Road to Destiny (Scorpio Stinger MC Book 5) (13 page)

“Hey. If you’re looking for Jade, she’s with Mia.”

Was my need that obvious?

“Cool.” I turned left instead of right, toward Mia and Cobra’s room. I wanted to check in on her anyway to see how she was doing.

When I reached her door, I stood in front of it for a few moments and took a few deep breaths. I needed to calm my thoughts and the unease roiling in my gut. Déjà vu wasn’t kind to me.

I knocked softly on the door and waited.

“Who is it?” Jade called out.

Just hearing her voice made me feel better. “It’s me, baby. Can I come in?”

“Sure. I’ll unlock the door for you. Just give us a moment.”

I shifted from one foot to the other while I waited. After what felt like forever, Jade opened the door. Her eyes were red and her cheeks wet, yet she still managed to look adorable. I tried to pull her into my arms to comfort her, but she stepped to the side, avoiding me. Of course. She wouldn’t want me displaying my affection for her in front of Mia, who might possibly lose her husband. At least that was what I assumed. I was only a man, so what the hell did I really know about how women felt?

I stepped into the room. Mia was on the bed, covered by a blanket, her eyes closed.

“Should I come back later?” This was awkward as fuck. What could I say or do to make things better? If only I could work miracles, but at that moment in time nothing was going to help. Nothing I said. Nothing I did.

Mia opened her eyes, and in spite of them being full to the brim with tears, she managed a small smile as she held out both her arms to me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and moved towards the bed. I sat down beside her and pulled her gently into my arms.

“I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry.” Fuck me, if I didn’t feel like breaking down and crying like a woman.

Jade came to sit on the bed beside me. Strength radiated from her, and she smiled kindly at me even though tears streamed down her cheeks. God, how lucky I was to have such a strong woman by my side.

“Oh Ryder, it hurts so much. Will this pain ever go away?” Mia sobbed as she clung to me.

I stroked her head. “Shhh, it’s going to be okay.” I didn’t know where that came from or why I said such a stupid thing because I had no idea if it would actually be true. Especially not after my conversation with the doctors, and Razor and his shit.

Mia’s breath hitched. “It feels as if I’ve been ripped apart and nothing can ever put me together again.”

What could I say to that? If Jade had been taken from me, there was no way I’d want to keep breathing.

“Cobra would want you to be strong for Jamie and Isabella. As long as he is still breathing, there’s hope. You can do this, Mia. You’re an amazing woman.”

She shook her head. “It's just a machine breathing for him. Keeping his heart going. The man I love—he is gone, and life without Cobra . . .  oh God. The thought is unbearable.”

Jade leaned forward and placed her arms around both of us, her head resting against mine. “We’re always going to be here for you and the kids, Mia, until Cobra comes home to you. We will help you get through this. I promise.”

We sat like that for the longest time, the three of us together in our misery, each experiencing the heartache in our own way. I’d never imagined sitting there and saying these words to Cobra’s woman. Dealing with loss and death wasn’t something we bikers knew how to do without the help and support of others who loved us.

Eventually Mia pulled away and wiped her cheeks. She looked up at me. The sorrow in her eyes twisted my heart. “Ryder, at least I can take comfort in the fact that you will take over from Cobra. I trust in you. I trust that you will be a good leader to the Scorpio Stingers and do Cobra’s final wish justice.”

Jade sucked in a breath. Her body stiffened, and she moved away a couple of inches. My gaze darted to her, surprised by her sudden reaction.

“Can we please not talk about this right now?” Both of Jade’s hands rested on her belly, and she rubbed big circles around and around her stomach.

“Jade—”

She held up a hand. “I know it’s what Cobra wants. And I can understand that both of you want his wish honored. But he’s not dead yet, and until the machines are switched off I’m going to pray like never before that he recovers.”

“Baby,” I said in a low voice. Jade was losing it, and I had to calm her down for her own and Mia’s sakes.

“No, Ryder. What about me? Have you stopped to think for a moment how I feel about it? I’m not meaning to be disrespectful, but I just can’t . . .”

My hand covered Jade’s. “Can we talk about this later . . . in private?”

Mia placed a hand on her chest. “My God, we have a serious problem.” She glared at Jade. “You don’t want Ryder to be president, do you? And the funny thing is, I can understand that. But you have to understand that it’s what Cobra expects.”

Fuck
. If Jade and the woman who’d been like a sister to me were at odds, it would tear me apart. I closed my eyes for a moment and cursed Cobra for being about to die on me. I was fucked if I did and fucked if I didn’t. There was going to be no easy solution.

What if I lost everything? Jade’s love. Mia’s respect. Razor’s loyalty. Cobra’s life. All were on the line.

It was a tightrope I was walking.

Blindfolded.

Without a net to catch me.

I had no fucking idea how to deal with it.

R
yder closed Mia’s door and steered me back to our room, his grip firm on my elbow. I stole a sideward glance at him. His mouth and jaw set in granite and his eye twitched. It became worse as the day wore on.

I couldn’t bear to see him in so much pain, knowing that I was causing part of it. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel conflict and doubt, but I couldn’t just sit back and not voice what mattered to me.

We’re torn between two worlds that could tear us apart.

All that time we’d fought outsider forces and managed to ride it out and overcome the odds, and now it was coming to this—our own individual needs overtaking us and demanding to be heard.

Was this going to be the blow that finally ripped Ryder from me?

The swirling in my gut worsened and I felt hot and even a little faint.

As we passed Lexi’s room she called out to us. Seems she never closed her door, so I stopped in my tracks to talk to her. Ryder grumbled impatiently behind me, but I just ignored him. I wanted to speak to my cousin and find out how she was handling the confinement. Lexi wasn’t one to sit still for long and I imagined that she was pretty frustrated.

“Hey, Lexi, how are you, honey?” I asked, standing in her doorway and leaning against the doorjamb with Ryder’s hand firmly on my waist.

“Hey,” she greeted back without a smile. “This sucks. I’m going stir-fucking-crazy in here. These rooms are too small and you know I hate tight spaces.” Her gaze fell on Ryder and she batted her lashes at him coyly. “Please . . . can I go home? I don’t really know what the hell I’m doing here. It’s not fair that I have to be holed up in this tiny room because some people think I’m Razors old lady when I’m not.” Her voice was filled with venom as she spat the last few words out. “I don’t even fucking like him, so I don’t know where anyone got that stupid idea.”

Ryder grunted. “Maybe because that’s what Razor is making everyone believe. He’s claimed you, Lexi, and you’ve fucked him on several occasions that I’m aware of, so I kinda think that makes you Razor’s girl.”

“Fuck that. I’m no man’s property.” She jumped up and stood with her hands on her hips, challenging Ryder. “If I was the old lady of every guy I fucked, I’d be breaking the damn law. I’m not done with all the men on my list yet. And anyway, Razor’s not really my type.”

I couldn’t miss the way her gleaming eyes rested on Ryder while she licked her lips. She still had a thing for him, I knew that look only too well. All through high school I had to listen to her crush on guys and watch her throw herself at them. It was probably only because I was related to her that she didn’t try to get her claws into him. At least that’s what I hoped—that Lexi had enough respect for our relationship not to go after my man.

Ryder dug his fingers deeper into my skin, the tension in his body becoming more palpable the longer we stood there.

“Can we go now?” he growled low in my ear. Louder and with a stern tone, he barked, “You stay here until I say so, Lexi. You need our protection. Like it or not.” He let out a hot breath through his nostrils. “Perception is everything and as long as our enemies think you’re Razor’s you are unsafe out there.”

Lexi moved her mouth to speak but Ryder cut her off. “End of story. No arguments. And my advice to you is to talk things out with Razor. Set him straight so he doesn’t go around tripping over his dick believing there is something between the two of you.”

“I don’t need fucking relationship advice from you,” Lexi hissed. “Razor can go fuck himself.”

“Hey, don’t wear my name out.” Appearing out of nowhere, Razor’s voice boomed behind us and I jumped with fright.

Lexi scowled and crossed her arms over her chest. “Fuck off, asshole.”

Razor laughed out loud. Her obscene behavior was clearly not affecting him. In fact he appeared to like it. “The only person I’m interested in fucking is you, my pretty little spitfire. Better believe it.”

Ryder’s arm went fully around my waist as he pulled me backward against his chest and moved us away from the doorway to make room for Razor.

“Fuck everybody,” Lexi yelled out behind us as Ryder steered me down the hallway, her voice drowning in the noises spilling out from other rooms, girls giggling and guys laughing out loud. Somebody was having a party and it wouldn’t be long before Lexi heard them and probably joined in. Razor was fresh out of luck.

“That woman is trouble,” Ryder grumbled, a scowl on his face. “I don’t like her fucking attitude. Razor can be an asshole, but he doesn’t deserve the way she treats him.”

“Hmmm . . . she’s always been a problem. Poor Uncle Eric has had a hard time trying to raise her since her mother died. She’s always been a rebel. It’s gotten her into so much trouble, but that’s just Lexi, I guess.”

“Well I’m glad I got you, baby.” His voice softened and he pinched my ass playfully. I glanced up at him from under my lashes because he wasn’t going to be quite as happy with me once I told him what was on my mind.

We had issues too. Big ones. And it really scared me.

As soon as we stepped inside the room, I pulled away from Ryder and stood facing him. “We need to discuss what you said in Mia’s room.” Folding my arms across my chest, I pushed my chin forward and looked my man in the eyes. I wanted him to comprehend where I was coming from, not because I was trying to be a bitch, but because I was scared out of my damn mind.

“This isn’t going to work for us. I can’t bear the thought of you becoming president of this club. We’ve had this discussion before and I’m not going to change my mind about it.”

Ryder’s jaw clenched. “Fuck, Princess, what I need now is your support. I need you to believe in me more than ever, not fight me on this.”

I held up my hand. “Wait. Hear me out. It’s not because I don’t understand that you made a vow to Cobra,” I said, as my gaze locked with Ryder’s, “but because I can't bear the thought of ending up like Mia. How much crap can one woman endure in the name of love? I’m not as strong as she is, and I don’t think I could handle it if your life hung on a damn thread.”

Ryder grimaced. His hand rubbed the back of his neck as his brow creased.

For the hundredth time that day, I rubbed over my growing belly. “I have these babies to think about now . . . their future.
Our
future.” My lower lip quivered, but I kept going. “Every day would be hell, wondering when a bullet was going to put an end to your life. I can't do it. I’m too frightened.”

Ryder’s eyes softened. “Fuck, I don’t mean for you to be scared. That’s the last thing I want, Princess. I’m here to protect you and our family, but my biker family needs me, too.”

“I get that. But who the hell protects
you?
  Who’s going to stop a bullet from claiming your life?” As much as I tried I couldn’t keep the panic from my voice. How could I get through to Ryder without sounding like a whiny bitch? My heart ached for him, but I couldn’t just stand by without telling him how I felt. It wasn’t only about me anymore, so I pushed the guilt aside and focused on the one thing that was most important to me. “We have so much more to think about than just ourselves.”

He took a step forward and dropped his forehead to mine, the only point of physical connection between us. Already the gap between us was growing, and I hated that I didn’t know how to stop it.

“I realize that bringing innocent lives into the world is so much more than I initially thought.” Ryder sucked in a breath. “Nothing prepares a person for that, least of all someone like me, but I’m slowly getting it, and fuck, if it isn’t messing with my mind.” He reached for me and pulled me closer into an embrace. “I just want to do the right thing, and it shouldn’t be so fucking hard.”

My heart twisted. I couldn’t agree more.

My palm rested on his chest, inches from his heart. “I refuse to live like Mia. I’m sorry to have to do this to you at this time . . . but I have no option. It’s me and the babies or the club.”

I might as well have slapped Ryder in the face. Hurt and anger flickered across his features. “Princess, you don’t mean it.”

“And you, Ryder Knox, shouldn’t be placing me in a position where I have to make such an ultimatum. If you think this is easy for me, let me assure you it’s probably the hardest thing I’d ever had to do.”

“Cobra’s situation has taken a toll on all of us. Can we just sleep on this and talk about it tomorrow? Maybe we’ll feel better about everything after a good night’s rest.”

We’d done all of that before trying to make it work. Pretending everything was okay when in fact we were just fooling ourselves. Life had a way of repeating the lesson until we damn well learned it. Otherwise why were we having this discussion again?

“Yes, I’m tired, and I know you are, too. But that won’t change anything. If you take over as Pres that means we’re pretty much permanently stuck here and this becomes our life.” I couldn’t stop the shivers that ran through my body. This was the last place on earth I wanted to raise my children. The last place I could live for any extended period of time because I’d constantly be wondering when danger would rear its ugly head. Worrying myself sick that there was a bullet with Ryder’s name on it. Agonizing about my babies getting caught up in crossfire or being abducted like little Jamie.