River Wolf (16 page)

“I want to trust you. I had sex with you.” She grinned at the heat flaring in his eyes. “Lots of sex. Unprotected sex, even. So, I think I trust you more than I think I do.”

It was his turn to look guarded.

“Hey…” She raised a hand before he could unleash whatever dark thoughts she’d spawned with her comments. “No worries about pregnancy here. I get shots every three months. Prior to last night, it’s been about eighteen months since the last time I had sex. Just so you know, I’m healthy and all that.”

Amusement burst the cloud of concern in his gaze. “I do not get shots, but I am also—clean.” The way his mouth twisted on the last word earned a smile. He didn’t look terribly comfortable with that admission.

“Not going to tell me when you last had sex?”

“No.” When he didn’t elaborate, she laughed.

“Okay, can you promise me it wasn’t anytime since you met me?”

The corners of his mouth curved. “I can.”

“That’s all that matters.” Though determined to ignore the pitted feeling in her stomach, she didn’t want to think anyone had shared his bed the week before. None of her business, dammit. He didn’t lie or blow off her question. He gave her an honest answer. “I trust you. It’s not absolute yet, and I think we’re still getting to know each other, but yes, I trust you.”

His sudden, heart-stopping grin, as though she had presented him with some fantastic gift, robbed her of speech. Handsome didn’t begin to describe him and, while most men didn’t want to be called beautiful, between his good looks, scars and mannerisms—he was, in a word, incredible. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Dragging her ogling gaze away, she took another sip of coffee before reaching for the bacon he’d left on the corner of his plate. His smile turned tender and indulgent. Yes, he’d left it for her. Yes, she knew he’d done it. Yes they both knew it. She took a bite and gave him an expectant look. “So you had a question?”

“Will you tell me why you had community service? What you were arrested for, specifically?”

That wasn’t a big deal. While she wasn’t proud of the events, she certainly wasn’t ashamed either. “It all comes down to a guy I was dating…”

“A guy?” The careful way he phrased the syllable set him so firmly on her side, it buoyed her mood.

“Yeah. I’d like to say I never made any stupid choices in my life or that I always carefully thought out every action, but I haven’t and, since I leapt at bringing Luc here, we might label my judgment questionable.”

“I’ll reserve opinion on that.” He refilled his coffee mug then hers and motioned for her to continue.

Blowing out a long breath, she adjusted her position on the bed so she could sit cross-legged. It required fixing her towel so she didn’t give him a free peep show. Not that he hadn’t seen it all already, however the speed at which he focused on her breasts suggested if they wanted to finish the conversation she’d do better to stay clothed or at least toweled.

“Let me give you the
Reader’s Digest
version here. My mom is a very conservative woman, and she was born in South Korea. She immigrated to the U.S. years ago, but she brought most of her customs with her. I had a very…I hesitate to say restrictive childhood because I didn’t know any different for years. In fact, I made it through most of elementary not getting that I lived in a different household from most of the kids I went to school with.”

Wow, so not the
Reader’s Digest
version, but she wanted Brett to understand her.

“We had one television, but only local channels. It was only ever turned on for the news and occasionally for a movie if it was airing on a network. We had one phone, a landline, and it was in the kitchen. We had a radio, but she used to keep it tuned to a classics station, and we had books. I loved to read. My mother sewed most of my clothes, except for jeans which we did get from the store. Our meals were eaten at very structured times, and if you didn’t eat what was put on the plate, you didn’t eat.” In some ways, the simplicity of her childhood years also included a deep sense of security. She absolutely knew her place in the family, knew what was expected of her and had no trouble living up to those expectations.

“Sounds very austere.”

“Mostly. Dad is an accountant and he liked the structure as much as she did. On weekends, he got the television and it was whatever sport was in season. He did the yard work, Mom did the house work—we were utterly boring and that was my normal. As I got older, I made friends who had cell phones and cable and computers…and there were computers at school. They fascinated me. The Internet is a pretty damn cool thing when you’ve never even seen HBO.” Her mother had been furious and actually written a note to the school to have her excused from the computer based classes, but by high school it became impossible to separate the technology from the coursework, so she’d had to cave.

Brett covered her toes with his hand, and the connection chased away the remnants of melancholy.

“Anytime I had a chance to go to a friend’s house, or to school even, I was like a junkie getting a fix of their programs or games or websites. YouTube.” Laughter burbled through her. “Oh my God, YouTube. I spent
hours
lost in YouTube. The videos, the music, the crazy stuff—you can find anything on YouTube and trust me when I say, some of it, you can’t unsee.”

He chuckled. “I’ve done the same thing. Usually with funny videos, but occasionally with…” At his sidelong look, she raised her eyebrows.

“Occasionally?” She prodded.

“My mother and several—friends have a thing for cat videos.”

“I haz cheeseburgers.” She snickered and at his low chuckle, and fresh affection washed through her. He might just get her. “Yeah, so I really enjoyed, you know, being crazy. When I graduated high school, I enrolled in an away college so I could really spend my time discovering this whole new world, and I…I lost my head.”

“You were young.” His immediate defense warmed her heart.

“Young isn’t an excuse. It might be a cause and a contributing factor, but it’s no excuse. I knew half the time that the stuff I got into was over my head. It didn’t stop me. In fact, it made me hungrier to do it. The crazier it was, the more I wanted it. I slept around.” She thought the admission might embarrass her, but it didn’t. No judgment lived in his gaze. “Parties. Boys. Booze. Drugs once or twice,” she held up a finger as she said that. “And only once or twice because I rapidly discovered that while drunk could be fun, most drugs weren’t. I don’t like to be out of it and I don’t like blackouts.”

“Blackouts?” He honed in on the word.

With a grimace, she took a drink and eyed the last piece of bacon. Tempting, but she’d stolen a lot of his bacon during the meal. Without pause, Brett picked up the piece and broke it in half, before offering a section to her.

‘Thank you.” So much for distracting. “I had a few of them in my freshman and sophomore year. Twice in freshman and once in sophomore. Usually, when I had some E—which is the street name for Ecstasy—and once…” A muscle in her jaw cramped when she clenched her teeth. He squeezed her foot lightly then massaged it. The continued caress eased some of her discomfort at the story. “Once, when I tried acid. I’d read somewhere that the trips could be amazing, because it’s a mind-altering drug.”

“I’m aware.” The low thrum in his voice carried several veins of concern. “It can be very dangerous to some people because tripping isn’t always positive.”

“Mine was definitely not positive.” Ice shimmied along her spine. Suddenly, the tray on the bed was moved and Brett wrapped around her and tugged her into his lap. The combination of his arms surrounding her and his lips pressing against her forehead chased away the shadows.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know how much was the trip and how much was real. I remember there was a guy. His name was John or Jim something, or at least I’m pretty sure it started with a J. He was the guy who gave me the acid. We made out, and things were getting interesting, when he did this…um, how graphic do you want me to be here?” The low sound he released rumbled against her back sounded very much like a growl.

“As graphic as you need to be. This J whatever isn’t here, so I can’t beat him to a pulp if he hurt you.” The absolute sincerity in the threat sent a fresh wave of shivers through her, though they had absolutely nothing to do with apprehension.

“Good to know. Um…he tried to pin me to the bed, and he had a thing for handcuffs. I used to not care so much. I’m pretty open to new things.” She squeezed her ass against his thigh in reminder of the question he’d asked her that morning. When he pinched her in response, she laughed. “
Anyway
, he tried to restrain me, and I flipped out. I think I broke his headboard then I threw him off me, and I took off. A part of me…God, this sounds so stupid.”

“No it doesn’t.” A kiss. “I promise, it doesn’t.”

“I ran. I could hear everything. I could smell everything. I could practically see in the dark, and it was so noisy and so stinky and just—nothing made sense. It was like I could hear my own blood rushing in my veins. I ran away from everyone, from the people, the campus.” The weird part was how real and visceral the drug-induced memory remained. She could almost see it happening all over again. “We abutted a really large park and I ran out there, and I ran and ran, I thought my legs would give out at some point, but they didn’t. Then I was alone, but I wasn’t. I could hear birds and a rabbit. The rabbit was weird. It was like I could really see it, and I could hear it chewing grass, then it paused and stared at me and I stared back. Its tiny little heart began to hammer.”

Hunching her shoulders, she threaded her fingers with his free hand. Touching steadied her, but she didn’t want to scare him off with the idea of how much she enjoyed and had begun to crave their closeness. Six days. They’d known each other six days. She had to keep reminding herself of the fact.

“It went on all night like that. Sometime around dawn, I think I went to sleep. One of my roommates found me crashed against a tree. It was humiliating and eye opening. I had flashes for days after. I’ve heard you can relive bad trips, but…that was four, almost five years ago? I still flash back to it occasionally. After that, I really wanted to concentrate on helping people. I turned my focus to nursing and medical stuff. I stayed
away
from drugs, and now we get to the end of the encyclopedia version instead of the bit I was going to tell you…I got into a nursing program, I settled, I moved home to save money, and I had my own car. I had a boyfriend—not J, he never spoke to me again—but a guy I thought was a decent sort.”

Seriously, who was she kidding?

“Okay, the last part was a lie. He was a bad boy. There, I said it. I have a thing for bad boys. You know dangerous types. Maybe it’s a pathological thing left over from my austere childhood or maybe I’m a closet wild type. I dunno. I knew he wasn’t good news, but I dated him anyway for the grand, mature reason of it pissed my parents off. One day, he came to pick me up from the clinic where I was doing some clinical hours and I left him alone and he helped himself to some of the drugs. Apparently this went on for a few months. The cops arrested me because I facilitated it, and he told them I provided him the drugs as recompense for sex and that I did so in the full knowledge of it all.” If she ever saw him again, she would rip his pencil dick off.

Leaning her head against Brett’s shoulder, she glanced up at him. His stillness remained comforting, but at least he wasn’t rumbling anymore. He looked very intent.

“They had his testimony. They had the clinic notes of my hours and when the pharmaceuticals went missing, and I was given a choice. Plead down to a lesser charge or face felony charges of possession of narcotics with intent to distribute.” Shrugging, she sighed. “Right or wrong, I facilitated his access to the drugs. I knew he wasn’t a good person. I willfully ignored the signs and so, in a way, I was guilty. My mother stopped speaking to me after I was arrested and pretty much kicked me out. I really didn’t want to go to prison, so I took a lesser plea. The judge took pity on me, and I was given a few thousand hours of community service which also turned into a job where I met Luc.”

Brett was an affluent, down to earth, businessman with strong ties to his community. She’d put that together in nothing flat. He was not remotely like her bad boy boyfriends or her dumbass lays from college.

“What happened to this waste of human excrement?” With one question he ripped away the curtains of regret and filled her with laughter.

“Last I heard he was in rehab, but I decided that the best thing for me was to walk away. I could hold onto my anger and resentment at him for my stupid choices, or I could own the decisions I made and make my life better.”

“Is your life better?”

“I’m here with you.” She chewed her lower lip. “I think it’s better.”

His arms tightened around her. “Mine is definitely better for you being here.” A heady compliment. “Colby, I need to tell you…” His phone rang and they both twisted to look at it on the tray. With an aggravated exhale, he retrieved it, but didn’t let her go. Gillian’s name appeared on the screen and he answered it. “Yes?”

Stretching away from him to give him a modicum of privacy she retrieved her coffee cup. His arms slid away from her and then he released her entirely and stood. Tension punctuated his motions.

“I’ll be right there.” Ending the call he glanced at her. “It’s an emergency…”

“Say no more. Go.” She stopped him with a raised hand. “I’ll be here.”

He took her at her word, bending forward to give her a hard, sweet kiss on the lips and then he was gone. Alone in his bedroom, she hugged the coffee mug. At some point she needed to find her clothes, but she’d been honest with him. Told him all the little ugly truths about her life, and he’d not been remotely turned off.

Emergency aside, she’d seen it in his eyes—he hadn’t wanted to leave her.

“Oh, boy,” she whispered to the coffee mug. She didn’t want to leave him either. Brett Dalton may very well have stolen her heart.