Roll Against Regret (3d20) (5 page)

Carter shoved the other side of my bra out of the way, and alternated his attention between sucking and tweaking my nipples. The blood rushed from my brain, leaving me lightheaded and euphoric.

It was a struggle to keep my hands by my sides. I pressed into him instead, shifting until my hip rubbed his erection through his jeans. I slid my knee up his leg, and my skirt crept higher, as I pushed for more contact.

He stepped back with a hard laugh. “Not what I had in mind.”

I liked nudging these boundaries. When we were together before, I’d been timid, not trusting myself with what Carter really wanted. Now I was willing to erase that line. If I only had tonight, I wanted the Carter I’d blocked out before. “You should have been more specific.”

“My mistake.” In a single swift move, he grabbed my hips, twirled me, and lifted me onto the middle of the mattress. He straddled my legs and pinned my arms above my head, trapping me between him and the bed.

Jackson grunted, and his breathing grew heavier.

My teasing laugh died in my throat when I met Carter’s gaze again. Lust, desire, and something more serious I refused to recognize stared back. “Keep your eyes on mine.” He forced one knee between my legs. Denim rubbed my thighs, raising sparks and making me squirm with need. “I want to watch your eyes when you come. Want to see the gorgeous expression on your face.”

I bit my bottom lip, my short pants of breath making it hard to speak. He dropped his hand lower and shoved my skirt out of the way. He found the source of my need in seconds and pushed the crotch of my panties aside. I thrust closer to his touch when he rubbed my slit with rough fingers. I wanted to close my eyes, sink into the sensation, but his gaze held me captive.

I moaned and ground against him, orgasm driving in quickly. The sights around me bled together and stopped making sense. I cried out as I came, frantic and hard. Instead of easing off, he forced three fingers inside me, and hooked up. I couldn’t look any more. The sensations were too much. I closed my eyes and let the pleasure wash over me, as I slammed against his hand.

The frantic rhythm slowed. The pressure on my wrists eased, and I forced my eyes open, a lazy smile playing on my face. He lowered his head and laid a row of kisses along my face and up to my ear. “I need to be inside you.” Despite the tender touches, hunger dominated his whisper.

“Fuck me hard.” I pushed extra pleading into my voice, and made sure Jackson heard me.

“Filthy, naughty Zoe.” Carter pulled a condom from his back pocket, unzipped his jeans, worked his cock free, and sheathed it. “I fucking love it.”

He startled me by sliding a finger inside me again. He withdrew, and then thrust his dick in to the hilt, spreading me open. I clenched the sheets, and arched my back, diving into the sensation.

Jackson’s groans matched Carter’s grunts as he pounded me hard. I knew from Jackson’s voice he was close to peaking, and my arousal climbed another notch at the familiar sound of him coming. Carter slid his still slick finger in my ass, and I gasped at the new feeling. I’d never… the thought faded in another wash of climax. My pussy clenched around Carter, and his pace increased, drawing out my orgasm.

His grunts were near primal, and he gripped my hip with his free hand, hard enough to leave a mark, as he finished. He took his time slowing and easing me back from the edge of pleasure.

I still couldn’t focus my thoughts, when he leaned in and kissed me before pulling out and rolling to the side. Silence flooded the room, punctuated only by heavy breathing. I wasn’t sure how much time passed before Jackson helped me sit.

Carter climbed to his feet to go wash up. I grabbed his hand. “You’re not going home yet, are you?” I didn’t know where the question came from, but I couldn’t bring myself to take it back.

His expression was unreadable. “No.” He turned away and headed toward the bathroom.

Jackson drew me close, his voice low. “I was right. That was one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen.”

A new rush of heat flooded me, and I buried my face in his chest. “It’s okay, right?” I couldn’t be specific. I was pretty sure I meant the entirety of the evening, but I might have meant more. “We’re okay?”

“Always, Pixie.” He brushed his lips over mine.

I curled up against Jackson, the way I normally did when we first climbed into bed, and rested my hand on his chest, our fingers intertwined.

Carter slid into bed behind me, chest pressed against my back, and draped his arm over mine, covering both our hands.

A nagging voice in the back of my head reminded me this wasn’t how no-strings worked. This wasn’t closure; it was going to be a new kind of pain in the morning. I smothered the doubt. Right now, it was exactly what I wanted, and I didn’t think Jackson or Carter minded.

****

I woke up before the guys the next morning. Without the haze of desire clouding my thoughts, reality rushed back in. How were we going to walk away from this? Or maybe I was the only one with a problem. Neither of them had seemed fazed by much of what happened yesterday. I steeled myself against a wave of doubt. I could be cool about this. Sever ties with Carter and make the night before exactly what it was supposed to be.

I extracted myself from the pile of limbs, careful not to disturb either one of my—the guys. I kissed them both on the cheek, grabbed one of my spare T-shirts from Jackson’s drawers, and cut a straight line for my car. I could have gotten ready for work here, I had enough stuff at Jackson’s place, but I needed time to compose myself. A breather, to cement my resolve.

By the time I made it home, I had convinced myself this was good. Last night had been amazing—I didn’t question that. Even amid everything else, I didn’t regret it. And I was fine this morning. There were amazing memories, but nothing else had to change. Things would be great.

I had finished showering and getting dressed, and was on my way back to my car, when Jackson texted me.

Missed you this morning.

I smiled at the sentiment, and sent back a reply.
Too much to do at work. Sorry I had to run out.

He got back to me seconds later.
No worries. Don’t let Mark give you any shit. You coming over tonight?

That was a good idea. It would be part of getting things back to normal. Just like pasting on a smile for Carter at work, and dialing everything between us back to ‘friendly.’

Absolutely
, I wrote.

There. That had been status quo. Nothing had changed. We’d all be good. And if I said it enough times, over and over in my head, ιt would make it true.

I settled into my desk a few minutes early. My mind was hopping a million miles a minute now, still working over everything I tried not to think about. I was wired now, but I’d be dragging by this afternoon. I hoped things went as smoothly with Carter, once he got here, as they had with Jackson. Which made me wonder how they’d gotten along this morning, waking up in the same bed.

In a way, I wished I could have seen it.

“Hey, boss.” Carter pushed a chair into my cubicle, and dropped into it. He still hadn’t shaved. I wouldn’t focus on how sexy that was on him. Wouldn’t let it summon memories of the stubble burning against my skin.

I slid a smile into place more easily than I expected. I was happy to see him, even with the conflict raging inside. “Morning.” Would he be obnoxious? Push some kind of confrontation about last night? Was I hoping for that? Because backing down wasn’t the Carter I remembered. Then again, I’d changed. He had to have, as well.

“What’s on the docket for the day?” He stayed at a reasonable distance—not too far away, but not close enough for me to sense him.

“I assume more of the same, unless someone told you otherwise.”

He leaned in, and his barely-there cologne teased my senses. He whispered, “I missed you this morning, but I get it. And thank you for last night.”

Ambivalence spiked my heart. So many things I could say. I could ask… I didn’t even know. All my options would draw out the situation. “Same for me.”

He straightened again, and leaned back in his chair. “That’s non-specific.”

I shrugged. It was, but I didn’t have anything better. Was the whole day going to be like this?

“Erikson.” Mark’s bark carried halfway across the room, and several heads turned toward his office. “Conference room O-49. Reception can tell you where it is. I need you in the Granwald launch meeting today.

I’d held my tongue with Mark Kitner for months now, never arguing in public, and only rarely rocking the boat over email or through third parties, but I was tired, and this was bullshit. I stood. “Granwald’s my account.” I made sure my voice reached him, not caring who heard. “I worked with sales for months, to secure them.”

“Sutton, my office. Erikson, fourth floor, window side, O-49.”

Carter shot me an apologetic look, and his hand shifted toward mine. He flexed his fingers, and then turned away without making contact.

I ground my teeth and kept my back straight, gaze locked on my target, as I marched into Kitner’s office.

He closed the door behind me and nodded to a seat. “You don’t want to do this in front of everyone.”

I didn’t sit. “Why not?” Apparently exhaustion had zapped more of my filters than I realized. “It’s not like they’re not all talking about it anyway.”

Expression calm, Mark sank into his chair and leaned back, one ankle propped on the other knee. “We don’t typically give new clients to analysts who are falling behind with their old ones.”

I knew this ploy. I’d been on the other side of it when he’d pulled it with Ryan. But I’d watched my back and made sure I couldn’t be set up. “All of my work is in and accounted for.”

“You’re sure?”

Fuck, what had I missed?

“Because the Zedophap audit is tomorrow, and I was just in the file share. It’s not looking good.”

The wheels in my brain wobbled, and bile rose in my throat. “Audit?”

Mark widened his eyes. “The one I told the entire team about, two weeks ago? They don’t like the way we’ve handled their account, and have ordered a full internal audit of our records with them to date.”

I would have argued that maybe if he stopped swapping out analysts because he was a petty asshole who took his personal problems out on employees, they might not have an issue with the way their account had been handled. My mind still whirred over the claim I’d known about this for weeks. It was definitely the first time I’d heard about it. “What do I need to do?”

“Go through their documents and make sure all the most recent versions are checked into the system. The normal work. It just has to be done by tomorrow, but I know you’re on top of it, so that won’t be a problem.”

“Of course.” Sugar dripped from my voice. “We’ll be fine.”

Eyes were on me when I stalked from his office. I didn’t care. Any obstacle Mark threw at me, I’d climb and conquer. When I left this company, it would be on my terms, not because he forced me out of my job.

I settled in front of my computer and grabbed the folder Tasha had handed me the other day. I would have finished the project yesterday, but I’d been training the new guy. Not that any of this was Carter’s fault. Irritation burned away the lingering traces of sleepy, confused fog in my brain, and I honed in on my work.

I kept on top of these things, so it wasn’t like I’d be here all night. Being done by tomorrow would be a piece of cake.

I opened the document management system and clicked through to the Zedophap files. My insides twisted in on themselves at the chaos that greeted me. Locking errors, file missing warnings, and out-of-date alerts.

He’d had to fuck me one last time. No. I breathed deeply through my nose and forced myself to exhale slowly. I would handle this and still get out of here on time.

I couldn’t ignore the minutes ticking by, as I worked my way through individual files. For the audit, every document stored had to be the most recent one, and match exactly between the email archive and here. Contracts, data configurations, everything. Some looked okay. But I had to open most individually and do manual comparisons, to make sure the correct version was saved in both systems. It wasn’t as simple as just picking the email version and saving it over again, because the timestamps and digital date trail had to match as well.

As the clock crept up on noon and I wasn’t even a quarter of the way done, I had to admit a sliver of defeat. Not that I was giving up, but something would have to go. I sent Jackson a quick text.
I’m going to be very late tonight. I’m sorry.

It took a few minutes for him to reply.
It’s okay. Can I bring you dinner or anything?

That would be nice. Take a break, spend some time with him, and get back to work. But I knew I wouldn’t get anything done that way. It would be too tempting to let work slip.
I’d love that, but no. The faster I finish, the faster I’ll be there.

Seconds later, my phone rang, his picture smirking at me from the screen. “Hey.” I answered with a smile, locked my computer, and strode toward a more private part of the building.

“You can’t eat vending-machine food for dinner.”

The concern in his words warmed me. “It wouldn’t be the first time. It’ll be a nice complement to its twin lunch.”

“Is this really work, or just a specific coworker?”

Ice rolled through my veins at what he was implying, and a retort died in my throat. I didn’t even know how to respond to that.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that,” Jackson said.

“The two of you are such good friends now. Why don’t you invite him over tonight?” I struggled to keep the bitterness from my voice, and failed. “Put your mind at ease, decide more of my future while you’re at it.” I didn’t want to fight with Jackson, but I wasn’t letting a comment like that slide.

“Pixie, no. That was the wrong thing for me to say. I don’t want to argue.”

“I have to go.”

“Wait. Come over tonight, no matter how late you are. Even if it’s three in the morning. It’ll be just you and me.”

I could tell him no. Make him suffer a little longer, for the bullshit jealousy, but it meant he cared. Besides, maybe I’d call in tomorrow. Let everyone else deal with the audit I hadn’t been told about. Sleep in. Spend the day with Jackson. I knew I wouldn’t—we were both too responsible to skip work like that—but it was a nice fantasy. Still, I did need to see him. “All right. I’ll be there.”