Rogue (7 page)

“Good.”  His voice was soft and husky.  The approval and pleasure in the word awoke
a warm glow in the center of my chest.

“We’ll start with the basics,” he told me.  Rather than getting my hackles up at a
lecturing tone, his low pitch made the words seem to slide over my skin.  It was soothing,
putting me at ease.

His next words sent me rocketing back to indignation.

“On your knees, Sharon.”

I jerked away from him, scowling.  His firm hold on my wrist kept me from pulling
away completely.

“No fucking way,” I hissed.  There was one thing I associated with being on my knees
in front of a man, and I was most certainly
not
going to give Derek Carter a blowjob.  “If you think I’m going to-”

His glare cut me off more effectively than another man’s words could.  My mouth snapped
closed, and I knew I had said the wrong thing again.

Shit. 
Why couldn’t I stop fucking everything up?

“I’m not asking for that,” he told me sternly, his eyes flashing.  “If I want you
to suck my cock, I’ll tell you to suck my cock.”

My mouth fell open at the crass words.  The man obviously didn’t have any compunction
about talking dirty.

“You never have to guess what I want from you, Sharon.  As a Dom, I’ll always be clear
and honest about what I want my sub to do.  That’s part of why submission is so freeing;
you don’t have to worry about guessing what I want.  You don’t have to worry about
figuring out what will please me.  I’ll tell you.”

As much as I wanted to be furious with him for his domineering attitude, I couldn’t
help but find his words… appealing.  Comforting, even.  I would never have to guess
when it came to pleasing Derek.  I wouldn’t have to worry about being a disappointment
because he would always be one hundred percent clear with me about what he wanted.

“Okay.”  My voice was strangely soft.  “Sorry.”

He gently curled his fingers beneath my chin, lifting my face so that my eyes met
his.

“It’s all right.  I’m not angry.  I just need you to understand how this is going
to work.  I would never ask you to do anything sexual for me.  That’s not what this
is about.  D/s is about so much more than sex.  Just as it’s about so much more than
hitting your partner.  Do you understand?”

I fell into the melted caramel of his eyes, and I was enveloped in sweet warmth. 
“Yes,” I breathed.  “I understand, Derek.”

His smile was gentle and genuinely pleased.  I practically glowed with my own pleasure. 
God, this was so
easy. 
I was pleasing him, and I didn’t even have to think about trying.  He made everything
so clear-cut that failure and disappointment seemed almost impossible.

His fingers left my chin to find the nape of my neck.  They sank into my hair, firmly
grasping my curls.  He continued to apply steady but insistent pressure.  My entire
scalp lit up, sending little sparks sinking through my skull and into my mind.  My
head dropped back easily.

He leaned into me, and his hot breath tickled across the sensitive skin just below
my ear.

“On your knees, Sharon,” he repeated.  The words were a soft command that seeped into
me.

My knees folded, his hand in my hair helping to guide me down.  Something soft covered
the floor beneath me, cushioning my legs.

Never releasing his hold on my hair, Derek sat.  His weight settled down on the edge
of the bed that I was kneeling beside.  When he was comfortable, he pressed my head
down so that it rested on his thigh.

“What-?”

Derek’s forefinger was at my lips before the word had finished forming on them.

“Don’t speak.”  The order was calm but firm, his deep voice forbidding any argument. 
“Just relax.”

I gave him a small nod.  This was my job; this was my mission.  I had to do what Derek
told me to do if I wanted to maintain my cover.

Trust.  I had to pretend to trust Carter if I wanted him to trust me.  Then he might
slip up and tell me something about the Kings and their involvement with drugs at
Decadence.

One long finger tapped the center of my forehead.

“I told you to relax,” he said sternly.  “Whatever you’re thinking about, stop it.”

How did he know? 
If he could read me so easily, my job was going to be even more difficult than I had
initially thought.

He rubbed the pad of his thumb in a small circle between my brows, easing the furrow
that had formed there.

“Stop it,” he repeated.  “Just be here with me.”

All my worrisome thoughts were smoothed away when Derek’s fingers began to work through
my hair, massaging my scalp.  Something that sounded suspiciously like a soft groan
left my lips along with my sigh.  No one ever touched me like this.  No one ever took
care of me.

Again, that thought should have set off alarm bells, but whatever he was doing to
me just felt too damn good to fight it.  Besides, it wasn’t like he was touching me
in a remotely sexual way.

But then why had heat flooded my core and pulsed outward to fill the rest of my body?

Derek must have read the first signs of tension in my muscles as my doubts began to
chill that heat.  His hand rubbed down my back in a reassuring motion.

“It’s okay, Sharon,” he murmured.  “It’s okay to enjoy this.  Just relax.”

Relax. 
He wanted me to relax.  That would please him.

Easy.  So easy.

“Take a deep breath,” he ordered.

Without a thought, I obediently filled my lungs.  The rush of oxygen flooded my brain,
obliterating my niggling doubts.

“Now let it go.”

The air left me in a slow stream, blowing away all my stress and worry.

His hand began to work through my hair again, almost as though he was petting me.

“That’s good,” he praised.

For a moment, I was struck by the oddness of our positions.  I had never shared space
with a man like this before, but this felt just as comfortable as curling up on the
couch beside Steven.  Possibly even more comfortable.

I entered a sort of trance, where nothing existed in the world except for the gentle
touch of his hands upon me, stroking me, soothing me.  My eyes closed, and I fell
into a blissfully
free
state.  I didn’t have to worry; I didn’t have to fight; I didn’t have to wonder if
I was doing the right thing.  All I had to do was relax.  It was an order I didn’t
even remotely want to resist anymore.

Derek’s words rumbled over me.  I couldn’t focus on them individually, but the warm
approval in his tone made me feel lighter than I had in months.  Possibly lighter
than I had ever felt.  I had never… floated like this.

It was wonderful.  I didn’t even realize that my blissful tears were wetting Derek’s
jeans.

“Okay, Sharon.  I think that’s enough for tonight.”

His hand fisted in my curls, tugging my head back so that I was looking up into his
eyes.  My mind felt heavy, sluggish.  Usually, the sensation would have sent me into
a state of alarm.  I couldn’t allow my wits to dull around a mark.

But as I fell into his eyes, I couldn’t muster up even an inkling of concern.  I didn’t
want to abandon this newfound bliss.

The arrogance in his smile was softened by the pleasure that radiated from him.  He
seemed to possess his own sense of peace.  I hadn’t realized the tension that had
gripped him during our every interaction, but now its absence threw it into sharp
relief.  How could I have not seen it before?

In truth, I had seen hints of it.  I just hadn’t wanted to contemplate them too closely
because I couldn’t allow myself to lose objectivity when it came to Derek.  His discomfiture
with what was going on in his club had been evident in the tautness of his jaw, in
the capriciousness of his emotions, since I had first met him.

Was he an unwilling participant in the drug culture at Decadence?

My sweet reverie began to melt in the wake of the return of the FBI agent in me. 
Carter was a mark, and here I was, completely losing myself under his touch.

I jerked away from him abruptly.  His hands closed around my shoulders, steadying
me as I swayed.

“You okay?”

Something strange lurked beneath the concern etched into his features.  Could it be
hurt?

“Yes.”  My reply was quick, clipped.  I couldn’t believe I had lost myself like that
with Carter.  Wasn’t this vulnerability exactly what all the guys had warned me about?

“He won’t have to knock you down to get you flat on your back.”

Carter certainly hadn’t had to knock me down to get me on my knees.  And he hadn’t
had to punch me in the face to make my head spin.  There was something about the man’s
touch that was far too intoxicating for my own good.

That had been my mistake: I had let him touch me.  I had allowed his hands to move
over my body.  And even though the places he had touched were innocent enough – my
head, my shoulders, my neck – my clit throbbed.  My cheeks flooded with heat when
I recognized the wetness between my thighs.

I scrambled to my feet, putting distance between myself and Carter.  My knees shook,
but I forced them to support my weight.

“Sharon?”  He prompted.  I hadn’t answered his question.  The concerned expression
had given way to something more severe.  He obviously didn’t care for the sudden loss
of control over our interaction.

“I’m – I’m fine.”  Damn it, why had I stuttered?  “I just…  That wasn’t what I expected. 
I’m not sure I like it when you touch me like that.”

He stood abruptly, grasping my upper arms.

“No,” he almost growled.  “Don’t lie to me, Sharon.  Don’t lie to yourself.  You liked
that.  You fucking loved it.  Do you think I can’t smell how wet your pussy is?” 
His gravelly voice rode right on over my shocked gasp.  “If I
touched
you like I want to right now, I would shove my fingers inside and then taste that
sweet honey.  Then I would bury my cock in your slick cunt.”

Holy.  Shit.

The man didn’t just talk dirty.  He talked
filthy.

And my
cunt
liked it.  The way my inner walls clenched told me that much.

My brain had no clue what to make of that.  My mouth opened and closed, but nothing
came out.  No words even formed in my mind, much less on my lips.  There was nothing
but shock and perverse heat, clouding my ability to think.

His finger curled beneath my chin, guiding my face up to his.  His twisted lips were
barely an inch from mine.

“I was wrong.  It seems you like me just fine.”  He was so close, his words seemed
to filter into my own mouth as I breathed them in, taking them into my body.  When
they hit my lungs, my heart thudded and skipped.

His sudden proximity brought up a thread of fear amongst the heat, a reflex reaction
to a threat.  That fear penetrated my brain and hooked upon the one word that would
save me from myself.

“Red.”

My voice was soft, barely audible.  But Derek snapped away from me instantly.  Apparently
he had his own reflex reactions.  He seemed to jerk all of the air away with him,
and my chest rose and fell rapidly in little desperate pants.  Anxiety doused the
lingering heat within me.

Everything had been so easy, so blissfully simple.  Now there was a new tension between
us, one that was wrought of confusion rather than eroticism.  My one powerful word
had instantly leeched all the pleasure out of Derek.  The downward slant of his lips
conveyed… disappointment.

Shit.

“Derek, I’m sorry,” I blurted.  The apology was an automatic response when that particular
expression of displeasure was directed at me.

The lines of his face tightened, and then he blew out a long breath.  His features
relaxed as he reached for me.  I didn’t flinch away when his fingertips touched my
shoulder.  Instead, I unconsciously leaned into the reassuring gesture.

“Don’t ever apologize for using a safe word, Sharon,” Derek told me gravely.  “I’ll
never be angry with you for that.  No good Dom would be.”  He sat on the bed again
and patted the mattress beside him.  “Sit down and let’s talk about it.”

I stared at him for several long seconds, struggling to process the rapid shifts in
both of our moods that had occurred in the last few minutes.  My own relief at not
having upset him was so intense that it made me uncomfortable with myself.  Yes, I
was a people pleaser, but I shouldn’t get so worked up over Derek’s moods.  Carter
was my mark, and I shouldn’t care about his emotions beyond how they affected my op.

I only care about disappointing him because I can’t afford to have him kick me to
the curb.  I need to stay close to him.

I barely succeeded in convincing myself that was the truth.

With a little nod, I sat.  I tried to ignore the comfort I found in the warmth of
Derek’s hand squeezing mine.