Road to Destiny (Scorpio Stinger MC Book 5) (14 page)

I can’t do it.

“If you won’t put these babies first, then I will.” I pushed my chin forward. “I’m getting out of here as soon as I can. I’m not waiting for another disaster to hit before I act.”

“Jade, give me a chance to prove to you that I can be the man you want and need while still taking care of business the way I’m supposed to.” Whenever Ryder looked at me like that, his eyes soft and pleading, I saw the little boy who’d been abandoned by his mother, the teenager who’d gone through hell, the man who was loyal to the death. I didn’t love him any less—in fact, I loved him even more. I couldn’t be the one to stand in his way. I couldn’t be the one to force him to break his oath to his brother.

He has things he has to do, but they’ll have to be without me.

I reached up and stroked his cheek. “I’m going to make this easy on you. Since my parents are still on vacation in Italy, I’m going to go and stay with my brother and Eva while you sort out the shit going down at the club. Harrison will protect me so I’ll be safe there.” I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat burning and making it difficult to speak so that my voice sounded croaky. “I love you, Ryder, and that’s never going to change, but I can’t stay here any longer.”

Ryder clenched his jaw. “Fuck no. I don’t want you and my babies anywhere near Summers if I’m not there. I’m not risking you being around him alone ever again when you’re pregnant.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Seriously? I thought we were over that already. It was an accident—yes, a very unfortunate one with bad consequences—but Harrison would never hurt me intentionally.”

“I don’t want to test that. Let me take care of you and our babies right here. Don’t run away. I can’t stand the thought of being apart.”

With a shuddering breath, I frowned and said, “Don’t make this more difficult for me than it already is. Do you think I’d do this if I had a better choice?”

Ryder turned his back on me and walked to the door. “I need to be alone to think. My head is a mess. I’m going to my own room for a while. Maybe you should just rest too and we’ll talk later.”

Speechless, I watched him leave and close the door behind him with a click.

Everything I’d always feared was happening to us. We were spiraling out of control and not even our love could save us.

I closed my eyes as I leaned against the door. I wanted to go after him and call him back, but instead I slid to the floor and sobbed my heart out.

Jade zero.

Ryder zero.

There was no winning, only losing and it hurt like fuck.

T
he weight of the world rested on my shoulders. I needed some time to be alone.

Back in the bedroom I’d lived in when I first came to the compound, I searched for answers. I paced the small room, rubbing the back of my neck, trying to make sense of it all.

I was torn between two worlds; I was in a place I never wanted to be. How could I choose? Life without Jade would be meaningless.

I sat on the edge of the bed, my head in my hands, my shoulders slumped. It was as if someone had kicked me in the gut.

Every time I allowed myself to love someone unconditionally they left me. First Marianne. Then Maxwell, finding a better life on the other side of the country. Cobra, maybe never coming back. Peanut, because I couldn’t protect her mother. And now Jade—the biggest blow of all.

I should’ve hardened my heart. Never have let a bitch get on the back of my bike. Never have allowed her to crawl under my skin and to own my heart.

It had been a disaster waiting to happen from the start, only I hadn’t wanted to see it. I’d turned a blind eye and hoped that this time it would be different with Jade, that together we could overcome obstacles in the path of our love. But of course, it wasn’t. For someone like me, cursed from the day I was born to be a loner, there was no salvation. Only pain and desertion. Left by everyone I’d ever cared about.

Yeah, it was better if Jade left and stayed with Harrison and Eva. He’d be able to protect her from harm in ways I couldn’t promise. Eva, with her kind heart, could stand in for me. Jade and our babies would be so much better off.

As for my own pain, I’d deal with it the same way I always did. I’d throw myself into my commitment to the club one hundred percent. It would keep me busy and occupy my mind until I passed out at night from the sheer exhaustion. It had worked in the past, and I had no doubt it would work again.

Hammer knocked on my door. “I’m going to see Cobra. Wanna come?”

I looked up at his expectant face before shaking my head. “No, we can’t both leave the compound at the same time. Razor is like a fucking time bomb just waiting to explode.”

“Yeah, I heard that he and Lexi were fighting a lot. She seems to run hot and cold on Razor, and he’s not handling it well. Could be part of the reason why he’s so fucking volatile at the moment. I’ve never seen him quite as crazy as he has been the past few days, and I suspect it’s gonna get a lot worse if Cobra snuffs.”

“Are all the women in the compound having their fucking period at the same time? It’s as if all hell is breaking loose with the bitches these days.”

Hammer chuckled softly. “Or maybe they have a secret club that we don’t know about?”

I narrowed my eyes and studied my friend for a moment. He was a dark horse—a little nerdy compared to the other bikers, but he worked out daily, and his body was lean and muscled. Plus, he was smart as fuck, so he was probably one of the best catches of all the guys. If only he wasn’t so shy and awkward around women. I’d tried to show him a few tricks years ago, but he’d just laughed it off, and I’d let it go.

“Maybe you’re the smart one, Hammer. I haven’t seen you with a woman in a long time. Nobody caught your attention yet?”

He shrugged. “You know I get all tongue-tied around the fairer sex. I never know what to say. I should take some lessons from the Aussie kid. Man, does that dude have the moves. Before lockdown Logan had a different woman just about every night—sometimes even two or three. The little fucker must have the stamina of a bull.”

“Maybe it’s because he’s a surfer and he has that ridiculous accent that women line up to screw him. But it can’t hurt hanging out with him—you know, learning a few of his tricks.”

“Ha. As if the women are even going to look at me when he’s around,” he scoffed.

“You know what? Somewhere there’s the perfect girl for you. One who’s going to think you’re the best thing in the world, and she’ll only have eyes for you. Before Jade, I didn’t believe anyone could love a fucked up bastard like me, and she proved me wrong. So don’t give up yet.”

Hammer grinned. “You landed your ass first prize getting a woman like Jade. She must’ve lowered her standards when she met you.” He slapped me on the back, killing himself laughing at his own joke. If it wasn’t so close to the fucking truth I’d laugh with him, but his comment was like a dagger straight to my fucking heart.

Jade was too good for me. I didn’t deserve her. And then expecting her to fall to my level and become part of my world . . . fuck, I must’ve been crazy to think it could work.

“Hey, go see Cobra. Tell him I said hi and to open his fucking eyes, ’cause he’s slept long enough. We need him back at the helm. I didn’t realize how hard it was to be a leader to this bunch of assholes, because that motherfucker makes it look so damn easy. Tell him we need him back; he can’t fucking die on us.”

Hammer blinked his eyes rapidly before clearing his throat. “I’ll tell him, but there’s no way of knowing if he’s listening.”

“He’ll hear you. Just talk to him as if he’s awake. I haven’t given up on him yet.” It was true. I wished I could talk to him about my problems but it was kind of a moot point. If he hadn’t been shot, I wouldn’t be having this fucking dilemma on my hands. I’d be up to my eyeballs in wedding planning and baby stuff back in Malibu. Instead, I was in a dark hole, and I couldn’t see my way out without disappointing somebody.

I
must’ve fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes again dawn had broken, and the first light of a new day shone through the window. I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

Then it hit me.

I was alone. For the first time in months I’d woken without Jade beside me, and it felt like shit. This wasn’t what I wanted for the rest of my life. Since I’d had a taste of what it was like to wake up to my woman’s smile, her soft body molded into mine, her morning breath warm on my skin, I couldn’t go back to this. Not now. Not ever.

I rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom to take a piss. I hadn’t even kicked off my boots before falling asleep. A quick glance at my watch and I knew I still had time before everyone else woke up to sneak back to Jade.

Not giving a shit that my clothes were crumpled, I made my way back to the new room I’d left Jade in the night before. I’d beg her to stay, fall to my knees and plead with her. She had to see how much I needed her.

The door opened with a creak. Light came streaming in through the window, throwing patterns on the floor. My gaze shifted to the bed, expecting to see blonde hair strewn over the pillow.

The bed was empty. Not even a crease on the covers.

My mouth went dry, and my pulse quickened.

“Jade?” I said, as I stuck my head around the bathroom door.

Emptier than empty. All traces of the shit women used were gone.

My eyes fell on a piece of paper sitting on Jade’s desk. How could I have missed it? Everything else of hers was gone, except the note and a locket lying on top of the paper.

With a heavy heart, I dragged myself across the room and picked up both items, quickly scanning the note. In Jade’s feminine handwriting were the words that completely undid me.

The wedding is cancelled. You’re off the hook.

My stomach dropped as my thumb rubbed over the cold precious metal of the locket I’d given her to seal our love. Hours ago, this had been around my woman’s neck.

Abandoned.

Just like me.

How things change in the blink of an eye.
A few days ago we were at the height of bliss.

Staring into the mirror, I placed the locket around my neck. It dangled beside the matching one she’d given me. My gut wrenched.

This was fucked up.

When Jade had agreed to marry me, she’d decided she wanted something to wear close to her heart instead of a ring on her finger. Those two lockets where never meant to hang around one person’s neck. But until I found a chance to put hers back where it belonged, I’d be the temporary keeper of this second locket. Fuck me if Jade thought she was getting rid of me this easily.

I was in this for life.

Princess was going to pay for putting me through this agony. How the fuck did she expect me to function properly if she wasn’t there? She was an undeniable part of me, and I couldn’t live with a hole in my heart.

But duty called. And mutiny.

A
soft knock on the door startled me.

“Come in. It’s open.”

The door creaked open and Mia stepped inside. I’d worked all morning to fix Cobra’s office, filing away papers into some kind of order, sweeping up cigar ashes, and clearing away a few dirty dishes. Razor had left it like a pigsty and it riled the hell out of me. If I was going to spend a lot of time in the office, I at least wanted it to be comfortable and clean.

The truth was that I hadn’t been able to sit down on Cobra’s chair because it had just felt wrong. The only decent thing I could think of doing was to move some furniture around after I’d cleaned the place so that it was less confronting.

Mia’s lips parted slightly as her gaze wandered around the room.

“Good morning. I see you made a few changes,” she said with a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

Indicating to a chair, I gave her a smile, even though it was the last thing I felt like doing. “You okay?” I asked as she took a few steps closer and sat down.

She nodded. Dark circles under her eyes and hollow cheeks suggested she wasn’t being quite truthful. I hated that this was happening to her all over again.

“You’ve got to take care of yourself, Mia.” My voice came out harder and harsher than I’d intended, and I didn’t want to sound preachy so I walked around the desk and sat down in a chair next to her. “You’ve got to think of the kiddos. They need you.”

She shrugged. Damn, she looked so helpless and vulnerable, and I wished there was something more I could do to take her worry and pain away. I could offer a listening ear and sympathy. It wasn’t much, but it was all I really had to give. What the fuck else could I do?

“I know, and I’m trying to do what’s best for the kids. Lexi is playing with them today and keeping them busy. She’s good with the little ones. They’re constantly asking me about their father and it kills me.” Her voice cracked, and her chin quivered. “When your whole life falls apart and you know there’s nothing you can do to fix it—to undo what happened—it kinda fucks you up, you know?” Sad brown eyes stared at me and I nodded.

I understood. The uncertainty, the doubt, the wait—with less than two weeks to decide about switching off the machines I was glad it wasn’t me who had to make the choice. The finality of it was almost too much to stomach.

Mia pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. She licked her lips and sat forward in the chair, her knuckles white as she clasped her hands together.

“I’m not here to talk about me. I’ve had days of wallowing in self-pity, and I don’t need anyone’s sympathy.” The determined look in her eyes shut me up, and I just listened. She’d come to say something of importance, and I’d give her the respect she deserved.

“What is it? You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“We’ve always been close, and you know I care about you, Ryder.”

I nodded. Mia was like a sister to me and I always valued her opinion.

“I’ve been thinking a lot,” she said in a soft voice. “Hell, it’s all I’ve been doing. Sleep evades me, and my brain won’t shut down. It keeps going around and around in circles until I think I’m going crazy.”

A wry smile twisted my lips. “I know the feeling.”