that makes me think that the next time, when it counts the most, I won’t be able to get the job done. I won’t be able to save you.”

Jolene frowned. “Save
me?
”
When it counts the most?
Was it wrong to feel a little frisson of hope? Did she count to him? “Nate. I don’t need saving.”

She tried to push some space between them so she could read his expression. But he’d picked her up and was stumbling backward. She held on so she wouldn’t trip him and fall. She’d done enough damage to him already.

“Don’t you?” He sank onto the edge of the bed as if the grave responsibility he carried with him was suddenly too much to bear. He fell back across the bed, bringing her down with him. “You’re so busy taking care of everybody else—including me—that you don’t take care of yourself. You came in here wanting to talk about making love for the first time. And now we’re dealing with my crap.”

His hands slid beneath the hem of her shirt and he
asked, “Was it good for me? Yes.” He worked the shirt up over her head and tossed it aside. “Were you any good? Incredible.” Her bra disappeared next and his hungry mouth teased her heated flesh. “Did it change anything between us? Probably. It made me believe this was the way things could be between us. That this was real.”

Soon there was nothing but the towel between them. A moment later, not even that. Jolene opened herself to his desperate need. She opened her heart and gave him everything.

“I want
us,
Nate. It doesn’t make any sense, but I want there to be an us.”

He didn’t answer her with words, but his body told her how much he needed her. How much he wanted to be with her. She didn’t question herself or him or the moment.

Nate cried out his release deep inside her. Carried her to her own climax. Whispered thanks and praises against her ear as they panted for breath afterward. He pulled her with him under the covers and held her and the baby within the sure grasp of his hands.

Jolene fell asleep knowing that, for tonight at least, she’d been everything he needed.

She’d been enough.

H
E WAS LEAVING
.

The sun was shining, the sky was blue, the floods were receding. And he was leaving.

Give her a hurricane any day.

Jolene rubbed her stomach to squelch a nervous sense of dread as she watched Nate saddle up Checker and tie the food and supplies she’d packed for him behind the big bay’s saddle.

Technically this wasn’t the dramatic wave from the shiny BMW when April Kannon had flipped her blond hair and told her stoic husband and weeping little girl that she just couldn’t do this anymore. Sorry.

Nor was it the heart-wrenching quiet of holding Joaquin’s cold fingers after his breathing machine had been disconnected and the doctor called his time of death.

Nate was working again. He intended to ride out to check how far the creeks and sloughs had receded to the south to see if he could get through to the Brownings’ Rock-a-Bye ranch and make contact with her father and the rest of the outside world.

But it still felt like leaving.

Jolene tried to put on a game face and pretend that surviving forty-eight hours through heaven and hell
with this man hadn’t changed her life. They knew each other’s secrets, their fears, their needs. She knew how much he liked to have his face touched and nuzzled; he knew she had a thing for his butt. She knew he was a talented cook and he knew that her appetite—at least for the next four months or so—was a bottomless pit.

He knew she could be a pretty good listener, despite the way her mouth ran on at times.

And she knew that she loved him.

“Why can’t I go with you?” she asked for the umpteenth time since he’d announced his plan over their breakfast of grilled toaster pastries and bacon.

His shoulders rose and fell beneath the snug white T-shirt he wore. When he turned to face her, his voice was patient, his expression kind. “We talked about this. We don’t know what conditions are like out there. I’m not thrilled with the idea of you being on a horse over good terrain. What’s out there now is anything but good. If we hit a mudslide or washout, or the river’s still impassable—or we find another one of Rocky’s kinsmen from another ranch running loose—it wouldn’t be safe.”

“If it gets too tough, I could turn around and come back.”

He shook his head. “Then you’d be riding alone, and that would make me crazy, too. I need you and the baby to be safe so that I can concentrate on my bearings and find a way out of here. The milk’s gone, the well’s flooded and we’re running out of fresh water. We’ve still got no phone line or electricity. We need help, Jolene. I’m going to go find it. We can’t live like this forever.”

Jolene’s heart twisted into a knot. Logically she knew
he was talking about their chances for survival, not any personal spin she’d put on their relationship.

Still, she didn’t want this time with Nate to end. With just the two of them to rely on, she’d found strength and wisdom she didn’t know she possessed. She’d helped him start the healing process on those invisible wounds that cut him so deeply. They were good for each other. Good together.

But the outside world might prove a tempting lure that could tear them apart. California was part of that outside world. No hurricanes to mess with there. There were prettier, more experienced, less impulsive women in that outside world. Women without babies to remind him of the child he couldn’t save. Nate’s life would be a lot more sane and safe and predictable away from her.

She’d just hoped that after last night—after yesterday—he might not be so eager to leave their haven. It had probably been a foolish dream to expect a man as responsible as Nate to sit around and wait for the outside world to come to them while he enjoyed what they had for a little while longer.

But she’d dreamed it anyway.

Nate turned the bill of his Rangers ball cap to the back of his head and narrowed his gaze in her direction. “Why are you so quiet this morning? I’m not used to keeping up the conversation all by myself.”

“I’m just tired, I guess.” It wasn’t a complete lie. “You kept me up kind of late last night.”

His eyes warmed, reminding her of the tender way he’d been watching her when she awoke in his arms that morning. “Did I ever thank you for that?”

She summoned a smile and nodded. “Twice.”

“Thanks,” he added for good measure. He righted his cap and untied Checker’s reins. “I’d better get going. I have no idea how long this will take. And keep in mind, I’m not asking you to stay because I don’t think you’re capable of helping me. But there’s still work to do here. And I will move faster on my own.”

Without her around to make a bad situation worse?

She kept the honest, if uncharitable, thought to herself. “I know you’re right. And I am worried about Dad. It’d be a huge relief to hear his voice and know he was all right.”

“I’ll make that a priority,” he promised. “And remember, you won’t be alone today. You’ve got the dogs, the horses, and hey, you’ve got Rocky. What better company could you ask for?”

Jolene laughed at his efforts to ease her concern. “Your sense of humor needs some serious work.”

“Give a man a break. I’m just now learning how to laugh again.”

She could see that he was. The grim lines that had etched his face in a perpetually watchful frown when she’d first met him back at the fire station had eased into the hint of a dimple and a lazy grin.

Maybe he’d take a piece of her with him when he went back to California. He might talk about her fondly as that one-of-a-kind pregnant virgin he’d had a brief affair with down in Texas. Hopefully, he’d laugh at some of the predicaments she’d gotten them into.

And she prayed that he’d never know how much it would break her heart to lose him. Because Mr. Responsibility would take that burden of guilt upon his shoulders and let it weigh down his soul. He’d lose his new
smile and strengthen his determination never to hurt anyone the same way again.

That’s what a man like Nate Kellison did.

It was one of the reasons she loved him.

She clapped her hands together, needing to cut short the gloomy spell and send him on his way before she did something impulsive like tie him up in the house or break into tears. “You’d better mount up, California. You’re wastin’ daylight.”

California.
Oh, Lord, she’d slipped.

His shoulders stiffened in suspicion at the nickname. “I’m not going to find you up on the roof or in the loft, am I? Those repairs can wait.”

He’d stay if he thought she was in danger, but that wasn’t the choice she wanted him to make. Being a burden to him wasn’t exactly the romantic future she had in mind. “All my chores will be at ground level. I promise.”

“Ground level?” he asked, looking as though he was trying to find a hidden meaning in her words that he’d missed.

She raised her right hand. “No ladders. If I can’t fix the well pump, then I’ll start hauling water and boiling it. I’ll see what’s left to do after that.”

“Don’t haul anything too heavy.”

“Go.”

“And remember to eat. A couple of snacks besides lunch.”

“Nate.” She was actually pushing him away now, urging him toward his horse. If he still suspected something was wrong, he hadn’t guessed its cause and she wasn’t telling. “I’ll be fine.” His gaze dropped to her belly. “So will he. Now get out of here. Give my best to
Lily when you see her. Tell Dad to get a cell tower hooked up and call me.”

Nate slipped his left foot into the stirrup and swung his right leg over the saddle. He was still stiff and sore, but moving with greater ease than he had two nights ago. He adjusted his hat, pulled on his gloves and nudged Checker forward.

He’d shooed the dogs out of the way and ridden beyond the mud pool that had once been her gravel driveway when she saw his posture stiffen. He reined in his horse and turned.

“I’m coming back.”

Jolene raised her voice to shout in return. “Of course, you are. I’ve already got dinner planned. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

He looked at her a moment, then spurred Checker into a spin and rode straight at her across the yard.

Jolene retreated several steps, giving the horse plenty of room to stop. She hid her trepidation behind a joke and a smile. “You don’t like PB and J?”

In one fluid motion, he stopped the horse beside her, reached out with his gloved hand to palm the back of her neck, bent low over the horse’s shoulder and kissed her. A quick, deep, soul-stealing kiss.

The look in his eyes was just as potent.

“I’m coming back.”

He sat up straight, turned the horse and cantered away. Stunned, Jolene pressed her fingers to her mouth and barely breathed. She watched his straight, broad shoulders until he disappeared beyond the next rise.

I’m coming back.

Yes. But would he come back to stay?

T
HE PICKUP ENGINE
sputtered, then caught and roared to life. Red lights blinked on. The noisy crackle of static flooded the cab and the tuner on the two-way radio flashed through every station until it hit a clear frequency and locked into place.

“Way to go!”

“Yessir!”

Nate’s relieved sigh was drowned out by a chorus of shouts from three little boys who didn’t know what the cheering was all about but who were as excited as the grown-ups around them.

Jolene’s sweet green power truck had been hit hard by Damon. Pummeled by debris, the body was totaled. But more importantly, winds had taken the radio antenna and shredded the connecting wires. Water had swamped the engine and shorted out the battery. Since there was no auto repair store on the corner to walk to for replacement parts, Nate had scavenged what he needed from Lily’s car and Deacon’s old farm truck. With Wes Mathis’s help, he’d pieced the engine together and gotten both it and the radio running.

He listened to the voices on the line with the dispatcher in Turning Point. They were connected to the world again. “Whaddya know? The damn thing works.”

Deacon slapped Nate on the back, then reached out with his good arm to shake his hand. “You’ve got a habit of savin’ the day, boy. Glad to know you.”

Nate nodded his appreciation for the older man’s grudging respect.

“Come on, you three yahoos!” Gabe, Jr., Seth and Aaron Browning circled around the old cowboy with an excitement that rivaled Broody and Shasta at supper
time. “I promised your mama you’d be inside taking a nap by now. You don’t want to get me into trouble, do ya?” They paraded up the porch and into the house, and Nate suspected Deacon would be napping right along with them.

Cindy threw her arms around Wes’s neck and kissed him in congratulations. Nate couldn’t help but shake his head and grin at their not-so-private celebration. In the hour since he’d arrived, he’d noticed that the newlyweds didn’t need their expensive hotel room in San Antonio to act like a couple of honeymooners. Not that they were doing anything they shouldn’t in front of the kids, but they’d grown up and grown closer in the past couple of days.

Like Jolene and Mitch and a lot of other people around Turning Point, he suspected, Wes and Cindy had risen to the challenge Damon had hurled at them and come through the tragedy with plenty to be proud of. And from the number of times they’d found a way to hold hands or sneak a kiss, all squabbles had been forgiven and the two were clearly very much in love.

Nate waved goodbye as they excused themselves for some more intense congratulating. He leaned back in the seat behind the steering wheel and thought of Jolene. The weather had rinsed her scent out of the truck, but he could close his eyes and breathe it in through his imagination. Smells of home and life and laughter.

He could feel her in his body, too. The enthusiastic way she reached for him and held on. The gentle stroke of her fingers across his face.

He could taste her in his mouth. Hot, sweet, willing. Equal parts sass and sugar.

He could see her in his mind. An unruly strand of sun-kissed hair blowing across her cheek. Soft, pale skin. Everywhere. He could see her crying. Arguing. Smiling. Giving herself to him. Healing him.

He could hear her voice and know her soft, gentle words were the truest balm his soul had ever known. He could hear her laughing, or crying out his name at the height of uninhibited passion, and know he’d never experienced any bigger adrenaline rush than the time he’d spent with his angel.

Something hard and stubborn squeezed the breath from his lungs and shattered his restless doubts into a billion pieces.

Nate slipped his hand into his front pocket and fingered the smooth gold ring Grandpa Nate had left him. He knew the warmth he felt in the metal band had to do with body heat and August temps.

But if he thought a little less, believed a little more…maybe the soul he shared with that wise old man was trying to tell him something.

Nate slowly opened his eyes and scanned the devastated Texas landscape. Not so many days ago he’d left California, a man without a home, a man with a heavy conscience. Not quite a whole man. The life he’d put on hold for his family and work had passed him by in Courage Bay.

But he’d found it in Texas.

In the dazzling smile of one blue-eyed angel.

A hopeful energy seeped into his thoughts and spread its renewing strength into his veins.

He needed to think about this.

But not too hard.

The ring practically burned in his hand. “Yeah, I get it. I get it.”

Nate smiled, silently thanking his wonderful grandfather, who’d taken him in as a baby and given him the home he’d needed then. But the time had come to find a home of his own.

Hell. He’d thrown every other caution to the wind. Maybe there was something he could learn from Jolene’s impulsive nature.

Nate picked up the radio and pressed the call button. The excited dispatcher, Ruth, shouted out her office door. “Mitch! It’s them. Mitch!” Then she dutifully took down the information from Nate’s report. Half a minute later a door slammed. Ruth’s voice grew faint. “Sweetie, they’re all right. Nate says they’re all right.”

He heard Mitch’s hoarse voice in the background. “Let me on that line.”