River: A Novel (27 page)

 I was
suddenly off the ground, held up by an all encompassing hug, and Asher’s face was
buried in my neck. Shuddering, I stifled a gasp. Was he trying to kill us?

 He
whispered furiously while holding my head to his and wrapping his other arm around
my waist. I was still holding my breath with both my hands gripping his
shoulders. He didn’t act as though I was much of a burden. 

 “Go to your
apartment. Ignore him. I’ll see you soon.” He dropped me unceremoniously and walked
back the way we’d come without a glance. 

 My breath
left me in a whoosh as my feet hit the ground, and then I couldn’t stop
breathing. I couldn’t get enough air. To an innocent bystander, the scene
would’ve appeared to be the perfect end to a perfect night—a romantic gesture
full of promises that only a first night together can bring. To me, it felt
like the beginning of my last night on Earth.

 As I
crossed the small street, I shook my head a little. Was he trying to get me
caught to free himself? I couldn’t really blame him. Why would he try to save a
person he didn’t trust when his family and friends were at risk? Contemplating
this, I opened the door to the balmy entryway without any thoughts of running. I
didn’t know how to get to the Underground. Danny’s place was out. And now I had
my own possible Speaker to deal with. I had just raised my head to smile nonchalantly
at the potential enemy when I realized that I could not see. 

 My glasses were
completely fogged, so I had to take them off. Now that my vision was blurred it
would be difficult to decipher any signing, and my skills were shaky enough. I
squinted and smiled, choking back the urge to clear my throat; a habit I had
when nervous. The man looked fuzzy, but I watched him raise his arm in greeting.
Returning the wave, I walked as casually as I could to the elevators and away
from the desk. A sidelong glance as I strolled by him showed what I envisioned
was vague confusion on his seemingly friendly face. 

 Luckily,
the elevator doors were open, so I rushed in, grateful to not have run into any
walls. Even more fortunate, there was no attendant. Still, I acted normally,
though slightly hysterical. 

 Holding my
breath almost the whole way, I could barely think straight. All I knew was that
I was going to immediately dig out the left-behind coder and send a message to
Dan, somehow finding out if he was okay. When the elevator opened, I walked to
the door at the end of the hallway, pulled out my key and entered.

 No lights had
been left on. Between wondering when I’d been here last, feeling for the switch,
and listening for any signs of attack—I became momentarily dizzy. After
flicking on the light, I was assaulted by white and pink fuzz before the
vertigo hit again, causing me to lean against the wall for support. Taking a
breath, I slowly pushed off in the direction of the kitchen. Maybe I was
thirsty. Water, or even better, coffee would do the trick.

 Fumbling
while sliding my glasses back on, I still felt… off. Not clear.
Jet-lulled
.
As I gripped the edge of the counter, I remembered. The Lulling was in full
force at this hour. In one of Danny’s River lessons he’d written that the Lulling
outside was stronger from ten to four. The middle of the night was when most
people would attempt to hurdle the boundary. I could barely walk and wondered after
the fact how I had been able to get up here, let alone through the border,
feeling like this. I would’ve looked like a stumbling drunk. Falling into a
chair, I was about to lay my head on the little kitchen table when I heard it,
the suction of a window being closed inside the apartment.

 My heart
began to beat faster. I was glad because the adrenaline would give me a better
chance to outrun whoever had come for me. Stumbling across the room after
heaving my body upright, I was reaching for the door handle when a voice halted
my escape.

 “It was so
much work to get here—do you really want to go through it all over again?”

 I spun around
and hit the door with my back, my hand flying to my heart. It was Asher.

 “What are
you
doing
here?” I choked out, trying to chase away the spots in front
of my eyes before I passed out, humiliating myself further.

 He was
leaning casually against the doorway to the bedroom. Asher always stayed
nearest to an exit, as if ready to disappear. Apparently not inclined to answer
me, he moved into the kitchen toward the coffee maker. He knew just where it
sat on the counter.

 “How did
you get in?” I whispered breathlessly.

 “Fire
escape.” His tone was so low that I could barely hear him, which reminded me we
were probably under surveillance, so I crossed the room and turned on the CD
player. Danny’s music began to play, and I still felt uneasy, though heading
toward normal. The sounds of the cupboards and silverware drawers opening made
me realize he was staying. The Lulling did nothing to help slow my heart.

 “And the
fire escape would be outside the bedroom window?”

 He turned
and gave me the same puzzled expression as before; still convinced I was acting
a part. Well, he could think whatever he wanted. I sat heavily in a kitchen chair,
my body reminding me that it was exhausted from the Lulling, even as my mind
whirled in an oddly hyper way from Asher’s break-in.

 He placed a
steaming cup in front of me. I grabbed it and drank, burning my tongue while making
a face at the bitterness. It was strong. Without cream and sugar it tasted like
a giant cup of espresso. Asher took a vial out of his pocket and pulled off the
dropper-top, squeezing two drops into my mug, then his own.

 “Thanks,” I
muttered. I took another gulp after waiting until he’d taken a sip of his drink.
At least he wasn’t trying to lull me before turning me in to whoever was in
charge of the Caravs. As I swallowed, it dawned on me that his mistrust was
mutual.

  I was staring
at my mug, and my worn-out brain decided to open my mouth. “You still don’t
believe my story. Even though I was tranced by someone you obviously trust,” I
stated, fully aware that I probably shouldn’t be speaking my mind at that
moment, but still unable to contain it.

 It took him
a long time to answer. “I believe you have a story. I’m just not sure if it’s
based on reality.”

 Without a
reply, I set down my now-empty mug and stood. Ignoring Asher, I walked to the
counter and picked up the coder I had left there two days ago. I needed to check
on Dan.

 Just as I
turned the device on, a hand came down on mine.

 “I don’t think
Dan should know I’m here. Or that I kidnapped you.”

 “Why? Are
you afraid your anti-Lull supply will dry up when he learns you tortured me?” It
was annoying that he’d guessed what I was planning to do, so I was being a
little
caustic. But that was
basically
what had happened. He had also saved my
life, possibly, by not letting me go into Dan’s place. However, there was no
way I was admitting that in my current frame of mind.

 Asher seemed
to catch on to my audacity. A small smile was hinting at his lips while he defended
himself. “I don’t want him to worry about you and leave his apartment right
now. It’s not safe.” He took his hand off mine and stepped away. I shivered. “And
I am regretful of the… torture.”

 “Good.”

 “I still
don’t think you should tell him what happened,” he said in a low, serious voice,
the moment of levity gone.

  “I have to
check on him.” My tone was firm, most of the Lulling weakness replaced by
frustration.

 Asher
gestured with his hand toward the coder, giving me his blessing. Despite my
aggravation, he was right in one aspect. I shouldn’t alarm Danny; he would just
do something stupid and heroic like run out of his apartment to rescue me, just
to be captured by Speakers.

 After
deliberating for a moment, I decided on something normal, mundane.

 
Can
not-sleep—what-are-you-doing

 I hit the
send button. Asher appeared to relax, and I guessed he’d picked out the code
just by watching me. Impressive.

 Attempting
to hide my anxiety, I leaned against the counter and studied the coder for a
few moments. It was taking Dan longer than I would’ve liked to respond. We had left
his apartment about a half-hour ago—he might have been sleeping, though that
was doubtful. Refusing to believe that anything could’ve happened to Danny, I
placed the coder back on the counter and tried to relax. Looking over my shoulder,
I noticed that Asher was walking around examining things. He also closed the
blinds a little tighter and covered them securely with the curtains.

 As a
distraction, I quietly reiterated my first question. “So. What are you doing
here?”

 Asher picked
up the picture of River Elodie and her parents. “I told you I would see you
soon,” he hedged, setting the picture back down.

 I waited
for him to turn around before giving him a look that said his answer was not
good enough.

 He sighed. “I
wanted to check on you.”

 “But…
why
?”
I asked, squinting, after his reply sank in.

 Turning
toward the closed windows, he sighed again and explained quietly, “I know how
important you are to Dan. I owe it to him.” 

 I stared at
his back and mulled over why he would care about what happened to me—the
supposed daughter of the Speakers’ Doctor. According to him, I was a spoiled
celebrity who had everything. Why would this rebel owe Danny enough to check on
someone he despised? 

 My
shoulders slumped as the only logical answer came to me. “It’s because he gave
you the anti-Lull serum.” 

 Asher just
continued to stare at the curtains. Irritated by my odd disappointment, I asked
as a distraction, “Why do you think Danny was coding about the doorman? That seems
a little risky.” An enemy could’ve walked by, wondered about the lights turning
on and off, and then figured out the pattern. I had been staring at the coder,
so I didn’t notice that Asher had moved to almost face me in the little room. Startled,
I held my breath at his harsh expression. 

 “He did
that because the doorman who should have been there was one of us. Dan knew we would
eventually check it out. I just got there before anyone else, coincidentally.” His
nostrils flared. The Carav doorman was missing, probably being tortured for
real. I shuddered.

 Whispering,
I felt a wave of compassion mask my own doubtfulness. “Is he a friend of
yours?” Nodding once, there was anger in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” I breathed.

 “We all
take risks.” Asher straightened his spine, regaining his stoicism. He regarded me
in a manner that made me aware of how tongue-tied I was around him.

 “Do you
think my doorman…?” I trailed off, already assuming the answer.

 “He’s not
one of us.”

 Needing to
remove myself from the confines of his stare, I began pacing and muttering,
almost to myself, the questions inundating my mind: “So why didn’t you keep up
with the façade down there? Act like we were a couple and walk me to my door? Did
you suddenly feel need to become a cat burglar? Try out a window or two?” 

 He shoved
his hands into his pockets, still wearing his coat. “I thought you would prefer
me to be discreet. I didn’t think you would want any more gossip.”

 I turned
around and headed for the coffee maker to hide my wide eyes. As I placed my mug
on the counter and grabbed Asher’s, I smiled. “You can take off your coat if
you want,” I said quietly and refilled the mugs, adding cream and sugar only to
mine. Asher was obviously a black coffee kind of guy. Facing him again, I
hadn’t heard anything, but his coat was off, and he was sitting at the little
table. “How do you know that I can’t stand gossip?”

 Asher wasn’t
looking at me, but again at the picture on the table of River Elodie and the
parents. “When you were tranced, you mentioned you were angry with the
‘gossiping guttersnipes.’ And then there was your mortified expression outside
the theater that day.”

 “I really
said ‘guttersnipes’?”

 “Your word,
not mine.”

 I stared at
my mug, the steam and heat slowly thawing my frozen hands.

 “Was all of
the attention that bad?” He asked lightly. Although I couldn’t see the hint of
a smile in his voice, I could tell it was there, under the surface.

 What kind
of a question was
that
? Still, I felt compelled to answer after thinking
it over carefully. “I wouldn’t say that it was bad. It was just shocking. Plus,
I wasn’t expecting Danny to kiss me.”

 I looked at
him after a few seconds of silence. He was staring at picture again when he said,
“The mortified expression I was talking about was when you curtsied for the
crowd.” He turned back to me, smiling slightly. My eyes went back down to my
coffee. I really had been embarrassed by that.

 “I thought
I’d seen you there, or someone who looked like you. I didn’t really see you
clearly until after you kidnapped me, though.”