Rock My Heart (9 page)

Talia finally swigged from her wine before she stood and walked over to a gorgeous bookshelf made from dark oak and lifted a very beautiful box that sat at the bottom shelf. She had to sit on her hunches because her belly was too big for her to squat. She pulled out different photo albums until she got to the bottom and pulled a maroon, leather bound album. It only had “Sacred Memories” scrawled on the cover in gold calligraphy.

She managed to stand and walked over to me before she sat next to me. “You’re a rich girl who was spoiled from the time she was born all the way up until you met Kaz. He spoiled you too until he realized he was in love with you and now it scares the shit out of him. He loved Keren and Damira but he had complete control over his emotions in those relationships.”

My wine-addled mind tried to keep up with her words. “Okay, and I know Kaz loves me but what makes the love he has for me different than the feelings he had for Keren and Damira?”

Talia laughed out loud as if I’d cracked the funniest joke in the world. “Having a ‘blonde’ moment, Syd? Keren is the daughter of an MC President and Damira’s cousin, Loire, is the illegitimate daughter of Dizzy Cox. Am I connecting the dots clear enough for you? Damira’s own father had dealings with the Albanian and Ukrainian Mafias. What do those two women have in common that you don’t?”

“Well, they both had dealings in the underworld but my grandfather is completely legit. I’m not saying he hasn’t fucked over people in the business world because I don’t know that much about what he and my mother do. Yes, I’m an heiress but if they both bit the dust now, I am just on a board and there are…executors who would take over the day to day operations of the company,” I explained before I sipped from my wine again for fortitude.

“Okay. So, the life he grew up with was your country club lifestyle and he ran as far into the opposite direction as he could.” Talia opened the album to a certain page and there he was.

There was
my
Kaz next to Jaden and Cillian. They were all on Harleys while a middle-aged gentleman of indeterminate age stood next to his Harley.

“Here is all the proof you will ever need. Kasper is a member of the Lucifer’s Saints. He has to have a tat…look carefully at his Scarlet Fever tattoo. If it’s not embedded inside that tat then it could be on another part of his body. Perhaps his lower abdomen? How could you have been sexually active with him all this time and
not
have seen it, Syd?”

I shrugged and felt like the world’s biggest idiot. “I guess I wasn’t looking for it…now that you mention it…he does have a tat on his pelvic bone that is identical to the one Cillian and Jaden have on their backs. I just didn’t think too much about it because let’s face it, the man has a lot of tattoos.”

“Well, all I can tell you is that
every
LS member has one, the same way both Jaden and Cillian have it inked on their bodies. The only difference is Kaz and Jaden buy their freedom by sending their father money and he funnels some of it into the business to make it look like a legitimate profit while most of it ends up in the Cayman Islands.

“So ask yourself this? What the fuck is he feeling now that he finds himself helplessly in love with someone like you when your kind is what he’s been running from since he turned eighteen and could leave? Don’t you think he’s scared out of his wits? He’s doing stupid shit because he’s trying to push you away and make you leave him. He can’t handle being in love with you and that is just one fact you’re going to have to face about him.”

If my jaw could have dropped to the floor, it would have.

All this time, Kaz and I had been living a lie because he’d neglected to tell me something that was still a major part of his life.

Anyway I cut it, sliced it or diced it, the father of my child was not only a rock star but a criminal and a gang member.

Chapter Eight

Burying The Past

KAZ HAD LEFT dinner early, feigning a headache and paced in his guest suite as he spoke to Cillian.

“Have you told her anything?”

“Course not. I’m not a total eejit, brother,” Cillian replied in a casual voice. “
Deartháir, is gá duit a insint gach rud di
. It’s the only way you’re going to save what you’ve got.”

Kaz sighed in an exasperated manner. “No, I don’t have to tell her a fucking thing because she will hate me if I’m that honest with her…and for Christ’s sake, speak fucking English. I hate when you break into that Gaelic shit.”

“Sorry…it’s kind of a default thing when I get nervous and right now, my nerves are on edge because your old lady is having a nice, long conversation with Talia.”

“So? She knows fuck all about the past. Jaden wouldn’t be that stupid.” Kaz sat on the bed and wished he had a drink. He desperately needed one and only something in the scotch or whiskey family would do.

Cillian laughed out loud. “Jesus, man. Are you sure you two are best friends as well as brothers? The man is pussy-whipped over that broad. She knows much too much about the club and if he doesn’t make her his old lady soon, Dad is gonna get an itchy trigger finger.”

“Trey Lennon is not a threat. He and Talia can’t stand one another and she certainly wouldn’t tell him shit. She is in love with Jaden—blood relation or not, he is merely her cousin and she wouldn’t give him anything on LS. She isn’t that stupid.”

“Stupid or not, Trey is Trista’s brother and Trista is staying with her. Talia is trying to keep everything hush-hush but the girl is too terrified to say a word about anything that went down in Pine Bluff. She has no friends and the only person she talks to is Lennon ‘Linx’ Carter. I highly doubt they talk about club shit though—he’s from south Boston and almost ended up a carbon copy of her brother. He’s not the type to say shit even if she told him anything of importance. Bostonians, especially those from the rougher parts of the city, know how to keep their mouths closed and he’s got too much on the line, including an ex-wife and two wee ones.”

Kaz placed his brother on speaker phone, rubbed his temples and tried to concentrate as he sat on the bed. “What can Talia tell Sydney?”

“It isn’t what Talia can tell Sydney…it’s what she can show her. Jaden got paranoid because although he’s trying to desperately end things with Faith, well, they aren’t going as planned. Sometimes, Faith has been over to his house and he caught her going through some of his shit. He got spooked and gave Talia the photo album. That way Faith can’t get hold of it and in a fit of jealousy, sell the photos to the tabloids. It would be a disaster for the club and your band. Dad would have her murdered behind it—Jaden knew that and so do you.”

“Fuck…that photo of you, Jaden and me with Dad standing next to us is in there.”

“And what’s to say she doesn’t already know about it?” Cillian paused. “Shit, it’s Syd on the other line. Gotta go little brother but why don’t you wait until you get home to tell her? I have a feeling she isn’t going to want to talk to you tonight.”

Kaz hung up the phone and it took everything in him not to smash it into a million pieces. He set it on the bedside table and rifled through his suitcase until he found an emergency pint of Macallan. It wasn’t much and certainly wouldn’t get him as drunk as he liked but he opened it and downed half the bottle in a couple of gulps.

His whole life was spinning out of control and he had absolutely no idea how to stop the inevitable from happening. He didn’t like this because as much as what had happened between him and Syd up until this point in their relationship, he could still rectify the situation.

Hell, Kaz was not only a master manipulator but he could spin the story so he came out on top and there was nothing she would say about it.

He knew Syd and the last thing she wanted to happen was to end up in her mother’s shoes. She didn’t want to raise their child alone and no matter how much she tried to fight that urge to let it all go, she wouldn’t. Something inside of her still believed in fairytales and happy endings. They were so perfect together and she would make sure they stayed together, regardless how bumpy or ugly things became between the two of them. It wasn’t in her prim and proper DNA to give up on
anything
she wanted and Kaz instinctively knew she wanted him.

How could he talk his way out of this one though? Now she knew the truth—or at least he had to assume she knew the truth because Talia was all about honesty—what would she think of him now?

There was a huge difference between marrying a rock star and marrying a gangster thug who belonged to a motorcycle club.

Fuck!

His whole life flashed before his eyes and all he could see were the mistakes he’d made and the people he’d wronged. She deserved better but how could he give that to her now?

There was a knock at the door before Laurel poked her head in and smiled. She and her sister looked more alike than different except for the eyes: Laurel’s irises were an enigmatic hazel-green which made her exotic face all the more stunning.

“Hey, I hope I am not bothering you. Will and Grant were a little worried so they sent me up here to make sure you’re okay,” she greeted though her smile was plastered on and she seemed more nervous than happy.

“I’m fine, really. I should have brought Syd and now I realize what a stupid thing I did by leaving her at home.” He smiled back at her before he finished the pint and threw it in the garbage can.

“Okay, well, I’ll let them know you’re okay and that should take care of everything.”

Laurel began to back out of the room before he called her name and she paused.

Kaz closed his eyes and finally choked out, “Can I ask you something…private about Syd?”

Laurel reluctantly walked over and sat on the bed beside him before she breathed out loud. “It depends on what it is you want to ask me, Kaz. She’s my best friend so obviously, my loyalty is going to be to her and not you.”

“What does she hate most? I mean, what can turn her heart ice cold?”

Laurel rolled intriguing eyes. “Talk about a loaded question. I have known Sydney since we were in diapers and the only issue she’s ever had a problem with is deception. If you plan to make a life with her, tell her the whole story. No
Cliff Notes
versions and don’t you dare leave out something she would probably consider important—”

“Yeah, and what if I have already done that?”

She wrung her hands together as if she were the one carrying the secret instead of him. “Then when you do see her, tell her the truth. She’ll forgive you because she’s in love with you, Kaz. We all have secrets and rules we like to adhere by but we also know they go right out of the window when love is involved.”

“Sometimes…” he trailed off.

Laurel leaned over and kissed him gently on the forehead. “All the time. Love may not conquer all but it can solve a lot of issues if you are both willing to put in the work and make this relationship as good as it can possibly be.”

He watched her walk out and yet again, he was left with his ugly thoughts.

If Kaz was smart, he would have raced to McCarran, caught the first plane smoking and tried to fix the issues between him and Syd immediately.

There was a stubborn part of him that refused to adhere to anyone’s goals or expectations for him and this side won out in the end. He would win Syd back but their whole struggle would have to take place the following day when he returned home from Vegas.