Rock Your Body: A BWWM Romance (23 page)

“I don’t know. It just doesn’t make sense.”

“Tamra, you are an amazing woman. Can’t you just believe me and move on from there?”

What was her issue with this?

She got out of bed. “I’m not sure I can. This changes some things. Well, it changes everything.”

“You aren’t interested in more than a physical relationship? I don’t believe you. Why would you want to keep your heart locked up?”

She began to put on her clothes and Colin felt that this was a pivotal moment. If she left his bed now, he would lose her forever.

“That’s my business. I need to call Kelly and see what we can do about this. I don’t know offhand who we have to take my place.”

“I don’t want you to go.”

He could feel his heart breaking.

“I have to Colin. I can’t risk you if I’m distracted. I was today and look what happened.”

“Then stay as my lover. Get me a new bodyguard, but you stay as my lover. My girlfriend.”

She frowned, shaking her head. “I don’t think that would be right. I’d be leading you on. I don’t feel the same way.”

Having put her clothes, back on, she turned away to leave. 

“Stay, Tamra.”

“No, I can’t.”

***

Kelly woke the next morning in Larry’s bed. She was sore in ways she’d never thought possible. Larry was an expert lover. The bed next to her was empty, but she smelled coffee.  She reveled in the feeling of waking up naked and sated.

Could she get used to this? After a quick shower and dressing in her newly-bought clothes, she wandered out to find Larry. He was in his kitchen, in just a pair of jeans. His tailored suits didn’t reveal his body. Not that she hadn’t explored it with her hands and her mouth last night, but this was the first time she was really looking at him.

A small bit of dark hair dusted his chest which had more muscles than she would have imagined. He was a bigger man than his work attire let on. And despite his work persona, he was a thorough and considerate lover.

He stood over his cooktop, working and whistling. She watched him, enjoying the scenery. Looking up at her, he smiled. “Hi, sleepyhead.”

He walked over to her and kissed her on the lips. It was a kiss of possession. She liked that, though part of her was scared by it. “Good morning. If I slept in, it was your fault.”

His eyebrows went up. “Yeah? What’d I do?”

His voice came out low and sexy, sending a thrill through her. With that voice, he could have her on the floor if he wanted. Right now.

“Well, someone, maybe not you, but someone managed to fuck me thoroughly.”

“Oh? Really? See, I slept like a baby, myself. Nothing disturbed me.”

She laughed because she had awakened in the night and reached for him. He’d been asleep, but he’d been awake and ready to go quickly. Then they’d fallen back to sleep in each other’s arms.

She had no idea where this was going, but she was going to ride it, and him, for all she was worth. In this apartment, for the time she’d been here, she’d had no worries. The world had passed them by.

His laugh began deep in his chest. “Well, I feel pretty satisfied myself, though I think if you really needed me to, I could do it again. Only in the interest of making sure my guest went home happy.”

“I need food first.”

“I’m cooking some pancakes and eggs.”

“I had no idea you cooked.”

He brushed a hair out of her face. “Only breakfast.”

He returned to his post at his cooktop.

“I like a man who cooks breakfast,” she said.

“I like to cook breakfast. How soon do you need to go back?”

“Sadly, Sophie’s coming back around lunchtime. Besides, I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“You couldn’t possibly.” He scratched his chin. “Can I be honest?”

“Please do.”

He sounded so serious all of a sudden. “I really like you Kelly. I mean that. Not just the sex. I like being with you and want to spend as much time as I can with you.”

“Uh, okay. I’d like that, too.”

He shifted from foot to foot and Kelly had never seen him seem so insecure. What did he want to say? “I know this is fast, and well. . .”

“Just say it. I’m not going to run screaming from your apartment. I’m an adult.”

“Well, right now I feel like I’m asking the prom queen out.”

Kelly laughed. “I was never the prom queen.”

“Analogy.”

She’d never seen him so nervous and she found it charming. This man negotiated high dollar deals and he was afraid to ask her something. She might have fallen in love with him in that moment.

“Just go ahead. I don’t bite.  Well I nibble, but you seemed to like that.”

He laughed. “I don’t want to see anyone else. I’d like you to do the same.”

“You want to be exclusive?”

“Yes.”

She smiled at him across the counter. “Yes.”

***

Colin’s heart went out the door with Tamra. Damn. He shouldn’t have said anything, but he’d thought the moment was right. He pulled on jeans and wandered out to his piano. Tamra needed some space. Maybe she’d come around, anyway.

He wasn’t too optimistic so he sat down at his piano.  He played a few notes, but couldn’t sit still. He had never felt this way about anyone and now he’d screwed it up. All he wanted was to rewind and not to have said those words.

Not yet, at least. This was too soon. She didn’t believe him. He had to get out. Tamra wouldn’t want him to go, but he needed to run or something. He wanted to jump out of his skin.

It was still early, well early for some. Tamra had probably gone back to sleep. He debated. How dangerous could it be?

Unless the person who was out for him had the building under surveillance, he’d be fine making a run outside. Besides, unless the person was a jogger, they wouldn’t keep up with him.

He changed into a running clothes, tied up his running shoes and tucked his phone into his pocket. Tamra’s door was closed, but he had to get out. He had to figure this out and run would do it.

The doorman was just coming on shift when Colin came through the lobby. He waved at him. Colin stretched on the sidewalk, then took off at a good pace. Not too fast, but not too slow. He turned a few corners and his mind was starting to clear.

Space. That’s what Tamra needed. Space. He’d be back before she woke up, anyway. She’d never know he’d been gone.

Only the bread trucks were out delivering. He passed a few other runners, waving to them the way runners do. As if no matter how fast or slow you ran, you are all in the same tribe.

He’d have to apologize to Tamra. He didn’t want to, but that was all he could come up with. He had to get them back on the right footing.  He couldn’t lose her. Not if he ever expected to have long-term happiness.  No one had ever made him feel this way.

That settled, he began to head back to his building. He stopped in front to stretch and take in a last breath of fresh air. That’s when he saw Carie.

Odd? He thought she lived in New Jersey. She taught at a New Jersey school, as far as he knew.

“Hi,” she said as if it weren’t odd that she was on his street so early in the morning.

“Hi.”

He kept his distance because suddenly the situation seemed weird. Not that he thought she was a threat, but who knew? Maybe she was a decoy. Maybe lots of things, but he still thought it odd that she was here.

“Finished your run?”

“Yeah, it was nice to get out.”

“Do you run all the time?”

“Regularly.”

She smiled at him. “Keeps you fit. Have you thought about that benefit concert?”

“I’m not going to be able to do it. I’d love to write a check, for sure.”

“That’s sad and good at the same time.”

“Roger will be in touch with you about that, okay?” He was eager to end the conversation. He didn’t want to get back and find Tamra awake and pissed off at him. “See you.”

***

Tamra wandered out to the living room. “Colin?”

They needed to talk. She needed to explain things to him. They couldn’t leave it this way. He had to understand. She didn’t want him to hate her.

He didn’t answer. She went into his bedroom. The bed was still unmade, but Colin wasn’t in there.

Where the hell was he? Did he think it okay to just run out for coffee?  Her heart raced.

She found her phone and dialed his number. Hopefully, he’d brought his phone with him. It went to voicemail.

What the hell?

She didn’t want to call Kelly and alarm her yet. Tamra dialed the number for the doorman.

“Hello.”

“This is Tamra. I’m Colin Brennan’s guest. Did you see him leave?”

“Yes, ma’am. He left, but I didn’t see him come back. I was away from my desk for a few minutes.”

“How long ago did he leave?”

“About an hour.” Crap. “Okay, thanks.”

Where did he go? Where could he be and what was he thinking? Her pulse ratcheted up even further. She couldn’t go out looking for him. She’d never find him.

Right now she wished she’d radio tagged him. She’d never thought he would leave without her.

Then the elevator dinged and she spun around to look and see who was coming up. She wished for her gun, but it was in Colin’s room. She held her breath. Then Colin strolled in.

“What the fuck do you think you were doing?”

She strode over to him and put her arms around him to make sure he was safe. She had to hold him. She had to feel that he was real.

He put his arms around her also. “I’m sorry. I had to go for a run and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

She held tighter, angry at him. “Do you understand that someone could have gotten to you? We don’t even know who that person is or why. Damn it, Colin You need to be more careful.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. But I’m sort of glad I did”

She stepped out of his arms. “Why? You like pissing me off?”

“No, I like finding out that you do care about me.”

CHAPTER 17

Tamra stepped out of his arms. She didn’t know what to say. Of course she cared about him. Why was he reading into this? She had to protect him. That was her job until someone else took over.

It was because she cared for him that she couldn’t stay. She’d think with her heart not her head. That could be catastrophic.

“I can’t stay, Colin. I need someone here who won’t be distracted by you.”

Colin blinked at her. Had he expected her to express her undying love? She wasn’t sure she felt that way. Or if she even could feel that way. She’d never thought that feelings would enter into this. Was this rock star really interested in her?

She had some feelings for him, but they needed to be squelched and she needed to find him another bodyguard.

“Let me call Kelly and we’ll figure out who we have to come here.”

His shoulders slumped and she knew she’d hurt him, but it couldn’t be helped. “Okay. If you insist, but I’m not letting you out of my life.”

She waved a hand. “Well, you’ll forget about me.”

He took hold of her arm, his gaze boring into her. “I won’t, Tamra. I won’t.”

He could think that all he wanted, but she knew he had a busy few months ahead of him, and he’d get past this. She’d just be someone he slept with.

She walked away from him and took out her phone. Kelly answered, sounding sleepy.

“Did I wake you?” Tamra said.

“No, actually, you didn’t.”

“We need to talk.”

“You want to meet? I’m still in New York.”

“Really?” Then she realized what that meant. “You stayed with Larry last night?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“No wonder you sound so content. That wasn’t sleepiness I heard. That was satisfaction,” Tamra said.

“Yep,” Kelly said. “Okay. What do we need to deal with?”

“We need to find one of your bodyguards to cover this case.”

“You stepping out?” Kelly asked.

“Yes, I think it’s best,” Tamra said.

She would be distracted if she continued as Colin’s sole bodyguard. Whether she would continue her relationship with him was another story. She needed some space to think about all of this. Neither a lover nor a man had been in her plans.

Colin was not a man who would willingly be put on the back burner.

“Well, I can relieve you if you need me to. I can stay until dinner. I’m sure I can get someone by then.”

Tamra sighed. The sooner the better. “Yeah, if you don’t mind. I’m going to get a hotel room until I find a place to stay.”

“You want to come stay with me?”

“Honestly, I want some time alone.”

“Okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

***

Colin only heard Tamra’s half of the conversation, but he was not happy. “Kelly’s on the way?”

Tamra tucked her phone back into her pocket. She chewed on her lip. Colin wanted to take her into his arms and keep her there until she changed her mind. He didn’t think she’d let him. One of the things he loved about Tamra was her independence, but he was not enjoying that trait at the moment.

He’d have to figure out how to convince her another way. He couldn’t let her leave. He was afraid she wouldn’t come back.

“Yes, she’s going to relieve me then we’ll find another bodyguard for you.”

“Are you off the case completely?”

“I’ll be working in the background,” she said. “This is for the best, Colin. I’ve let my personal life and my professional life bleed together. That can’t happen in my business. My company has a reputation to think of. And if the number one rock star in the country dies on my watch, then my business will be done.”

“I’m not going to die.”

“I’m not taking that chance,” she said.

She brushed past him. He let her go, but a moment later followed her. “Where are you going? You have no home.”

“I’m going to a hotel,” she said as she threw clothes into her suitcase.

As each piece of her wardrobe landed, a piece of his heart went with it. She would pack up his heart and take it with her.

Too bad she didn’t want it. That was clear, but he was nothing if not persistent. He was not going to give up on her. Or them. They were good together. He was writing songs again.

His phone rang
;
Larry. Bad timing.

“Can I call you back?”

“No, I talked to Docta Hop’s agent. They have a place for both of you to stay while you do this album.”

He rubbed a hand down his face. “That’s good. How soon can I get there?”

“Tomorrow. Docta Hop is going to be there tonight.”

“Tomorrow is fine. That’ll give me time to do some
songwriting
.”

As he spoke he watched Tamra pack. She was almost done. Almost gone. Almost out of his life. Recording the album would take up most of his time. He had to carve some out to make it a priority to see her. He was not going to lose her.

Colin Brennen didn’t lose.

***

Larry drove Kelly to Colin’s penthouse. Her phone rang. Her ex-husband.

“Hello.”

“I’ve been called out of town on business. Sophie needs to come home.”

She sighed. Of course. Nothing could be easy. “Here’s an odd request. Could you put her on a train to Penn Station? I’m in New York and can’t come out to get her.”

“Uh, sure. I can do that. I’ll look at the schedule and let you know when she’s expected to arrive. Thanks for being flexible.”

“No problem. You, too. Make sure she charged her cell phone,” Kelly said.

“Like that’s a problem.”

Kelly laughed. What was she thinking? “Right.”

She disconnected.

“Problem?” Larry asked.

“No just a detour at some point. Not sure how I’m going to figure it out.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I have to pick up Sophie at Penn Station. I don’t know what time yet. Maybe I can get Tamra to do it.”

“I can do it,” Larry said.

Kelly looked him over. She wasn’t ready for her daughter to meet him. She didn’t know yet where this was going. “I don’t know that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? It’s just a ride from Penn Station to Colin’s house. I’ll walk her into the lobby and leave her in your hands.”

“She might try to sing for you,” Kelly said.

“That’s fine. I know how you feel so I have no problem turning her down,” Larry said.

Kelly chewed her lip, pondering this  for a moment. “Okay. I’ll show you a picture of her and send her a picture of you.”

“You can trust me.”

She put a hand on his shoulder. “I know. I just like to keep my lives separate.”

“Sometimes those lines blur.”

“I know.”

“So why does she have to come back early?”

“My ex has been called out of town on business.”

“That’s a pain.”

“It happens. We both try to be flexible. Just makes it easier, especially on Sophie.”

“Good that you have the relationship with her father.”

“Yeah, it is. We’re trying to be grownups.” They’d arrived at Colin’s building. “You can just drop me off.”

“No, I’ll come up.”

“Where will you park?”

“Under his building.”

***

Tamra tried not to pace, but she was ready to go long before Kelly arrived. Colin was sitting at his piano, playing  and writing things down, then playing the same notes over and over.

The tune was starting to get on her nerves. She couldn’t ask him to stop because she knew he had an album to put out soon. Besides, he was ignoring her and that was probably a good thing. She didn’t want to argue with him before she left.

The elevator dinged and she spun around to see Larry and Kelly walking in. Relief flooded her.

“Good to see you,” Tamra said. Colin ignored all of them and she thought he was pouting. How mature. She gathered her suitcase and purse. “I’ve got a cab on the way.”

“I’d drop you somewhere, but I need to wait to pick up Kelly’s daughter,” Larry said.

“Oh?”

“The ex has to go out of town early and Sophie’s coming into New York,” Kelly explained. “He’s putting her on a train to Penn Station. Larry’s going to pick her up and bring her here.”

“I see. No, I can get a cab. I’m going to wait downstairs,” Tamra said.

She chose to ignore Colin right back. Two could play that game. He had to understand. She was done trying to convince him.

The doors on the elevator had begun to close when Colin put his arm out to block them.

“Don’t go,” he said.

He looked like a puppy dog standing there. Her heart went out to him, but she preferred to rip the bandage off all at once. No use prolonging this goodbye.

“I have to go.”

“Stay with me. Stay as my girlfriend. Or whatever you want to be called.”

She shook her head. This would only crash and burn and she’d be singed in the process. She didn’t need that in her life. “It won’t work, Colin.”

“Why not? It’s working now.”

“We aren’t in the depths of the reality of your life. We’ve been playing pretend house. That’s it. No public scrutiny.”

“Is that what you’re worried about? What others will think?”

“No, I just don’t want to be in the public eye. It’s one thing to be an anonymous bodyguard. It’s different when I’m in your life. As your girlfriend. I don’t want that publicity.”

“You don’t think it would help your company?”

“It might, but it wouldn’t help me,” she said.

He cocked his head. “I don’t understand.”

“You couldn’t. You’ve been searching out the spotlight your adult life. We muggles don’t want it. And can’t understand wanting it.”

“Something specific happened.”

“Yes, but I don’t want to talk about it. Won’t change my mind. Let me go, Colin. It’s for the best.”

He let the doors close and it hurt her heart.

***

Colin stared at the closed doors of the elevator for a moment. His heart ached as it descended to the lobby with Tamra.

He spun around, but Larry and Kelly had made themselves scarce. He wondered where they’d gone. As big as the apartment was, most of it was this room and the three bedrooms.

“You guys can come out now. My humiliation is done.”

Kelly poked her head out of his exercise room. “I’m sorry, Colin.”

“Not as sorry as I am, but I’m not defeated. This is just an obstacle.”

She smiled as Larry followed her back out into the living room. “You don’t give up easily?”

“No. I wouldn’t be where I am now if I did,” Colin said.

“I guess you wouldn’t,” she said.

His heart was heavy in his chest, but he’d feel better after a good night’s sleep. Sadly, he’d be alone in his bed. Tamra would be in some hotel room.

That was stupid.

“You guys need some lunch?”

He might as well keep busy because his songwriting was for crap. He couldn’t concentrate. He’d just have to wait until he saw Docta Hop tomorrow.

“I’m starved. Do you have the address for where you and Docta Hop are recording? It would be great if I could check it out before you move in,” Kelly said.

Kelly followed Colin into the kitchen where he pulled out some containers from his fridge and put the contents into a pot for soup. He put a low flame under it, then turned back to them. Larry and Kelly sat on the other side of the island.

The landline phone rang before Colin could say anything else.

Colin answered.

“This is Gus. You need to come down here. That lady friend of yours has been attacked. I’ve called the cops and an ambulance.”

“Tamra? Is she okay?”

“Just come down here.”

Colin hung up and then turned off the pot. “Tamra’s been hurt.”

He sprinted to the elevator with Kelly and Larry on his heels. The elevator took too long to come back up and then too long to get to the lobby. He bolted out of the door and towards the front where Tamra lay on the ground.

His heart was in his throat as he knelt down next to her. Her face was bloody and she had bruises on other parts of her body.  “Tamra?”  She didn’t respond, but he could see that she was breathing. This was all his fault.

*

Kelly ran to stand next to Colin when her phone rang. Sophie. She’d almost forgotten her daughter was coming into the city. Damn.

“Hello, honey.”

“Hi, Mom. Dad said to call when I get to Newark, that Penn Station would be the next stop.”

“Yes. I can’t come and pick you up, but my friend Larry will,” she said.

“Ok. Text me a pic of him and where he’ll be,” she said.