Risky Christmas (5 page)

She stopped laughing.

“It's easy.”

“For you, maybe.”

“If you were more comfortable in the water, you could relax at the beach.” When she chewed on the edge of her thumbnail, wavering, he said, “You also need to know how to swim for your daughters' safety.”

“Now you're giving me a guilt-trip.”

“Whatever works.”

“Where is this pool?”

“About ten minutes away. We'd have it all to ourselves. The girls can swim, too.”

“They'd like that,” she admitted.

He wished she'd say yes because she wanted to. “I can't imagine where I'd be if I never had that first surfing lesson. It changed my life.”

She held up a hand to ward him off. “I'm never going surfing.”

Laughing, he said, “But you'll try swimming?”

After a short pause, she nodded. “Okay.”

He grinned, delighted to have talked her into it. “You'll be fine.”

“I might freak out.”

“Don't worry about it. We can take as many breaks as you need.”

They made arrangements to leave before noon the next day, and she promised to pack a picnic lunch. Brian knew it wasn't a date, but he couldn't squelch the feeling of excitement and anticipation in his belly.

If he wasn't concerned about scaring her off again, he might have tried to kiss her good-night.

 

Leah locked the door behind Brian and set the alarm, her heart sinking.

Why had she agreed to go swimming?

After the afternoon she'd had, the last thing she wanted to do was stress out or make a fool of herself. She knew she couldn't tolerate being submerged in water. Tomorrow she was going to thrash and sputter like a wet cat.

She also felt conflicted about encouraging him. He looked at her in an appreciative, manly way and she liked it. She might have avoided eye contact with him this week but she hadn't been able to suppress her fantasies.

Late at night, in her bed, she thought about him.

Although he was very attractive, it wasn't just his looks that drew her in. His personality was irresistible. He seemed so…resilient. He'd had a hard life but he wasn't broken. In his presence, she felt safe.

Brian could help her overcome her fears.

If she learned to swim, she'd be taking a step forward, managing her anxiety. She felt like she had no control over her current situation. The program told her where to live, where to work. The lack of freedom, along with her frequent nightmares and constant worry about Mariano Felix, was crippling her.

Had she really seen him earlier? Or had he been a figment of her imagination, an apparition from a nightmare?

After checking in on the girls, who were sleeping soundly, she turned off the lights and crawled into bed. If she was being honest with herself, she'd admit that hooking up with Brian had some advantages. He wasn't the kind of man she would normally date, with his troubled past and iffy finances. But he was tall and intimidating-looking. He had hard muscles and strong hands.

Although all evidence showed that he was gentle with women and children, and sensitive to other people's feelings, she'd bet he could raise those hands to defend himself if push came to shove.

He could defend her, too.

She'd never considered getting a boyfriend for security purposes. Since John's death, she hadn't felt a flicker of interest in a man. Her children came first. Besides, it wasn't fair to get involved with someone under these circumstances. She was living under a false name, and could be relocated at the drop of a hat.

Now that she'd seen Felix—maybe—her outlook had shifted. She could use the extra protection. She needed to be proactive.

Hugging a pillow to her chest, she closed her eyes, imagining Brian in her bed.

L
eah spent half the night tossing and turning, torn between terrifying memories of Mariano Felix and sexy fantasies starring Brian Cosgrove.

Maybe she should cancel their swimming plans.

She couldn't believe she'd told him the truth about John. When he'd asked if her husband had been a good father, she should have said yes. Portraying John as an ideal partner would have discouraged Brian from entertaining romantic thoughts.

But she'd looked into his dark, earnest eyes and was unable to tell the lie. Now she felt overexposed, almost desperate. She might as well have complained about John's performance in their bedroom, which had become increasingly perfunctory.

They'd never been a perfect couple, just a pretty facade. And his secrets had weighed her down for so long. In the months before his murder, she'd wanted
to tell her mother and her best friend about his gambling habit. Pride and shame held her back. Maybe if she'd been more honest, she could have built a support system. John's friends and family might have been able to convince him to seek help. Too late, she'd learned an important lesson about addiction: secrets keep people sick.

She spent most of the morning doing chores. It was New Year's Eve, and the kids would be going back to school on Monday. She'd return to work, decorating an endless assembly line of frozen cakes.

When the laundry was done and the dishes were put away, she told the girls that they were going to the pool with Brian. They cheered and danced around the living room before running to don their swimsuits. Leah made cucumber sandwiches and packed a Thermos of lemonade for their picnic lunch.

Stomach fluttering with anticipation, she searched her closet for her own bathing suit. Although she didn't swim, she owned a sleek navy one-piece for appearances' sake. John had often taken her to pool parties at the homes of his wealthy friends. She'd met Mariano Felix at one such occasion.

The navy suit wasn't as revealing as a bikini but it didn't exactly offer full coverage. Spaghetti straps crossed over her back and brief triangles of fabric cupped her breasts. It disguised some of her flaws, like the faint stretch marks on her lower abdomen, but also clung to every dip and curve of her body.

She didn't have anything else to swim in, and the style was modest by California standards, so she turned away from the mirror, slipping into a loose tunic and pulling on a pair of cutoff shorts.

When Brian appeared on the front step, they were
ready. Leah hitched her beach bag on one shoulder and went to the door.

“Hi, girls,” he said, smiling at Mandy and Alyssa before he greeted Leah. His eyes crinkled at the corners and his teeth flashed white against his sun-dark skin. Something flowered inside her when his gaze met hers. Although they'd only known each other a short time, she felt connected to him in a way that went deeper than physical attraction. He was special, and tempting, and a little dangerous.

He'd talked her into a swimming lesson with almost no effort. She would have to work very hard to remain aloof.

“You didn't change your mind?”

“Not yet,” she said, her cheeks growing warm. Taking Alyssa's hand, she shuffled out the door, locking it behind her.

“Do you mind if I ride with you?”

She shook her head, figuring that was best. Her car had the child safety seats and his work truck wouldn't fit them all. After she secured Alyssa and opened the door for Mandy, she climbed behind the wheel. Brian got in the passenger side, folding his long legs into the cramped space.

“You can move the seat back,” Leah said.

He reclined a bit, careful not to crush Alyssa, whose car seat was directly behind him. Even after the adjustment, his knees touched the glove compartment, but he didn't complain. As she started the engine, Leah noted that he had muscular calves, lightly covered with dark hair. He wore his shorts long, almost over the knee. When he cleared his throat, she realized she'd been caught staring.

She turned her attention to the road. “Where are we going?”

He gave her directions to a house near Tourmaline Beach. It was a short drive down the freeway, followed by a twisty path along the coastal cliffs. The girls chattered nonstop and asked Brian about a thousand silly questions.

“It's this driveway, on your left,” he said, pointing to a nice house tucked into the hillside. There was a small, shady front yard and a two-car garage. Leah parked in the driveway and they all got out.

“Who lives here?”

“No one, right now,” he said, taking a set of keys out of his pocket. “The couple that rented it for the holidays left early.”

Leah assumed that one of his customers owned the house, which was modern and spacious inside. There were stylish, comfortable furnishings but no framed photographs or cozy personal touches. “Did you do work here?” she asked, smoothing her palm over a sleek granite countertop.

“Yes, actually. I put in a new bathroom and remodeled the kitchen.”

Leah was impressed. The kitchen was fit for a chef, with dark cherry cabinets and stainless steel appliances. “Nice.”

“Thanks.”

“Is that what you're doing in the house next door?” It hadn't occurred to her before now that Brian wasn't a permanent resident in her neighborhood.

He took the packed lunches from Leah and stashed them in the fridge. “I'm working on a top-to-bottom overhaul for that place. And the buyer demographic is
different, so I have to use less expensive materials to keep the cost down.”

She was surprised by how knowledgeable he sounded. Maybe that talk of digging trenches had thrown her off. “Price was no object for this owner?”

His lips curved into a smile. “I didn't say that. He got a good deal on the labor.”

Mandy and Alyssa pressed their faces against the sliding glass door, admiring the sparkling blue pool in the backyard. Brian led them outside, where both girls kicked off their flip-flops, giggling with excitement.

Leah wasn't looking forward to taking off her outerwear and slipping into the water. To her relief, she didn't have to. While she fit Alyssa with a safety jacket, Brian tossed aside his shirt and dove in. Mandy swam well enough that she didn't need a vest. She plugged her nose and hopped into the pool with a splash.

When Brian resurfaced, pushing his dark hair off his forehead, he gestured for Alyssa to come to him. Leah swung her out, into his arms. Alyssa screamed in delight as he caught her, showing none of her mother's trepidation.

Brian entertained the girls for over an hour. They jumped off the diving board, swam like little fish and played water games. Leah watched from the sidelines, wishing she could have half as much fun in the water. By the time they broke for lunch, Mandy and Alyssa were pink-cheeked from exertion, and Leah hadn't even gotten her feet wet.

She wasn't able to relax, exactly, but it was no hardship to study Brian's rippling muscles and bronzed skin. He was also a natural with kids. His relaxed attitude and obvious lust for life made him an irresistible playmate. Some men acted clownish and overenthusiastic
with children. Others, like John, were too distracted or self-absorbed. Brian's laid-back personality was a good fit for Mandy and Alyssa.

Leah hadn't been the liveliest, most energetic mom lately. It was clear by the way the girls interacted with Brian that they were starved for attention.

They both had voracious appetites at lunch, as well. After they were finished, Alyssa looked sleepy. Deciding that the girls needed a break, Leah sat them down on the couch in front of the television.

“I think there's a kid movie in here,” Brian said, searching the DVD cabinet.
“Princess and the Frog?”

“They love that one,” Leah said.

He put it on for them, giving Leah a weighted glance. She wasn't going to be let off the hook for the swimming lesson.

“Keep an eye on your sister,” Leah told Mandy, even though she'd be able to see them from the pool. Dropping a kiss on Alyssa's damp head, she walked back outside, following Brian across the patio.

He did a backflip off the edge of the pool, landing with an inelegant splash.

“Showoff,” Leah muttered, removing her blouse and shorts. She didn't know what she was more nervous about, getting in the water with him or baring her skin.

He hadn't ogled her in front of the kids, but he wasn't above checking her out now that they had a modicum of privacy. His gaze traveled along the curves of her body, darkening with appreciation.

Leah flushed and clenched her fists at her sides, stifling the urge to cover her breasts with her hands. Although she didn't have much to hide, and the swimsuit flattered her slim figure, she felt intensely self-conscious.

“Okay, pretty lady,” he said, flashing a wolfish grin. “Get over here.”

She descended the stairs into the pool, trying to stay calm. He wasn't taking this too seriously and that helped settle her nerves. The water was heated to a comfortable temperature, but still felt cool and refreshing.

When her toes touched the bottom, she stood waist-deep in the shallow end. He hovered near the middle of the pool, waiting for her. Watching her face. Her pulse jettisoned as she moved toward him, her bare feet skimming the tiled surface. Soon the water level rose above her shoulders, almost to her chin.

She stopped and gripped the coping, short of breath.

He seemed to realize that she'd reached her limit. “Can you tread water?” he asked, demonstrating the technique.

“No.”

“Float on your back?”

Her stomach dropped at the thought. She shook her head, shivering.

“Blow bubbles?” Dipping his nose and mouth under the surface, he showed her what he meant.

The girls had mastered bubbles as toddlers, so Leah was familiar with this basic first step to swimming. For her, it was an insurmountable obstacle. Memories came flooding back to her, along with the sickening smell of chlorine. She pictured her body thrashing as she tried to claw her way to the surface.

“I can't,” she said.

He straightened, sluicing water from his face. “It's okay. You're doing great.”

“I haven't done anything yet.”

“You got in.”

She inclined her head in acknowledgment. This was
an uncommon feat for her. If not for his distracting hotness, she might not have come this far. Tearing her gaze away, she glanced back at the house, checking on the girls.

“They're fine,” he said.

“Is the front door locked?”

“Yes.”

She turned her attention back to Brian, who radiated strength and confidence. “I haven't been in a pool since I was a kid.”

“Why don't you tell me what happened?”

Her fingernails dug into the coping. “It's not that big a deal.”

“You might feel better if you talk about it. Learning to swim isn't just a physical thing. Your head has to be in it.”

Leah thought about other physical activities that didn't work unless the participants were mentally into it. The corner of Brian's mouth tipped up, as if his mind had traveled a similar direction.

“Think of it as a trust-building exercise,” he said. “We're not going to get very far unless you open up a little. Your stories can't be any worse than mine.”

She nibbled on her lower lip, deliberating. That was true. Nothing in her childhood compared to the few details he'd told her about his. And yet, he seemed content and well-adjusted, while she was a nervous wreck.

In her defense, she'd witnessed a murder.

Secrets keep people sick,
she reminded herself. There was no reason to hide this one any longer. “My parents traveled around a lot when I was a kid,” she said. “They flitted from one city to another, and must been involved with a dozen get-rich quick schemes. I lived with my cousins, off and on.”

“Boy cousins?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.

“Two boys and a girl. They were wealthy but we had almost no supervision. My aunt was very…distant.”

He fell silent, waiting for her to continue.

“The first summer I stayed with them I was about seven. They had a huge swimming pool. One day everyone was splashing around in the water, acting crazy. Someone pushed me into the deep end.” She swallowed hard, her insides churning. “I went under and couldn't seem to find my way back up. There were thrashing legs and arms everywhere. I remember getting kicked in the throat.”

“How did you get out?”

“I don't know. I woke up by the side of the pool, vomiting water. My cousins said if I told anyone what happened, they'd drown me on purpose.”

“And you never tried to swim again,” Brian concluded.

“Right.”

“Where are these cousins now? In jail?”

She laughed, shaking her head. “I have no idea. We didn't stay in touch.”

“Did they terrorize you in other ways?”

“No. They ignored me. Looking back on it, I think the experience was more traumatic because I felt abandoned by my parents. Their irresponsible decisions and selfishness caused the real damage. My cousins were just kids.” It occurred to her that John's gambling addiction and subsequent death had triggered the same feelings. She'd married a man just like her parents without knowing it. That was pretty sad.

And now she was in another situation she had no control over, barely keeping her head above water. Mariano Felix wanted her dead. The Program ruled her life, and
Leah couldn't stand being helpless. Learning to swim seemed like a way to win her power back. Spending time with Brian also made her feel stronger.

She couldn't speak to any of her family members or close friends. She missed companionship and personal connections.

“You're doing better already,” Brian said.

Leah realized she'd let go of the coping. Her first instinct was to grab it again, but she didn't give in, focusing on Brian instead.