Romance Book Club (3 page)

"I carry blankets, bottled water, and medical supplies all the time.  On hikes, you never know what you might need."  They spread the blanket together and sat down.  "So tell me the story of your life, Jessie." He leaned back on his muscular arms and waited for her to begin.

"You surprise me Chase," she felt guilty for jumping to conclusions.  He didn't seem concerned so she followed his lead.   Leaning back on her elbows, she looked up at the night stars.  She wasn't sure how to tell the story, so she began at when she and Greg first starting dating in high school.  Walking him through the years of their relationship, she realized her heart no longer ached at losing him. She left it at her mother's battle with the addiction that finally claimed her life.

"About Greg," he said, "The breakup was probably hard on both of you.” 

"It was. He was really a nice man, and I know he couldn't change who he was. I only wish he'd discovered his homosexuality earlier in life." 

"None of us can change what we long for, Jessie."  Reaching up, he pulled a strand of hair away from her eyes and smiled warmly.

It was definitely to his credit that he had such an open mind.  She had never encountered homosexuality before Greg, but she believed every person had the right to make his or her own decisions.  "I know Greg never felt comfortable with me as a woman."

"It wasn't you, Jessie. I hope you understand that.  He was gay, and there was nothing you or any other woman could have done to change that fact." 

"I guess I do still worry it was something I couldn't give him that made him turn out that way."  She'd never admitted that to another living soul, and saying it out loud was truly freeing.

"Jessie, how long have you been carrying that around?  Trust me, it was nothing you did or didn't do. It was who he was.  You're a beautiful woman, and until you understand that about your relationship with him, it will be impossible to move forward."

For the first time in her life, she wanted to believe it wasn't her fault.  Maybe it was the moonlight, or the fact that she was lying on a blanket with a gorgeous hunk of a man. Or maybe she finally realized she knew, somewhere deep in her subconscious, that she didn't have that much power over any person’s decisions.  Whatever it was, it felt like a weight lifted from her shoulders.

"It's been a long night. I should probably get you home so you can rest." 

She was disappointed that he wanted to call an end to the night, and worried that she might have offended him.  "I hope I didn't say something wrong," she nibbled her lower lip nervously.

"Jessie, I'm trying to be a gentleman here, I would love nothing more than to make passionate love to you and share every facet of my lifestyle.  I'm only a man though, so unless that's what you want, you need to let me do the right thing here."

To say she was stunned would be putting it mildly, over his confession.  To say it didn't turn her on immediately would be nothing but a blatant lie.  The look of desire that filled his dark blue eyes made her ache with need, and knowing it was her he was looking at that way, in her opinion was nothing short of a miracle.  "So what's stopping you?" She whispered, shocked at her ability to be so forward.

"Jessie I'm not a man who plays games," he warned her. "If you are willing to try this, then you need to be absolutely certain it's what you want, I couldn't live with myself if you regretted this later

"I don't know much about your world Chase, but I feel something for you that I don't want to walk away from."  She felt she had to be honest with him.  It was crazy to hope that they had any chance at a relationship, they barely knew each other, but there was a part of her willing to at least try.

"I know enough for both of us Jess," he chuckled warmly, "but I need you to go home tonight and think about what you're willing to do here.  I understand the lifestyle is somewhat foreign to you, but I can walk you through that with patience and time. What I don't want is for you to make a hasty decision.  We've had a good time together tonight, and you've revealed some very personal things in your life, so it could all be just a release from that part of your life."

She found it somewhat amusing that he seemed to be encouraging her to change her mind, and wondered if she shouldn't take his advice.  Was she really willing to explore her sensuality in such a way with him?  She was an intelligent woman and understood this wouldn't be just a dating relationship if she agreed.  He'd already admitted who he was, so she couldn't pretend to not know what he would offer her.

"Let me take you home, and you can call me tomorrow if you decide this is something you want to pursue.  If you don't then there won't be any hard feelings, but if you do then I'll expect you to a least give me a solid chance to share my world with you."

She nodded, even though her libido definitely wanted to explore something with him now that had little to do with talking.  She'd pushed that part of her mentality back years ago, so a few more hours didn't make much of a difference.  Helping him fold the blanket, they got back in the car for the short drive back to Amanda's where she left her car.  "What do mean by a solid chance Chase, I want to understand what I'm thinking about tonight?"

They pulled up to Carolyn's condo as he turned to face her.  "Give me a month at least Jessie, after that you can make an informed decision.  After that you'll know if this is a lifestyle for you, and if you want to continue having me train and mentor or even have a relationship." 
Sliding out of the car he walked over to her side and opened the door.

He'd definitely given her something to think about, a month with him teaching her, that was probably the most exciting offer she was ever going to get in her lifetime, she thought.  He walked her to her car and checked the backseat before opening her car door. 

"I had a really good time tonight Jessie."

Last week she'd decided that never seeing him again was a smart idea, tonight she'd offered to give in to anything he wanted.  She needed to sit down alone and decide just what she truly wanted.  "I enjoyed being with you tonight Chase," feeling a little overwhelmed at the strange thoughts moving through her mind, she needed to escape and just take a little time to get her thoughts together.

"Drive carefully," he dropped a small kiss on her cheek and she smiled absently before watching him walk back to his car.

  He backed out his car, since he was blocking her in, and she pulled out. Driving back home she wondered if she'd lost her mind. She'd divulged her life story to a man that was basically a stranger. Not to mention that she'd offered to warm his bed.  Chase Davenport was dangerous to her idea of self-preservation, she decided. 
Do you really want to keep playing it safe?

chapter Four

Friendship

She hadn’t slept much, and now that it was morning, she, knew she had to come to a decision.  Chase had been more than incredible last night, not taking advantage of her emotional state after they’d discussed her past.  She doubted many men would have been that respectful.  It said a lot about his character.

Jessie's dreams had been filled with him and oddly enough, they had little to do with the things he'd shown her in the dungeon.  In her fantasy they were climbing a mountain, and when they reached the top, he wrapped her in his arms and then leisurely made love to her with only the sky witnessing their passion.  It was a beautiful dream and when the alarm clock woke her up, she wanted to toss it against the wall.

Attempting to wipe the sleep out of her eyes, she noted it was an hour before noon.  It took her several minutes to remember she had a lunch date with Amanda.  Her week was definitely proving to be interesting, for a change.  Showering quickly, she felt a little more alive, but still, she would have enjoyed another three hours of rest.

Drying her hair quickly, she applied a pink gloss to her lips and a little mascara.  Downtown Atlanta was always busy during lunch hour, so she knew she didn't have a lot of time to waste if she was going to be on time.  After sliding on a casual dress, and her sandals, she grabbed her purse off the nightstand, and hurried out the door.

Parking was insane but finally she found a spot that had her walking only two blocks to the new restaurant.  Amanda was waiting outside and she waved to catch her attention.  Catching up to her, Jessie quickly apologized.  "I didn't get much sleep last night," she offered weakly.

"You've been having a lot of trouble this week with sleep, Jessie.  Are you getting sick?" 

"Just preoccupied." Jessie wanted to wait until they were sitting down to talk about Chase.  She knew if anyone knew her, it was Amanda.  Maybe she could help her make sense of the strange feelings she was experiencing.

"You'll have to tell me about it," Amanda said.  "I made a reservation, so let's order our lunch and chat."

They entered the quaint, but stylish restaurant and Jessie was impressed. From the outside the place didn't look like much, but in here the Italianate decor was lovely.  They both ordered and waited for the waitress to walk away before trying to talk.

"So talk to me, Jessie. What's got your mind tied up?" 

"Chase asked me to consider dating him." That was probably the only term to describe what they would be doing if she accepted, but she wasn’t entirely sure it was fitting.

"As in none of the kinky stuff and just two people going out?"

  Jessie paused. "More like him teaching me some of his kinky stuff and going out,” she said finally.

"Wow. J, just… wow," Amanda sat back in stunned silence. 

She wanted Amanda's approval.  They were more like family than friends. What she thought mattered.  "That's not much help Amanda," Jessie grinned, thinking it was usually Amanda who shocked her, not vice versa.

"What can I say, Jessie.  I'm floored here. Steamy romance novels are one thing, but to experience a real life BDSM relationship?" Amanda lowered her voice to a whisper
,  "I think maybe you should talk to Carolyn before you make any kind of decision."

"I like Carolyn, Amanda, but we don't really talk outside of book club. It would be more awkward talking about this with her."  Her introverted nature made it
hard to get close to people, and the only one of that group she felt truly comfortable with was Amanda.

"You should really give her a chance.  I know she really likes you and thinks you don't like her much.  You really need to work on giving people a chance."

"I had no clue she felt that way. You know me, Amanda. I just don't do well with most people since Greg."  All the other women at the book club seemed to have their act together, and she envied them for their ability to be so comfortable in their own skins.

"I know, and I told her it was nothing personal.  Maybe this whole thing might open you up a little more?"

"Talking with Carolyn, or going out with Chase?"  Jessie was losing track of the conversation. Even though she was here with Amanda, her mind was on Chase.

"The thing with Chase.  Carolyn said that many dominants help their submissive's gain confidence." 

"The truth is I don't really know what I'd be getting into with him.  The whole sex thing is a lot on its own, but adding in those other things we saw?  I'm not even sure I could do the sex."  Laughing, embarrassed, she shrugged.

"Have you told him you're still a virgin?"  Amanda whispered the last word. 

"Not in so many words, I guess.  I did explain my relationship with Greg."  She just assumed he had figured that out during their conversation.

"At least he knows where you're coming from." 

Their meal arrived, and they ate in companionable silence.  Both of them refused dessert, but did order some red wine.  "I just want you to be happy.  I guess you've got to go with your own intuition here.  If it doesn't work out at least you can say you went out with a hot, sexy dungeon master."  Amanda chuckled.

Jessie shook her head and laughed as well.  "There’s always that to consider."  She'd lived the last few years of her life in a bubble. Maybe it was time she stepped out and explored a little. But was stepping out in this capacity the right way to go?

"And of course you'll have some incredible stories to share with the ladies.  You can't forget that one, either." 

"Who knows? Maybe someday I’ll even write a book about my experiences."  Jessie giggled. The thought of writing a romance novel with her as the heroine was crazy.

"You never know. I've got to get back to work.  Daddy is having a board meeting this afternoon and demands my presence."  Rolling her eyes, she stood up.

"Well, tell your dad I said hello, and I look forward to seeing him at the staff meeting next week."  Standing, she grabbed her purse and left the tip before Amanda could.  Crawford, Amanda's father, was a brilliant man, and she didn't understand why her friend didn't worship him as she did.

  "I'll tell him you'll take over running the company when he retires, and then he'll still let me have my inheritance." Shaking her head, she smirked.

They parted ways and Jessie drove back to her apartment, thinking about the decision she needed to make.  She decided to do what she normally did when she needed to make a choice.  Sitting at the kitchen table, she made a pros and cons list. On the pro list she had quite a few items, not the least being she got to date an extraordinarily handsome man.  The only real con was the fact that she didn't really understand what happened in a relationship like this.

Sitting back in the chair, tapping her pen against her chin, she concluded she’d have to talk with him about what he wanted from her.  With that decision made, she picked up the phone and called.  She got his answering service, and left a quick message before walking back to her bedroom to work.

Several hours later, her project was back on schedule, even if her eyes were starting to water from staring at the computer screen.  She really did love her job, and being able to focus again was a huge relief.  Since making the decision to at least hear Chase out, her thoughts were much more settled.