RockYourSoul (11 page)

Ryan’s body tensed.

“Do you need to go catch up with him?”

He hesitated but shook his head, tightening his hold on her
shoulders. “No. I’ll catch up with him tomorrow. Knowing him, he’s already turned
off his cell phone and I won’t be able to get him for the rest of the night.
Better to let him stew, then frustrate myself trying to track him down.”

He glanced to both Patrick and Elena, a silent conversation
passing between the friends. Beth wondered what she was missing but decided it
was better to simply allow things to drop. She had her own problems to deal
with right now without trying to decipher the clandestine meaning in a glance
between the close friends.

* * * * *

Morning light filtered through the row of trees dotting Main
Street as Beth walked toward Perfect Shot. She glanced at her cell phone as she
yawned. A few weeks into the new job and she’d gotten used to her nocturnal
routine again. But Elena said she wanted to meet before she went to work, which
was just about when Beth was ready to hit the pillow. Maybe this wouldn’t take
long so she wouldn’t lose more than a few hours of sleep.

Her sleep pattern had been interrupted enough by thoughts of
Ryan swirling in her head. She couldn’t seem to get her mind off him since he’d
taken her out to the woods and revealed something he enjoyed.

From binding her to whatever equipment he had at hand to
outright orgasm denial, she found herself craving what he had to offer.
Especially after he’d tied her up to the chair in the middle of his woods and
showed her there was more to this lifestyle than what she was accustomed to.

Each day she felt the trust between them strengthen and
become deeper.

She always greeted the day wondering what he had in mind for
her next. It was a remarkable change from how she’d once spent her life when
she’d been involved with Ethan.

With the dark thought still on her mind, she pushed open the
door to the coffeehouse. Allison looked up as the bell chimed. A wide smile
brightened her features as she pulled away her earbuds. “Not used to company so
early.”

“Oh are you not open yet?” Beth glanced at her cell phone
again, wondering how she’d gotten so frazzled that she’d lost track of reality.

“You’re a few minutes early, but I won’t tell anyone. How
about you have a seat and I’ll join you for a few minutes before the crowd
hits?”

“I’m supposed to meet Elena here.”

Allison smiled as she flipped another mug up to prepare a
few drinks. “No problem.”

Beth watched her work, admiring her ease with the
expensive-looking machine. A few minutes later Allison flopped onto an
overstuffed chair, setting three mugs on the low table between them. “If I’d
remembered how much work all this was, I don’t think I would have agreed to
take over for the week.”

Beth took the mug she offered and sipped. “Fantastic tea,
thank you. So you don’t run this place with Patrick?”

Allison’s horrified expression made her laugh. “Good God,
no. This is a Conners pet project. I’m perfectly happy behind my desk and computer.
Which I will, thankfully, be behind in a few hours when my help arrives.”

She’d heard Allison was handy with computer systems and was
the one responsible for the sophisticated mesh network installed at the
coffeehouse. “Goodness. So you’ll leave here and go to work? I thought I was a
workhorse.”

Allison dismissed her surprise with a wave of her hand. “Oh
it’s just for the week while Patrick and Alex are away discussing business.
Despite my objections, I do love this place. It’s full of a lot of memories.”

“Not to mention a really choice automated system.” She
nodded to the panel mounted on the wall behind the counter. “You install it?”

“That’s how Patrick and I met. The computer system was shot
to hell and now the refrigerator delivers a shopping list to the main computer.
Not to mention it delivers notes to both Alex and Patrick’s phones. Sad as it
is to say, I love everything about this place.”

“I can tell.” Beth could only think of one time she’d been
in the coffeehouse where Allison hadn’t been behind the counter. For someone
who didn’t work here, she invested a lot.

The relationship Patrick and Allison shared was truly
special. She’d love to have what they had someday. The chime on the door rang
again and Elena rushed in, a flurry of red hair and blue suit. Beth admired her
ability to walk so smoothly in those mile-high heels.

“Hey, how are you?”

“Still getting used to things around here.”

Elena elegantly dropped into a chair despite her harried
disposition, taking a few moments to savor the coffee Allison had prepared for
her. “Find anywhere to live yet? Ms. Chamblie has to be a little put off by
your off hours.”

“That is an understatement.” The scowl the elderly woman had
adopted since Beth had come to town had been permanently implanted. “She’s been
very sweet, but I can tell she’s struggling with my hours. She does leave out a
basket of pastries for me to grab when I leave. Told me I could take it to
snack on during my shift.”

“How sweet.”

Beth smiled at the memory. Despite the woman’s steel demeanor,
she couldn’t help but be touched by the heartfelt gesture. “She reminds me of
Gran.”

Elena’s face brightened at the mention of Beth’s
grandmother. “How is she? I felt as if we rushed our visit in Nashville because
we were both so busy and I didn’t ask how everyone was doing.”

She had, but Beth had enough on her plate at the time too.
That hadn’t helped solve the problem. They both led such crazy lives and had
been lucky to find the time they had a few months ago. “They’re good. They’re
both driving Mom crazy since she moved down to Florida to live with them.”

An expression of sorrow crossed Elena’s face for a split
second. “I miss them. I should give her a call. How is everything else?”

Swallowing her tea, Beth leaned forward, setting her empty
mug down. She gave Elena and Allison a sly look. “And by your tone I assume you
mean with Ryan.”

“You know I’m not one to assume.”

Beth snorted. “Right.” She wasn’t sure how much information
to share with her former roommate, mostly because of Allison’s presence. “Sometimes
I get the impression he’s keeping me at arm’s length. I don’t know, maybe I’m
just off base. Not as if I have a lot of experience in this area.”

“But things are progressing along?” Beth glanced skeptically
at Allison. Elena waved her hand in the air between them. “Oh it’s all right.
Allison knows exactly what we’re talking about. Patrick’s been a wonderful
teacher and Dom for her. She’s coming along nicely from what I hear.”

Allison blushed, tugging at the slender gray band around her
neck. Beth was taken aback by the fact she hadn’t noticed the collar earlier.
Then again, the item was extremely nondescript and not something the everyday
person would recognize for the symbolism. Beth scolded herself for not paying
better attention to small details. She should have known better. Especially
since Ryan had told her they had a room at Sanctuary. Her guard was just so
high because of everything she’d been through.

Well past time for her just to chill the hell out.

Relaxed now about her company, she answered. “Yes, things
are going well. I trust him and he seems to trust me. I think if we can manage
to run with that a bit more, we’ll get somewhere. Why are you wearing that
smile?”

“What smile?” Elena hid her grin by taking another sip of
coffee.

Beth had seen the sly smile enough in college to know
better. “That shit-eating grin you get when you know something I don’t.”

Elena’s ruddy eyebrows shot up. “I don’t have any idea what
you mean.”

“Bullshit,” Beth fired back.

Elena’s eyes widened in surprise. “Such strong language from
a sweet Southern girl.”

“Coming from you, I take that as a compliment.” Beth had
heard worse come from Elena’s mouth more than once. “You’ve talked to him,
haven’t you?”

Elena took her time answering. “Yes. And he feels as though
things are progressing at a nice pace. Same as you.”

There were unspoken things in Elena’s statement, but she
couldn’t decipher what they were. “But?”

Elena paused, sliding her finger along the rim of the cup.
Beth felt as if she’d stepped into territory she wasn’t supposed to tread and
wondered if she’d taken this conversation too far.

“There’s more from what I understand. He was unwillingly
forthcoming with what I could get out of him, but there is something different
about you he won’t admit just yet. To be honest, it’s probably something you
should discuss with him. And it really wasn’t anything he needed to come to me
about. Before you start worrying, we were just talking and the subject came
up.”

This at least confirmed her suspicion Ryan had something to
hide. That, aside from the fleeting seconds in the woods, he was holding back.
In some ways, it bothered her to hear Ryan had talked to Elena. But then again,
they’d known each other for a long time and shared a level of trust enough to
feel as if they could talk so freely. After all, wasn’t she sitting here
talking with Elena and Allison about the very same thing?

“How do you know?”

“I know Ryan. I don’t think it’s something he’s conscious
of, or willing to admit just yet. Between you and me, he’ll tell himself it’s
not true, but there’s something about you he can’t put his finger on. He’ll
drive himself—and you—until he figures it out. I’d be prepared for a long haul
with him if you weren’t already prepared for that route.”

Beth remembered how she felt pressed up against the wall,
his rock-hard body shoved against hers. While the moment had been about
control, something about it hadn’t been entirely about their agreement.

“Well, he certainly put his finger in the right place. But
there’s…something I can’t figure out about him.”

Elena wet her lips. “Does it bother you? Knowing there’s a
distance you may not be able to bridge?”

“No, but I get the sense I need to help him. That we’re
going into this both needing something from each other.” She’d never gotten the
sense from someone she’d scened with before and wasn’t quite sure how to deal
with this new sensation.

“That could very well be the case. It is nice to see you
build a relationship with someone. To have the level of trust this kind of
thing takes. A lot of people would have packed it in after what you went
through.”

“I questioned things for a while.”

“As you should have, but you didn’t give up. Ryan seems like
the perfect choice to guide you back into the lifestyle.”

The women fell quiet as the conversation seemed to be over
with for now. Relationships such as this needed time to grow and
flourish—rushing it now wasn’t going to help matters. She’d forgotten, probably
because the choice had been taken away from her by Ethan. No doubt she’d need
to remind herself more often.

Allison coughed and gave Beth a warm smile. “Listen, I have
a favor to ask.”

“Only if you’ll tell me where you got those.” She pointed to
the socks peeking from the hem of Allison’s jeans. “I searched every comic-book
store in Nashville and couldn’t manage to snag a pair of those Wonder-Woman
socks. Do they have the little cape at the knee?”

Allison dragged up the edge, displaying the bright blue, red
and yellow design complete with satin cape. “Give me a few days and I’ll get
you a pair. Anyway, Patrick will be back in a few days and I wanted to surprise
him, but that night is usually Ryan’s night at Sanctuary. Would it be too much
of a problem if we ousted you guys for the night? Shit, shit shit. I just
realized I shouldn’t have asked. You guys are still trying to get your feet wet
getting to know one another and here I am asking you to compromise. You
shouldn’t have to make adjustments this soon.”

The bell rang and she glanced over her shoulder at the
customer who entered. “Hey, Scott, I’ll fix your coffee in just a sec. Why
don’t you grab a seat in your favorite spot and I’ll bring it out to you?” She
turned to face Beth again, her eyes bright with worry.

“Go. Take care of your customers. I need to go and get some
sleep anyway. It’s been a long night. I can’t offer you the room because it’s
not mine to freely give. But I can talk to Ryan, if you’d like.”

“Thank you.” Allison seemed grateful for the reprieve,
hurrying to take her place behind the counter. “I’ll get you another for the
road. A muffin too since I bet you haven’t eaten anything yet.”

No, she hadn’t. She’d been too busy on the walk over here
wondering what it would feel like to ride Ryan. In fact, her body seemed to be
begging for it even right this moment.

She shook off the feeling. Damn him. “Thank you.” Turning,
she felt Elena’s gaze studying her. “What?”

Elena smirked. “Heading over to see Ryan? Scratch the itch I
see written all over your face?”

“Actually no, I have a meeting later with a real-estate
agent to look at a few houses.” She needed to set down stakes, grow some roots
she could call her own. The only way to do that was get a place of her own
where a doting B&B owner wasn’t hanging on every moment she was there.

Ryan adjusted his coat, waiting for the magic hour of four
when Beth would leave the station. It had been an interesting few weeks,
learning about her bit by bit. He always enjoyed this part of the process.
Discovering the little things that made someone tick. He especially enjoyed
uncovering the nuances that set Beth apart and made her special.

The combative nature she had when it came to complete
submission was actually something he enjoyed. Though he wouldn’t tell her
anytime soon. Better to keep the information to himself. He knew his job in this
and wasn’t about to upset their dynamic any time soon.

But there was something about her…

When the door opened, his thoughts trailed off as Beth
stepped out onto the sidewalk. She’d worn her hair down so the ends had tangled
a bit while she’d worked. The Muppets graphic on her fitted shirt wasn’t even
enough to detract from the fact the shirt hugged every curve just the right
way. Suddenly now he couldn’t think of anything else but getting her clothes
off.

Giving in to the heat flowing through him, he pushed his
body against hers so hard she stumbled against the building. His arms came up,
steadying her as his mouth brushed against hers. She sighed against his lips as
he deepened the kiss.

Because of her reaction, he did something he hadn’t done in
years.

He poured himself into the kiss.

A blaze ignited low in his gut as he felt things stirring
inside him that hadn’t been present since Lisa. He felt something unlock inside
both of them when his tongue slid into her mouth. His hands cradled her jaw,
tilting her face to make her more accessible as the kiss progressed. Her hands
rested lightly against his wrists, but it seemed more to keep steady than to
stop him.

Emotions rose to the surface, nearly obliterating his lust.

A loud catcall shattered the morning air. He wanted to scowl
and volley a few choice words to the offender, but he was enamored with the
flush of her skin, the slightly swollen state of her lips and the bright glow
in her eyes. He chose to ignore the early morning audience, dipping his mouth to
hers because he had to taste her again.

She pressed a light hand to his chest and he stopped short,
stunned.

“Is this really where we want to go?”

Her question was like a cooler of ice water being dumped on
the winning coach of the Super Bowl. He slammed away the sensations he’d
allowed to flourish, stepping back to put more than a few feet between them.

She was right.

She didn’t deserve that kind of show of emotion from him
because that’s not why she’d sought him out.

He’d let his hormones get the better of him—again.

Not about you—
her
, you complete and total asshat.

If he kept fucking things up this way, he had no right to be
her Dom.

He neatly avoided her hand as she reached for him. He needed
to get out of here before he really screwed things up between them. “Sorry, I
was out of line. I’ll catch you later.”

Impulse had grabbed him, forcing him to call out and almost
blow his whole plan to high hell. He’d nearly ruined everything he’d worked so
meticulously to achieve for the past few months. All because he couldn’t take
the sight of Ryan passionately kissing Beth.

It was only by sheer dumb luck his catcall had brought
everything to a grinding halt. Now he was left to gaze at Beth’s form as she
leaned against the radio station wall, trying to understand what had just
happened.

Rage burned through his body.

He wanted to go to his submissive. Wrap her in his arms to
take away whatever pain Ryan had been responsible for. He wanted to surround
her with his own brand of pain.

No one else deserved the right to do what he alone had
worked so hard to command. He was the only one who should have the privilege of
giving Beth the pain and torment she deserved.

That she’d
earned
.

This incident reminded him how she would ignore his
commands. In turn, he’d punished her severely. Her cries had been a reward
still burning through his veins. He missed hearing those wails of agony echoing
off the walls of Impact.

He couldn’t wait until her screams ran as freely as her
blood.

Soon.

Soon he would hear her pleas again.

Soon her blood would run solely for him.

But he needed to be patient, to wait until the moment was
absolutely perfect. He didn’t want to blow his chances by acting too soon.
Impatience would ruin everything. He needed to wait until the right moment to
take her back.

To make her his once more.

Soon.

Oh so very, very soon she would be his to command once
again.

He wouldn’t be satisfied until she belonged to him.

Knowing his time would come, he faded into the shadows of
the morning, blending into the dark crevices in which he flourished. There, he
adopted a position he wasn’t comfortable with, but knew was necessary in order
to achieve his goals.

He watched and waited because that’s what the situation
dictated.

For once in his life since he’d discovered his talent for
delivering pain, he would wait.

Beth watched as Ryan vanished into the dark. She wanted to
follow him and apologize for shattering such an intimate moment. But the anger
she’d seen in his expression kept her in place.

Still, the niggling feeling there was more to Ryan than he
wanted her to believe roared back to life. There was something he wasn’t
telling her. Something she couldn’t put her finger on.

She’d felt it in his kiss.

She liked the way he showed her there was more to her than
she thought. That she was capable of something she’d never been able to
comprehend before. In return, she wanted to help him, but if he kept erecting
walls her offer would prove futile.

Of course, she reminded herself, he wasn’t the one who
needed help. Wasn’t the one who’d started this whole thing to begin with. She
just needed to keep telling herself that and forget this half-cocked idea there
was more between them than just simply Dominant and submissive.

* * * * *

Ryan’s boots crushed the dry and brittle leaves as he walked
toward a bench. Lunchtime and unseasonably warm temperatures had brought out an
assortment of people to the park behind Farpoint Square. Ryan waved to more
than a few familiar faces as he crossed the wide field typically used for
soccer games.

Children’s laughter drifted toward him on the light autumn
breeze, a familiar pang stabbing at his chest. He’d been robbed of the
opportunity to cruise down the slide with Tobias. He spotted Dade waiting for
him and offered the can of soda he’d picked up at the corner drugstore as he
sat.

“Taking a moment out of your busy schedule to actually spend
time with a friend?”

“Got carried away.” He deserved the shot without question.
It wasn’t like him to get caught up in something—or someone—where he forgot he
actually had a life. The boat he’d been so close to completing sat unfinished,
waiting for him. Thankfully this one didn’t have a contract. “What about you?
Have anything going lately?”

“No. Been too busy.”

“No shit? Surprising since you always had your fair share of
lovers and submissives just waiting around. You’ve never been too busy for sex,
man.”

Dade casually brushed off his statement. “Things change.
People change. Just a matter if you decide to change with them or not.”

“And there he goes getting all philosophical again.” It
wasn’t unusual for Dade to become so withdrawn he shut down, but his inward
focus didn’t usually spread to his sex life. “It’s unlike you to not take the
time to indulge in your chosen fetishes.”

Dade shook his head. “Just stating the facts.”

The melancholy attitude worried Ryan. This was completely
uncharacteristic of his best friend. While Dade wasn’t the kind who possessed a
carefree and happy-go-lucky attitude, he wasn’t usually this withdrawn. “You’ve
been quieter than normal lately. Not your usual self.”

“Maybe you’ve just too busy to pay attention.”

Ryan bit off the quip he’d been about to fire back because
of the clipped tone of Dade’s voice. Was he right? Had he gotten so wrapped up
he’d missed things he would have normally seen?

He thought back to the night he introduced Beth to his
entire group of friends. To the way Dade had acted peculiarly toward the
revelation Tony and Genevieve were dating. Coupled with the way he seemed so
pensive and accusatory, Ryan knew something was wrong.

Damn him for not tracking down Dade to discuss things
sooner.

He
had
gotten caught up.

“Spill it. And don’t bother wasting your breath. I’ve known
you too goddamn long for you to lie to me.”

Dade waved his hand in the air, dismissing the command.
“It’s not important, man.”

“Bullshit.” If there was one thing Ryan knew, it was the
fact he’d just been lied to. Dade wasn’t one to lie if he could help it. A
glaring signal everything wasn’t copacetic. “If what is going on in your head
has got you this disoriented, it’s important.”

Dade dropped his head, rubbing his eyes for a few minutes
before lifting his head to stare out at nothing. “I thought I knew what I
wanted out of this whole BDSM thing. Even Sanctuary. But I can’t seem to find
my footing lately.” He sighed heavily, bending forward to rest his elbows
against his knees. “I haven’t even been interested in sex lately. Not a
priority. Not like it used to be. I couldn’t care less if I get off.”

“Not interested in sex? Now I know you’re really fucked up.
What’s going on?”

He gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Just a whole lot of shit
I don’t want to talk about.”

“Dade—”

“Give it a rest, Flynn. My shitty life doesn’t concern you.”

Ryan held up his hands. “Fair enough.” He had his
suspicions, but Dade obviously wasn’t ready to talk just yet. “Whenever
you’re—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, all right? I just need more time to
sort through some things. Talking about the shitstorm that is my life isn’t why
you called me out here, is it?”

Ryan stared at the families enjoying their time together as
he finished off the last of his soda. Could he do this? Could he admit to
Dade—his oldest friend—he’d found someone who quieted the sound in his head?
Who made him feel as if he was actually his old self again?

The last thing Ryan would ever consider himself was a
coward. He never shied away from a challenge, not to mention talking with a
friend about something bothering him. Especially not with the fifteen years he
and Dade had known each other.

“I know we haven’t had a chance to talk much. Things have
gotten a little…intense. I’m fucking up and I’m not sure I know how to do what
she’s asked me to do for her anymore.”

The statement seemed to catch Dade’s interest and the
distress Ryan noticed clouding his eyes earlier cleared. If nothing else, at
least this would help wipe away anything Dade was trying to deal with for a
little while and give him something else to focus on. “Dare I even ask what the
hell happened to make you doubt yourself?”

“Let’s just say emotions are a dirty thing.”

“Oh hell.” Dade’s back went ramrod straight. “You’ve fallen
for her.”

Ryan grimaced. “I’m not sure helping her anymore is the
right thing to do. Not when I obviously feel something for her. I thought I
could do this, but I’m not so sure anymore.”

Dade tapped his fingers against the side of his soda can.
“Ever stop to think you decided to help her out for a reason? That you needed
to tear down the invisible wall you’ve had erected between you and everyone
else since—”

“I hate it when you get so fucking philosophical.” Ryan
sighed, staring out at nothing. Looking back on the moment, Dade was right.
Things had progressed between the two of them further and faster than he would
have thought possible. Especially considering Beth’s past. “This is something I
never expected to find again.”

“So you naturally assume you’re not supposed to react this
way. That you’re not supposed to feel something for her.”

“Yes and no. I’m blurring lines here I shouldn’t be. I
promised to help her find her way again. Instead I’m monopolizing her because I
want her for myself. She’s survived her past, but she hasn’t gotten over it.”

“And you want to help her get over it.”

“That’s why she came to me, isn’t it?”

Dade turned on the bench, slinging one arm over the back
rail as he faced Ryan. “Man, listen to what the universe is trying to tell you.
You know better than to go against what your instincts are screaming at you.
Maybe you need things to be this way. Maybe you need her just as much as she
needs you.”

Ryan knew it wasn’t right to point out Dade should take his
own advice based on the way he’d been acting lately. But dishing it out wasn’t
the same thing as listening. He knew that perhaps better than anyone. “I know.”

“Then let things run their course.”

As much as he wanted to, as much as he knew Dade was right,
he wasn’t convinced it was the best course of action to pursue. She’d come to
him for one reason and one reason only. And all he kept doing was adding
emotions that weren’t supposed to exist. “This isn’t about me, Dade. She came to
me seeking a mentor. For help. Not the other way around. I’m not supposed to—”

“What, get attached? To fall for her? This lifestyle we’ve
chosen lends itself to very tight and extremely intense relationships. That’s
what happens when we put ourselves out there like we do. That’s a risk we
accept when we decide to seek this kind of connection with another person.
Hell, that’s why some of us do it in the first place.”

“I’ve always been able to keep it separate.”

Dade’s fingers tapped out a rhythm on the back of the bench.
“Maybe it’s time you shouldn’t.”