RockYourSoul (19 page)

She didn’t think she’d ever seen him this relaxed and at
peace.

Silence filled the room as skin glided against skin. He bit
off a groan against her throat as she reached down to tighten her hands around
his ass. Her hips bucked against his and she felt him struggling as if he was trying
to control a beast pacing under the surface of his skin.

His head dropped to her chest, his tongue dragging
tortuously along the underside of her breasts again. The slick sandpaper
texture of his tongue glided over her skin, arousal following everywhere he
touched. Releasing him, her fingers sought purchase against the smooth surface
of the comforter.

“Put your arms up above you.” The tone of his voice was
strangled and low as she lifted her hands in compliance. Even without his ropes
and sex furniture, his commanding presence came through. She reveled in the way
her body responded.

Her slim fingers curled around the edge of the bed, her
knuckles turning white as she gripped tightly to push up against him. A thin
film of sweat beaded along her forehead, her eyes squeezing tightly shut in
concentration.

“Beth,” he whispered as he drove into her. “Look at me.” His
hips ground rhythmically against her as he slipped in and out.

The concern lining his face caused her to lift her hand,
smoothing away the hard lines marring his forehead as he slowed his pace.
“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He shifted his weight to one arm, lifting his
hand to cup around the intricate piece of knots he’d placed on her throat. “I
want to claim you, Beth. Brand you as mine. Push you further than you’ve ever
been pushed before and know I’m the only one who’s ever taken you there. This
collar stands as more than just a symbol of my love for you.” His lips touched
lightly against hers.

The words made her heart soar and she finally confessed what
she’d held close to her heart for the past few weeks. “You already have.
Everything you do shoots straight through me. It reverberates right down to my
soul, telling me this is so right. I am yours, Master.”

“As I am yours.” The promise slipped past his lips in a soft
oath as he pressed himself forward, burying his cock as far as she would allow.

The room around her splintered, her cries resonating through
the large room as the strong orgasm clenched hard inside of her and violently
released. Her lungs burned for air, her heart thundering in her ears as the
waves relentlessly pulsed through her. Her muscles milked, caressing the entire
length of his shaft in an effort to pull him right along in the ecstasy with
her.

Exhilaration mingled with pain in a sensual caress,
culminating in the feeling of being so completely at one with him. She couldn’t
differentiate where she ended and Ryan began. The most basic of all feelings,
cut to the very core of existence. This was her and Ryan together, stripped down
to nothing and painfully raw.

She began chanting his name, calling for him to release his
own grip on reality and plunge after her. His mouth crushed down on hers as his
body went rigid and he plunged them both into oblivion.

* * * * *

Hours later, Ryan ran his hand along her back, tracing the
sloping curve as she lay pressed against him. He hadn’t fallen asleep right
away, instead spending the time listening to her slow breathing. She hadn’t
fallen asleep right away either, but a long night of work had finally caught up
with her.

She was tough.

But there was still a sweetness about her that sliced at his
very existence. She played video games and rode a Triumph, for Christ’s sake.
And the never-ending retro tee-shirt collection that made Allison envious. How
many more facets were there to this extraordinary woman?

Something told him he’d only scratched the surface.

Despite all the darkness in her life—the suicide, the
brutality—she managed to smile. Hell, she seemed to outright enjoy life
whatever it threw at her since she’d moved to town. And here he’d played it
safe for too long and even gotten complacent with avoiding his life.

He traced the soft lines of the marks she’d kept hidden from
him. “You are definitely not some delicate Southern flower afraid of a little
autumn frost, are you?”

She stirred in sleep, his fingers tracing the scars on her
back until she slipped deep again. He smiled at her exhaustion. Shortly after
making love, he’d carried her to the shower area to wash them both. But he
hadn’t been able to keep his hands off her luscious body and instead of washing
her, pushed her up against the shower wall to take her from behind.

The sound of her voice screaming out the orgasm still echoed
in his ears. That was a sound in his head he cherished. It caused him to smile
in the dark as he continued to smooth his fingertips over her spine.

“Can’t sleep?” Her voice, heavy and thick with sleep,
caressed his skin.

“I have to go to New York.”

She propped her head up, pressing her lips against his
shoulder. The feeling spread through him like a shockwave. How was it possible
to still want her even after taking her numerous different ways over the past
several hours?

“I’ll go with you.”

The statement caused his boiling blood to cool. No, he would
not have this ugly part of his life touch her or sully up what they’d both
worked hard to build between them. Especially not tonight. They’d turned a
corner. He wasn’t interested in making a u-turn. “That’s all right. It should
only take a few days. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Ryan, please, I want to come.”

“It’s easier for me to go alone. I can get things done
quicker.”

“Easier for whom?”

He ignored her question. “It’s just some boring legal crap I
have to handle. You can’t really up and leave the station without an overnight
DJ, can you?”

She shrugged. “I can pre-tape my show and have someone fill
in for me to flip the switches when necessary. It’s only a few days, right?”

“I’ll be back on Saturday. Want to get together after your
shift?”

“Ryan—”

He pulled her closer, skimming his lips over her forehead to
plant a kiss near her hairline. “Beth, please. Just let it go, all right?
Everyone’s getting together at The Copper Nickel for dinner and drinks before
Cooper’s movie festival this month. It’ll be fun for you to go without me.”

He recognized the pain in her eyes at the brusque dismissal.
Though he regretted the need to make this trip alone, it also couldn’t be
helped. Not even Dade would accompany him.

This was something he knew he had to do alone.

“Hey, girl, how are you?”

“All right. You?” Beth slid into the chair next to Elena at
The Copper Nickel, smiling as best as she could manage. Her shift at the
station had been miserable. She knew Ryan had left on some trek he insisted on
taking by himself. It was wrong of her to need to be included, to go along with
him when she had no right, but the curt dismissal still stung. She’d inevitably
get over it well before he returned, but until then she felt it was perfectly
acceptable to mope.

“You sure?” Elena inquired as she handed over a spare bottle
of beer. Beth accepted it with her thanks, nearly downing the bottle in one
swallow. “Whoa, cowgirl. Gonna be a short night if you keep that up.”

“Sorry. Rough day.” She pushed her hands through her hair,
tugging slightly in frustration.

“The reason wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain Dom,
would it? Or the collar I see around your neck?”

“It shouldn’t, but it does.” The reminder of the item caused
her to run a finger against the rope. Even in the short period of time she’d
been wearing it, she’d already forgotten about its presence because of the
light weight. “How sad am I?”

Allison plopped down next to Beth with a beer in her hand.
“Not sad at all. But you’ve fallen and didn’t expect it, did you? And holy
frak, you’re wearing a collar. That’s not decoration, is it?”

“No, it’s not. I’m just frustrated.”

“I remember feeling just like you are right now.” Allison
nodded, leaning forward on her elbows. “Could always take out those
frustrations somewhere else, or with someone else. Test what you’ve been
taught.”

Beth followed their gazes to Dade. He smiled and tipped his
beer toward her before returning to his conversation with Alex. Her cheeks
burned hot at the reminder she didn’t need. “No.”

“Oh darling, you have it bad.”

“Have what?” Allison and Elena both smirked. “Not just no,
but hell no.”

Allison snorted and pointed to her neck. “Uh huh. And the
collar you’re wearing means absolutely nothing.”

“He said he had to go. Something about New York and…and…I
don’t know. It’s not because he didn’t take me along with him. Really. I
totally understand. It’s probably more to do with the fact he’d just collared
me. And Christ on a broken fucking trampoline, I sound like a weepy, needy mess
of a woman that I hate.”

Elena grabbed her hand, tugging her away from the group.
“You know it’s something he just had to do on his own, right? He’s not trying
to shut you out.”

“Could have fooled me.” She rubbed at her forehead, wincing
at her behavior. “I don’t mean that.”

“I know you don’t. You’re understandably emotional about
this all. The fact you care enough to feel he purposefully pushed you away
tells me things are well beyond what you expected out of this deal, aren’t
they?”

Beth sagged against Elena’s shoulder, grateful someone
understood. “Yes. Dammit. How did I let this happen? I just needed someone to
help me and he set up shop right inside my heart, didn’t he?”

Patrick and Alex entered the sitting area, waving to
everyone.

“He can be annoyingly persistent, can’t he?”

“God. Yes. And fuck me for loving every second of it.”

“Come on. Let’s have a good old session of men bashing even
though we love the hell out of them.”

A short few hours later, they stumbled down the street.
Though she was certain Elena had more to drink, Beth felt her head spinning.
Exhaustion didn’t help matters. She just wanted to sleep for a few days, then
she’d feel better.

“You sure you’re going to be all right here for the night?”

“I’ll be fine. I don’t want anyone to have to go out of the
way. I know it’s supposed to be Ryan’s night here anyway. Unless one of you
guys need it?”

“Not that I know of. They’re all going to be at the theater.
Want me to stay and keep you company?”

She winced at the thought of keeping her away, especially
because she knew Elena enjoyed the monthly film festival. “I’m fine. I’m going
to go curl up on the fancy bed Ryan has and sleep for the next few days. I
haven’t been getting much sleep lately.”

“Give me a call when you decide to surface. We’ll meet at
Perfect Shot for a cup of coffee. Have some more girl talk.” Elena winked.

Beth pulled her into a tight hug. “Thank you, Elena. For
everything.” Beth had never felt this connected to someone before. Even when
they’d known each other in college, their friendship had never been this close.
She was grateful she’d thrown caution to the wind and upset her entire life to
make this huge change.

It had paid off in spades.

“Go before I get all girly and mushy on you. I know you hate
it.”

Beth waved as Elena vanished around the corner and shut the
outer door with her hip. Her fingers danced over the surface of the separator
walls as she walked down the hallway. She turned the corner, her fingers
curling around the collar Ryan had given her.

Its presence would take some getting used to. Especially
considering the fact she’d never worn one this important. In some way, she was
glad she’d never had one at any prior point so she could appreciate this one
even more.

The door stuck, as usual, and it took some finessing in the
form of a few powerful shots from her shoulder to get it open. She growled at
the keys as she tossed them to the table, slamming the door behind her. The
noise of it echoed in the open space.

She was pleased to see Ryan had left the bed where it stood
before he’d left for New York. She discarded her clothing as she trudged to the
bed, sighing loudly as she dropped onto the soft, supportive mattress. It
hugged her body, holding her comfortably while she drifted off to sleep.

A loud noise woke her sometime later. She sat up, rubbing
her eyes with the back of her hand. The sleep she’d been awakened from had been
deep and consuming. So deep she hadn’t even dreamed.

A sharp bang reverberated through the room. She realized it
was someone shoving their shoulder into the door, just as she’d done when she’d
tried to enter. Considering all the occupants complained frequently enough
about the doors at the warehouse, the noise didn’t disturb her enough to worry.
More than likely, Ryan had cut his trip short.

The door finally gave with a groan, spilling the person
trying to get in through the opening. Beth rose, grabbing one of the posts,
hoping she looked sexy and suggestive for her Master. She jumped when he kicked
the door shut with a violent slam. Had his trip not gone as planned?

Worried now, she rushed forward but was brought up short
when the man lifted his head. Her past slammed into her with such force, it
stole her breath. The recognition sent her reeling as he squarely met her gaze.

Murdock.

He was in front of her in a flash, his fist a blur through
the air.

She had a second to curse Ryan’s ingenuity with
soundproofing the walls before her world went black.

* * * * *

The courtroom filled with silence as concert footage played
out on the television set. Watching the video again caused his heart to ache.
But the pain wasn’t because of those images.

Not this time.

Seeing this again so soon made him realize how much he
wanted Beth sitting here beside him, giving support as he fought to ensure this
bastard didn’t go free on some legal technicality. He couldn’t bring Lisa and
Tobias back, but he could stand up for them and see justice served. Knowing
Beth, she would want the same thing.

As the tape finished, the image turned black. He braced
himself, knowing what was about to come. Red lights flashed as the camera
quickly came into focus. The jarring motion made him queasy, but he pushed it
down, steeling himself for what he knew lay ahead. The person holding the
camera stopped running so the image of the tour bus lying on its side came into
clear focus.

Smoke and dust particles drifted in the night air, rising
from the nearly unrecognizable pile of twisted metal. Sense recall kicked in.
He remembered the smell of the smoke and gas surrounding him. He heard the
tortured cries of those on the bus, an easy memory to pull to the surface
because he’d been in the mangled wreckage as well.

He’d been asleep, exhausted from the show. Lisa had been
beside him with Tobias in a bunk just forward of the bedroom. He swallowed the
bile rising to his throat as the camera drew closer to the wreckage. A man
stumbled into view of the camera then. The very same man who sat just a few
feet away from Ryan in the courtroom.

The video showed blood pouring from a gash on his forehead,
but he was otherwise uninjured. The cameraman drew closer, his bright light
shining on the man’s face. His pupils should have gotten smaller against the
harsh light. Alcohol and cocaine saturating his system prevented the reaction.

“Am I on TV?” He smiled for the camera, running a hand
through his mussed hair. He didn’t even notice when his hand came away coated
with blood.

The lawyer punched the pause button. Bloomington’s drunken
gaze stared at the small crowd. But Ryan wasn’t watching the television
anymore. Just as he hadn’t listened to the lawyer during the hearing. Instead,
he remembered how it had felt to crawl through the twisted remains of the bus.
He remembered the burn of the gas on his skin. He swore he could still feel the
sewage from the toilet and even the blood of the injured coating his hands as
he’d tried to provide assistance.

He remembered what it felt like to hold his dead wife’s body
in his arms, her form limp because she’d died on impact. The medical report
would later show it was because she’d been thrown forward from the force and
slammed head first into the bulkhead separating the bedroom from the rest of
the bus. She’d never had a chance because this bastard had gotten behind the
wheel and made the stupid choice to drive while intoxicated.

He recalled hearing a child’s scream in the silence and
realizing it was Tobias. He hadn’t wanted to leave Lisa, but he’d had to. It
had been one of the hardest choices he’d ever had to make in this life.

Well, the second hardest.

He’d felt such joy and elation at finding his precious son
still alive. But the joy had been short-lived when he discovered the boy was
pinned and there didn’t seem to be any way to free him. He’d felt helpless and
completely alone just inches from where his child lay dying.

Tobias’ screams haunted him every day for a year after the
crash.

They still haunted him to this day—the high-pitched cry for
help echoing in his head. Until Beth entered his life. She stopped those noises
and gave him the clarity that always seemed to be just beyond his reach.

The sharp crack of the judge’s gavel snapped Ryan back to
the present. He stood as the judge left and the deputies came to take Stockard
Bloomington back to jail to rot until his next parole hearing.

Stockard turned and Ryan came face-to-face with the man
who’d taken everything from him. The very man he was determined would never
step foot outside those prison walls again as payment for his sins.

The rapidly aging man leered at him and Ryan’s hands
tightened at his side. The drugs and alcohol—not to mention the withdrawal
symptoms—had not been kind to the man. Seconds before he threw what would have
been a very satisfying punch, and violated his own probation, Ryan stopped.
Stockard was goading him to do something stupid so they’d be on the same
playing field.

Ryan refused to stoop to his level.

He was not the same as this monster. He had someone to live
for. Someone to support when times got tough. Someone who would return the
support when he found himself in need of it as well. He wouldn’t throw away a
future with Beth because this asshole had taken away Lisa and Tobias.

Instead he stood, watching as the courtroom emptied.

For some unknown reason, he felt lighter. Freer. As if
nothing could ruin the swell of warmth spreading inside him. He’d done what he
felt was his duty to the family members and friends he’d lost. He’d stood up
for them because they couldn’t stand up for themselves.

* * * * *

The bars of the cage that Beth laid eyes on the first time
she’d stepped into the room at Sanctuary pressed against her skin. The cold,
unforgiving surface chilled her to the bone. The fact this cage belonged to
Ryan offered no comfort because of the man who’d locked her away.

Confined in the tight space, her legs had started to cramp.
She’d managed to push away the pain, using her training on how to process pain.
At least she had a choice. With Murdock’s temper, that freedom could change in
the blink of an eye.

It surprised her one of Ethan’s flunkies had been following
her and not Ethan himself. Then again, it wasn’t as if her former Dom would
care enough to come find her. With Murdock’s erratic and obsessive behavior,
she should have known he would track her down. His personality leaned toward
obsessive behavior.

Then again, she hadn’t done anything to cover her tracks.
She hadn’t thought there had been a need to. In a million years, she would have
never thought he was so caught up in himself—
in her
—that she needed to
worry about being trailed.

After her departure, Murdock should have moved on and found
some other Dom’s sub to terrorize. Instead, she sat here staring into the eyes
of the man holding his favored cat-o’-nine tails.

The lean man swung the whip tipped with metal points in an
arc, taunting her as he allowed it to tap against the side of the cage. Her
stomach flipped over as fear swelled. Her hands immediately began shaking as
adrenaline coursed through her system. She tried to shrink to take up the
smallest amount of space possible. Maybe he wouldn’t see her then.

As the tails swung back and his lecherous grin widened, she
remembered the inexperienced sub she’d been years ago. She fought against the
wave of nausea threatening to take her, determined to not surrender to what
she’d once been. She’d worked too hard to become who she was now to give
Murdock the satisfaction of her surrender.