Robyn Donald – Iceberg (8 page)

up.

'They want you up at the house,' she said crisply. 'Sarah is having a tantrum and won't go to bed until you're

mere.'

So Linnet ran up to me house, her forehead creased into a frown.

Justin was in the bedroom, stroking me child's hot forehead, but he stood when Anna led Linnet into the room

and moved aside. He looked very angry; somehow Linnet knew that his anger was directed not at the child but

at her. Nobody could possibly be angry with the small heap of grief in the bed.

'Sarah,' she said tentatively, 'Sarah, it's me.'

A hot little hand squirmed out from under the covers, grasped hers and held on tight.

'That's a shocking noise,' Linnet said calmly. 'Have you given yourself a headache yet?'

There was a gulp, a muffled, 'No,' and the sobbing eased slightly.

'Well, you're about to give me one,’ Linnet went on. 'What disaster has occurred?'

Sarah loved big words. The weeping ceased, except for the involuntary whoop that comes after prolonged

sobbing. '

'Better blow your nose,’ Linnet said matter-of-factly. 'Here, here's my hankie.'

Sarah blew, handed it back and emerged, flushed, tragic-eyed, her sensitive mouth trembling. 'I don't want you

to go to w-work!' she whispered. 'I don't want you to be away. The days are so long and you make me laugh. I

want you to stay with me.'

Forgetful of the presence behind her, Linnet bent forward and took the mutely pleading little face between both

hands, kissing each flushed cheek.

'My poor darling, you
have
got yourself into a tizz,' she said tenderly, ‘Now, I'm going to tell you a story, and’

when I come to the end of it you'll be
asleep.'

‘But you won't go away, will you?'

'No, I won't go away.' It was a reckless promise, but one that Linnet had every intention of keeping. Only later

did she realise how inextricably the child was entwined in her heartstrings.

It took only five minutes of low talking before Sarah was asleep. Releasing the now cool little hand, Linnet

stood up, surprised to see that Justin Doyle was still there.

In silence she preceded him out into the hall; it came as no surprise when he said quietly, 'I want to talk to you,'

and opened the door into his study.

Her eyes flew to me painting, but she looked at k for only a few moments before turning to face him, her hands

clasped behind her back as she braced herself to meet an onslaught.

He surprised her by saying, 'Sit down, Linnet,' as he gestured towards a chair.

Gingerly she perched herself on the very edge, watching him from beneath lowered lashes. He looked tired, the

magnificent virility dimmed, but there was no diminishing of the cold command of the man.

'Now perhaps you can tell me what all that was about/ he said as he leant against the desk.

So she told him.

When she had finished he was silent, his eyes fixed on her face with a regard as intent as it was impersonal.

Uneasy beneath the concentrated impact she moved restlessly, lowered her gaze, clasped her hands together in

her lap and wished he would say something.

'I realised she'd taken a violent fancy to you,' he said at last, just before she screamed, 'but I hadn't realised it

went so deep.'

'I hadn't either. It's because she hasn't any playmates.'

He shrugged. 'Possibly. It could as easily be because she has no mother. Whatever the reason, she has

apparently given her heart to you. I've never seen her so distraught.'

Which made her feel guilty. 'I'm sorry,' she said, wishing fervently that the child hadn't the ability to tug so

violently at her heartstrings.

Surprisingly Justin smiled, bleakly it was true, but it did warm the coldness of his expression. 'It's hardly your

fault,' he stated drily. 'Tell me,’ have you set your heart on becoming a librarian?'

'I want to very much,' she said, half aware, of what he was going to offer.

'If I offered you a position as Sarah's companion would that change your mind at all?'

Incredible how, strongly she reacted! 'No,' she; answered swiftly. 'I'm sorry—I'm very fond of Sarah, but I can't

—I—well------' she finished lamely, 'I do want to be a librarian.'

'And if you don't get the job?'

'I'd look for another,' she replied in a tow voice, aware only of an intense aversion to his idea.

'I see.'

Her attention caught by the note of anger in his voice she looked up and saw the man of that first interview, icy

with contempt because she did not measure up to his standards.

Or was it just that? Somehow Linnet felt that her own swift denial of his offer and the anger it aroused were part

of something much more than his desire to see his daughter happy. It was almost as though he was attacking her

independence, her desire to lead at last a life of her own, to be free. But surely—swiftly she dismissed the idea.

It was too ridiculous. A11 that she had to deal with was a .naturally autocratic man who was prepared to ride

roughshod over anyone—perhaps, she guessed, to ease a conscience which might be a little tender, for if Sarah

had been a happy child she would not have developed this desperate attachment.

The thought of Sarah weakened her resolve far more than the father's anger,' but supported by the deep

instinctive conviction that if she gave in she would be sacrificing far more than any career as a librarian she said

once more, quite clearly, 'No. I wish I could—but you
must
see that it's unfair to ask.'

'I see a woman who selfishly puts her own desires ahead of a child's,' he returned harshly.

‘That’s not so!' She jumped to her feet, anger roused by the blatant unfairness of his comment. Without

stopping to think she positioned herself in front of him, her face irradiated by her emotions. 'I've seen no

indication that you put your needs or desires in second place to Sarah's,' she stated angrily. 'Why expect me to?'

'You allowed her to become fond of you.'

'Oh, for heaven's sake! The child is desperate for someone to care! Someone who'll listen to her and talk to her

and be interested in her—she couldn't help becoming attached to the first person who showed any interest.'

Something in his very stillness warned her that she had trespassed on an area that was very sensitive, but she

was too angry to care. Pushing her fingers through her hair as though it was his face she would like to rake with

her nails, she continued wearily, 'She's also highly strung and too indulged. She's not too young to learn that she

can't always have her own way, or that emotional blackmail doesn't work. Where on earth did she learn to do

that?'

'It must be born in her,' he said bitterly. 'God knows, her mother was an expert.'

Linnet's eyes flew to meet his, saw in their pale depths a bleak anger that wrung her heart. '

'You tried some of it yourself,' she said, more gently. 'I'm sorry, Justin, but I'm not going to give in to either

Sarah's or yours.'

'You promised her that you'd stay.'

She bit her lip, remembering that impulsive remark.

'Yes. Well, I meant it If I get this job, I'll want board fairly close, so I'll be able to see quite a bit of her.'

'Don't be ridiculous!' At her startled glance he went on impatiently, There's no need for you to go at all.'

'I said that I have no intention of sponging on Bronwyn, and believe me, I meant it.'

The wide shoulders moved in a shrug, dismissing her defiant statement.

'She won't be there for much longer. When she's gone you may have the flat. Anna's quite happy with her

quarters here.'

Linnet felt as though someone had kicked her in the solar plexus. Fixing her eyes on the collar of his shirt, she

sought for words, finally found them. 'I'm sorry that I implied you didn't care for Sarah,' she said tonelessly. 'I

can see that you must love her very much if you're prepared to have me about the place.'

Again those shoulders moved, very slightly. With a drawl which was at variance with, the normal clipped

precision of his speech, he retorted, 'Perhaps I just want her to be happy.'

Again her glance sped upwards, saw the mockery glinting in the depths of his eyes and the irony of his smile.

Without volition she stepped backwards, impelled by that instinct inborn in all women which recognises danger.

The mockery intensified, rendering him extremely attractive and very dangerous. He didn't move, not a muscle,

but she felt that he was willing her to come to him; she could feel the aura of his masculinity holding her

captive.

Physical attraction, said her brain, keeping her body still with immense concentration. It was as potent as a

spell, and he was deliberately and unscrupulously using it.

With an effort of will which exhausted her she turned away, saying as calmly as she could over her wildly

beating-heart.

'Possibly. I’m not particularly interested in your reasons, but I can promise that
I
won't deliberately hurt Sarah.'

'Thank you.' His voice was cold and deep, without emotion.

But Linnet didn't dare look at him all the way back to the flat-T-several miles, it seemed in the scented

darkness--and when they got there she fled inside feeling that she, had narrowly escaped from a danger all the

more severe because it was indescribable.

Bronwyn emerged from me bathroom some ten minutes later dad in a negligee as pretty as it was impractical,

all satins and laces which complimented her petite beauty.

'From the shop,' she said complacently when Linnet admired it. Then after one of her devastatingly shrewd

glances, 'You look as though you've been interrogated by experts. Sarah acting up?'

'Yes.'‘ Linnet told her what had happened, omitting,
for
some obscure reason, Justin's offer of a job and her own

reaction to it. Also she did not tell her what Justin had said about Bronwyn not needing the flat for much longer.

'I told you she was a spoilt little piece,' her sister commented. '! feel sorry for her when she's not around, but I

must confess her presence irritates me. Anyway, you can stay here. There's no reason for you to find board.'

It was hardly an enthusiastic offer, but that it had been made at all surprised Linnet. 'I didn't intend to park

myself on you for good and all,' she protested.

Bronwyn grinned. 'I know. But it suits me to have you here. You can keep Sarah happy, and by the time she's

old enough to go to boarding school you'll be old enough to get married.'

'I doubt if she'll ever like boarding school,' Linnet said doubtfully, remembering the sensitive features, the

passionate grief of the child.

Bronwyn dismissed this. 'She'll get used to it, like all of us. You didn't go, did you? I did. You're horribly

homesick for six months and then you love it.'

'Well, I hope so.'

'You think I'm hard, don't you? No, you don't need to prevaricate. I can see it written large all over your face.'

Collapsing gracefully into a chair, the older girl put her feet on the arm of the sofa and surveyed them intently,

her emotions hidden by the heavy lids of her eyes. After a moment she said levelly, 'You can have no idea of the

sort of life I led as a child. My mother died when I was five and within a year Dad had married Jennifer, and a

year after that you were born. Your mother was as kind to me as she could be, but we fought a battle for Dad's

affection. It was as fierce as it was hidden, but we both knew that only one could win.' She looked up at Linnet,

her blue gaze very cool. 'Well, I won, but even then, she won. She took you and left and Dad retired into a kind

of half life, behind a wall where I couldn't reach him.'

Linnet couldn't prevent a small sound of protest. 'There's ho need for you to tell me all this, Bronwyn.'

'My dear girl, I'm not baring my soul for my own pleasure. I'm explaining to you exactly why I'm the way I am.'

She smiled without humour. 'You see, you were the one thing I loved then; I was very proud of you. It must

have been fairly deep rooted, because I've discovered that I care for your-good opinion.' Without giving Linnet

time to reply she continued, 'Well, that sort of childhood’ helps you to use your brain to plan ahead. I

determined that I was going to become independent as soon as possible, so with Dad's help I bought the

boutique and discovered that I was a pretty good business woman. It's a success, and that's important to me.

That's why Justin and I get on so well together—we have the same need for success, and neither of us need or

want the kind of romantic attachment I'm sure you'll be happiest with. Love conquers all, that sort of dung. For

you it might work—for me, never.'

'How do you know?' Linnet asked soberly. 'Perhaps you've just never experienced it.'

Her sister smiled cynically. 'Oh yes, I have, and was miserable. To lose control—well, there's no need to rake

over the details. I hated it. I know what I'm doing, Eiluned, what's right for me. If I seem hard—well, dial's the

penalty I'll have to pay for thinking things through and refusing to be ruled by my emotions. But I don't want to

seem unkind. Sarah will be quite safe with me.' Linnet realised that she really believed this; it seemed that any

effort to convince Bronwyn that there were many ways to be unkind to a sensitive child other than the deliberate

would be doomed to failure. Perhaps, she drought wearily, aware that she was evading the issue, perhaps by

being around Sarah Bronwyn would learn how to manage her and make her happy.