Authors: Clara Moore
***
THE END
I.
“Have you seen the preview for the new war movie?” my dad asked in his raspy, weak voice.
“No, I haven’t,” I answered, staring out the window of the train and watching the land pass by.
“I think it’s about Navy SEALs in the Middle East. Were you ever there?”
“No, I wasn’t. I was mostly in Europe.”
“Oh, I see. Well, I think that’s what it’s about. It’s written by the same guy who did some other war movie. Maybe
The English Patient
.”
The wind moved a skinny, tall tree, making it seem like the tree waved at me. I waved back with my free hand as Dad kept talking. The sound of a lighter clicking to life came through the phone. I could smell the smoke flowing down his throat and entering his cancer ridden lungs, eventhrough the receiver.
“I’m not familiar with that one. What’s it called?”
“I don’t remember, Son,” he said with a defeated sigh. “I thought maybe we could see it together when you get here.”
“That sounds great, Dad. I look forward to it.”
“I do too. We can watch football just like the old days.”
“Yeah.” You can leave the room for a smoke break a few times a quarter, and then return when the game had already progressed, and I can explain to you what happened. “That sounds just great, Dad.”
“I can’t wait. Well, I’ll let you go before your mother gets home and steals you away with all that talk. She went to get my prescription.”
And more cigarettes, right? “Thanks. I’ll see you in a few days, okay?”
“Okay. Bye, Son. I love you.”
“I love you too. Bye.”
“Goodbye.”
I held the phone to ear to listen to his labored breathing until he finally hung up. Mom said she would leave him if he didn’t quit smoking, but I guess after the cancer spread, nothing remained to leave. Her husband became a walking skeleton shaking his bones around the house in horror and despair. But I guess if she didn’t leave him before I was born, she never really intended to go through with it.
Sometimes I wonder if I should tell him the truth before he dies. Other times, I feel like it is better if he lives in the darkness – ignorance is bliss, as they say. In further, more fleeting times, I think about not returning to him at all and letting him die without seeing him. As the days got closer to spending more time with him, those thoughts became more frequent.
“DaVinci? DaVinci Jones?” a familiar, angelic voice broke me out of my gaze outside.
In the aisle stood the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. I stared at her, wondering if the sadness raging through my mind had just made up her image.
“Janie?” I asked tentatively, wondering if it could possibly be the same person I’d know years ago while still in the Navy SEALS.
“Yeah, it’s me!” she grinned. “I can’t believe it’s you!”
I stood to give her a hug, the train rocking us together. “It’s a small world, I guess! Where are you headed?”
“Down to the Central Coast,” she grinned, her hazel eyes shining as she stared into mine. “I have a radio interview to do, so I’m headed to that.”
“What for?”
“I wrote a book, and it’s doing pretty well. I’ve been doing a press tour, but since I live there and I went to school there, the local radio station wants to interview me.”
“That’s great! You always wanted to get a book published, as I remember.”
“Yeah, that was the goal. This is the last press thing for a while; after this, I have to start writing the next one. You know how publishers are.”
“I don’t, but I can imagine.” I felt my smile spreading fully across my face, making me feel like a nervous teenager. “That’s funny you live down there because my parents live in the Central Coast too.”
“Oh yeah? Where?”
“They live in Nipomo by Santa Maria. It’s pretty small and quiet.”
“Right. I know where that is. I’ve been down there before.”
“Yeah, so you know what I’m talking about.”
“I do. Where are you off to? Going to visit your parents?”
“I’m actually going down to LA for a secret show. Then I’m going to double back and spend time with my parents for a while. My dad has lung cancer.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. That must be very hard.”
“It’d be a little easier if he weren’t still smoking, but what can you do?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
The train started to rock a little more. She put her hand on the seats to steady herself. She obviously looked older since the last time I saw her, and she’d dyed her hair a medium brown instead of the dark purple she used to have. She wore a pretty sundress with a blazer and looked very much the professional. She’d been more of an artistic dresser before, but she looked beautiful all the same.
“Do you want to sit?” I asked, trying to continue the conversation.
“I was actually about to go to the dining car when I happened to see you. Do you want to join?”
“Yes, I would. I was just thinking about getting some sustenance.”
“Cool. We can catch up and stuff then.”
“I’m most excited about the stuff.”
She rolled her eyes. “Come on, dork.”
I picked up my bag and followed her, marveling at how quickly we fell back into our old relationship. Somehow, though it’d been years, no awkwardness floated between us. We talked plainly, and it felt completely natural. I touched my hair, watching her shoulders move with the added confidence of success and age.
I felt the same attraction to her I’d felt so long ago. But does she feel the same way or is she just being kind since she happened to stumble upon me?
II.
“I’ve never really eaten in the dining car before,” I said to her as we sat down.
A waitress stopped by to give us each a menu before wandering off again. Janie gave her a pleasant smile and watched her go contemplatively.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” she shook her head and said. “The waitress looked like a woman I worked with when I was in college. I was trying to remember her name.”
“I said I’ve never really eaten in the dining car before,” I repeated. “I usually bring my own food.”
“Ah, I see. Well, my publisher gives me a stipend for meals, so don’t worry about it. It’s on me.”
“I’m not really worried about the money. Since I’m the man, perhaps I should pay for you?”
“Oh, we don’t have to play it like that. I invited you here, and I still have free food, so let me share the benefits. Huh?”
“All right. I guess I can do that.”
She smiled and picked up one of the menus. I thought of the first day I met her. I had been in Russia before my last group of Navy SEAL recruits arrived, trying to get some intelligence on where the Russian mafia usually hung out. I played my guitar in front a coffee shop where a few mobsters had been spotted. She approached to watch me play and stood there for a long moment, just appreciating the music.
She had purple hair braided in a Swiss bun, and her eyes, her smile, were like nothing I’d ever seen before. I figured she was a Russian girl listening to some American to pass the time, so I greeted her in Russian. She smiled and greeted me back. I asked her how her day was going next, but she only shrugged.
“I don’t really know a whole lot of Russian,” she replied. “That’s an American song, so I figured we were both expatriates.”
“You’re right,” I replied, grinning. “Sorry, I thought you were Russian.”
“Well, I am amongst a bunch of Russians. I’ve seen you before playing your little guitar. Do you live around here?”
“Yeah, I live up the street a bit. I’m a student studying abroad.”
“Very cool. I just got out of school myself. I’m doing a soul-searching writing trip.”
“Wow, that’s awesome. Do you pass by here often?”
“Not super often. This isn’t really a safe part of town.”
“What do you mean?”
She smiled and whispered, “That’s the mob’s bar across the street. That’s the storefront for the whole operation.”
“How do you know that?”
“A friend of mine told me. And I believe it too.”
“Have you been in there before?”
“No, I don’t speak enough Russian for that. I heard they’re looking for a bar musician though, so maybe you should give it a shot. Give yourself some protection. They seem to notice us foreigners and keep an eye on us.”
“Thanks for the advice. I’m DaVinci Jones, by the way.”
“Cool name! I’m Janie Bloom.”
I shook her hand. “Nice to meet you. Maybe I’ll see you around?”
“I am around, so you’re bound to see me,” she grinned and turned to go on her way. I watched her go, wondering why such a gorgeous creature would waste her time in a terrible place like that.
“I think I’ll get the steak,” she said, throwing me back into the present with her bright voice. “It will probably be terrible, but I’m going to give it a shot.”
“I was planning on getting the most expensive thing on the menu. Do you think that works?”
“Spend that money, baby. It doesn’t matter how.”
I laughed, taking a good look at the menu myself – American diner food. My least favorite food around. I decided on some soup and a grilled cheese, deciding that would be pretty hard to mess up. I set down my menu, examining her. She looked out the window with her hands folded over the menu. She looked thoughtful and happy, as though nothing at all troubled her mind. She appeared quite serene.
“So, you’re doing pretty well with the music now, huh?” she asked, looking back at me. “I saw you were in
Spin
and
Rolling Stone.
”
“I was, yeah. They like my new album, I guess. It’s selling pretty well, actually.”
“I bet. I hear your songs on the radio all the time.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, bookstores love your stuff.”
“Good for bookstores.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were in the military?” she asked pointedly.
Before I could answer, the waitress returned to take our order. Her weathered face looked bored and annoyed to have to be talking to anyone, let alone serving us. She wrote down the orders sullenly, then took our menus before silently walking off. She watched the woman go, then looked back at me with an eyebrow raised. I shrugged.
“You asked me why I didn’t tell you I was in the military?” I asked her to bring back her question.
“Oh, yeah I did. You never mentioned it.”
“No, I didn’t. It wasn’t really something that came up.”
“Well, I asked you what you were doing in Russia, and you said you were a student. Which wasn’t true.”
“When we met I was doing surveillance, so it probably wouldn’t have been a good time to tell you then.”
“But we knew each other longer than that. You could’ve just told me.”
“How did you find out?”
“Do you remember Minka? She lived in the same building we did.”
I nodded, remembering the Russian poet and single mother who lived in the apartment building my recruit, Leo, and I moved into after our position was compromised. Janie helped us get into the building full of artists hiding out from the Russian government, and Leo quickly fell in love with Minka. Then he made some stupid decisions and got her and her son involved in the mission. Janie had moved on by then, continuing her travels across Europe.
All the recruits I had at that point somehow got me into some kind of fire fight. I’m not sure if they weren’t trained right or they were all idiots, but I always ended up having to get them out of trouble somehow. Three of them died right away – but I figured that would happen. After the first mission, another of them ran off (which took a lot of paperwork to explain away), and then the others had to be split up.
Leo happened to be one of the smarter recruits and got a lot accomplished – he helped to shut down an underground Russian concentration camp. Jimmy Canton, another recruit, did a decent job as well – he got close with some escaped mobsters at a secret stronghold in Poland, and actually did make me get into a gun fight. Orion Morello and Nina Baldwin, the Navy SEAL recruit power couple, caused more damage than they needed to in Ukraine.
After Orion’s tenure was over, he went home but I had to fix things with Nina, who stayed behind. No gun fight there, but we did almost get blown up. And PeteyFarson, the idiot of the group, somehow was able to convince the remaining mobsters that he was the leader of the squadron and was attacked in the hospital, where he laid wounded for shooting himself. That did get another fire fight, which I didn’t enjoy either.
I think those moron recruits made me not want to tell Janie about my military career. I felt ashamed to be their commander. But that’s probably not something I’ll bring up.
“Minka told you, huh?” I asked, leaning on my hand and looking at her.
“She did. She said you and Leo saved her son,” she answered, her eyes staring me down. “But you never said anything.”
“Well, I was the commander, so I… couldn’t really reveal anything. It was a tense situation, you know what I mean?”
“I guess so. It would’ve been nice, though, if you told me. Then a lot of stuff would have made more sense. Like you not coming with me.”
I took a deep breath, watching her poker face. I didn’t expect this to come up so quickly, to be honest. Or maybe at all. I thought we would keep with the pleasantries. I smiled and leaned back into the seat, trying to keep my own poker face. I tried to keep positive, not sure if she’d jump across the table and cut my throat.
Sometimes I might keep my guard up in case I’m murdered, even though I’m not in the military anymore.
“It was a… sensitive mission,” I said, keeping my voice calm and steady. “Our location had already been found out, and when I went to live at the apartment especially, I was worried it would happen again. I didn’t want…” I paused, sighing again and losing my resolve, “the enemy to come and find us, especially with all the people at the apartment.”
“But I wasn’t the enemy,” she answered, her face still sternly serious. “I was just a girl you met.”
“That’s true. But you have to understand the limits of what I could tell people. My secrecy helped keep my recruits safe.”
“As much as they could be, of course.”
“Right.”
The waitress returned, bringing our food. I looked down at my grilled cheese, noticing how cold and spongey it looked. Maybe I was wrong in my assumption that grilled cheese and soup couldn’t be messed up.
“I read in the magazines too about your military service,” she said softly. “It seemed like you were quite capable of telling interviewers what you were up to, but not me.”
“Well, they asked, and I told. My mission was done by then, and I wasn’t in the military anymore.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“Do interviewers ask you about your time overseas?”
“They do, but that’s only because that’s what my book’s about.”
“Is it nonfiction?”
“Kind of. I changed some names and added a little bit of a spin to what happened.”
“The real story wasn’t interesting enough?”
“I think it was plenty interesting enough, but I wanted it to end differently than it actually did.”
“Did your travels end so badly?”
“No, I had a great time. But there were some things I would have changed.”
“Am I in it?”
She nodded, but just barely, “You are.”
I took a bite of my grilled cheese and instantly pushed the plate aside. “I didn’t think someone could mess up a grilled cheese.”
She laughed, “Is it not good?”
“Try it.”
“You sold it so well that I definitely want to try it.”
“Come on, man.”
“I’m not a man.”
I held out the sandwich for her to take. She frowned at me, her face still pretty even though it looked skeptical. Finally, she took the sandwich and bit into it. She chewed it slowly, keeping her eyes on me. After a moment, she took her napkin and spit the bite out. I laughed, clapping from the ridiculousness and the hilarious look on her face.
She smiled, her cheeks colored by a blush. “I didn’t expect that to be so gross. It tastes like old Velveeta cheese and soggy bread.”
“It’s pretty disgusting,” I chuckled. “I applaud you for actually trying it.”
“Well, you tricked me so…”
“I didn’t trick you! You tried it on your own free will!” I tried the soup as she continued laughing. “The soup is actually pretty good. How is your steak?”
“Steak-y,” she answered. “It’s edible. Do you want to try it?”
“That’s all right. I trust you.”
“You’re a smart cookie. You learned from my mistake.”
She looked down, eating her steak slowly. Her mouth moved, chewing and chewing on the meat. The happiness she’d showed earlier faded slightly and her shoulders drooped. She’s lost her resolve now.
“So, where can I buy your book?” I asked, wanting her eyes to meet mine again.
“Pretty much at any book store,” she answered, still looking down at her steak. “I’m a New York Times best-seller now.”
“Wow, you’re really accomplished.”
“So, are you. I’m kind of surprised you’re just on a train among all us normal people.”
“You’re not a normal person.”
“Right. I’m an author now.”
“You’re more than just that. You’re extraordinary.”
She laughed loudly. “Laying it on thick now, huh?”
“I always thought you were great. Wonderful, even.”
She smiled. “Do you want to get a drink? I think there is a bar car.”
“Sure. I’d love to spend more time with you. How much longer do you have?”
“A few hours. Maybe a bit more.”
“Let’s do it then.”
She paid the check, and we moved further into the train to the ‘bar car.’ Moving through the train with her with my bag slung over my shoulder, I felt young again – like nothing from the past mattered. She looked back at me with her pretty eyes, and I couldn’t help but smile.
I never thought I’d see her again, even though I dreamed one day I would.