Risking It All (18 page)

She looked up. “Our friendship?”

He nodded, unable to resist stroking his palm down her cheek. “I know I said I wouldn’t push you, and I swear I’m trying not to. The decision is yours, and whatever you decide, I’ll abide by. But I hate not being with you. I’ve spent three years fighting my feelings for you, and I can’t do it anymore. If you want the God’s honest truth, it’s killing me. I think what we could have together would be incredible, and I think it’s worth the risk. I think we’re different. That we were friends first gives us an edge. We’ve been through everything together. I don’t think there’s anything we can’t get through. Including this.”

She rolled her eyes. “You make it sound so easy.”

“I didn’t say it was easy. You far underestimate the power you have over me. You smile at me, and I forget whatever the hell it was I was thinking. Marsha’s been very frustrated with me this week. She keeps telling me to get my head out of the clouds.”

Ceci let out a soft laugh, and he smiled, triumph surging in his chest. At least he was getting somewhere.

“You’re very important to me, too, but the fact is, we’ve already crossed a line. Fate handed me a chance I’ve only dreamed of, and I decided to take it because I think what we could have together is worth the risk.” He paused and leaned his head down beside her ear. “And simply because I can’t forget how right making love to you is.”

When he pulled back, she stared at him in wide-eyed silence. Her cheeks were flushed. Her chest rose and fell at a rapid pace, and her pupils dilated. All of it told him her mind followed his. As if that weren’t torture enough, the tip of her tongue darted out and swept across her lower lip, and her gaze flicked over him. He swallowed a miserable groan. The woman severely tested the limits of the buttons on his jeans and made every muscle in his body ache to feel her against him. He longed for nothing more than to carry her upstairs and love her, long and sweet and slow.

Drawing on patience he didn’t know he had, he released her chin, stepped away from her, and took his seat at the table. “Nobody said you have to decide right now. I’m a patient man. I’ve waited three years to be with you. A little while longer won’t kill me. I guess the question is, would you rather I leave?”

Another metered silence ticked out between them. Ceci stared at him. The way her gaze searched his made his stomach knot. Would she actually voice her thoughts? Or hide again? His decision to come over tonight had been impulsive. Making love to her had done nothing but increase his need to be with her. But he’d promised her space, that he wouldn’t push, yet here he was. It could blow up in his face.

Finally, the stiff set of her shoulders softened, a quiet vulnerability seeping over her. “No. I miss you, too.”

Warmth and a whole lot of giddy bloomed in his chest. It was a tiny step, but one in the right direction.

“Good. It’s a start.” He nodded at the table. “Now sit down and eat. I’m guessing if you got sick that you need it.”

Cecelia sucked her lower lip into her mouth, gnashing it between her teeth, and glanced at the opposite end of the sofa. Kyle lay stretched out, his back resting against the arm of the sofa, legs crossed at the ankles and his hands folded over his stomach. The flickering light of the TV provided the only light in the room, illuminating his features. He looked relaxed and comfortable, like he could stay there all night, and entirely too inviting.

Seated cross-legged on the far cushion, she attempted to relax, to let herself get lost in the movie, in enjoying time with him. They hadn’t said much since they came in here a half hour ago. Kyle had stuck the DVD in the player, turned off the overhead light, and stretched out on the sofa. They’d done it a thousand times before. They shared a penchant for horror films, and the darkness provided mood lighting. The movie was creepier when you sat in the dark waiting for the slasher to jump out again.

But she couldn’t concentrate on the movie. She couldn’t even remember what she’d just watched five minutes ago. His presence beside her sent her emotions into a tailspin. He was so close, yet so far away. It hadn’t escaped her notice that he left enough room between him and the back of the sofa for her to slip beside him. Experience told her he’d done it on purpose, and she ached to accept the silent invitation, to stretch out along his length, rest her head on his chest, slip her arm around his waist, and snuggle against his warmth. They’d done it a thousand times. Whenever the scary parts came on, she’d bury her face in his chest, watching the movie with one eye.

It didn’t help that he kept stroking his toes against her thigh. Whether it was an unconscious action or he did it to draw her attention, the sensation did nothing but send little shivers of awareness rippling through her.

She turned back to the television and folded her hands in her lap. She was afraid to touch him. Snuggling with her best friend and watching the movie he’d brought was the last thing on her mind. All night she’d fought the urges screaming through her. Simple little things that elicited memories of making love to him. The way his hand caressed her cheek made her remember its soft heat roving her skin. His hip resting against her as they stood side by side at the kitchen counter brought up the luxurious weight of his body pressing her into the mattress.

If she had to lie along the length of his lean, hard frame right now, she wouldn’t be able to resist him. The worst part was, she couldn’t think of one good reason why she shouldn’t. What would be the harm in exploring this new development? He was right. They’d already crossed the line. There was nowhere to go but forward from here.

The truth was, she couldn’t ignore that. It had been repeating in her head since they’d come in here. She didn’t know anymore what kept her from jumping feetfirst into him. Her emotions had gotten caught up in the memories, in the way her body went haywire when he was in the room with her.

Becca was right. That she could trust Kyle beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they had history, had shared everything for most of their lives, gave their relationship an edge. Making love to him had felt like an extension of the closeness they already shared, and she ached to take Becca’s advice.

Kyle’s gaze shifted, colliding with hers. Several moments passed as he seemed to study her. Finally, the left corner of his mouth lifted. “I’m not going to jump on you, you know.”

Her cheeks heated. He’d caught her staring. “I know. I’m just nervous.”

He quirked a brow. “We’ve done this a thousand times over the years. What’s that different now?”

“Me.” She couldn’t deny it. “
I’ve
changed. I’ve fallen in love with my best friend, and everything about the way I react to you is different. I see you differently now; my body reacts to you. Right now? I know what I want, Kyle. It’s an intense yearning deep in the pit of my stomach. It’s undeniable, and every time I look at you, it’s there, like a pulsing heartbeat, you know? But I’m afraid to take the chance.”

His expression sobered. For a moment he stared, that intense, piercing gaze of his searching hers, as if he could see right through her. As if he could read her mind. “So, again, what do you want?”

The same question he’d asked her earlier, and the same answer rose as easily now as it had an hour ago. “You.”

For the span of several heartbeats, he stared, his expression impassive, hard to read. Finally, as if having made a decision, he lifted his left arm, extending it in invitation. Longing flickered in the depths of his eyes, calling to the deepest part of her. She wanted to go to him, ached to do so. So what, outside of fear, stopped her? If he wasn’t worth taking a risk on, then who was?

When she didn’t move, he crooked his finger at her, and her resolve cracked. She shifted, crawled on her hands and knees toward him, and stretched out beside him.

“’Bout time.” His left arm came around her shoulders, tucking her securely against his side.

She laid her head on his chest, but the bliss she expected to find didn’t envelope her. Her body came alive with the press of his against her, From his lean hip to his long, powerful thigh, and each point of contact seared into her. To make matters worse, his heart beat a quick, erratic pace beneath her ear, telling her she wasn’t the only one affected by what might have been a simple embrace six months ago. But that was before she’d fallen in love with him and before she knew the pleasure of making love to him.

She lifted her gaze, needing to see his eyes. As if sensing her watching him, he turned his head, his gaze colliding with hers. For a single endless heartbeat, his stormy eyes, the heat contained within them, seared into her. A shiver raked through her in response, and her attention riveted to his mouth, now a bare inch from hers. So close his soft, warmth breath blew over her lips. She could almost feel his moist lips moving against hers in that way that drove her to the edge of madness.

Her heart hammered, and the question repeated. What stopped her?

Nothing. Nothing but her own fear. The realization washed over her, settling inside of her. She’d lived in fear for most of her life, fear of things she didn’t understand. It was partly why she wanted answers to her past, to those missing seven years and to her parents’ whereabouts. If she let it stop her now, she’d regret it.

She swallowed hard, past the nervous hammering of her pulse in her throat. “Kiss me.”

He cupped her cheek in his palm, his thumb sweeping gently from side to side over her chin. “You sure?”

She let out a quiet laugh and shook her head. “No. But I’ve been sitting here asking myself that very question. What’s really stopping me? I can’t deny I want you. God, just sitting here with you makes me crazy.”

Unable to resist, she brushed her mouth over his, once, twice. Despite his obvious reservations, he didn’t pull away but instead leaned into her. His lips moved against hers in slow, gentle nibbles, and for several erratic heartbeats, she lost herself. The way his warm, inviting mouth played over hers lit every inch of her body on fire. His lips gently plied and tugged, demanding yet soft.

His arm tightened around her back, drawing her closer, and the tips of her already aching breasts grazed his chest. A heady shiver swept her spine, and she moaned into his mouth. She could spend forever like this, getting lost in the hot wetness of his mouth, in him. Her head swam with the headiness of it all. How could such a tender kiss be so intimate, so completely erotic? How could she have ever denied herself such a simple pleasure?

Kyle pulled away first, eyes heavy-lidded, his chest rising and falling at a rapid pace. He reached up to brush his thumb across her lower lip, his gaze seeming to follow for a moment. “That goes both ways, you know. My body has a mind of its own when it comes to you. I take it you’ve decided something?”

“I keep thinking about what you said, about deciding what we could have together is worth taking a chance.”

That seemed to get his attention, for his gaze flicked hers. The anxiousness written in the depths made her chest clench. She wasn’t the only one with something at stake in this, something to lose. Moving slowly and carefully, her hands braced on his shoulders for leverage, she lifted out of the space and slid over him. He helped by shifting toward the back of the couch, allowing her to easily straddle his hips without fear of falling off. When the very heat of her settled over the distinctive bulge in his jeans, her breathing hitched. His eyelids fluttered closed, and he sucked in a hissing breath.

His palms slid down her back, curving around her behind, holding her in place. “And?”

“I think Becca’s right. I
have
been looking at this all wrong. If ever there was a man worth taking a risk on, it’s you. Truth is, I was scared. I told you that.” Unable to help herself, she outlined his mouth, tracing the crease in the left corner with the tip of her index finger. “I need you in a way I’ll never need anyone. I’d be lost without you.”

His eyes opened. The heat within them sent heady shivers of awareness sliding down her spine. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“And I’m done being afraid. Of everything. I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t. But if I don’t at least try, I’ll regret it. I know I will. I can’t ignore that.” She leaned down, her chest pressed to his, and stared into his eyes, into that place where they connected. She immersed herself in it, in him. “Love me, Kyle.”

As if given the permission he’d been waiting for, a low groan rumbled from deep within his chest, and he lifted his head and claimed her mouth. Sensation overwhelmed her. The heat of his body infused her. His spicy, masculine scent invaded her lungs. The hard length of his arousal pressed into her belly. Molten fire flowed hot and fast through her veins, and a soft moan escaped her. She clutched fistfuls of his shirt to keep rooted, half afraid she’d float away with the luscious dizziness that swept over her. His mouth slanted over hers, and the tip of his tongue outlined her lips, seeking entrance. When she moaned softly and opened for him, leaning in to deepen the contact, he swept inside, their tongues tangling.

Lightheaded, for a long moment she could do little more than cling to him, the world slowly spinning away as she lost herself in his kiss. How easily he drew the sensations out of her and how quickly he stoked the fire within her, amazed her. His hands slid up her thighs, dipping in between to graze her center, then retreating and gliding over her hips. In a matter of what could only be seconds, he had her trembling in his lap, a fierce hunger climbing through her.

“Do you know how much I’ve thought about this?” His voice flowed deep and husky in her ear as he feathered fiery, languid kisses along her shoulder and up her neck. “All through dinner all I could think about was holding you, touching you.”

“Yesss . . .” The word left her mouth on a soft, hissing breath that faded into a moan as one large, warm hand slid around the curve of her breast. She closed her eyes and arched into him, completely at his mercy as he kneaded the sensitive flesh, plucking at her nipples with a leisure that drove her mad. She ached to touch him, needed nothing more than to feel his bare skin against hers.

Reaching between them, she worked at opening the buttons on his shirt, her hands shaking, making the process slow and painful. Five buttons down, she growled, ready to simply yank the garment off over his head.

He hooked two fingers under her chin and lifted it. His other hand slid over hers, stilling it. The intensity of the emotions glimmering in his heavy-lidded eyes held her captive. The smoldering heat washed through her. The tender affection, the gentleness that was all Kyle, stabbed at her heart. A little piece of him stole inside and became a part of her. It would be there forever.

“Slow.” His voice flowed over her mouth as he leaned in, his lips brushing hers. “I want to savor you.”

His statement said it all. This wouldn’t be like the last time. Last time they gave in to passion, to their bodies’ greedy desires. Tonight she was giving in to her heart’s desires. He was right. She wanted to savor every moment of her time with him.

The rest of their clothing came off slowly, piece by piece. Every inch of skin she uncovered she lavished with attention, kissing, licking, and caressing the way he showed her the last time they’d made love. All the while, she delighted in his reactions. The sexy rumbles she drew out of him. The way his body trembled beneath her. Each sound, every twitch of muscle, drew her need out to a burning, desperate ache.

As the last piece of clothing hit the floor, she slid over him again, settling once more astride his now-bare hips. She leaned down, pressing her chest to his. Her puckered nipples strained between them. The tip of him nudged her entrance and set her thighs quivering. God, she didn’t know it was possible to want someone this much. Every inch of her trembled, and all sensation pooled between her thighs. He already had her teetering on the edge.

His calloused palms slid over the curve of her bottom. His gaze darkened, his stormy eyes silently pleading with her to end his torture. Threading her fingers through the silky locks at the back of his head, she ended both their suffering and sank onto him, taking him inch by inch.

She sucked in a sharp breath and bit down on her bottom lip. Sensation conspired against her. Kyle settled his hands on her hips and set a slow, torturous rhythm. The solid length of him inside of her stroked all the right places, ramping up the ever-burning ache. The crisp, coarse hair on his chest teased her sensitive nipples. His hot skin against hers. His calloused palms squeezing her buttocks. She was surrounded, immersed, lost in him.

He groaned, his eyes fluttering closed. His arms tightened around her, meshing them so completely she forgot where he ended and she began. He filled her, completed her, and she clung to his neck as need exploded between them.

Finally, needing more, she slowly began to move over him, thrusting against him. His hips rose to meet her, driven by the same desperation that wound through her. A need for the deep, primal connection that would fuse them, hearts, minds and souls. Their rhythm increased with every thrust, going from soft and sweet to desperate and needy. They clung to each other, his fingers curling almost painfully into her buttocks.