Right Girl (8 page)

Chapter Nine

The
following weeks pass us by, each day blurring into one confusing state of
discomfort and solitude as the distance between myself and Zack grows.

He
spends so much time with Rachel and Amber, I almost feel like I’m living alone
and crave the nights we would stay at home together and talk about our day.

The
sad part of it all is… I miss him. I miss him so much that it
hurts
.

He’s
spent time with his daughter every single day since he found out the truth and no
matter how hard I try, my envy of her grows more and more.

The
DNA results came back, proving Zack to be the father and confirming my worst
nightmare. A small part of me was hoping that he wasn’t, praying that the whole
thing was some horrible mistake.

Except
it wasn’t.

Things
changed after we got the DNA results. I couldn’t bring myself to show any more enthusiasm
when Zack would come home with stories about Amber, desperate for me to take an
interest in his daughter.

Rachel
is still determined to keep us apart and has made it clear that I will play no
part in her daughter’s life whatsoever. I know this is heart-breaking for Zack
but all I can feel is relief.

I
don’t
want
to see her. I don’t want to hear about how beautiful she is
or how much she’s grown. I don’t want anything to do with her and for this… I’ve
come to hate myself.

I
know Zack wants to believe that it will get better. He remains optimistic that
Rachel will eventually come around to the idea of me getting to know Amber.
He’s hopeful and reluctant to accept that things will stay like this forever.

I’m
far more realistic.

He
doesn’t seem to understand that the situation we’re struggling with is
hopeless. How can any of us move forward from this when we’re still stuck in
the past? It’s impossible and the harder I try to figure it out, the more
frustrated I become.

It’s
taken me a long time but I’ve finally come to a decision. I know what must be
done and it has to take place tonight.

I’m
doing this for the man I love and the daughter he’s recently discovered.

Zack’s
daughter.

She’s
also my niece and the one thing which threatens to tear us apart forever. I
can't be the reason that she grows up without a father and I refuse to be the
obstacle which stands in the way of Zack getting to know his own child. The
kindest thing I can do for everyone is disappear and I'm more than willing to
sacrifice my own piece of happiness for Zack's if that's what I must do.

This
also means I must leave him... for good.

I
just pray he will let me go.

He’s
out with them tonight, leaving a couple of hours ago so he could meet up with
Rachel. I hate the fact that she has to be there whenever Zack wants to spend
time with his child. However, I also understand that it’s the way it has to be.
As much as I’m jealous of what Rachel has, I know that none of this is her
fault. She’s still angry with me and won’t ever forgive me for what I did. I can’t
blame her for any of this and want to make amends.

This
is the only way I know how.

The
only person who knows what I have planned is Audrey. She’s reluctant to go
along with it but I’ve managed to convince her it’s the right thing to do. It
took a lot of persuading on my part but she’s agreed to help me, deciding to
put my friendship with her above the guilt she’s going to feel when she’s
forced to lie for me.

My
bags have been packed for half an hour and the letter I’ve wrote for him is on
the coffee table. I’m pacing back and forth, wringing my hands together while I
wait for my friend to get here.

 This
is killing me. It’s actually killing me and I don’t know how much longer I can
hold it together. My decision to leave Zack has been weighing on my mind and my
heart for weeks, stealing every ounce of happiness I once had. I’m a shell of
the woman I was all those weeks ago, before I found out the truth.

The
sound of a car pulling up outside causes me to race to the window, peeking out
through the curtain so I can see who it is.

Audrey.

I
breathe a sigh of relief, struggling to control my trembling as I make my way
to the front door. Picking up my bags, I take one last look around our
apartment. I want to savour every single moment before I leave.

For
good.

My
heart is breaking as I open the door, closing it behind me for the final time.
Each step I take feels like a knife is being plunged into my chest. I can’t
think about him or how he’ll react when he comes home to find I’ve gone. I
can’t think about his face, his voice, his touch or the love he still has for
me. II do… I’ll never leave.

One
year ago, I met a man who changed my world. He saw through the façade I wore
like armour and recognised my scars, healing them one by one. He took the
shattered pieces of my soul and promised me he would fight for us.

He
did.

He
did
fight for us and saved me from myself. He rescued me from a past where
I was drowning, drowning in my own sadness before he threw me a lifeline.

It
wasn’t enough and I won’t drag him down with me.

Not
anymore.

Sink
or swim, flight or fight… whatever the hell you want to call it.

Let’s
see if I can do it on my own.

Starting
now.

Chapter Ten

Zack

“So
shall we meet up the same time tomorrow?” Rachel asks, turning in her seat to
face me.

I’ve
just pulled up outside her mum’s house, dropping her off after spending time
with her as well as Amber. I switch off the car’s engine, sighing deeply.

“Rachel,
you
know
how much I’ve loved spending time with Amber these past few
weeks. It’s meant the world to me and I’m so grateful you’ve allowed me to be a
part of her life.”

There’s
a momentary pause before she speaks, curious as to where I’m going with this.

“What
is it? I feel like you’re about to tell me something bad.”

“No,
it’s nothing bad.” I assure her, smiling weakly. “I just think I need to spend
some more time with Sam. She’s been really patient and accepting of the fact
that I’ve wanted to get to know Amber, meeting up with you each day so I can do
that.”

“So
now the novelty has worn off, you want to go back to your little girlfriend?”
She snaps, narrowing her eyes at me in contempt.

“Of
course not. I want to see as much of Amber as I can but I can’t neglect the
woman I’m with. She needs to know that she’s still important to me. She’s the
centre of my world and I don’t want her to feel pushed out. I’m going to take
some time out and spend the next few days with her. I’ll be in touch soon
though, I promise.”

“Fine.”
She retorts, folding her arms across her chest.

“Rachel,
please don’t be like this. I thought we were getting on well, making things
work for Amber’s sake.”

“So
did I.” She whispers, frowning bitterly.

I
glance back at our sleeping daughter, blissfully unaware of our disagreement.

“Let
me help you with the car seat and your bags before I go.”

Opening
the car door, I make my way to the back and lift her out. She doesn’t even stir
as I carry her indoors, placing the baby’s car seat in the hallway.

“Thanks.”
Rachel murmurs, somewhat begrudgingly.

“I’ll
be in touch in a few days about Amber.” I inform her, taking one last look at
my baby. “But call me if you need anything, ok?”

I’m
halfway to my car when she calls me back, taking a few steps towards me.

“It’s
never going to be the same between us, is it?” She asks, realising this for the
first time. “We’re really over, aren’t we?”

“Yes,
we’re over.” I admit, gazing down at her intently.

She
turns away from me, discreetly composing herself before she heads back towards
the house.

I
drive home in silence, refusing to switch on the radio so I can reflect on my
thoughts instead. I still can’t believe I’ve come to find myself in this
situation, torn between the woman I want to be with and the daughter I don’t
want to be without.

I
know I’ve been neglectful when it comes to Sam recently but I don’t think she
understands how delicate the situation with Rachel has been. I needed to find
some sort of balance between keeping her happy and appeasing the mother of my
child.

I’ve
been terrified that Rachel will put a stop to me seeing Amber, scared that a
single comment might upset the situation we’ve been working on and ruin
everything. However, I now feel I’ve made some headway with her, she seems to
understand that the relationship we’re going to have from now on is purely
platonic.

My
heart is with Samantha and I think Rachel has finally come to accept that.

This
is the reason I told her I needed some space tonight. I figured that I’ve made
such an effort to spend time with my daughter these past few weeks, she would
understand the need I have to do the same with Samantha.

We
haven’t spent a single day together since I found out about the baby and this
is going to change.

Tonight.

Samantha
doesn’t know it but I’ve arranged a weekend away for us. A romantic break so we
can talk, make plans, make love and reconnect.

 I
know she’s been feeling left out recently, as well as a little envious about
the amount of time I’ve been with Rachel. I also know she hasn’t said anything
because she doesn’t want to upset me or come between my newfound relationship
with my child. She’s put my own happiness above her own and for this… I have to
thank her.

All
I want to do is spoil her and make things right, assure her she’s still my main
priority and tell her how much I love her.

I
can hardly contain my excitement as I pull into our apartment complex, grabbing
my wallet before I exit the car and make my way inside.

I
unlock the front door, announcing my arrival as I throw my keys down on the
coffee table in front of me.

They
land on a white envelope with my name on it and I instantly recognise Sam’s
handwriting on the front of it.

Wondering
why the hell she isn’t here and why she’s wrote a letter to me in the first
place, I tear open the envelope. Scanning the words before me, my whole body
begins to tremble. My vision blurs and the floor shifts beneath my feet,
causing me to fall back against the sofa.

I
read it fourteen times.

That’s
how many times it takes me to process what it says.

She’s
left.

She’s
left
me
.

For
good.

My
breathing becomes laboured and my chest tightens, my heart begins to race and
won’t slow down. My palms turn sweaty and my surroundings spin, swallowing me
up. I can’t breathe, I can’t move, I can’t even
think
.

Before
I can control my actions, I tear the letter into shreds. Pieces of paper land
like snowflakes, a snowstorm of misery which accompanies the knowledge that it’s
over.

My
brain won’t function, refusing to take responsibility for what I do next…

The
coffee table is the closest thing to me and I grab it, throwing it across the
room with so much strength, strength I didn’t even know I had.

I
trash the place.

I
trash the place we called our home and I do it with a vengeance.

Yanking
the mirror off the wall, I hurl it through the TV. Shards of glass crunch
beneath my feet as I race into our bedroom so I can destroy everything in it.

That’s
when I realise her clothes are gone.

She
took everything.

Everything
except her ring.

I
find it in the box it came in, still waiting in her bedside drawer.

The
one and only thing she left behind.

Bitch.

I
fucking hate
her.

I
hate her so much it consumes me... blinding me against the love I once had for
her.

The
love I
still
have.

I
leave the bedroom, ripping my hands to pieces as I search for my car keys
amongst the wreckage. Finding them, I stumble through the front door and head
for my car.

Blood
is pouring from my fingers but I don’t even feel it.

I’m
numb.

I
can’t feel anything but rage.

It’s
building up inside of me and I can’t control it anymore.

There’s
only one person she would go to. There’s only one person she would choose to
confide in and that would be Audrey. She
has
to know where Samantha is
and I won’t rest until I find out where that is.

I’m
hammering on her door fifteen minutes later, ignoring the fact that the noise
I’m making is loud enough to wake the entire neighbourhood.

“Zack,
what on earth are you doing?” Audrey demands, flinging her front door open so
she can stop me pounding on it.

“Where
is she?” I demand, shoving her to the side so I can get inside. “Tell me where
she is!”

“I
don’t know what you’re talking about!” She yells, following me as I start
searching every room.

“Don’t
lie to me.” I warn her, grabbing hold of her shoulders so she knows I mean
business.

I
will not leave this house until she tells me where she is. I’m cracking up
already, so close to losing my sanity.

“I’m
not lying to you.”

“I
can see right through you.” I growl, closing in on her in. “And I swear to God
I will hurt you if you don’t tell me where she’s is.”

“Zack,
she didn’t say anything to me about leaving. This is the first I’ve heard of
it.”

I
narrow my eyes at her, trying to decipher the truth. I almost believe her…
almost
.

“Is
she up there?” I ask, shoving her backwards so I can get upstairs. “Is she
hiding from me?”

“Zack,
please!” She begs, chasing after me.

“Sam!”
I cry, searching every single room. “Where the fuck are you?!”

“Zack,
you have to go or I’ll be forced to call the police.” She informs me, breathing
heavily.

I
can tell I’ve unnerved her but I’ve gone past the point of reason. I won’t let
anyone keep us apart and right now… she’s the only one standing in my way.

“I
will destroy this house brick by brick if it means I’ll find her.”

My
voice sounds threatening, resembling something dark and frightening. I barely
recognise myself but can’t put a stop to it. The physical
need
I have to
find her is all-consuming, controlling my actions as well as my fury.

“She
isn’t here, Zack. I swear to you she isn’t.”

 “Audrey,
I am
begging
you.
Please
tell me where she’s gone. I’ll do
absolutely anything, I’ll do anything she wants. I’ll give her some space, I’ll
leave her alone until she wants to see me, I’ll write her a fucking letter
which you can give to her… just don’t keep this from me.”

I
implore her to tell me the truth, watching her intently as I wait for her
reply.

“I
honestly don’t know.” She says, speaking softly. “I really don’t.”

“Swear
to me you’re telling me the truth.”

“I
swear.”

I
sigh deeply, crumpling to the floor beneath me.

“I
can’t live without her.” I whisper. “I can’t physically exist without her.”

“You
might have to.” Audrey reminds me, crouching down in front of me.

“I
can’t and I won’t.” I promise her, pulling myself up onto my feet. “I’ll never
give up searching. I’ll never accept the fact that she’s gone. I’ll hunt her
down forever if I have to.”

“Zack,
she doesn’t belong to you. She’s not an animal you can track down and capture.”

“She
is
mine.” I snarl, lowering my voice once more. “And you can tell her
that from me.”

I
shove her out the way and get into my car, my tyres screeching against the
asphalt as I speed away.

I
search everywhere, deciding to revisit our favourite spot as well as the hotel
we went to for her birthday. I try a couple more places before realising its
pointless.

She’s
really gone.

I’m
not proud of what I do next, foolishly deciding to go and drown my sorrows in
the nearest bar I can find.

I
need to feel numb again.

I
want it to consume me like it did when I came home to an empty apartment. I
crave it and don’t give a shit if alcohol is the only way I can feel that
again.

God
knows how many hours I spend drinking, knocking back the vodka like its water.
I deliberately ignore everyone around me because the only face I see is
hers
.

Samantha
brought me to life and makes me feel alive. I'm not afraid to admit that my
love for her has become an obsession. I'm addicted to her and the compulsion to
be with her has now consumed me entirely. She thinks I'm going to let her walk
away from me. She actually believes I would actually let her go after the
torment that I've been through just to keep her. She's severely deluded if she
thinks I'm about to admit defeat and let her walk away. Screw the fact that it might
be wrong or unhealthy... I'm willing to do everything and anything in my power
to make sure I keep her...

Even
if that involves something she doesn't like.

She
can run but I will always find her. Samantha is mine and no one is going to
take her from me...