ROAR (12 page)

“I think I’ve clearly taken on more than I can handle right now.” Clenching her fists briefly, she began, “I think…” She sat up straighter. “No, I
know
I need to resign from the academy. Effective immediately.”

She leaned closer to point out her greatest concern at the moment. “But, Headmaster, I hate letting you down by missing tomorrow’s auction on such short notice, knowing the Doms already have our journal entries and have been preparing to try and win one of us to make the fantasy we shared come true.”

He waved away her words. “I would be more concerned having you won by a Dom, but unable to fulfill your role as his submissive—or worse, that you might faint or become ill and cause him and my staff a great deal of distress.”

“I understand. I saw it as a failure to concede that I wasn’t able to complete something, but I wasn’t taking into consideration the consequences my decisions might have on others.”

He scrutinized her a moment. “Doctor Jeffrey, your passion for your work and desire to grow as a submissive are evident and admirable.” His demeanor lightened somewhat, although he didn’t smile. “As much as I’ll hate seeing you leave, I’m pleased with how you arrived at what I feel is the right decision—with only a little prodding.” She definitely caught a glimpse of a grin before he became serious again. “Remember, however, spreading yourself too thin can hinder success in
all
areas.”

Is that why she seemed to be racking up one failure after another? She had taken on too much at once when not at her best? “Yes, Master Anderson.”

“Give yourself enough time to recover. You might then consider arranging for a direct mentoring dynamic with someone. After assessing and prioritizing your goals, the Dom you choose could use any number of techniques that are much less rigorous than the academy’s full curriculum to help you meet some of your objectives as a submissive.”

His mention of prioritizing goals reminded her of Kristoffer. Of course, he hadn’t done so as her Dom or trainer, but as a meticulous financial planner who was used to finding ways to identify the pros and cons of a decision.

As for direct mentoring, she’d tried to enter into a one-on-one arrangement with Gunnar before applying here, but he hadn’t been available. “I’ll take that under consideration. Thank you.”

He nodded his agreement. “It is best to give yourself time. If and when you are ready, I’m happy to provide you with recommendations for a couple of Dominants in the area that might be a good fit for you.”

Pamela had always tended to be an all-or-nothing person. Paired with a Dom right now, she’d throw herself into training much as she did everything. “Thank you, Master Anderson. Maybe after I return from Afghanistan. That’s very kind of you.”

He smiled slightly. “It is not a matter of kindness. As a student of the academy, your success is important to us, whether you remain here or not.”

“The attention and concern you and each faculty member and trainer has shown me is deeply felt and much appreciated.”

He nodded. “Before you leave my office and the school this evening, I want you to share your short-term plans for how you intend to take better care of yourself.”

She drew a deep breath. “First, I’m going home to sleep tonight—and probably through the weekend.” She was
that
tired. “Immediately, I plan to eat better and won’t be skipping any more meals.” What else? “And to increase stamina and endurance, I’m either going to begin an exercise routine at home using DVDs or YouTube, or I’m joining a gym. In addition, I promise not to take on any new projects or activities.”

He raised his brows briefly. “A little more detail than I was looking for, but an excellent plan nonetheless. Be sure you follow it. Listen to your body. It will tell you what it needs.”

She’d always been a detail person. “Agreed, Headmaster. I will work hard until I am one hundred percent again.”

“As with everything you do, Doctor Jeffrey, it sounds as though you plan to tackle your health regimen head-on.” A charming smile played across his lips.

She nodded. “My highest priority is to complete my contract. I need to be ready when they call me to head back overseas.”

It wasn’t lost on her that leaving was reneging on another commitment she’d made. His graciousness in accepting her resignation helped assuage some of the guilt.

“Thank you, Master Anderson, for the opportunity to spend the past two weeks here. I’ve learned so much and hate having to quit so suddenly.”

“We all need to reassess our goals from time to time. Life happens. Situations change.” He added in an even more encouraging tone, “It’s important that you don’t give up on finding your place in this lifestyle if that continues to be important to you. But make sure you screen any potential Dom carefully and that he is meeting
your
needs. I’ve seen too many submissives hurt by falling for the myth that their needs aren’t as important as those of their Dominants. I don’t want any of my students to walk away from this school with that misconception.”

That he still considered her one of his students warmed her heart, even though she wasn’t able to complete the curriculum.

“Thank you, Headmaster. I’ll do my best.” Someday, she’d find someone to whom she could surrender without losing herself. In the meantime, she’d look for different ways to achieve fulfillment. Yes, she could do that.

Provided it didn’t involve any new projects.

He stood, and she did the same. “Thank you for everything, Master Anderson. I’ll use this time to reassess my expectations and goals.”

“Never one to let that mind rest, are you?”

She laughed. “Point taken. I’ll hold off on that for at least a week or two.”

He looked at her with kindness. “You’re a discerning woman who no doubt will figure out what she wants and go about attaining it.”

“I hope you’re right, because I’m not getting any younger.”

Master Anderson chuckled. “None of us are, my dear.” But men like Master Anderson, Gunnar, and Kristoffer grew sexier with age. She wasn’t sure she had all that many years left to attract anyone.

As if he could tell where her thoughts had strayed, Master Anderson said, “It appears you’ve been going nonstop since medical school. Taking this time for yourself will do you good while you reflect on what you’ve learned and where you wish to go from here.”

He walked around the desk to tower over her. “Of course, you’re welcome to contact us if and when you’d like to complete your studies at the academy later, or even if you feel a need to start the course of study over with a new mindset and new goals after you return from Afghanistan.”

“Thank you for keeping the door open for me, Headmaster. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your invitation.”

He nodded. “If you go into future relationships with an open mind and a desire to explore, allowing your Dom to provide you guidance, I’m positive you’ll discover what you’re looking for in the lifestyle.”

She flushed, appreciating his encouragement and confidence in her abilities.

Master Anderson graced her with a melt-worthy smile. “Doctor Jeffrey, tenacity is another desirable trait in a submissive and one quite evident in your character. I’m confident you
will
find a suitable partner when the time is right.”

He placed his hand at the small of her back and gently directed her toward the door.

“Thank you for taking the time to talk with me, Master Anderson. I dreaded coming here tonight, but your understanding, patience, and support have alleviated a great deal of my stress.”

“My pleasure.”

After being dismissed and cleaning out her locker, she left the building and headed to her car under the watchful eye of a staff member who could have been hired as a bouncer at any downtown bar. The school always made sure its students remained safe on the premises, which was comforting given that most of the school’s activities occurred after dark.

What the future held for her as far as participating in the lifestyle, she wouldn’t begin to guess. But foremost in her mind now was to restore her health and pour her energy into the equipment project. She wondered when she’d see Kristoffer again.

And what would he say when he learned she’d quit the academy?

*     *     *

Nearly a week had gone by since his last lunch meeting with Pamela. Kristoffer’s world became monotonous again. Most of their work on the equipment project was conducted by e-mail. Despite her absence from his day-to-day, though, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. Was she taking care of herself? Overdoing it with her classes?

He missed the excitement of talking with her, too. Just when life had begun to be more interesting again. More times than he should, he checked to see if she’d sent an e-mail. While he busied himself checking on Gunnar’s lucrative portfolio daily, making necessary adjustments, he found himself obsessed with finding medical equipment and supplies for Pamela’s hospital. He couldn’t help but think of it as hers in light of the passion she exhibited for the place.

While he had to admit he was more productive working without her by his side, he couldn’t keep from dropping hints about discussing matters over lunch again. She never took the bait.

This past Monday, Gunnar had informed him out of the blue that he was no longer interested in pursuing the acquisition of The Denver Academy. A wise decision given the man’s already impossible workload, but he’d never figured out why he’d wanted to pursue ownership in the first place.

That freed even more of Kristoffer’s week to work on the hospital project. Armed with Pamela’s recommendations and insights, he spent several hours a day in search of medical equipment or in negotiations with firms trying to arrive at a price that would stretch those dollars even further. He hadn’t finalized anything yet, but if the deals went through at the rates quoted, he’d be far under budget. He might discuss additional purchases with Pamela before informing Gunnar of the changes.

An alarm went off on his phone, and he pulled up his calendar. Thursday. Forseti. 10 a.m. They were heading back to Breck to update Gunnar on their progress today. Kristoffer wasn’t sure why Gunnar wasn’t content with e-mailed reports, but perhaps he wanted a higher level of security than his firewall guaranteed for some reason.

Already, the thought of being with Pamela again was messing with his head—and his libido. The sooner he completed this project, the better, although he had to admit he’d miss talking with her.

Kristoffer continued to visit Tori each evening as usual—sometimes spending the night, other times driving back to his condo to sleep alone. Seeing her became more difficult and painful by the day.

The only explanation he had for this was that thoughts of Pamela invaded his mind when least expected—or wanted. Throughout his evenings, whether alone or with Tori, he’d find himself wondering how her training was going. Had she found a more compatible match at last Saturday’s auction?

He wished she would put her training on hold until she’d fully recovered and had been tempted to text her this coming weekend to see if she’d like to have dinner with him before realizing that wasn’t proper. They were merely working on a project together and shouldn’t mix business with pleasure.

Still, he was dying to see how she looked and whether she’d been completely honest about how well she was taking care of herself. With the purchase of the academy off the table, they wouldn’t have a reason to discuss her experiences as a submissive trainee any longer. He’d miss that.

Kristoffer noticed a long-absent spring in his steps as he walked across the living room to retrieve his suit coat. Whistling a few bars of John Coltrane’s “Blue Train,” he pulled out his cell phone on an uncharacteristic whim.

KRISTOFFER:
Would you like to share a ride to the meeting today?

Why hadn’t he offered before? Because he’d always been so singly focused on getting through his days and trying to follow a routine that he barely thought of anything or anyone else anymore. She’d probably left already, but he waited for a response, just in case.

Seconds stretched into minutes, and he realized how utterly ridiculous he must look sitting behind the wheel in a parked car wait—

Ping.

PAMELA:
Sounds nice. What time should I be ready?

His heart beat erratically for a moment. Why did the prospect of spending a couple of extra hours alone with her during their commute excite him?
Because I’m pathetically lonely
. Having someone to converse with—whether about business or other topics—would make the drive more enjoyable.

Besides, Pamela was nonthreatening. She respected his married status, alleviating any awkwardness. The fascinating life she was living interested him, too, although he still didn’t relish the thought of her returning to such dangerous parts of the world.

Seated behind the wheel of the Jag, he set the GPS, exited the garage, and roared off to pick Pamela up. She stood waiting outside the front entrance of her three-story building when he drove up, and he wondered why she hadn’t waited for him inside. Her neighborhood in Aurora was an older one. Was it safe? Did she have a keyed entrance?

Her smile as she walked toward the car was infectious, and he barely had time to walk around the car to open her door. Her hair was pulled into a bun at the nape. She wore a dark charcoal suit and black heels and juggled a Thermos and briefcase. He took the drink while opening her door.

“Why, thank you. Such a gentleman.”

“Thank Gunnar and my grandfather for that. They drilled good manners into me from a young age.” With her safely tucked inside, he handed her the Thermos and closed the door, looking forward to this trip for the first time in years. He returned to the driver’s side and climbed in. “I see you already have coffee. Need anything else before we head out of town?”

“No. Already ate. But feel free to stop if you need to. Even with traffic delays, I think we have plenty of time.” She glanced down at the cup holder between them before placing her travel mug there. “I see you bring your own, too.”