Ring Road (40 page)

– is like broadband radio, 303

– is like the weather, 70

– is on extended sabbatical, 32

– pissing directly onto car, 11

– plucking at an eyebrow, 11

good,

– unequivocal, the 38

goodness, 50

– boring aspects of, 210

gossip, 1–366

government,

– local, 196n.

grammarians,

– amateur, 317

grandeur,

– et misère, 29, 83, 314–315

grandfathers, 130–131

gravy,

– simple lesson concerning, and worth repeating, 29

grief, 104–105, 171, 211, 254–255

– feels like indigestion, 260

– stages of, 340–341

grins, 63, 245, 276, 288

–
see also entries under
smile
and
smirks

gripes,

– as bad as Achilles, 240

groves,

– of Academe, 3n.

gyms,

– and clubs, 358

– private, are cleaner than council Leisure Centres, 230

habits,

– heaven gives us, to take the place of happiness, 28, 56, 91, 306–307

Hackman, Gene,

– Frank Gilbey looks a bit like, 140

hair, 180, 184–185, 348

half-truths, ix–xii

Halloween, 284

ham,

– addicted to, Billy Nibbs is, 56

– not often in the house, 30

– posted in an envelope, ix

– writing as, ix

handwriting,

– inadequacies in, 34, 249

–
see also entries under
signatures

hap,

– what hap may, 331

happiness,

– rabbits and, 97–98

–
see also entries under
habits

hatred, 114

health,

– at least you've got your, 355

heaven, 346

hell, 274, 310

heroes, 148, 197

high,

– seriousness, total lack of, ix–388
passim

hippies, 187, 256–257

history,

– burden of, 31, 130131

– local, 161–162

– PMP (pre-mobile phone), 31

hobbies, 236

hobby-horses,

– ridden, 14, 29, 84, 135, 172–173, 202, 258

holidays, 25, 308

–
see also
cruises
and
travelling

Holy Spirit, the,

– descends upon the Baptists, 189

– is off-duty, 83, 181

– the sin against, 323

home, 9, 10n., 24–25, 47–49, 93, 206

– improvements, 48

hopes,

– dashed, 110–111

– wild and unreasonable, 5, 95–96, 345

horses, 334

hospitality, 30, 34–35, 57, 154

humiliation,

– art is born of, 90, 155–156

– examples of, 69, 83, 110, 131, 143

humility, 195

husbands, 35, 82, 91, 115, 213

hygiene,

– personal, 59, 108, 182

hymns,

– deep theological confusion and repressed sexual longings in, 65–66

idiocy, 103, 167n.

ignorance, 260

illness,

– the whole point of, according to Bob Savory, 253

imagination, 205, 217, 230, 273

immortality, 218

impervious, the

– the impassive, and the imperturbable, 313

inadequacy, 133

inarticulate, the,

– raids on, 52, 53, 99, 216–218

–
see also entries under
feeling, imprecision of

inciting,

– incident, 1

inheritance, 160–161

injury, 6, 12, 115–121

innocence, 4, 33

inspiration, 66–67, 91, 307

interminable,

– passages, necessary to the plot, 54, 225–226

intimacy, 180–181

intrigue,

– attempts at, 30, 131, 147, 295

investments,

– value of, may fall as well as rise, reminder that, 221

jazz, 57

– and Sunday lunch, 90–91

Jehovah's,

– Witnesses, 5–6

–
see also entries under
God, Jesus
and
religion

Jesus, 52, 352

– preference in kitchen work-surfaces, conjectured, 77–78

– probably would have been a fidgety audience, 304

– telling jokes, 37

journalists, 314–315

justification,

– by faith alone, 71–72

–
see also entries under
virtue

Kant, Immanuel,

–
Critique of Practical Reason,
3

kebabs, 59, 124

kindness,

– milk of human, 200

kisses, 77, 113, 364

kitchens,

– empty, 48

– kosher, 78, 86

– middle-class, 122

– standard of, in private rented accommodation, 93

– unutterably depressing, 122

knitting, 2

–
see also entries under
woolly hat

knives, 22–23

knowledge,

– carnal, 181

– is strength, 114

– scientific, 113

– what to do with, 343

Korea,

– Bobbie Dylan is big in, 75

language,

– foreign, (French), 236, 300

– foreign, (Italian), 3n., 39–40

– prison-house of, 39, 71, 123n.

lechery, 82, 83

liberality, 82, 83

library,

– you should really support your local, 239–240

life,

– friends, is boring, 210

– ‘is hard', unhelpful statement of obvious truth that, 98

– secrets of a long and happy, 116

– ‘this is the', 138

literary,

– failure, feels like a kicking, 111

literature,

– like Guinness, is good for you, 64

loathing, 153

– self, 29, 95, 112, 211, 284, 306

local, 19

logic, 78

– diabolical, 227–228

London, 10

– availability of funny spaghetti, truffle oils, and novelty cheeses in, 29

– Hell is a city much like, 5, 7

– Mrs Gilbey cannot see the point of, frankly, 138

– teenage ambitions to visit, in order to visit Soho, 22

loss,

– of luggage, 7–8

luxury, 37

– in short supply, 357

–
see also entries under
beauty, biscuits
and
brilliance

magnificence,

– examples of, 2, 38, 83, 112, 169

make-up, 76, 193

–
see also entries under
face

malevolence, 227–228

mal-talent,

– example of, 94

manure, 283, 285

marriage, 36–37, 77, 89–90, 180–181, 213–214, 267, 315

– and paranoia, 95

– and Reformation theology, 307

martini, 116

– dry, best in the world, 65

massive

– desire to be, 95–96, 108

meaninglessness,

– and transitoriness of human life, 2, 102

meatloaf/ Meat Loaf, 302n.

Mediterranean,

– the weather is, almost, 115

– goat's cheese tartlets, warm, 272n.

memory, 7–8, 97, 173–174, 266, 341, 343

men,

– all sorts and conditions of, 35, 135–137, 182–183

– and women, are not the same, 177, 211

– ruined, 22

– smell of, the, 58, 281, 288

menu,

– suggested, for a week, 124

metaphysical, the, 7

mistakes, 68

mistrust, 92

misunderstanding, 13, 212, 345

modesty, 73, 195

– false, xi

money, 3n., 13, 14, 19, 26, 68, 138, 175, 195, 221, 224, 237, 301, 362–363

– how to make, 91, 110, 113, 117, 120

– Tourette's syndrome and, 145

moped,

– Mr Donelly's Honda 50, 47–48

Moses, 297

mothers, 93, 159, 223, 255, 260–261, 266

music, 7–8, 41, 66–67, 90, 99–100, 135, 149n., 174–175, 212, 289, 363–364

– Christian rock, 74–76, 186, 296–298, 351–352

– country and western, 10, 105, 230–231

– gangsta rap, 91

– on cassette, 8

– sweet spiritual, 79, 82

–
see also entries under
Eminem, meatloaf/Meatloaf, musicals

musicals, 2, 43

names, 88, 220, 271

navels,

– contemplation of, 26, 53

neighbours, 49, 328

New Age, 207

– loofahs, etc., 107, 209

newspapers, 4

– and the six essential questions, 319

–
The Daily Mail,
93, 226

–
The Guardian,
221n., 225

–
The Impartial Recorder,
63, 84, 87, 95, 103–104, 114, 133, 149–152, 192, 278, 298, 311–331
passim,
348, 350, 352–354

–
The Sunday Times,
127, 221n., 319

Newton-John, Olivia, 299

New York,

– is Frank Gilbey's kind of town, 138–139

– this is certainly not, 271, 356

New Yorker, The,
316, 321

Nicomachean Ethics,
3

Nietzsche, Friedrich,

–
Beyond Good and Evil,
3

– guide to pronunciation, 32

nightmares, 104, 110

nostalgia,

– isn't what it used to be, 8, 29–30, 129, 159, 177, 197, 215, 276, 319

novels,

– reading, ix–xii

– writing, ix–xii

occupations,

– perished, 15–17

optimism,

–
see
pessimism

paint, 191

– magnolia, 271

–
see also entries under
decorating

pancakes,

– Findus Crispy, 122

parents, 122–123, 158–159, 253

– a grown man thrown upon mercy of his, 62

Paris,

– not making it quite as far as, 165

passages,

– of good style, 14, 45, 137–138

past, the, 15, 17, 19, 137

– is history, according to Frank Gilbey, 179

– has a long memory, 9

pathetic,

– excuses, 22, 251–252

– fallacy, 18, 54, 110

pathos, 49–54
passim,
336

pessimism, ix–366
passim

– socialism and, 196

–
see also entries under
communism

pessimist

– secret hopes of a, 148–149

Philosophy for Beginners, 3n., 7n., 32n., 73n., 125n., 250n.

photographs, 2–3, 103–104, 136, 329, 353–354

– blurred, 63, 151

– in family albums, 130

– wonky, 298

piano,

– stories, 79–80, 160

pies/puddings, 87, 121, 124–126, 313

pious, the,

– are more difficult to forgive than the average sinner, 106

pity, 255

platitudes, 25

Plato, 125

–
‘Phaedrus,
commodity fetishism, and our symbolic lives and psychic habits', 32

plot,

– thickens, the, 141

–
see also entries under
conspiracy

plumbing, 102

poems, 244

poetry,

– Billy Nibbs's, 61, 67–68

politics, 41–42

politicians, 43, 196n.

popcorn, 43, 44

potatoes, 70, 101

– Mystery, recipe for, 124

– perfect roast, how to cook, 29

–
see also entries under
chips, Chip Crisps, food
and
snacks

prayer, 31, 53

– compared to sex and saying thank you, x

preaching, 71, 81–82, 187–188

prejudice, 312n.

priesthood,

– fantasy of becoming a member of the, Francie McGinn's, 77

– peculiar satisfactions of the, 267

–
see also entries under
Catholicism
and
clergy

profundity,

– drunken, 111–113

progress, 84, 133–134, 151, 177, 186–188, 222, 245–246, 319, 323–324

Protestant,

– quiff, and drainpipe trousers, a, 42

– an unstinting, example of, 44

Prozac, 320

publishers,

– lies and venality of, 68, 109–110

pubs, 35, 61–65

Pullman, Philip,

– problem of evil in the work of, 157

–
see also entries under
autodidacts

quality, 172

– consistency and, 247

quiet,

– desperation, 82, 97, 239, 255

queuing,

– as a vital sign, 85

rabbit,

– senseless killing of a, 98

rain,

– drizzle, 70, 119

– midsummer, 102

– molested by, 15

– playing timpani, 296

– sheeting down, 11

rat,

– giant, 343

reading, 239, 240

regret, 137

religion, 53n., 71–83
passim

– as a disease, 142

–
see also
delusions

religious,

– but not good, 82

– doubt, and Hormone Replacement Therapy, 37

– revival, rumours of a, 188–189

reporterese, 314–315

resilience, 285

resolve, 13, 114

responsibility,

– in dreams begins, 41–42, 163

restaurant,

– French, 198

– Irish-themed, 24

– Wong's Chinese, 117

return,

– of the prodigal, 1–18, 126

risk, 301

road,

– common, the, 22

– middle of the, 150

– ring, 1ff.

roads,

– how many, must a man, 150

– diverged in a wood, two, 13, 83

rock,

– between a, and a hard place, 181

rot,

– inwardly, 133, 216–218, 254–255

rubbish, 224n.

– modern life is, 17–18, 238, 258, 335

– stench of, 55

rut, a, 26

– is the opposite of a buzz, 99

sacrifice,

– too long a, 77, 237